“You look fine,” Meredith assured her.
“You don’t think your mama and papa would mind?”
“Why would they?” Meredith couldn’t imagine it. It was church, after all. What did it matter where and with whom? She went to put on a dress and coat, and a small hat. She grabbed her bag and gloves and put on heels. Adelaide was excited at what they were about to share. So was Meredith. It was an adventure, and much more interesting than going to the family’s usual church.
They took the subway uptown to Harlem and walked to the Abyssinian Baptist Church just off 138th Street. It was the first black Baptist church in New York State. When they got there, Meredith saw families and swarms of people entering the church and greeting each other. Adelaide met several people she knew and introduced Meredith. She realized immediately that she was the only white person in the church, but she had expected that to be the case and wasn’t surprised or bothered by it. She felt comfortable with Adelaide, and everyone was friendly to her, although a few seemed curious.
They slid into a pew toward the middle of the church. The sermon was energetic, and the congregation was enthusiastic and responsive, and Meredith loved it. There was an atmosphere of joy and life in the church that she’d never experienced or seen before. Halfway through the service the music started, and the rafters shook with the beautiful voices. It was the most moving thing Meredith had ever heard. There was a soprano soloist who ripped your soul out, and a baritone who had a voice worthy of the Metropolitan Opera. The choir was amazing. Meredith didn’t want to leave the church and wished it would go on forever, and Adelaide was thrilled by how much she loved it. An hour later, they were back on the sidewalk, and Meredith felt as though she’d been to Heaven and just flown back. She knew it was a moment she would remember for the rest of her life and thanked Adelaide profusely.
“I can honestly say that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard,” she said, deeply moved by it, and hugged Addie, who looked proud and pleased to have shared it with her. Adelaide said goodbye to the friends she’d seen there, and they took the subway back downtown, with Meredith still floating from the music.
They walked into the apartment five minutes before noon. Her mother came back ten minutes later, and Alex was dropped off by his friend’s parents. Her father arrived at twelve-thirty, pleased with his golf scores. They sat down to a lunch of Addie’s cold chicken and a variety of salads shortly after one. Everyone had had a good morning and was in a happy mood, especially Meredith, after church.
“What did you do this morning, Merrie?” her mother asked, handing her the bowl of potato salad, and Meredith helped herself.
“I went to church with Addie,” she said, looking blissful at the memory of the exquisite music. And everyone she’d met there had been welcoming and kind. No one had reacted badly to the fact that she was the only white woman there. On the contrary, they seemed happy to see her, had been universally friendly, and thanked her for coming afterward.
“That was nice of you, dear,” her mother said blandly. “I didn’t know she went to church.” Her mother had never asked. She planned meals with Addie and gave her instructions. She never asked about her personal life, or habits.
“We went to her church, the Abyssinian Baptist Church in Harlem,” Meredith said as though it were a common occurrence, but as soon as she said it, both her parents stopped eating and stared at her.
“You did what?” her father asked, as though she had just told them she had walked down Park Avenue naked.
“I went to church with Addie,” she repeated. “They have an incredible gospel choir.”
“Were you the only white woman there?” Robert asked, and Meredith nodded. Adelaide was in the kitchen and couldn’t hear them.
“Yes, I was,” Meredith said, as she took a mouthful of potato salad. “People couldn’t have been nicer.”
“Are you insane?” her father whispered to her, and her mother glanced at her in horror. “You could have been killed. You can’t just wander into a colored church. That’s not safe.”
“It was perfectly safe. And the music was gorgeous,” Meredith said, digging her heels in and shocked by their reaction. “Nobody was the least bit menacing. There was nothing scary or dangerous about it. It was beautiful, that’s all it was. And a lot more moving than our church.”
There was silence at the table after that, and no one said a word for the rest of lunch. When they got up from the table, her father motioned her into his study, where he faced her with a combination of fury and terror.
“Meredith, I forbid you to ever do anything like that again. I’m sure Adelaide meant well, but she put your life in danger taking you there. Do not ever go to Harlem again.”
