by Liz King
Seth’s concerned eyes focus intently on me. “Lynae, when was the last time you ate something?”
I look down at my watch. I had a little bit of salad around eleven, and it’s already almost seven in the evening. “Um, a little bit before noon I guess.” I should have stopped and gotten something sooner. My doctor told me that I need to eat small snacks throughout the day despite my nausea to keep my strength up.
“Damn it, woman. You need to feed that baby.” Seth takes in my wide eyes at his knowledge of the pregnancy. “Yeah, I know. We all do. Let’s go.”
Seth and I end up at the same little café that Michelle and I frequent after our Saturday morning runs. Not only do they have an amazing breakfast, but they have great burgers too. And they serve those delicious cinnamon rolls all day! I know I should be uncomfortable hanging out with Seth, but I did consider him a friend before everything happened.
While sipping on my sweet tea and nibbling on a cornbread muffin, I regard Seth shifting uncomfortably in his seat across from me with a weird look on his face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Seth sighs. “I really want to apologize for the way I treated you that day. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. I hate that I was so mean to you before you went upstairs.”
I reach my hand across the table and lay it on top of his. “You were being a loyal friend to Connor.”
“That doesn’t make it right that I judged you so quickly. I know you better than that, babe.” Seth looks down at our joined hands then squeezes. “When I heard the yelling I came running. Then I saw you fall. My God. You scared the shit out of us.”
A shudder runs through me as I remember that night. My stomach rolls and I protectively place my other hand over my belly. “About that, thank you for catching me. The girls told me that if you hadn’t been at the bottom, I could have…” I can’t even say the words. I could have died. I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I don’t want to cry again. You’d think that I wouldn’t have any tears left in me after everything. “Thank you,” I murmur.
Seth just nods then shakes his head, looking down at our connected hands.
The waitress clears her throat as she approaches the table with our food. “Here y’all go.” When she sets Seth’s plate down, she leans forward, practically shoving her chest in his face. I roll my eyes at her blatant attempt at flirting with him, but he ignores her. “If you need anything else, anything at all, I’ll be right over there.”
I pull my hand back to my side of the table and start pushing my fries around with my fork. I know I need to eat, but the knots in my stomach are making it difficult.
Seth points a fry at me. “If you don’t start putting that food in your mouth, I will take you over my knee and force feed you. Jellybean needs food.”
“Jellybean?”
“Yes. Jellybean. That’s what I’m calling the little bun in your oven. Isn’t that the candy you’re always eating? I swear you eat more candy than anyone I’ve ever seen,” Seth says with the most serious face.
I burst out laughing. I toss my head back and really let go. All of the tension and nerves I had moments ago just disappear with the word “jellybean” coming out of his mouth. When I finally get my laughing under control, I notice quite a few of the patrons in the restaurant are staring at us. I wipe away the tears streaming down my face with my napkin. Trying to catch my breath, I look back up at Seth, who is sitting there with the cutest grin tugging at his lips.
“Gummy bears. I’m a gummy bear addict, but jellybeans are good too.”
“Same difference.” He smiles broadly, shrugging his shoulders before shoving the fry he was pointing at me in his mouth with an obscene amount of ketchup on it.
It really isn’t the same in my book, but I don’t care. I haven’t laughed like that in weeks. “Whatever.” I dig into my turkey burger and fries.
~
“Can we go to Mother Fluckers? Please?” I beg.
“Huh?” Seth looks at me like I have two heads. “Motherfuckers?”
“No, no, no! That’s not what I said.” I shake my head, laughing. “I said Mother Fluckers. It’s a coffee house and cheesecake bakery.”
Still gaping at me with the most confused expression on his face, Seth shrugs his shoulders. “Whatever you want, babe. If that is what Jellybean wants, then that is what Jellybean gets, but no coffee for you. I think I read somewhere that caffeine and shit ain’t good for the baby.”
“Yes. Jellybean wants.”
