I start getting ready, knowing my mother expects me at the venue in an hour. I got a tux specifically for the occasion, and I feel like a goddamned penguin on it. The fact that some of my ink is still visible under my sleeves makes me feel a little better.
Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I take a deep breath. I’m taking a big step today, and I hope it is in the right direction. I fucking hope it pays off, because I’m realizing my life up to this point has been a farce.
A car is already waiting for me and I get in, my palms clammy with sweat. We arrive at the destination too quickly, and I’m not ready yet. A too-enthusiastic wedding planner tucks a rose in my buttonhole, meanwhile yelling into her headset and hissing instructions to her bedraggled-looking assistant.
Both of them are attractive, and it surprises me that it’s just a fact I acknowledge, not something I want to act on. Had this happened a month ago, I’d be eager to get them both in my bed – possibly at the same time, you know, get those disagreements out of the way. But today, my mind is preoccupied, swimming with thoughts of one particular redhead.
“You go see your mother now,” the planner says tiredly. “She’ll be waiting for you to make last minute arrangements. You’re walking down the aisle in 20.”
“What?” I ask in confusion as she tries to slide away, gripping her wrist in my hand. “What the hell are you on about?”
“Your mother,” she repeats like I’m brain damaged. “You are walking her down the aisle in 20 minutes.”
“But I don’t even know the man she’s marrying,” I protest, but the woman strides up closer to me and gives me a venomous look.
“Listen, pal,” she spits out. “That’s the plan and you better go with it.” She waves her notebook in the air. “Do you want me to hit you with this? Because I will do it!”
I can’t help but laugh at this neurotic woman, which seems to piss her off even more. She will hate me in a couple of hours, but for now, I’ll go with her plan. I nod, raising my arms in the air in sign of defeat.
She huffs and puffs for a second longer before stomping off to deal with another pre-wedding disaster. I head towards the back of the hall where my mother is supposedly waiting for me.
There’s a big door in the back, and I knock on it hesitantly, half hoping no-one will answer. What is a guy supposed to say to his own mother on her own wedding day, anyway?
Unfortunately, the door opens and a woman I don’t know ushers me in.
“Okay, he’s here,” she says in a panicked voice. “I’ll go deal with the flowers, and you two can have a nice little talk.”
She’s so nervous the nice little talk sounds more like forceful torture to me, but the woman rushes outside and I’m left alone with just one more person in the spacious white room.
“Hello, Jax,” a soft voice greets me and I see my mother sitting down in front of a vanity table. She’s in her wedding dress already, a baby pink gown that looks great on her. She looks beautiful.
I stride over to her, leaning down and giving her a kiss on the cheek as we both look at our reflections in the mirror. “Happy wedding day, mom,” I say sincerely, giving her a big smile.
She returns a sad smile and it is then that I notice the tears in her eyes. I kneel down in front of her, the concern in my eyes palpable. “Is something the matter?” I ask worriedly.
Mother shakes her head weakly, like every motion is an effort. Her hand flutters to her cheek, wiping a stray tear that has escaped from her eyes. “I just… I don’t think I ever expected to be getting for the third time.”
She laughs and I smile in order to calm her down. It’s probably just a case of pre-wedding jitters.
“Listen,” I say, my voice calming. “I hold no grudges against you, mom. I never expected you to stay with my… dad. Not after what he did.”
“I’m not talking about your dad,” she admits, and as soon as the words are out of her mouth, I realize what this is all about.
“Tony?” I inquire and she nods with a soft sob, more tears falling from her eyes.
I take a fabric handkerchief from my breast pocket, offering it to my mother. “It will ruin the way your suit looks,” she protests weakly and I grin.
“You think I give a shit?” I ask her, the smile plastered to my face.
She wipes her eyes, a smile play on her own lips to my surprise. “He was so proud of you, Jackson, and you weren’t even his son. He loved you so much…”
“I know he did, mom,” I tell her, stroking her hand. For the first time, I’m noticing how prominent her veins and freckles are, like she’s aged twenty years. It hurts me to see it, knowing I should have been more present all these years. “I loved him too, and I hope he’d be proud of me today.”