Meredith was so stunned by what he said that she didn’t know how to answer him.
“I don’t want her to get in trouble,” Meredith said, worried about Addie. She didn’t want her father to fire her, or even scold her. Meredith had wanted to go with her and had suggested it herself.
“She won’t, but you will if you ever do anything like it again.”
“I don’t understand. Because it was Harlem? Because they’re Negroes? Is that what this is about? I always thought that you were so liberal. Maybe not as much as Grampa, but that we were normal people. Now you want me to come out at an event that excludes Jews, and you forbid me to go to a colored church in Harlem, which was as safe as our own church down here, maybe more so. The people were nicer. Who are we, Dad? Are we prejudiced? Do we hate Jews and Negroes? I don’t understand,” and she truly didn’t. There were tears in her eyes.
“You need to stay with your own kind, Meredith. You don’t belong in Harlem.”
“They are ‘our own kind,’ they’re humans. Your heart bled for the people you liberated from Dachau. But now you don’t want to go to parties with them? Or have me go to church in Harlem? I didn’t go to some kind of drug den, I went to church, Dad. No one is going to kill me there.”
“Don’t be so sure,” he said, frowning sternly. “I want you to promise me you won’t go back.”
“I promise,” she said, because it was easier than fighting with him, and she wasn’t going to join Addie’s church, but she had loved going with her. And she was sad that her parents couldn’t understand that.
She went to her room and packed her bag, and left an hour later to catch her train. She gave Alex a big hug, kissed Addie, and said goodbye to her parents, but there was a tangible distance between them now. They had become strangers, and they seemed to share none of the same beliefs. It was the first time she had seen it so clearly. A door had slammed shut between them.
She thought about how different she was from her parents all the way back to Vassar on the train, and she couldn’t get it out of her mind. When Claudia stuck her head through the door to her room, she saw that Meredith looked serious and upset.
“How did it go? Who won about the dress?” she asked her.
“I picked one with my mom at Bergdorf’s. I said I’d do it. It means so much to her, I gave in. I took the second one they showed me. The first one had ruffles on it, which I just couldn’t do. I don’t care. But they’re not the people I thought they were,” she said sadly, as Claudia came in and sat down, worried about her. She told her then about going to Harlem with Addie, and her father having a fit about it.
“My parents don’t like colored people either, except in the kitchen. It’s their generation,” Claudia said, more willing to accept their limitations than Merrie was. “They think they’re dangerous.”
“So I’m only supposed to talk to white Christians for the rest of my life? And you can only date Jews? Why are they all so prejudiced?” It seemed so limited to her, and so wrong.
“They grew up that way. It seems normal to them, even if it shocks us.” She smiled at Meredith. “You’re not wrong about how you feel. They just don’t
see it that way. And I know you want to fight the good fight, but maybe not quite so hard. Maybe you need to fight a little more gently for what you believe in.”
It wasn’t bad advice, but Meredith didn’t want to hear it. “I hate the hypocrisy, the pretense of how open-minded and liberal they pretend to be when they really aren’t. How was your date with Seth, by the way?”
Claudia’s face lit up when she was asked. “Seth is wonderful. He’s the sweetest man I’ve ever met.” Meredith smiled at the look in her eyes. “He said he’d take me to dinner again sometime soon. We had a really fun time.”
“Did you tell him he’ll have to convert to Judaism?” Meredith teased, and Claudia laughed.
“Not yet. I thought I’d save that for the second date.”
She told Meredith all about it then, while they had dinner in the dining hall. But Meredith was shaken by her weekend with her parents. She was discovering things about them that she never knew. Their prejudices were so ingrained in them, they didn’t even see them, and Meredith couldn’t tolerate their belief system. Standing up for her beliefs had become all-important to her. More than ever.