Mother Fluckers is a new café that just opened downtown. Dean, one of the guys who works in the OR, has been using us as guinea pigs for his cheesecake recipes for months, and he finally opened his own storefront. I’ve been meaning to get over there since forever, but things have been a little overwhelming the last few weeks. I feel terrible for not going over and supporting him sooner.
This past two weeks have been interesting. Seth and I have been meeting at Waterfront Park after I get out of work to hang out and talk. It feels really good to have someone other than Michelle or Gabbi to bounce ideas off of. I haven’t told Michelle that I’ve been hanging out with him, and I don’t know why. It may be because she seems to be watching me like a hawk since Sly went back to Alabama and she found out about Connor’s visit to the hospital my first day back at work. Somehow I feel she wouldn’t approve of me hanging out with Seth. I don’t even think she’s agreeable to Gabbi continuing to see Wade. I’m sort of glad I haven’t had to see him. I’m sure Wade would try to convince me to talk to Connor. He was the one to tell me to just give him time when he witnessed Connor’s outburst at me one night at the club.
Seth doesn’t push me on subjects I really don’t want to deal with right now. I have opened up to him and told him everything. And I do mean everything. I told him about who Matt really is, and what happened when Connor and I were in Alabama. He looked ready to commit murder. He also said he wanted to seriously hurt Connor for what he said to me that horrible night, but picked up on the fact that I didn’t want to talk about it. I relive those moments every night when I try to go to sleep, I don’t want to think about it in my waking hours.
I have gotten flowers delivered to my apartment every day since Connor came to the hospital, and he still leaves numerous voicemails and texts.
Gabbi thinks I should talk to him, but Michelle would be happy if he fell off the face of the earth. Me, I’m not sure what I want. I just want to feel like I can breathe again. I still love Connor. I love him so much it physically hurts. I know I can’t avoid him forever. This is his child growing inside me, and I know, from his notes and messages, that he wants to be part our lives. Yes, I’ve read and kept every note, and listened to every message. Just the sound of his voice can bring me to my knees with pain, but then I remember the hurtful words he said to me while he was drunk. I just don’t know if I can allow myself or my baby to be subjected to that.
Seth wraps his arm around my shoulders as we walk towards the parking lot to the car. It’s quite a few blocks to Mother Fluckers and I’m not sure I’m up for that far of a walk this afternoon. Work was pretty busy and I seem to tire a bit faster now. If I’m already having this kind of fatigue early on with my pregnancy, I can only imagine what I’ll be like in few months.
Seth and I have fallen into a very easy friendship. He isn’t at all what I had originally thought of him. I had Seth pegged as the fun loving, flirty goofball, but he really is like a big teddy bear. I worry that our hanging out is straining on his and Connor’s relationship, but he doesn’t mention Connor, and hasn’t since the first afternoon we ran into each other in the park. I want to ask about him. I want to make sure he’s okay, but I’m afraid. I’m scared that the phone calls and text messages are going to stop.
I must have completely zoned out on the drive, because I don’t even remember pulling into the parking garage down the street from the bakery. Seth is snapping his fingers in front of my face.
“Earth to Lynae! You need to tell me where the hel
l this place is, so we can get some of this cheesecake you’ve been talking about all afternoon.”
“Oh, sorry,” I mumble, getting out of the car. “It’s just down Church Street. About a block.”
Seth places his hand on the small of my back as he comes around his side of the car to walk with me. He’s become even more touchy-feely with me lately. When we enter Mother Fluckers, the heavenly aroma of coffee and cake envelopes me. I miss coffee. I really miss coffee. But I’ll get over the craving with some sweets. I actually have an appetite this afternoon. The décor is fun and funky. The tables and chairs look like an old fifties diner, and their glass display case is loaded up with every possible cheesecake concoction possible.
I’ve tried almost all of them when Dean brought in his trials, but there are a few listed on the menu that I don’t recognize. He’s named each cheesecake something unique and “interesting,” as he puts it, to make it more of an “experience” for the customer. You’d have to really understand Dean’s sense of humor to get what he was going for. One of my personal favorites is the “Better Than Sex” chocolate chip cheesecake with a brownie crust. So freaking good!
