by Amy Andrews
She picked up her laptop and fished around in her pocket for the locker key he had given her the first day. ‘You will be receiving official notification in due course.’
Charlie rubbed a hand through his hair and stared at the key dangling from her outstretched fingers. This was making him crazy. First his father and then this? It was too much for one morning. She looked so self-righteous. So businesslike. What did tie-dye Carrie think of it? Didn’t this bombshell affect her at all?
‘There’ll be an outcry. This centre will close over my dead body,’ he warned.
She hoped so, she really did. But the words wouldn’t come. This conversation had dealt the fatal blow to their relationship…friendship…kissing-buddy thingy—whatever the hell it was. As hard as it was, it was necessary for them to both move on. He had a chance with his ex and she had a life with Dana to get on with.
She went for a nonchalant shrug. ‘That’s not my concern. Goodbye, Charlie. I hope you and Veronica are very happy.’
The light flippant delivery cost her dearly. She walked past him, her head held high, her back erect, her fingers squeezing the laptop bag handle with a death-like grip. She didn’t want to go. But she couldn’t stay, either.
Charlie watched Carrie disappear and realised the awful truth. She was ruining him twice. She wasn’t only going to take the centre away but she’d also walked away with his heart. He had fallen in love with her.
It had crept up on him unawares but it was there nonetheless. No wonder he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. No wonder the women at the club the other night had left him cold. He’d been fooling himself that it was lust—a combination of pinstripes and abstinence. But as she walked away and an intense pain ripped through his gut, he knew it was deeper than that. Much deeper.
Deeper than anything he’d ever felt before. Sure, he’d loved Veronica but, looking back, he wasn’t so sure he’d liked her very much. His father had liked her so that should have been a clue from the start. And to finally have his father’s approval had definitely helped keep the thing between them going.
But Carrie was different. She had facets to her character that Veronica had never had. And he loved each one. The businesswoman, the re-emerging doctor, the generous lover, the devoted mother. She was multi-dimensional and complex and he couldn’t bear the thought of living his life without her.
His feelings were so intense that not even her proposal to shut the centre, to tear his heart out, could dampen them. Now he’d opened the floodgates, his love was gushing through his system unabated. Not that admitting it helped. It seemed today, more than ever, their problems were completely insurmountable.
He pulled up a chair and sank into it. Hell—it wasn’t even eight o’clock yet!
Two days passed. Two long, slow, agonising days. Charlie relived their last words over and over. He relived the phone call from his father over and over. Every damning word. Her glib ‘I hope you and Veronica are happy’ rang in his ears.
He wished she’d given him the chance to explain. She hadn’t had the benefit of years of similar conversations with his father. She didn’t know the best way to deal with them was to tune them out. He’d hardly been paying attention for most of it. But his words came back at him repeatedly. His noncommittal replies. His bored tone. His evasive comebacks. None of that inflection, the grimacing, the rolled eyes would have been obvious from the other side of the door. No wonder she thought he was interested in his ex.
Between that and exploring avenues to keep the centre open he’d had plenty on his mind. He rubbed his hands through his hair. He felt like he had after Donny had first stabbed him with the syringe. Powerless. In limbo all over again. His options removed. His freedom denied.
He stood and paced around his desk. No. No more. Hadn’t he decided just last week that he was reclaiming his life? That he wasn’t going to wait around any longer? Carrie had challenged him to get a life and he’d taken her up on that. Was he really going to let circumstances block him again?
It had taken him a long time to build up the centre. To gain the trust of locals and authorities alike. And it had taken him for ever to find his soul mate. And he’d be damned if he was going to give up on either of them without a fight.
Two things he knew for sure. He wanted the centre and he wanted Carrie. The thought of being a father to Dana was completely terrifying, but he knew Carrie’s daughter had wormed her way into his affections, despite his concerns, and he wanted to be a part of her life, too. A part of both of their lives.
