by Sibel Hodge
Ew, even worse, Dad must’ve seen me, too.
Double cringe.
Luckily, my stomach growling distracted me from dwelling on the huge embarrassment of being caught with pleasure gel in public. Even though I was a big girl and all that, it’s not really the kind of thing you want your parents to know.
I’d hardly had anything to eat since Aleesha wormed her way into our lives yesterday, so I stopped off at Starbucks to get some caffeine supplies and a sugar injection. Three men already stood in the queue in front of me as I eyed the cake cabinet with new determination. A couple of workmen dressed in dirty overalls and fluorescent jackets came in behind me.
As I decided whether to have Death by Chocolate cake or cinnamon buns, the workmen laughed dirtily to each other.
‘Bet she’d look good out of them, too,’ one of them said.
‘I wouldn’t say no to that,’ the other one said.
I felt their burning stares on me and turned round to give them a glare. How rude. I’m not deaf, you know!
I drew my attention back to the cakes and carried on as the queue shuffled up towards the till. Hmm, maybe I should have a coconut macaroon. Coconuts are fruit, aren’t they? That would be the healthy option.
I heard sniggers and whispered conversation in the seating area and looked behind me to see what was going on. Some people’s eyes widened in a shocked look, some tried not to laugh, and some were downright staring at me. What was wrong with everyone today? Had the world gone mad? In my rush to get out of the house and get a move on, I hadn’t brushed my hair, which probably made me look a bit like Dr Spork, but it wasn’t that bad, surely. So why were they all looking at me?
‘Yeah, I could just imagine ripping them off with my teeth,’ one of the workmen said to the other, giving me a leering wink.
God, why are men so gross sometimes? I was about to give them an earful when Becky became free behind the counter.
‘Hi, Amber. How’s it going today?’
‘Better, thanks.’ I grinned and pointed at the cake display. ‘Can I have four slices of Death by Chocolate cake, one of those healthy birdseed bars, two mochaccinos, and a sparkling water, please?’
‘Coming right up.’ She smiled, and then the smile fell off her face. ‘Er…you do know you’re wearing some satin lacy knickers over your jeans, don’t you?’
Uh-oh! My eyelids pinged open as I looked down at the knickers.
Quick, think of something!
I faked a huge smile. ‘Of course I know! Haven’t you seen these new knickers-jeans on the catwalk this season? They’re called jickers,’ I said loudly, for the benefit of everyone staring. ‘Yeah, they were designed by Posh—oh, sorry—VB, as she likes to be called now.’ I nodded enthusiastically and shot a superior smile to the workmen. ‘They’re the new craze.’ I gave Becky a nonchalant shrug. ‘Everyone will be wearing them soon.’
Becky nodded approvingly at them. ‘Yes, I think they look pretty cool, actually. Where did you get them? Only I haven’t seen any like that in the shops before.’
‘Er…’ Bugger. ‘Actually, Posh gave them to me,’ I pretended to whisper, but really it was loud enough for everyone to hear.
A collective gasp spread round the seating area behind me.
‘You know Posh?’ Becky’s jaw dropped open in awe.
‘Uh-huh.’ I put my finger and forefinger tight together. ‘Posh and me are like that.’
‘Wow.’ Becky’s mouth dropped open.
OK, so it was a bit of a white lie, but before the lying police get all hot around the collar, I had to do something to deflect the embarrassment.
‘Anyway.’ I leaned into the counter. ‘I’m in a bit of a hurry at the moment. I need to give Posh a lift to go and see Umberto Fandango.’
‘You know Umberto Fandango, the fashion designer, too?’ Becky’s jaw nearly hit the floor.
‘Yep, he designed my wedding dress.’ OK, that bit was true. And anyway, Umberto knew Posh, and I knew Umberto, so it wasn’t such a wicked lie. Six degrees of separation and all that.
‘Yes, right away!’ Becky rushed off to get my order, and I glanced around the room with a smug smile.
Armed with sugar and coffee, I went back to Lace to explain my mistake and pay for the knickers, then headed back to the office. They were very good about it. Apparently, that wasn’t the first time it had happened. See, it’s not just me who gets herself into these things. And at least Mum and Dad hadn’t caught me looking at the pleasure gel after all; they’d been trying to tell me I had the knickers on. Pheweee.