“He would,” mom nods vigorously, and she’s about to go on when I interrupt her.
“He’d be proud of you too,” I say firmly, and she looks at me with the surprise evident in her gaze. “It’s true, and I can prove it,” I say, grinning again. That gets her attention.
“How on earth could you prove that?” she asks curiously.
I get up from my knees, winking at my beautiful mother. “You’ll have to get married first to see,” I say cheekily and she shakes her head, laughing at me softly.
“I guess I will, then,” she says, getting up as well. I look her in the eyes, getting ready to walk her down the aisle.
“Tell me the truth,” I say as a final thought lodges itself in my mind. “Is this guy a good one? Or will I have to beat him with a stick one of these days?”
“Jax,” she protests, but she’s smiling. “He’s great. You’ll see soon, I hope.”
I kiss her on the cheek. “Let’s go, then.”
And I take my mother’s hand, leading her towards a happy new future. Now if only life had one in store for me as well… We’ll just have to wait and see.
Not long now.
* * *
The ceremony is over fairly quickly, and I’m thankful to my mother for skipping the church rites this time around. She thinks it inappropriate; I believe love doesn’t need God’s blessing. Either way, she looks happy for the first time since Tony passed.
Her husband is a nice, round man with a cheerful smile and a hilarious snorting laugh. Apparently, he’s loaded, too, but to be honest, I don’t give a shit about any of that, because the way he and my mom look at each other makes me think she might be happy again with him.
I don’t get to talk to Rubi, but when I walk my mother down the aisle; my eyes are glued to her in her pretty lilac bridesmaids dress. It clashes spectacularly with her hair, but that makes my heart swell with feelings I never knew I had. She glances at me a few times, but her eyes are mainly on the star of the day – my mom.
After the ceremony, we all sit down for lunch and to my annoyance, Rubi and I are on completely opposite sides of the main table with my mother. I eat my food and smile politely, but my heart is beating insanely fast, getting ready for my big plan.
And finally, it’s time for speeches.
Rubi is one of the first ones to speak. She rises slowly, tucking her beautiful hair behind her ear and grinning at the crowd. “Hello,” she says sweetly. “Things are about to get pretty weird. Are you ready?”
A murmur goes through the crowd and I look at her with interest. “My name is Rubi Lynn,” she goes on, smirking at someone who gasps next to her. “That’s right, I’m Valerie’s second husband’s daughter. Inappropriate? Maybe.”
The murmurs continue but I just stare at her, waiting for her to go on. She looks so strong, confident – beautiful. Fuck me, I’m whipped.
“Valerie loved my dad very much. But what none of us expected was that she would love me,” Rubi continues, her eyes finding my mother as they smile at one another. “I was a sullen teenager, angry and angsty. And despite all that, Valerie was like a mother to me. She stayed when my dad got sick. She took care of me when my own mother preferred to stay away. I can safely say I have two mothers, and Val
erie is one of them.”
Now, the crowd is sighing as she goes on, already moved by her speech.
“I have no doubt my dad and Valerie would live happily ever after. But the thing is, we write our own fairytales. And I believe Valerie’s started writing the best one yet.” Rubi raises a glass in the air, toasting my mother who returns the motion with tears in her eyes.
“To Valerie and Bert,” she says, and a wicked grin comes over her face. “Make the wedding night one to remember.” She winks and Bert nearly chokes on his champagne which makes me laugh as quietly as possible.
I have a quick second to wonder what the hell is going on. Rubi is a completely different person today – much more like the girl I met that first summer.
And I want her more than ever.
My eyes are glued to her as the speeches go on, and finally, the microphone makes its way to me. I’m not big on public speaking, but I’ll make an exception tonight. I get up, clearing my throat and smiling at my mother.