OK, Carrie didn’t love him. Yet. And he knew he’d be foolish to push that. That she would need time to be certain of his love for her and Dana. And slow would be good to ease into a relationship with Dana. If they took things slowly, maybe the prospect of being a father wouldn’t be so daunting?
But he had to be let in first. He may have only known her for a short time, but her goodbye had seemed very final to him. He paced a bit more, trying to think of a way to reach out to her.
It came to him a few moments later. Of course. The centre. She was good with figures and she knew the financial state of his workplace much better than he did. Surely she’d be interested in helping him to find a way to make it work? No, scratch that—more than make it work. He wanted to go grander. He wanted the expansion, damn it!
OK—she’d been sent here to do a job. And she’d done it. But was it how she really felt deep down? If he’d been a betting man, he would have wagered against it. Surely, with her own personal journey back to medicine so intimately linked with the centre, she could be persuaded to help?
He picked up the phone and dialled her home number without giving himself time to change her mind. A young woman answered.
‘Hi, you must be Susie. This is Charlie.’
‘Ah, Charlie. Dana talks about you non-stop.’
Charlie smiled. Nice to know he was in one of the Douglas women’s good books. ‘Is Carrie in?’
‘’Fraid not. She and Dana are spending a few days at her mum’s place.’
‘Oh, right…OK, then. If you hear from her, tell her I called.’
Charlie replaced the phone in the cradle. Damn it! What now? He had to see her. It had been two days and he was going mad without her. He rose from his desk and stalked out of his office. The area was deserted and the jukebox was blissfully silent.
He sat in Angela’s chair at the reception desk and opened the bottom drawer, reaching for the phone book. He flipped through the pages until he came to the ‘D’ section then thumbed through, locating Douglases. Carrie had mentioned last weekend the suburb where her parents lived.
Charlie found four Douglases listed and prayed that Carrie’s parents were one of them. He’d grabbed his stuff and locked up the centre. He would visit each address until he found her. He started the Datsun and prayed they didn’t have an unlisted number.
Carrie was grateful, as she sat beside her mother, that her father had volunteered to bath Dana tonight. Her heart had been so heavy the last few days that any help getting through the day was appreciated. Coming to her parents’ had been a good idea. It was a distraction for Dana, whose incessant chatter about Charlie was heartbreaking. And a distraction for her, too. Someone to talk with to take her mind off being in love with someone who didn’t love her back.
Her mother put her arm around Carrie’s shoulders and the brave demeanour Carrie had been putting on since she’d arrived cracked into a thousand pieces. ‘Why, Mum? Why? I should never have got involved.’
‘Oh, darling.’ Meryl Douglas stroked her daughter’s fringe. ‘We don’t get to choose if or who we fall in love with.’
‘Dana’s going to hate me,’ Carrie wailed, dissolving into tears. ‘She adores him.’
Carrie despised herself for this weakness. After Rupert she’d vowed she’d never cry over another man and here she was, five years older but obviously not any wiser. Damn Charlie. Damn him to hell. It wasn’t fair to worm his way into her life, wake her from her slee
p, show her a better existence and then deny her the right to claim it.
Charlie pulled up at the fourth residence not at all confident that he’d have any luck here, either. The house was a typical Brisbane champher-board, high-set house. It was plain, nondescript, the paint a little worn in places. But it was neat, the grass clipped short, garden beds decorating the fence borders. An ancient-looking, floppy-eared Irish setter adorning the bottom step hobbled towards him as he pushed open the gate. It sniffed the hand that Charlie offered and licked it.
‘Hello, there, boy,’ Charlie crooned, scratching the sweet spot behind the dog’s ear. ‘Is Carrie here?’
The dog looked at him myopically and Charlie chuckled.
He took a deep breath, climbed the steps two at a time and knocked on the door. His blood pounded through his ears.
The door opened. ‘Charlie!’