Tia’s eyes lit up as I walked into Hi-Tec’s reception. She clapped her hands together when she saw the cakes. ‘Ooh, cake. Does that mean you’re feeling better now?’
‘Yep, and I’m on a mission.’
She jumped up and down. ‘A mission to do the stakeout now? Can I, please? Can I, please?’
I laughed at her excitement. ‘Let me call an office meeting, and we’ll have a chat about it.’
‘Cool! And then how about after the meeting we do that spell to solve the case?’ Her eyes pleaded with me. ‘Go on, it will work, I’m telling you.’
I shrugged and handed her a piece of cake. ‘OK.’ Why not? I needed all the help I could get. Plus, after hearing everything I had about Aleesha, I didn’t want Brad or myself around her any longer than necessary. Who knew what she’d try to do to us?
I called Dad after I’d stuffed my face with two pieces of Death by Chocolate. ‘Hey, Dad. I’ve got a new job for you. Can you come to the office?’
‘No problem. Your mother’s with me. She’s really getting into it this stakeout thing. I think this could actually make our marriage stronger, you know. We can work together on the Neighbourhood Watch stuff now.’
‘Great, bring Mum, too. I need all hands on deck.’
‘We’ll be there in ten minutes.’ He hung up.
‘What have you found out?’ Hacker leaned back in his chair and laced his hands behind his head.
I handed over the healthy seed bar and sparkling water and told him what I’d learned that morning. ‘I think there’s a pretty good chance that Aleesha or Nathan could be sending the notes themselves, but I still need to cover other avenues. I don’t think Tracy is involved, and now Dr Spork is out of the equation, too. I mean, I suppose he could’ve got someone else to write the notes for him, but I think he would’ve wanted to do them himself and give it the personal touch. And I’m pretty sure Jessie isn’t involved, either. She’s hurt and upset, yes, but she actually seems quite a sweet girl, and I don’t really blame her for threatening to kill Aleesha at the studio. I think it was just a heat of the moment argument. Curtis is a possibility, and there’s something about Felicia that makes me think she’s up to something, too.’
Hacker let out a slow whistle. ‘Aleesha sounds like a nasty piece of work.’
‘She is.’ I tapped my finger on the desk and thought about eating the last piece of Death by Chocolate cake. Maybe three pieces would be slightly piggish.
I dialled Brad’s mobile, hoping to give him an update, too, but it was still switched off. Aleesha was probably still at the photo shoot. I curled a lip at the phone and sent a text so he’d get it when he turned his mobile back on.
‘I think you were right. It’s probably Aleesha or Nathan sending the letters. Keep an eye on them. But not too close! You might catch something!’
Ten minutes later, Tia brought Mum and Dad into the office, and they all sat down. Tia was practically bouncing off the walls at the thought of getting some investigative work to do. Mum chattered away with her about how amazing being on a stakeout at Lace was, and how she never knew it could be so exciting.
‘I think I’m going to help your Dad out with the Neighbourhood Watch investigations from now on.’ Mum beamed at me. ‘That way, we can help solve crime and still spend time together.’
I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. ‘Er…great. I think.’
‘So, what�
�s our mission?’ Tia asked, eyes wide. Since she was dressed like Big Bird today, it was clear she couldn’t keep tabs on Lace for chocolate knickers-buyers. She’d be spotted a mile off.
I told them all my theory about Aleesha sending herself the knickers and notes for publicity but said I still needed to cover all possible suspects. ‘So, Tia, I need you to stakeout Aleesha’s house and see if Nathan posts anything or does anything else suspicious. There’s a spot just opposite from Aleesha’s house where you can park. I think he may be still with Aleesha and Brad at the photo shoot, but when he gets back, make sure you follow him if he leaves the house.’ I gave her the office file, and she memorized the details straight away. Tia was lucky to have a photographic memory.
‘Fantabulous!’ Tia’s eyes lit up. ‘I think we should all have code names.’
‘What?’ I asked.
‘Well, you know, like in the films.’
‘Yes, I agree,’ Mum piped up. ‘My code name can be Wonder Woman.’
‘You can’t be Wonder Woman,’ I said.