“What the hell kind of place is this?” Seth asks, looking over the menu written on a chalkboard on the back wall. “They have one called ‘Spank My Key Lime’ and ‘Bite My Berries’? Is this one of those sex store bakeries?”
“Um, not at all.” A familiar male voice calls out from the behind the counter. “Lynae, get your ass over here and give me a hug. It’s good to see you! I keep missing you down in the OR.”
I haven’t been back down to help in the OR since I got back to work. I’m still technically on light duty, and Carmen has been trying to keep me upstairs with her. I think everyone is afraid something is going to happen to me if they let me out of their sight. I’m pregnant, not disabled, damn it. Or it could be that the one time I was alone was when Connor cornered me in the break room, which ended in me running away crying.
“Dean!” I skip around to the opening and let Dean wrap his arms around my waist in a hug that lifts me off my feet. “This place looks great!”
Dean is beaming from ear to ear. He looks so happy. I know he’s worked hard to build this place, and I know that he will make it a success. I am so proud of him.
Seth comes up behind me. So close behind me that when I step back from Dean, I bump into him.
“You know what you want, Lynae?” Seth asks sounding aggravated and I’m not sure why.
“I don’t know, Surprise me.” I tell Dean.
Dean smiles at me then walks back around the counter. “Go on and sit down, I’ll bring you my latest creation.”
Seth leads me over to one of the tables by the window. I take my seat and look out at the people meandering about. My thoughts start to drift again while we wait for Dean to bring our food. My mind has been wandering all over the place today. Probably because I have a doctor’s appointment next week to have another ultrasound done, and I’m scared to go. I want to call Connor and tell him, but then I’m also afraid to call him; I’m so confused. Michelle is planning on going with me, but it hurts to think about it. I know that I’m going to walk into that waiting room and see women with their husbands or boyfriends, and I’m not going to have that. This isn’t the way things were supposed to go.
“What’s on your mind?” Seth nudges my leg under the table to get my attention. “You spaced out while we were walking, on the way here, and just now.”
“Connor.” That’s what, or should I say who, is on my mind.
Seth grunts, leans back in his chair and nods his head, a strange look fleeting across his face. He hasn’t brought him up, and this is the first time I have.
Before Seth can open his mouth to respond, Dean brings over a ginormous slice of cheesecake.
“A Happy Ending!” he declares. “Lemon-almond cheesecake with a shortbread crust. Enjoy.” He takes a bow before disappearing behind the counter again.
I pick up my fork and dig in. It is like pure heaven in my mouth. I moan in appreciation at the amazing flavor of bright lemons and rich almonds. This seriously could be the best cheesecake I have ever had. It’s even better than the cashew cheesecake I had… on my first date with Connor.
“Damn baby, keep that up, and I won’t be able to walk out of here without getting arrested for indecent exposure.” Seth groans, pushing his hand down on his crotch. “I’m about to bust a nut just listening to you over there.”
Again, this reminds me of that night with Connor. Of course Connor wasn’t as crude with his appreciation of my enjoyment of the cheesecake, but he made a similar statement about my dessert eating habits. How ironic is it that this cheesecake is called ‘A Happy Ending’ — it may be the only happy ending I get. I try to muster a smile, but I can’t bring myself to. This all feels so wrong now; I shouldn’t be here with Seth. It feels like I’m betraying Connor. It doesn’t feel easy and comfortable anymore, especially with the way he is looking at me. I have to go. I need to go home.
“Hey, you okay, babe?” Seth looks into my eyes. I’m sure he can see the wheels turning.
I nod my head. “Yeah. I think I need to go. I have some stuff I need to go over for work tomorrow. Need to review one of the manuals for the new computer system.” I’m totally lying but I don’t care. Something has changed with Seth. The way he’s looking at me is different.