Charlie looked down to see Dana’s adorable face staring back at him. She’d obviously not long had a bath as her hair was damp and she was in her tie-dye pyjamas. She threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his leg. Charlie felt his heart would burst it swelled with so much love for the little blonde-haired, blue-eyed cherub who had captivated him from the very beginning. He reached down and picked her up, settling her on his hip.
‘I missed you, Charlie.’
‘I missed you, too, Sleeping Beauty.’
‘Dana?’
A woman who must have been Carrie’s mother approached. They had the same hair and the same whiskey-coloured eyes.
‘Granny, this is Charlie.’
Charlie felt the lump in his throat grow bigger. Dana had introduced him like he was Superman, and he knew he would leap tall buildings for the daughter of the woman he loved. Could he be a good father to her? Her trusting eyes made him believe he could.
‘Hello, Mrs Douglas,’ Charlie said politely.
‘I take it you’d like to see Carrie?’
Charlie could see the reticence in the older woman’s eyes but he could also see an innate kindness. He nodded. ‘Very much.’
‘Come in.’
Charlie breathed a sigh of relief as Carrie’s mother stood aside and allowed him to enter. Dana clung to his neck and jiggled around in his arms.
He was led into a lounge room. ‘Come on, Dana, sweetie. Bedtime.’
Dana protested and Charlie passed her over to her grandmother reluctantly. ‘I want Charlie to read to me.’ Dana pouted.
‘Another day, Sleeping Beauty.’ Charlie shot Dana his most reassuring smile. If he had his way, he’d be reading to her every night.
‘Promise, Charlie?’
Dana looked so earnest and he crossed his fingers behind his back. ‘Promise.’
Dana and her grandmother left the room and for the first time he noticed Carrie standing in the doorway. He wanted to run to her but she looked distant, her arms crossed, everything about her discouraging any familiarities.
‘Don’t do that. You’ll only build her hopes up. You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.’
Charlie swallowed. ‘I’d like to be able to keep it.’
‘I thought you didn’t want to be a father to a four-year-old?’
‘Carrie…let me explain.’
‘Don’t waste your breath, Charlie. Save it for Veronica.’
‘Damn it, Carrie,’ Charlie swore, striding towards her. ‘I don’t want Veronica. I only want you.’
He was right in front of her now. Close. So close she could almost touch him. And she wanted to. She’d not seen him for two whole days and the potency of his presence was lethal. She pushed away from the doorframe and took care not to brush against him as she moved into the room, away from his intoxicating nearness.
He turned to face her. ‘I know how it must have sounded the other day.’
Carrie gave a bitter laugh. ‘Really?’
Charlie sighed. ‘You have to understand how it is with my father and I. We have a fraught relationship. I didn’t turn out to be what he wanted. My rebellion had always stuck in his craw. So I endure dinner with my parents every Sunday and he rings every week to chew my ear about something I’ve done that’s disappointed him. I guess you can say it’s the price I pay for walking my own path.’
Despite her animosity towards him, Charlie painted a bleak portrait of his family life. She almost felt sorry for him. No wonder he doubted his ability to parent. No wonder he had enjoyed his time in her home so much. She couldn’t imagine not having the support of her parents. They’d always been behind her in everything she’d done.
‘I usually just tune him out. Take the phone call because otherwise he rings incessantly and then I have Angela on my case. He prattles on about my divorce and a surgical position he could get me and I barely even listen. I just say yes, no, really, maybe and grunt a lot.’
Carrie sighed. She didn’t want to know this. She didn’t want to listen to this. She wanted him gone. Before she did something stupid, like throw herself at him.
‘I really don’t want to rehash this, Charlie. If that’s what you came for, you might as well just leave now.’
Charlie could see the dark smudges under her eyes. She looked tired, like she hadn’t been sleeping. Now, that he could relate to. She looked like she was out of patience and he knew that trying to convince her of his love tonight was the wrong move.
‘I want you to help me save the centre.’
‘What?’
