by Linda Ford
“How are you feeling?” he asked. The question had not entered into his practiced speeches.
“Fine. How about you?”
“I’m fine thanks.” He did not want to talk about their good health. “I thought I didn’t want to ranch any more after Ellen’s death.” Again, not what he wanted to say. Why couldn’t he bring the words that really mattered to his mouth?
“I suppose that makes sense.”
“It did for a while. But lately, it doesn’t.”
The water flashed by, catching the light of the distant fires in a rippling dance. Nearby an owl hooted, as if mocking Luke’s foolish inability to say what he meant. “I think the reason it made sense is because I wanted more than land and cows and horses. I wanted a home. Guess I still do.”
“It’s what I want too. A home where Elena will always know safety and security.”
“What about love? Won’t she need that too?” He wanted to be the one to give it to her.
Donna Grace jerked about to face him. “She will know love no matter where we live. But I want her to have more than that.”
“Donna Grace, you told me that you once dreamed of being part of a ranch. Come with me to California and you can have that.”
Despite the darkness creeping in about them, he could see the surprise in her face. “It will be a safe, secure place for Elena.”
“I don’t understand what you are saying.”
“We are legally married. We don’t have to end our marriage. We can stay together and run a ranch.”
She turned away.
He pressed his wishes. “It would be a good home for Elena. I’d make sure of that.”
She rocked her head back and forth. “You aren’t obligated to be her father. Really, I’m so grateful you have given her a name, so she will be spared the shame of being illegitimate. I ask nothing more of you.” She pushed to her feet. “You don’t need to look after us. I can do it.”
He caught her arm before she escaped. “Donna Grace, what I’m trying to say is I want us to stay together. We can be a family. I won’t ask you to be any different than we are right now.”
She pulled away. “A pretend family?”
“I think we’d be a real family. Father, mother and baby.”
“Then a pretend marriage?”
It was not what he wanted, but if that was all she’d agree to, he would accept it. “Just like we are now.”
They walked toward the wagons.
He didn’t want his offer to be ignored. “Won’t you please think about it?”
“I will.”
They rejoined the others and prepared for the night. She slept with Mary Mae in the tent, and he slept nearby, though sleep did not come easily.
The next morning, Donna Grace was understandably distant, which he feared indicated her answer.
He slumped on the wagon seat as she walked with the other ladies.
When would she tell him her decision? More importantly, how would he endure several more weeks of appearing to be man and wife if she refused his offer? How could he hide the pain of knowing he would have to say goodbye?
He could do nothing, but pray that God would hear his heart and make her open hers to him.
An hour later, he pulled himself up. Had he not learned a lesson about trusting God when Donna Grace and Elena were missing? God had not changed. He was all powerful. He could change the heart of a woman. Luke had to remember to pray and trust.
Feeling lighter by several pounds, he glanced about for Donna Grace. Mary Mae and Polly skipped along together to the right. Beyond them, Judith and Mrs. Shepton walked more sedately. He looked ahead, behind, to the right and left. He did not see Donna Grace and his heart clawed up his throat.
“Judith,” he called. “Where’s Donna Grace?” Surely she had simply sought shelter in one of the wagons.
Mary Mae hurried closer. “We left her a little bit ago. She said she needed to be alone to think and would catch up soon.” Worry creased her face. “We shouldn’t have left her. What if something happens to her again?”
Buck rode up, drawn by the fact Luke had stopped the wagon and held up progress. “Something wrong?”
Luke shook his head. “I don’t know, but Donna Grace isn’t here. I intend to go find her. Can you tell Manuel to come and bring a horse?”
Buck rode back and Manuel came on his stocky little horse. “Señor Buck say you wish to see me.”
“Manuel, will you drive my wagon for a bit?”
“You trust me?”
“I don’t hold you responsible for Garcia’s actions.”
“You are a fair man.” He swung down and climbed to the seat. “You will not be disappointed in me.”
“One more thing. Can I borrow your horse?”
“Mi caballo is your caballo,” he said with an expansive wave of his arm.
“Gracias.” Luke mounted and turned to the back trail.
He rode a couple of miles before he spotted her sitting on the ground by some bushes, the baby asleep on a blanket beside her. He trotted over.
She jumped up at his approach. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“The ladies said you had stopped. I thought… ” He shrugged.
She sat down again and he sat beside her.
“Have you been thinking of what I said?”
“I have.” Donna Grace had thought of little else since he’d spoken. A real family for Elena held a lot of appeal. Not that Donna Grace couldn’t give her love and security. But she couldn’t give her a father without agreeing to this arrangement.
Was she being selfish to want more? To want more than a pretend marriage?
She’d argued back and forth with herself for much of last night and the better part of an hour as she sat alone with her thoughts.
One lesson she’d learned while in Garcia’s clutches was that God heard her prayers. And she’d opened her heart to Him.
God, is this what I should do. Is this the life I deserve?
She would gladly spend the rest of her life with Luke. But as a pretend wife? But was she giving up what she really wanted by saying no?