She frowned. ‘Why not?’
‘Because I’m Wonder Woman. I’ve even got the knickers.’ They weren’t the big, original ones that came up to your belly button, either. These were a variety of different sexy ones with Wonder Woman logos and designs.
‘That’s not fair.’ Mum’s shoulders slumped. ‘I always wanted to be Wonder Woman. You can be Red Fox instead.’
I sighed. Beam me up, Scotty.
‘I can be Penelope Pitstop!’ Tia shrieked.
Hacker gave me a sympathetic smile. Dad just shrugged.
‘Well, who am I going to be, if I can’t be Wonder Woman?’ Mum gave me an eye-roll. She taught me all I know about eye rolling, and if eye rolling were an Olympic sport, she’d win gold every time.
‘Oh, for God’s sake, we don’t need code names,’ I said.
‘Well, if Tia’s Penelope Pitstop, I want one, too,’ Mum said. ‘OK, I’ll be Catwoman. I saw a really nice Catwoman outfit in Lace.’
‘Fine!’ I threw my hands in the air. ‘Right. Mum, can you carry on staking out Lace, just in case?’ I handed her a photo of Nathan and Aleesha that Hacker had printed off the Internet. I didn’t think Aleesha would be buying the knickers herself. She was too easily recognizable, but maybe she could sneak out wearing some sort of disguise.
‘I’m not Mum, I’m Catwoman.’ Mum took the photo and nodded vigorously. ‘Affirmative. That’s a Ten-four, big buddy.’
It was my turn to roll my eyes. I was good at it, too. At the very least, I’d get a silver medal.
‘What? Isn’t that what you say to confirm you’ve received the mission instructions?’ Mum asked. She’d obviously watched way too much TV. ‘Plus, I can get some more chocolate knickers today while I’m working. After you left, they just put them on sale!’ Mum’s eyes lit up, and she raised an eyebrow at Dad.
Oh, Goddy, God.
‘Dad?’ I said, but he was too busy giving Mum a knowing grin and thinking about the chocolate knickers to notice me. ‘Earth to Dad!’
‘Pardon? Did you say something?’ He tore his gaze away from Mum and looked at me.
What was wrong with them all? They seemed obsessed by these stupid chocolate knickers and sex. Maybe I was just jealous because I wasn’t getting any, with Brad being away. And I seriously hoped Brad wasn’t getting any, either. I shook my head to tune out the green-eyed monster again.
‘Dad, I need you to stakeout Curtis and see if he posts any packages.’ I gave him Curtis’s address.
‘Received and understood,’ he said, suddenly all business.
‘Hacker, I’ll need you here in case I have any technical stuff to be done, and I need to follow Felicia.’
‘Shouldn’t we synchronize watches?’ Tia asked.
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Well, duh! That’s what they always do in the spy films.’
‘Oh, yeah, good idea,’ Mum agreed.
Tia looked at her watch, then said to Mum, ‘What time do you have?’
Uh-oh. Was this a good idea, letting them work on the case? When I investigated the disappearance of Tia’s Dad, Tia had blown up a washing machine and a warehouse. OK, maybe I was a teensy bit responsible for the warehouse, but the washing machine was all down to her. I studied Mum and Tia warily as they fiddled with their watches. Well, Brad wasn’t here, and it wasn’t as if I had much choice of back up to use, was it? They would just have to do. Although I was pretty sure I’d end up needing psychiatric help soon.
‘So, we all know what we’re doing?’ I glared at Tia and Mum.
Nods all round.
‘Great.’ I stood up and grabbed my rucksack.
‘Aren’t you eating that cake?’ Tia pointed to the last piece on my desk.
‘No, why, do you want it?’
‘I think we can use it for the spell.’ She eyed it with excitement.
‘How could a piece of chocolate cake possibly help me solve this case?’
‘Well, I need something that you’ve touched in the last half an hour, and the case involves chocolate knickers, so I think the chocolate could make the spell more powerful. Come on.’ She grabbed my arm in one hand and the cake in the other, propelling me down the hallway to the empty conference room. ‘Let’s go in here. We won’t be disturbed.’ She practically shoved me through the door, and it swung shut behind us.
