by E. M. Leya
Marshall closed his eyes, taking in everything Rani said. "You're right. I just need to keep talking to him. Let him know he's safe and free to make his own choices."
"You've got this." Rani smiled.
"I'll talk to him tonight if there's time. I just wish I could get something on Larry. I think I know where he is, but I can't get proof, and without that, the team or the cops won't go after him. I need some evidence."
"Anything I can do to help?"
"No. It's all computer shit right now. I just need to verify Larry is in that house in Colorado Springs. I'm convinced there are children being held there, but I can't prove that either. All I have are some satellite images and heat signatures right now. I need something solid."
"Have you asked Jeremy to try?"
"Yeah, he's looking into it as well, but he's hitting the same walls I have. If there is something going on there, they've covered their tracks well."
"You're not one to give up. I'm sure you'll find proof if it's there to find."
"I sure hope so. Nothing would make me happier than being able to tell Danny that Larry's been arrested." Marshall glanced over at Rani. "Enough about me, what's going on in your life?"
"Work." Rani laughed. "Do I do anything but?"
"Not often, but I keep hoping. You making any friends, meeting anyone that catches your interest?" Marshall hated how hard Rani worked, but he understood why he was doing it. It had to be hard being a respected doctor in one country, then moving to another just to be told you need to pretty much start over. In the time they'd been friends, he seldom heard Rani talk about other friends or going out with people. He knew Rani was bisexual but had never been with a man. In Oman where he came from, being with another man would be a possible death sentence. He'd hoped Rani would meet someone at work who he could at least spend some time with, but so far, Rani hadn't shown any interest in dating or even socializing much other than with the team.
"I went out for drinks with a few people from work the other night, but most of the time, I'm just too tired. My rotation at work just gets more stressful. Until I jump through all these hoops and get licensed here, I won't be having much of a social life. I'm counting down the days. If all goes well, I can be done in another two years."
"Still no regrets coming here?" Marshall asked.
"None. I miss some of my family, but I have a much better life here. I'm not looking over my shoulder all of the time, waiting to be attacked for my views. I like the freedom in America to be an individual. It doesn't matter who your family is or what they've done, you can still make a name for yourself."
"I'm glad you're here." Marshall slapped Rani's knee.
"Someday, we'll be able to hang out like normal friends do."
"Good things are worth waiting for." Marshall stood. "I better head home. I want to make sure Danny's doing okay."
"Bullshit. You just want to go find out what Jessica and Danny cooked."
"Maybe." Marshall grinned. "If there's enough, I'll bring some over for you tomorrow. Too bad Danny can't come here or we could have Jessica and him cook for everyone."
"I could handle coming home to a hot cooked meal all the time." Rani smiled. "Tell Danny hi and let me know if you two need anything."
"I will." Marshall gave a salute as he walked out the front door. The night was cooler than usual, but still not cold. It wouldn't be long before the leaves were changing and fall set in. He'd always loved Colorado weather. Even in the worst of the cold and snowstorms, he found the place beautiful. He couldn't imagine living anywhere else.
As he settled in his car, he realized he had a pretty good life considering everything. He loved his job, loved his friends, and if everything went as he hoped, he'd have a man to love as well. He just needed to take it slow and help Danny heal. Once that was started, then they could focus more on their future.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Danny lifted the cookie to Marshall's lips. "Tell me what you think."
Marshall took a bite and moaned. "This is amazing. What is it?"
"Cranberry and white chocolate chip." Danny smiled, pleased that he'd done so well with the new recipe. He'd spent the day making a huge turkey with Jessica, but after, they'd tried a couple of new recipes for desserts. If only he could spend every day doing stuff like this, he'd be happy.
"It's amazing. And the turkey was moist and tender. I don't think I've ever had one so good. You're going to end up cooking all of our Thanksgiving meals, ya know?"
Danny laughed. "I'm good with that." He wiped his hand on a napkin before looking up at Marshall. "Are we planning on spending a lot of Thanksgivings together?"
Marshall's expression grew serious. "I hope so. That's something I'd like to talk about."
"Thanksgiving?"
"Us."
Danny bit his lip and nodded. He wanted this conversation, but he was scared of it at the same time. "I guess we should talk about things." Danny turned and focused on putting things around the kitchen away. "Jess says talking will help us, but I'm scared it might mess everything up."
Marshall's arms came around him from behind, pulling Danny back against his chest. "Nothing is going to mess this up. If anything, getting things out in the open is only going to make our relationship stronger."
Danny turned in his arms. "Are we in a relationship?"
"I think that's one of the many things we need to talk about and decide." Marshall gestured to the kitchen. "Leave this. There's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. All the food's put away." He brushed a kiss over Danny's mouth. "Let's get this done before we put it off any longer."