I see Seth reaching over the table. “You have a little something…” His thumb brushes over my bottom lip, taking a bit of cheesecake stuck there. “Right here.” Then sticks his thumb in his mouth and licks it off. “Mmmm.”
Yes. I need to leave. Right now. I stand up so fast that I knock my chair over in the process, quickly darting out the door and down the street. I hear Seth calling behind me, but luckily there’s a trolley stopped at the corner. I hop on and ride towards the Waterfront Park parking area. That was weird and extremely uncomfortable. I can’t stop the tears from falling.
Chapter Nine
Connor
My back hurts, my neck is aching, and my head feels like it’s about to split open. I’ve been under this damn Chevy trying to get this damn drive shaft fixed for the last couple of hours. Marcus is in the next bay doing an oil change, and Wade went to go pick up some dinner. I have no fucking clue where Seth is. He’s been disappearing every afternoon for the last few weeks. He’ll work a couple of hours in the morning, but as soon as afternoon comes around, he takes off. It’s really weird. He seems really jumpy too.
I push myself further under the car, so far that my feet are barely sticking out from the front. I hear Wade and Seth’s muffled voices echoing across the garage. Wade sounds pissed, but I can’t tell what he’s upset about.
“Dude, I fucking saw you. What the hell were you doing with her?” Wade’s voice carries.
“None of your damn business.” Seth grunts.
Their footsteps sound like they are getting closer and closer.
“Seriously. She ran off. What did you do?”
“Like I said, nothing you need to worry about.”
“Man, she was crying when she got on that trolley.”
“She was crying? Fuck!”
“Yeah, and you know, today wasn’t the first time I saw y’all together. I’ve seen you guys running together every afternoon.”
So Seth is off hanging out with some girl. I don’t get what the big deal is. Why would Wade care who Seth is off screwing around with? I know it hasn’t been Gabbi. She’s been hanging out here almost every evening. God, just having her here brings back every single memory of Lynae coming and going in the apartment. I’m just about to push myself out from under the Chevy when I hear something that makes my blood start to boil.
“If Connor finds out, he’s gonna be really pissed. And I don’t want to be around when that happens.”
“He’s not gonna find out,” Seth replies. “She was really crying? I knew something was bothering her today. She seemed more distant. Why did I have to go and tou
ch her?”
“Seth, are you still crushing on her? I thought we talked about this before all that shit went down.” Wade sounds even angrier.
Still? No. There can be no way they are talking about who I think they are talking about. No fucking way. Seth wouldn’t do that to me.
“Fuck, man, I don’t know. I saw her a couple of weeks ago out at Waterfront Park. She looked so fucking gorgeous, but so totally broken. I know I shouldn’t want her, but hell. I can’t help it. When she started crying in my arms, I had the weirdest feeling like she belonged there. Like I was supposed to be holding her. Shit! I was just trying to make things right with her. We screwed her over.”
That’s it. I can’t take it anymore. I shove myself out from under the truck so fast that I end up rolling halfway across the garage floor. I feel like I could literally rip him in two. I jump off the roller and stalk towards Seth and Wade in three long strides. My muscles are bunched tight and I’m ready to snap.
“Fucking hell!” Wade moves to stand in front of me, pushing his hands against my chest. Over his shoulder he calls, “Marcus! You might want to get your ass over here, man!”
All I see is red. All I want to do is rip Seth’s head off his body, then break every single one of his limbs. Holding her? Touching her? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Seth starts shaking his head, holding his hands up in front of him. “Connor, listen, you don’t understand.”
“What I understand is that you’ve been off sneaking behind my back trying to take what’s mine! You lying piece of shit!” I snarl.
My anger has always been a problem. Once I get pissed, I lose all sense of reality. I can’t control myself. My actions and words come out without really being able to do anything to stop it.
Wade pushes against my chest some more, trying to get me to back off. “Let’s go take a breather, man. You don’t want to get into this with Seth.”
Marcus comes over and steps in front of Seth. Seth has the audacity to actually look mad too. What the fuck does he have to be pissed about? He’s the one trying to take my sweetness away.