He starts to push me towards the sofa and rips my dress. I yell out,
“No! Not like this William.”
He doesn’t listen as he has the upper half of my body thrown over the sofa. Once he finishes ripping the rest of my dress off. He stills for a moment. Looking back, I steal a glance to see him looking confused, almost torn, but he roughly spreads my legs and pushes his way in. I nearly bite my tongue as I try to hold my whimper in.
“This is what you wanted Catherine? Then this is what you’ll get!”
No, no this is not what I wanted. I want to have the control. Again, he steals any chance I had and I think back to the woman as William pounds into me. What would she do? Knowing I can’t live like this forever, I do what I’ve learned. Pulling all my hair to one side, I turn my head to the side as far as I can to look at him and moan. He halts his movements, and I lick my lips with him watching me intently. It’s working.
With all my courage, I look at him and say, “Fuck me William.”
Confusion again is plastered all over his face. I take great satisfaction in it, so much so that I push against him and then again. I feel his hands tighten on my hips before he starts moving again. When I moan out again, something changes in him. He reaches underneath me and touches my clit expertly. Now I’m the one confused. This is only the second time he’s allowed me to feel pleasure but this time, I feel no shame. This time I feel victorious.
Looking back on it now, it was the first time in my life I felt in control. Knowing he wanted me and I caused that type of excitement in him. It was a rush, having him right where I wanted. I may not have given him the words he wanted, but I orgasmed, while screaming out his name, “William!” After I heard his grunts and felt him swelling and the warmth of his cum, I thought it would now be different, but again I was wrong. As soon as he slipped out of me, he pushed me to the ground.
“I won’t be played, you hear me? Fuck you, Catherine!” He left me there, mortified.
My thoughts are broken as Jeffery knocks on the door and enters with my supper.
12
Theo
When supper’s finished, Murphy and Fallon take the children upstairs, readying them for bed. Avery and Brittany follow not long after. Cherry left right before we ate so now it is just us men. Gabriel brings all of us a cigar and we sit back and continue to drink.
Vin speaks first, “I’m dreading tomorrow.”
I know what he means. Tomorrow things will all become real. There will be no going back. She will have to open up and tell us everything. I don’t know how she hid it for so long. When Beth found out she had cancer it was too late. I can’t imagine having known for all these years and she still looks fine. Questions better be answered tomorrow.
We sit there for a long time not saying much. The boys have become more like my sons since Catherine and my relationship came out. When they were little, I took them all under my wing but now as grown men, I look around the table with fatherly pride.
Gabriel stands, saying it’s time for him to retire. Looking down at my watch, he’s right, it’s late. I ask Vin if he’s ready to unlock the door for me. He stands and tells me he’ll be back.
Gabriel asks, “You’re really going to do this?”
“Would you let Fallon lock you out of your room or her life?”
“No, no I wouldn’t.”
“I didn’t think so. That woman is hard headed but whether she’ll admit it or not, she needs me, and I plan on be there for her. Whether Vin unlocks the door or not, I am getting in that room.”
He slaps my back as he walks past me. Zander and Liam stand and shake my hand. Zander leans in and whispers, “Don’t let her push you away.”
I laugh and tell him, “It won’t be the first time.”
When they all leave, I walk back into the house. Vin comes around the corner with the tools he needs. “You Ready?” He asks.
“Yeah, let’s do this.”
It doesn’t take long before Vin has the door unlocked. Vincent’s a damn master at this. He doesn’t open it. Standing, he shakes my hand and walks away. Staring at the door, I take a deep breath, worried, about what will happen once I’m behind it. I turn the knob.
The room is dark but as I get closer, I see Katie sleeping peacefully. I’m not in the mood to argue so I’m not about to wake her. Walking to the other side, I strip and lay under the covers.
“Theodore.”
“Catherine.”
“What are you doing here? The door was locked for a reason.”
“Did you really think that would stop me?”
“Theo!”
“Shut up Catherine! I’m tired and I don’t want to argue. We can yell and shout tomorrow. Come here.”
She doesn’t move so I reach out and pull her onto my side. She tries to push off but I’m not having it.
“Stop it Katie, just lay down and go to sleep.”
“Oh God, you smell like a damn bar.”
“Katie?”
“What?”
“Shut up!”
She lays her head down on my chest and I hold her tighter kissing the top of her head. Time passes, and soon she falls back asleep. I’m left holding her, looking off in the dark.
I remember the first time I ever saw her. William had announced that there was to be a party at his home and all the bosses and guests were to attend to meet his new bride. No one even knew that he had gotten married or that there was even a woman involved in his life, other than the women he entertained. I was allowed to attend because I was an upcoming boss, making a name for myself. I was well known for my strength and the ability to get the job done.
William enjoyed the formality of these events and it was expected to look like you belonged. I never did enjoy parties; still don’t. I might look damn good in a tuxedo, but they make me feel restrained. Growing up, my life was never like the world I find myself in now. The bayous and swamps are where I grew up, learning how to fish and hunt. Now, I live in a world that is all about connections and money. Wearing your class and status for everyone to see. I never truly understood it all until later after I married Beth. She taught me how it all was to be perceived. She explained it all like a game to see who was more powerful than the rest. These parties were important to show your status and who had acquired enough wealth to have such things. But it also put a target on your back. It allows the wolves to come to your door with their thirst hungry eyes, wanting to devour everything you have and daring them to steal it from you.