Bingo! ‘Have you completed your report?’
‘Today.’
‘Have you submitted it?’
She shook her head. ‘Tomorrow.’ Along with my resignation.
‘Don’t.’
Carrie shot him an exasperated look. ‘I hope you didn’t come to persuade me to interfere with my investigation.’ I love you but I won’t do that.
‘No.’ He shook his head vehemently. ‘Of course not. I’m just asking you to…delay it a little.’
‘Charlie…’
‘No.’ He put his hands up in a silencing gesture. ‘Just hear me out, OK? You know the centre’s finances backwards. You know how it got broken. You must know how it can be fixed. I have a bunch of ideas I’ve been working on—’ he thrust a folder towards her ‘—to make the expansion and the clinic viable. And I know you can do the rest.’
‘Charlie…’ she pleaded. She just wanted to get on with her life. She didn’t want any more involvement with him. It would be hard enough loving him and never seeing him again. But having to work with him to save the centre? She’d never survive it.
‘I know you care about the centre. You go on about the bottom line but I’ve seen the change in you over the last few weeks. And the centre did that. It gave you back your love of medicine.’
Carrie felt tears well in her eyes. ‘No, Charlie. You gave me back my love of medicine.’
He shrugged. ‘I am the centre.’
She nodded. He was right. Every patient, every basketball game, every ding in the walls was his. He’d built it up. His personal stamp was everywhere. Every corner, every piece of furniture had a story. And he could relay each one.
‘I know you care what happens to my community. To people. I could see that in you that night you knelt on the road beside me.’
He walked towards her slowly until he was so close he could hear her uneven breathing. He stroked a hand down the side of her neck and rubbed his thumb over the pulse that was beating frantically at the base of her throat.
‘You were scared rigid but you helped anyway. I need your help again, Carrie.’
She swallowed. The man she loved was standing before her, touching her, asking her for something. Did she have the power to deny him? My community, he had said. His community. Could she turn her back on a bunch of people who needed Charlie and his centre? People who in a few short weeks had managed to also enter her affections?
‘I’ll look…’ She stopped and coughed to clear the huskiness from her voice. ‘Look over it and let you know.’
She took a step
back and relieved him of the folder.
‘Thank you.’
Carrie nodded, not trusting her voice. He reached out for her and she took another step back, shaking her head, impossibly weary. He had to go before she completely broke down. Because then he might hold her and she couldn’t be responsible for her actions if he touched her. She was trying to salvage as much pride out of this as she could—he didn’t need to see her impersonation of a raving wreck.
‘Goodbye, Charlie.’
She turned and left the lounge room, uncaring about how or if he left. She just had to get away before she crumpled. Before she laid her head against his chest and begged him to love her. Love them.
She wandered into her old bedroom. Dana was fast asleep on a portable bed, all snug and safe. One blonde lock covering an eye. Her daughter was going to be heartbroken.
‘Damn you, Charlie. Damn you for making us love you.’
Carrie felt like someone had put red-hot pokers in her eyes the next morning. She’d been up until four a.m., going over the ideas that Charlie had given her and considering them in context with the centre’s current financial woes. Charlie had been right when he’d said she’d know how to fix it. But she’d been impressed with his thoughts and she’d felt a buzz of excitement and possibility course through her bloodstream, which had kept her awake despite her tiredness.
The potential and possibilities for the centre were enormous. But it needed a lot of TLC and someone who had both medical and administration skills. Charlie was hopeless. He was a fantastic doctor, a caring and dedicated advocate for the community. But his business acumen sucked. In short, the centre needed someone just like her! Not her. Someone like her.
She clicked on the ‘print’ icon on her computer screen and yawned as she waited for the multi-paged document to spit out of the machine beneath her desk. It was her report. Her altered report. It encompassed the problems but also the solutions and Charlie’s grand plans to make it a facility that would do Brisbane proud. She would take it to Charlie and then she would submit it to the board.