Mama’s words came to her. “God is with us in good times and bad. Nothing can ever take His love from us. If you ever wonder if it’s enough, remember that God loved you enough to send His Son. There is no greater love known to man.”
It was the answer she needed.
She faced Luke, taking in every detail—his brown eyes that held a mixture of hope and fear, the bronze of his skin from so many days lived outdoors, his dark brown hair that had grown noticeably since they left Independence. Her gaze lowered to his broad shoulders that had held her, his chest where she had shed tears, his hands that had comforted and encouraged her. She loved him. She wanted more than a pretend marriage.
It would be hard to give her answer, but she must.
“Luke, you are the most generous man. I don’t know any other who would take in a woman carrying another man’s baby and give her and the child his name. You will surely be rewarded for such a gift.”
“I don’t want a reward.”
“Let me finish. Please.” If he presented any defense, she would not be able to say what she must.
He nodded. “Go ahead. I’m listening.” The caution in his words tightened her throat. How she hated to hurt this man.
“Over and over I’ve said words about how I’m a nuisance and a bother. I’ve repeated the things my grandfather said to me. I’ve found proof in the actions of Melvin and my father. Even, perhaps, in Garcia’s actions.”
Again, he interrupted. “You aren’t to blame—”
She held up her hand. “I’m not done.”
He sank back, though his expression made it clear he didn’t like not being able to speak his mind.
“Things changed when I was locked in that dugout. I realized that God loved me. He didn’t judge me for my humanness or the things people did to me. All He wanted was my trust and obedience.” She paused as her throat
constricted. “His love is enough for me.” It would have to carry her through the lonely days of missing Luke.
She sat up straight and pushed her shoulders back. “Luke, it’s true I’d love to be part of building a new ranch. But I want to be more than a pretend wife. I want to be more than good enough. I want it all. So I am saying no to your very generous offer.” She couldn’t go on and ducked her head so he wouldn’t see the tears threatening to overflow.
He jerked to his feet and strode away to stare at the wagon train as it continued its journey.
She watched him from under the curtain of her tear-studded lashes.
He came about to look at her and she stared at the ground in front of her.
His boots appeared in her field of vision. “Donna Grace, let me get something straight. You don’t want a pretend marriage?”
“That’s right,” she managed from her constricted throat.
“You want more?”
“Everything,” she whispered. “I want everything.”
“Why?”
She jerked her head up to look at him. Couldn’t stand tipping her head back so far and got to her feet. The movement put her so close, she had only to lift her hand to touch him, but she squeezed both hands into tight fists to keep from doing so. “Because I think I deserve it.”
“So if I said we would become man and wife in the truest sense, that would be enough?”
She rocked her head back and forth. “Not nearly enough.”
His gaze caught hers and she could not look away as he searched her secret, hidden places looking for the meaning behind her words.
“What would be enough?” His voice had grown husky. He caught her chin between his thumb and finger, his touch warm and gentle and sending a burst of such longing through her, she thought she might have to grab his arms to keep from swaying.
He trailed a finger over her lips until it came to rest at a corner of her mouth. “Would me telling you that you are everything to me be enough?”
Her heartbeat picked up pace like a horse racing toward home, but she shook her head and kept her gaze on his chin. “Still not enough.”
“What if I said without you I will continue to wander aimlessly back and forth across the plains?”
“You would?” Her gaze met his. Nothing short of a thunderclap would make her able to break free of his look. And even that might fail.
“I would have nothing but an empty, aching heart that needs you.”
“Me?” Was it enough? Dare she hold out for more? Before she could come to a conclusion, his arms went around her.
“What I am trying to say, is that I love you, Donna Grace, and without you my life is empty.”
He held her in the circle of his arms, waiting.
She touched her fingertip to his chin, then trailed it over his lips, much as he had done with her, and wondered if her touch made it as difficult for him to think rationally, as his had made thinking impossible for her.
“Is that enough?” he whispered, his voice deep with uncertainty.
Her arms went around his waist. “It is more than enough. Luke Russell, I love you. I am so pleased that you are my husband.” Her voice thickened on the final word. Husband. Her husband.
He pulled her close. She lifted her face to receive his kiss. Neither of them seemed in any hurry to end it.
After a bit, he pressed her head to his shoulder. “Mrs. Russell. The title means so much to me now. No more pretending.”
“No ending it when we get to Santa Fe.”
He sat down and pulled her to his side. “Do you really want to go on to Santa Fe?”
“What do you mean?” Then she realized what he meant. “No, there’s no need to go there. It was my plan because I was looking for happiness in the only place I’d ever known it. Now it is right here.”
“We’ll make plans to cross the mountains in the spring when it’s safe to travel.”
“To California and our own ranch.”
For some time they stayed there, dreaming and planning.
Finally Luke pulled her to her feet. “Time to catch up to the wagon train.” He caught up the reins of Manuel’s horse and she picked up little Elena who gurgled happily.
“What are we going to say to the others?” she asked.