Linking their hands together, Marshall led Danny to the living room and they both sat down on the couch facing each other. It was impossible to sit on the couch and not remember the things they'd done together there. As much as he hated admitting it, he craved more of Marshall's touch. The conversation they were about to have could change everything.
Danny cleared his throat. "Want me to go first?"
Marshall kept hold of his hand. "First, tell me if this is what you want. Do you want to try being in a relationship with me? Because if the answer is no, then most of this conversation is irrelevant."
"You mean be boyfriends?"
Marshall nodded.
"I want that."
A look of relief flowed over Marshall's face. "So do I."
"But…" Danny sighed. "I have issues."
"Okay, and I have worries."
Danny swallowed hard. "You go first. What worries?"
Marshall caressed Danny's hand with his thumb. "I'm worried I'm moving too fast. Pushing you into something you might not be ready for. I really like you, Danny. A lot. I didn't mean it to happen, but it did. I can see a future for us, but I know you've just found your freedom and are trying to figure things out. You've gone through hell the past twelve years. I worry that I'm rushing things. I know logically, you're going to have issues because of the sexual abuse you went through, and by me wanting you, I'm not letting you heal from what you've gone through."
Danny nodded. "You haven't pushed me. We've both been willing in this. I asked you for that first kiss, asked you to do things with me. I needed that in a way so I could heal. I needed to see that there was a good side to sex and intimacy. Learn that sex could be something other than painful and violent. I've got issues, I'm the first to admit that, and I'm not sure I'll ever be completely okay. There are things that scare me, things I don't think I can do sexually that might change the way you feel about me."
"Like?" Marshall asked still caressing his hand.
"Sex," Danny told him honestly. There was no reason to hold back. If they were going to talk about all of this, it all needed to be out in the open. "I'm afraid I might never be okay with sex. I was fine with what we've done so far, but when I think about someone holding me down, taking me the way Larry did, I feel sick to my stomach and the beginnings of a panic attack starts to hit. I know that's a big part of a relationship between two men
, so I'd understand if it changes things for you, but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to do that again with anyone."
Marshall smiled. "That's what is worrying you? Honey, don't even let that be an issue. If we never do more than we have, we'd have enough. Yeah, I like sex, but sex doesn't mean penetration. There are blow jobs, hand jobs, caressing, cuddling, and just plain good old making out. There's watching each other the way we did the other night. All of that is enough. Yeah, I want someone I can be intimate with, but that doesn't mean it has to be anal sex." Marshall released Danny's hand and reached up to caress his cheek. "But you need to know something now. If we ever do get to the point where you want to try anal play, I'm not looking to hold you down and take you. It's not what I like. I'd be begging you to take me. I'm a bottom, which means that I am shamelessly happy when someone is fucking me. I'm not interested a bit in taking someone else. When we played on the couch the other night, not once did I think of myself inside you, but I thought a lot about your perfect thick cock inside of me."
Danny's cheeks heated at the visual. "But I'm so big."
"I know." Marshall grinned and his eyes twinkled. "That makes me want it more."
Danny shook his head. "But it would hurt."
"No, when you care about each other sex isn't painful. You do things slowly, make it so it doesn't hurt. I want it clear right now that I'm okay if we never do anything anal. I'm just as happy being how we are right now, but if we ever do take that step and try it, there will be no pain for either of us, only pleasure."
"You'd really go without it to be with me?"
"Absolutely," Marshall assured him. "But I need to know you want this and aren't doing it because you're feeling like you have to. You have a place to stay no matter if we are together or not. You don't have to be with me in order to stay here. We are friends first. I don't want you under any pressure to be physical with me. Even in a relationship, we go as slow as you need to. No rushing into anything. The last thing I want, the thing I fear the most is that I will hurt you more than you've already been hurt."
"I've never done anything with you that I haven't wanted to. I was just so scared that you'd want stuff I couldn't give. I can't be held down. I can't have someone take me that way. I'm not even sure I could give you a blow job and let you come in my mouth. I know I could use my mouth on you, but not if it got rough, and I'm not sure I could let you do that in my mouth. It was something he made me do, and I'm not sure I can get past those memories." Danny relaxed a little, glad that things weren't going to be as big an issue as he'd expected. He still had worries, but Marshall was easing them. How could he be lucky enough to find someone who would understand him and why he couldn't do certain things? It was like fate had put Marshall next door so Danny could find him.
"Holding you, kissing you, and just spending time together is enough for me. I love waking up next to you, holding hands when we watch a movie, laughing together when we go out. Sex isn't important. If things happen, they happen. If they don't, then that's okay too. I just needed to be sure you didn't feel any pressure from me to be together."
"None," Danny assured him. "I want us to try. I was lucky enough to run to you when I escaped, and I have to believe that it was you for a reason. This isn't because you saved me, but because you care for me and I care for you. If you can deal with my sexual issues, then I'm not worried about anything."