Catherine understands that. She makes her events the biggest and the most elaborate around. Her life and children’s future have always been at risk. That’s why I told my sons they don’t want what Gabriel will have one day because there will never be a day of peace. You will constantly be looking out for who is coming for you. And trust me, there will always be someone coming. You just have to be aware and kill the wolf first before he rips your throat out.
That night, attendance was high, everyone dying to see the secretive Mrs. Stern. I walked around fidgeting with my collar that was threatening to strangle me. Frustrated and yanking at the damn thing, I noticed people’s eyes shift and then I heard whispers. Following their gaze, I saw her all in white. There on the stairs, was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her light blonde hair was up but you could tell how long it was. Her blue eyes took my breath away. She stood there like an angel. I could easily tell she was nervous and didn’t know how to proceed. I hated it, her standing alone in a room of all those people who didn’t deserve to look upon her. All I wanted to do is rescue her from those steps, but William met her, wrapping his arm around her waist. He announced her as his wife, the beautiful Catherine Stern. Everyone applauded as he leaned into her and kissed her gently on her lips. For a split second, I could’ve sworn I saw her flinch, making me question, why? But then William pulled her closer and she relaxed. Maybe it was just her nerves, but I should have paid closer attention. As he escorted her down the stairs, my eyes never shifte
d. I followed her every move as she was introduced to everyone one by one. William wore the biggest smile on his face as the compliments flowed about his bride. He always was such an asshole.
When it came to my turn, I forgot for a second my strength. Her hand was so small and the minute it touched mine, I felt it. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was a spark or something. How the hell do I know, but it did something to me. She started to shake my hand but then I heard her wince. My hand immediately released hers and William said, “Alright big man, watch yourself. My bride is delicate and should be treated as such.”
Clearing my throat, “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
She shakes her head no then William says, “Catherine this is Theodore Trahan. He’s a brute but he’s learning.”
He whisked her away before I could respond to his asshole comment. I felt embarrassed, so I left. I didn’t see her again until almost a month later.
Over the years we talked about our first meeting. She claims she felt the same spark. That her wince was not from my strength but from that tiny spark. She said after that, she was scared to ever look me in the eyes. The day she did, was our undoing.
Lifting her hand off my chest, I can still feel that spark. After all these years, she’s mine, I can’t lose her.
Everything I ever wanted is right here in my arms and yet tomorrow, I find out when life will rip her from me. Sleep will not come, not tonight.
Catherine
Waking up in Theo’s arms still feels like a dream. I love this man, always have. Love, it’s such a strange thing. I entered into a marriage that didn’t require love. But somewhere down the line, love is what truly destroyed William. There was a time I thought I could really fall in love with him. There were moments of kindness and comfort, but that ended. He destroyed any chance of true love. He became a necessity. But it wasn’t love. He made sure of it. But with Theo, it was natural. Before him I didn’t know what love was. William was handsome and dark, where Theo is beautiful and light. He’s the only man besides for my sons to ever reach my heart, to teach and show me what love truly is. It’s not the sick love I felt for William.
I have to try to hide a giggle at the memory of Theo coming into my life. Theo wakes stretching and says, “Hey, what are you laughing at?”
“I was thinking of the first time I saw you.”
“Oh yeah, what about it?”
“Nothing really, I was just thinking how I thought you were the most beautiful man I ever saw.”
Laughing he turns facing me. “Beautiful huh? Not rough, ruggedly handsome, strong, sexy? Does it have to be beautiful? Men like me are not beautiful Katie.”
“You are to me. Inside and out.”
I pass my hand through his still thick hair. “Your hair was so dark, but I think I like this salt and pepper thing you have going on better than it used to be. Your eyes are still the bluest I’ve ever seen, but now you have these lines around them when you smile. It just adds to your sex appeal.”
I trace the lines around his eyes remembering the subtle changes made to his face since we’ve known each other. Then my hand slides down his wide neck and shoulder.
“You’re still as big and strong as you used to be. I love being in your arms. It makes me feel safe. You are more than I deserve Mr. Trahan.”
Theo leans down and kisses me the only way he can; with his whole heart making me feel his love. When the kiss finishes his eyes take me in.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine Theo. Please don’t, not now. Just make love to me.”
“That I can do. I’m going to show you that this old man can still make you scream.”
He wiggles his brows and throws me to my back. He pauses, staring at me while my hands lift and lay on the sides of his face.
“I love you Katie.”
“I love you too.”
Theo takes his time moving slow, almost cautiously. He kisses my body, every inch but stops at my breasts. Laying his head on my chest, I know what he’s thinking. He knows I have breast cancer, but I don’t want him thinking of that right now. I lift his head.
“Theo, please.”