“About what?”
“Our marriage.”
He chuckled. “What’s to say? We’re already married, so that’s taken care of, and if they notice any difference in how we look at each other, I’m more than proud for them to see how much I love you.”
“Me too.”
He pulled her to his side. “Let’s tell them of our plans to go to California.”
Those words gave her a moment’s pause. “What about Mary Mae?” She and her sister had planned to stay together.
He stopped to face her. “Your sister is welcome to accompany us. I would never say no to any of your family, or any of your needs.”
“Thank you.” Neither of them moved as they looked deep into each other’s eyes.
He had given her the gift of assuring her she wasn’t a bother. She wanted to do the same for him. He’d been told he wasn’t good enough. She must make him see that he was. “Luke, you are a good good man. I am honored that you love me. Please take my love and use it to erase the unkind words that Ellen’s father said to you.”
He cupped his hand to the back of her head and pulled her close to rest his forehead on hers. “I know I must have done something good to have a wife like you.” He paused. “That’s not what I mean. I think God has shown how much He loves us by giving us each other and this little girl.” He placed his hand on Elena’s head as if blessing her then caught Donna Grace’s lips in a kiss full of so many things—love, joy and a shared future.
Sneak peek of Wagon Train Wedding
“What do you mean she’s missing?” Gil Trapper, scout for the Santa Fe Trail wagon train looked at the worried faces around him. How could Judith Russell be missing? She’d been traveling with the train since they left Independence near on to a month ago. From the beginning she’d been a good traveler, doing her share, and helping others. His observations said she was not the sort to do something foolish. He tried to think what else he knew of her. Sister to seasoned traders on the trail, Luke and Warren. Younger than either of them. Seems he’d heard Luke say she was twenty. Not that her age had any bearing on this situation.
“She was out walking by the wagons. We didn’t think much at first when she wasn’t here when we stopped. We thought maybe she’d fallen behind and would catch up. But she should have been here by now and she isn’t. And we don’t see her coming.” As she talked, Luke’s wife, Donna Grace, clutched her infant to her breast as if afraid the baby girl would up and disappear.
The others joined in, voicing their concerns.
Before Gil could reassure them that she had simply fallen behind, Luke and Warren rode up on horseback.
“We’re going to find our sister,” Warren said.
Gil nodded. “Let me inform Buck and I’ll join you in searching.” As the wagon master, Buck needed to know what was going on. “The rest of you stay here and take care of things.”
Having noticed the worried knot of people, Buck rode up, demanded and received an explanation. He didn’t offer any empty consolations. They were all aware of how many disasters could have befallen the woman.
“We’ll ride along the back trail,” Warren said.
Gil accompanied the brothers. After two miles with no sight of her, they reined up to consider what to do.
“You two stick to the trail,” Gil said. “If she’s simply fallen behind, she’ll know enough to stay on it.” Or if she’d been injured in a fall or—there were hundreds of reason she might not be able to catch up. “I’ll ride toward the river and search there. Not that I expect to find anything.”
They parted ways and Gil turned off the trail. Every nerve in his body twitched with tension. If she’d simply fallen behind, they should have come upon her
by now. Unless she’d gotten turned around and lost her way. Or had been set upon by one or more of those preying upon the wagon trains.
He guided his mount toward the bushes and trees along the river, pausing often to listen for any sound. Crows squawked at his intrusion. Smaller birds rustled in the autumn dried leaves. Coyotes began their mournful cry. His skin prickled with the knowledge that wolves had been spotted a day ago.
He rode onward, looking for any sign, listening for any sound. It would soon be dark. Lord, help us find her.
He jerked forward and strained toward the faint sound of a… baby crying? Surely he was mistaken. It must be some wild animal, though he couldn’t think what one made that sound.
Edging his horse toward the sound, he picked a path that allowed him to move quietly. He stuck his handgun into his belt and pulled his rifle from the scabbard.
A flash of movement caught his eye. He reined in and slowly dismounted, easing forward with the skill that four years on the trail had taught him until he had a clearer view.
“Judith,” he murmured.
She turned. “Thank goodness. I am thoroughly lost and so is this little one.” She tipped her head toward a girl child in her arms.
“Where did you find that?”
At his voice, the child looked at him with wide blue eyes. Her tousled hair was the color of liquid sunshine. She stuck two fingers in her mouth and sucked noisily.
He squatted down five feet from the pair, knowing he would be less scary to the girl if he wasn’t towering over her.
“I heard her crying, though at the time I was simply curious as to what it was. I know she must have parents somewhere but I’ve looked and looked. That’s how I became so disorientated and lost sight of the wagons.” She glanced past him. “How far are we from them?”
“Five miles more or less.” He pushed to his feet. “I best find her parents.” But as he headed back to his horse, Judith hurried after him.
“I’m going with you.”
He considered his options. If he took them with him it would slow him down but he would know they were safe and wouldn’t have to back track. “Come along.” Upon his return to the horse, he reached for the child.