“I’ve always been shit with words,” I begin and the crowd murmurs again at my profanity. I don’t care, though, because my mother’s eyes are shining proudly, and that’s all that matters. “And Rubi put everything pretty perfectly. So instead of feeding you some crap, I think we should hear from someone else. Someone who was an inspiration, a father and a friend. And today, he would rejoice to see us smiling. So,” I raise my glass, “Let’s smile.”
Everyone follows obediently and glasses clink as I turn on the projector. The screen twitches and everyone looks at it in confusion as a figure appears on it.
The man in the clip looks terrible. Sallow, thin, bald. Sick.
But he is smiling.
“Hello, Valerie,” he says with a tired voice as the crowd looks around in confusion. I check to see my mother’s and Rubi’s eyes glued to the screen, just like I needed them to be. Then, I lean back in my chair and wait for the clip to finish.
Tony clears his throat painfully. “I’m sorry, I’m a little bit under the weather,” he jokes in the clip. “I wanted to come here and haunt you from the past…” He cackles and it pleases me when I hear my mother follow.
“No, Valerie. I am here to tell you I am proud of you. I am happy for you, because you learned how to live again. There’s no use in sitting back while life passes you by. You need to be happy, for me, and for Rubi, and for your son, Jax.”
My mother dabs her eyes with a handkerchief as her new husband kisses her gently. I look at Rubi next, knowing the next part is equally as important.
“And Rubi,” he continues as she blinks back heavy tears. “Please know…” His eyes are filled with tears as he looks into the camera, like he’s here, really speaking to his daughter.
“Please know that I’ll always love you. Even when I can’t hold your hand anymore, I’ll be your dad.”
The clip fizzes out to nothing, the image disappearing from the screen and everyone is quiet for a long second, my heart beating wildly in my chest.
Then a clap erupts, cheering and happy smiles. Just like Tony would have wanted.
I get patted on the back, thanked and kissed by my affectionate mother. As she looks at me, I know there’s still a chance for us to rebuild our relationship, and that makes me fucking grateful to Tony.
But my mind is preoccupied with a certain redhead, and as soon as they let me go, I look at her place at the table to find it empty.
My brows furrowed, I scan the room for her.
But Rubi Lynn is gone.
Chapter 33
Rubi
I run out of there, unable to take any more. As soon as I see my father’s face on that projection screen, all the memories start rushing back and it just hurts too much to handle. So I use the moment when everyone claps Jax on the back to rush out of the stuffy, crowded room.
I walk aimlessly along the shore, my heart pounding wildly, the tears not quite falling. I fucking hate them for that, knowing they would relieve the tension. But it seems like I’m frozen in this strange state.
My legs carry me over to the beach which is deserted. It’s misty again, with plenty of silver-lined grey clouds. So ironic.
“Rubi!” a voice calls out to me suddenly. I’d recognize the sound of Jax calling my name anytime, anywhere. And I know it’s him, but I don’t want to turn around. Don’t want to give him another chance to hurt me as badly as he did before. So I keep on walking.
I hear his footsteps after me, trying to catch up and try to quicken my pace even though I know he’ll catch up eventually. And so he does, grabbing my elbow as he nears me and breathing heavily.
“Where are you going, darlin’?” he asks softly, the concern plain to hear in his pained voice.
“Away,” I answer him simply, the words more of a murmur than anything else.
“Away from what?” he insists, and I rip my elbow from his touch, turning towards him with angry eyes that could turn him to stone had they the power to do so.
“From you, from Valerie, from my dad,” I say angrily, my voice shaking with the heavy words, knowing I’m about to hurt him. “Can’t you see, Jax? I’m too weak. I can’t handle all this. I can’t take any more pain, because I’m already in pieces.”
He steps in front of me, his body imposing and huge against my small frame. “No, I can’t see,” he growls, tipping my chin upwards like he’s done so many times before. “You know what I do see?”