‘Look, are you sure this is a good idea? You know what happened the last time I did one of your spells.’
Tia glared at me. ‘It will work, trust me.’
‘Uh-huh,’ I said in a disbelieving tone. ‘I don’t really have time to do the spell now.’ I turned round and reached for the door handle.
‘But you promised. You can’t back out now.’ Tia chewed on her lip, not wanting to meet my gaze. ‘And…you absolutely have to do it. Right this minute.’
‘Why do I have to?’
‘Er…Because you do.’
One hand flew to my hip, and I tilted my head, trying to catch her gaze. ‘What do you know? Have you been getting a psychic premonition thingy?’
Her big blue eyes met mine, a frown creasing her forehead. ‘Yep.’
I made urgent sweeping gestures with my hand for her to spit it out. ‘Well, what can you see?’
‘That’s the thing. I can’t actually see anything.’
‘Then what are you talking about?’
‘It’s just a feeling I’m getting.’ Tia was back on the lip chewing again.
I sighed. ‘And what can you feel?’
‘Something bad is going to happen between Aleesha and Brad,’ she blurted out quickly, before she could change her mind. ‘And we need to do the spell to stop whatever it is from happening.’
My eyes narrowed. ‘Bad as is in he’s going to sleep with her?’
Tia did a nervous stretching thing with her mouth that made her look like a frog. ‘I don’t know. I just know it’s bad.’
I started pacing the floor. ‘Well, what other kind of bad can there be?’
‘Maybe I shouldn’t have told you. But I thought you’d want to know.’
Even though I knew Aleesha didn’t seem to have any moral codes, deep down I did trust Brad. Maybe it was pre-wedding jitters making me extra nervous that he was spending time with her. Or maybe it was because I also knew that even people who seemed to have the strongest relationships could be swayed. I couldn’t take any chances. Not when Brad and I had overcome so much to get back to this point again.
I stopped pacing and swung round to face her. ‘Quick. Let’s do the spell!’
After putting the cake on the large conference table in the middle of the room, Tia pushed me down into one of the leather chairs. ‘Sit.’
I saluted her. ‘Sir, yes, sir!’
She did the glare thing again. ‘You have to take this seriously, otherwise it won’t work properly.’
I stared at the ceiling, wondering if I was just having a very peculiar dream and not, in fact, about to do a spell
with a piece of stupid cake. Was it just me, or did this sound totally ridiculous?
Tia took a pen and a piece of paper from the stack in a drawer under the table and thrust it at me. ‘Right. Because the spell is about Aleesha, you have to write her name in the middle of the paper.’
OK, that seemed harmless. I scrawled Aleesha’s name as instructed.
‘Now, fold the paper up and rest it on top of the cake.’
I did as she said. ‘Then what do we do?’
‘Touch the cake.’ She jerked her head towards it.
‘With any particular body part?’
Humongous glare. ‘You’re just being crazy now.’
And a spell with cake wasn’t crazy? ‘Well, I don’t know!’
‘Put your hands out and touch the cake lightly with your fingers. Then close your eyes and imagine that you’ve already solved the case, and Aleesha never contacts you or Brad again.’
‘What? This all sounds ridiculous.’
I got a hand on hip for that.
I sighed and gave in, closing my eyes, trying to visualize what she’d said.
My first thought was how moist the cake felt, and that when this was over, I wouldn’t mind smearing Brad in it and licking it off. I hadn’t really spent any time with him in the last couple of days, and I was in serious need of a body-licking session. Oh, yeah, that was another reason why I probably couldn’t be a nun. I don’t think body-licking is allowed. A smile curved up the corners of my lips as I imagined Brad on the—
‘Are you focusing?’ Tia shrieked in my ear, making me jump and knocking me out of my fantasy.
‘Yes!’ I squeezed all sexy thoughts of Brad out of my mind and thought about solving the case and catching the suspect immediately. Then I imagined Aleesha shipwrecked on a desert island in the middle of nowhere, with no phones or Internet, and never messing with anyone’s lives again.
‘OK, now open your eyes and rip the paper into four pieces,’ Tia said.
I licked my fingers to get rid of the chocolate residue, tore the paper into four, and left it on the table. Then I waited for something to break or catch fire as it normally did.