"Then it looks like we have nothing to worry about." Marshall leaned in and kissed him. "We'll face whatever happens together."
"Together," Danny repeated, liking that word.
"There's one more thing I want to talk to you about." Marshall sat back. "It's about Larry."
Danny tensed. "They found him?"
"No, but I found some stuff that might help us. Do you remember Larry ever talking about a film company called Lamp Light?"
"No." Danny frowned. "A film company, like one that makes movies?"
"Documentaries on historical places. They don't have a lot out there, but a few things. It was just a link I tracked to Larry's past and his extended family. What about Colorado Springs? Did Larry ever mention anything there?"
"Is that where you think he is?"
"I honestly don't know." Marshall stared at him. "It's just links to other things, but hopefully one of those links will lead to him. I have to check out everything I can."
"No, I can't remember anything about Colorado Springs. He never talked about anywhere." Danny tried to remember any references to Colorado Springs. The good thing about being with Larry so long was almost any reference to something was because of Larry. He'd been too young to recall much from when he lived with his mom.
"Okay, I hoped something had been mentioned, but I'm not surprised. It might have nothing to do with Larry. It's a cousin I found of his that I'm hoping might lead us to Larry, but I have no way of knowing if they even still talk." Marshall shifted on the couch. "Enough about him. How about a couple more of your fantastic cookies, then we find something to watch on TV? We can cuddle and officially start this relationship we both want."
Danny smiled. "I'd like that. When I was being held, I used to try and imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't been kidnapped. I tried to think about what dating would be like. I figured it would never happen for me, especially after everything that went on. I'm glad I was wrong."
"So am I. Now that you're free, you can have anything in life you dream of. There's nothing to stop you."
"I think I have just what I need." Danny bent in and kissed Marshall. "Thanks."
"Come on, let's get those cookies." Marshall tugged Danny up from the couch with him.
Together they walked into the kitchen, and while nothing had really changed since they'd sat down, the conversation had somehow made things between them more solid. It had eased Danny's fears and worries. Jessica had been right, talking was a good thing. Now if he could just get over his fear that Larry was coming back, he'd be okay. At least that's what he told himself. The truth was, going to Larry's house the other night proved how easily the memories could come back and the fear brought forward. He needed to find a way to move past that. It was something he'd talk to Gary about at their next meeting.
As Marshall pulled four cookies out and set them on a napkin, he focused on the here and now. It was what mattered. The past was still haunting him, but with Marshall by his side, the ghosts were quiet. In time, they might not come out at all.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Marshall's neck ached and his shoulders were stiff, but he continued to work. Nothing was going to stop him until he tracked Larry down. His fingers flew over the keyboard as he hacked into Larry's cousin, Dale's phone records, praying that one of the calls he made would give him another lead. He scanned the list of outgoing calls first, looking at the ones used most. He made note of them, planning to put a name to each one. There weren't many. Dale looked like he kept to himself a lot. The main number called was one Marshall recognized as Dale's work. The others he'd have to research.
"Any luck?" Jeremy walked into the room. He handed Marshall a bottle of water before taking the seat beside him.
"Thanks." Marshall twisted the cap open and took a drink. "No luck at all. I'm going through cell phone records now, hoping something pops. If that doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do next. It's so tempting to go down to Colorado Springs and put a drone in the air over the area and see if I can get a visual on Larry."
"You should give it up for today. It's Danny's birthday, shouldn't you be with him?" Jeremy asked.
"I'm going to go soon. I didn't want to sit home all day and risk giving away that there's a party tonight. Besides, Jess is over at the house. Danny and she are making sure there are enough desserts for everyone. Danny thinks it's just another team dinner. I didn't even mention his birthday before I left, which I feel like shit about, but I figured it was best not to bring it up. He didn't mention it either."
"This will be the last year you'll have to play like you don't know. Next ye
ar, you can wake him up with party balloons and confetti."
Marshall raised a brow. "Please tell me that isn't how you and D celebrate each other's birthdays."
"Nah, I'd tell you how we celebrate but it might make you blush." Jeremy wiggled his eyebrows.
"Shut up." Marshall punched him gently.
Jeremy laughed but reached for the list of numbers that Marshall had printed out. "Want me to start going through these?"
"If you don't mind. The top number is his work. You can omit that one, but I don't recognize the others." Marshall went back to pulling numbers out of the incoming log.
"Not many to look through. The guy must not have many friends."
"Yeah, and there were even fewer texts. Only ones from one guy at work. Nothing of any importance." Marshall sighed.
The office door slammed open. "Miss me?"
Marshall and Jeremy both jumped, turning to see what or who had broken into the place.
"Xander!" Jeremy was up and out of his chair in one fluid motion. "I didn't know you were coming."
"It was a last-minute plan." Xander hugged Jeremy as Matt and Faith entered the room behind him.