I just stare at him defiantly as he goes on, my heart beating wildly in my chest.
“I see a little girl who’s still afraid. A girl who’s been running all her life. You dad’s gone, Rubi, and that’s never going to change,” he says harshly, the words rough and painful. I want to spit in his face, but I am so helpless, all I can do is swallow back a reply and stare at him with red-rimmed eyes.
“But other things could change,” Jax continues more gently. “You’ve been running from me, darlin’, and I’m the one who can make this better. It’s been four years, four goddamned long years, and I’m not going to waste any more time.”
“I broke up with Adrian,” I suddenly blurt out and Jax’s pupils widen in shock at my admission. But before he can say a thing, I start talking again, admitting the truth I’ve been holding back from yesterday.
“He’s been cheating on me… ever since you came to the house. With you cousin, no less,” I snort angrily, giving Jax an evil glare like all of this is actually his fault.
“Cassandra?” he asks incredulously, and I give a solemn nod. To my surprise, Jax dissolves in laughter as I stare at him angrily.
“What the fuck? Is that funny to you, jackass?” I demand, ripping myself from his embrace. “You’re such a prick, Jax!”
“It’s not that,” he shakes his head, still laughing. “But I can’t believe he tried to replace you with goddamned Cassie.” He looks at me more seriously now and I gulp loudly waiting for his next words.
“He’s a goddamn prick, Rubi,” he says with his teeth clenched. “And I was one, too, for making that fucking bet with him.” I turn away, but he takes my chin between his fingers, making me look back at him. I struggle but give up in the end, even though the subject still makes me feel vulnerable.
“You have to listen,” he says insistently. “It was never about that fucking car. It was about you, Rubi, it’s always been about you. I hated the way they all looked at you, but I knew I could never have you myself… I saw it as the one way to get you, if only for a night.”
I look at him hard, and I realize he’s telling the truth, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard. “Trust me,” he growls low in his throat. “I never meant to fall in love.”
And my heart soars.
He leans in closer until our lips are almost touching and I tremble under his touch, so gentle yet firm. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he promises me with a low growl. “And if you tell me you feel nothing, absolutely nothing for me afterwards, I’ll walk away.”
Jax doesn’t wait for me to answer, instead l
owering his lips to mine. My body responds, and I am unable to hold myself back. Melting into his embrace, my body fits the contours of his perfectly. I’ve been craving those lips for fucking years, needing his touch like the air I breathe.
He deepens our kiss, making it rough and demanding as he plunges a tongue in my mouth, his hands wrapping possessively around my waist. I’m losing myself in his touch, his kiss, his scent, and I know with dead certainty I will never be able to go back… Not this time around.
“Nothing?” he groans against my lips, moving back for just one second. And I already miss him, already need another goddamn taste. But I don’t answer, licking my bottom lip instead as my body trembles like it’s recovering from the loss of his touch.
“What do you feel, Rubi?” he insists, grasping my throat between his fingers lightly. It feels so goddamn good, that motion which should be rough, but feels loving when he does it. Possessive, but so amazing…
“I feel…” I begin, my voice breaking as I struggle to get the words out of my throat. “I feel loved,” I admit, and it’s as if a dam has broken as more words spill from my lips, thirsting for his kiss. “I feel like I can’t go on without you. Can’t go on without being me. And,” I bite my lower lip gently, “the only way I can be me is with you.”
He stares at me hard, like he’s trying to discern if I’m telling the truth, and a small smirk begins to play on the edge of his mouth as I stare at him incredulously. “Knew it,” he groans and tries to kiss me again, but I slap him away.
“You prick! So self absorbed, I cannot believe it,” I exclaim loudly, my brows furrowing as he laughs out loud.
“Oh, how I missed that firecracker,” he says, taking me firmly around the waist and pulling me into his embrace. And once again, I am helpless as he smirks in my face, that teasing expression already back in his eyes. “No going back now, darlin’,” he growls, claiming me with another delicious kiss.
The End
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