He looks down at my breast and starts kissing them, sucking my nipples like he knows I like. After all these years, there’s no more guessing what the other likes, we just know. He expertly works my body and has me screaming his name like he promised. When he enters me, I still have to gasp at his size. My man fills me full, with a few short thrusts, allowing my body to adjust. Our love making is just that, love. With every thrust of his hips, I feel he’s mine. He continues to kiss my mouth and neck. I start pushing him further to my breast, knowing he’s avoiding them again, but I need him to. Again, he starts to caress, kiss and suck as he pushes me over the edge again. I wrap my legs and arms around him, holding him tight to my body, as he finds his release.
Still wrapped around him, he rolls us over to our side. We’re face to face and I see all the emotion he’s holding back. I don’t want them, not now. I don’t want anything to come between us.
“Katie, I can’t lose you.”
“Theo, not now. We have time. I just want you, right now. No words, no thoughts of tomorrow, no cancer in bed with us right now. Can you give me that for a little longer?”
For the next hour, we hold each other and explore our bodies with our hands and mouths, until reality sets in. My alarm goes off reminding me it’s time to get ready. Paul will be here shortly to check my vitals again.
Theo grabs my hand and pulls me out of bed. We shower together and start dressing. I throw on a silk nightgown and robe while Theo puts on a pair of jeans and t-shirt, making me question what the hell he’s doing. Theo, like all other made men, wear suits. Only in private or on relaxing days do they wear casual clothes.
I slip back in bed as Theo comes out to slide his boots on.
“Theo, what are you doing?”
“I’m dressing.”
“I see that. Where’s your suit?”
“I’m not wearing it today.”
“Yes, Theo I see that, but why not?”
“Because Paul’s coming. I’m not going anywhere.”
“The hell you’re not! You are not staying!”
Theo stands, adjusting his waist band in front of the bed. Trying to be charming and funny he smiles and says,
“This beautiful man is staying right here, and you can’t do a damn thing about it.”
Grabbing my pillow, I throw it at him right as the door opens, Theo ducks but it hits Zander in the face. Theo laughs, and Zander stands there, not looking amused.
“Why me? Why do all the women in my life feel the need to throw things at me? Jesus, this only proves that you and Murphy are even more alike.”
Zander walks into the room, standing next to his father. The resemblance is uncanny. “I wasn’t trying to hit you son. I was aiming for your father.”
“What am I then, collateral damage?”
“You need to both leave. Paul will be here soon. Zander, take your father and you both go.”
Zander looks at Theo then back at me, crossing his arms he says, “I’m not going anywhere, and neither is dad.”
At that moment, Paul walks through the door looking at Zander and Theo.
“What’s going on? Morning Catherine.”
“Nothing until they leave.”
Then I hear Gabriel’s voice as he makes his appearance. “No one is leaving. We’re all staying.”
Right behind him is Liam, Avery, Fallon, Murphy, Vin and Brittany. The whole damn family just piled into my room, uninvited. How the hell am I supposed to talk to Paul and warn him about what I don’t want discussed?
“No way! NO! You all get out. This is not a party. Paul is simply checking my vitals and then he’s leaving. Right Paul?”
Paul looks at me, questioning why I seem so frazzled. He doesn’t know that I haven’t told them everything or really anything at all yet.
“Well Catherine, I thought we were goi
ng to discuss your options, with the family. They should be here.”
“Paul!” I loudly say his name, trying to shut him up.
Theo however picked up on it.
“Wait a minute, what options?”
“Paul!” I say again more aggressively.
He turns and looks at me, seeing me trying to shut him up.
He takes a few steps closer to me and says, “Catherine, what did you tell them?”
I’m shaking my head when Theo says, “Nothing. She hasn’t told us a damn thing. That’s why we’re not leaving. I read the file. It says she has breast cancer, but I don’t understand all that other bullshit, so you have to explain it to us.”
Paul looks back at me and I blurt out, “I’m dying! Is that enough for you?! Leave it alone, Theo. I want to go in peace. I don’t want you or anyone else badgering me or my doctors.”
I watch as everyone’s faces drop, and the girls hold hands. Then I look at Paul, he’s pissed. He lays his bag on my bed and I know this isn’t going to go the way I want.
With a lowered voice, begging, I call out to him, “Paul.”
“No, Catherine.”
“Paul, you have no right!”
That did it. I see his stance change and with it, his demeanor. Paul might be my doctor, but he has always considered himself my friend first. It’s a grey area that we have faced many times before. He should know not to go against me, but I see something different in him.
“Catherine it’s not going to work this time.”
“Paul, old friend, do not defy me!”
Theo shouts, “Enough! What the hell is going on?! I have a right to know!”
Looking directly at him I shout back, “No you don’t!”
Paul intervenes and says, “Theo, she’s right. But…”
“Goddammit Paul!”
Paul stands defiant. “Oh, shut up Catherine. What are you going to do? Threaten my life? You’ll be dead, remember?! Threaten to take my license away?! Well you can’t! I’m ready to retire anyway.”
Art of Survival: Part One (A Stern Family Saga Book 5) Page 11