Her father had a similar reaction after she left, and was upset too. He could tell that Meredith was changing and slipping away from them. “My father has ruined her,” Robert said to Janet after dinner that night, after Alex had gone to his room. “She wants to break down all the barriers and change the old rules. But they’re there for a reason, to keep us all in our place and where we belong, and others on the other side of those barriers. If she spends her life as a revolutionary, she’s going to be a very unhappy woman. It’s fine for my father to think that way, but not a woman, and certainly not a girl her age.”
Janet nodded and didn’t say anything, as she thought about it. But she knew he was right. He always was. “She’ll outgrow it,” she reassured him. “She’s doing her debut. Sooner or later, she’ll meet a man who’ll calm her down, and she’ll settle into the life she was born to.” Janet didn’t look worried about it, as she tried to soothe him.
“I’m not so sure,” Robert said, still shaken by the idea that she’d gone up to Harlem and been the only white woman in a black church. He’d never been to Harlem in his life. “She’s way too brave and open-minded for her own good. She could get hurt that way. She doesn’t realize the risks she’s taking.”
“Maybe she does,” her mother said thoughtfully. “The world needs more people like her, but I still don’t want her to be the one blazing trails. Let others do it. And she’ll settle down once she meets a man. A good man will tame her. She’ll get busy with a husband and kids, and she won’t have time for these battles.”
Robert looked at his wife strangely. As far as he was concerned, the world as he knew it did not need to change, nor rabble-rousers to upset the balance. The old ways worked best. And Meredith was just going to have to learn to accept that. Hopefully soon.
Chapter Five
Two weeks after Meredith’s weekend in New York, there was another mixer, with Yale this time, which was two hours away, but very appealing. Claudia and Meredith decided to go, since the one at West Point had actually been fun. Claudia had had dinner with Seth again. They were getting to know each other, and it was rapidly turning from friendship to romance, faster than Claudia had expected and Meredith thought wise. He knew about her history by then, and how she had come to the States. She had shown him her tattoo, and he had cried. And he was planning to take German next semester. Claudia’s parents knew nothing about him, and Meredith was worried about her. There was no point getting serious with him. The relationship couldn’t go anywhere. Her parents would never allow it. Claudia knew it too, but couldn’t seem to stop the tide, and didn’t want to.
“Does he know your parents won’t let you go out with Christians?”
Claudia nodded, trying not to think about it. “I told him. I think he believes we can figure it out later. But they’ll never agree. I don’t think they’d even accept a convert, or maybe they would. I don’t know. We shouldn’t need a marriage license and parental consent to have dinner,” she said, frustrated about it, but she was falling in love with him, and he was head over heels for her. “His parents won’t like it either,” she told Meredith. “They’re staunch Episcopalians, and he says his family is somewhat prejudiced. But they’re intelligent people, and Seth thinks he can reason with them once they know me. I’m not so sure.” She had dealt with anti-Semitism all her life in its most extreme forms.
“Are you planning to meet his parents?” Meredith looked stunned. They’d only had two dates, and been to the mixer together.
“Not now. And not for a long time. Maybe in a year, if we’re still dating. But we talk about it. My parents don’t want me to get married now anyway. They want me to get an education.” She and Meredith had that in common. Most of the girls they went to school with were more interested in finding a husband than learning anything and getting a degree. Betty, Meredith’s roommate, was making a full-time job of it, which was just as well since her grades were mediocre and Meredith didn’t think she’d make it to sophomore year. If she found a husband, it wouldn’t matter. That was the only diploma she wanted, a marriage license.
Claudia and Meredith went to the Yale mixer together. Claudia had a date with Seth the next day and was more excited about that, and Meredith didn’t think the men looked too enticing as they stood around the punch bowl and chatted. Claudia and Merrie were talking about the book they were reading for their German lit class when a good-looking blond boy came over and interrupted the conversation. He acted as though he knew them, but he didn’t. He looked like an overgrown kid, and acted like one.
“So, should we put gin in the punch bowl?” he whispered. “I dare you.” He looked and sounded so ridiculous that both girls laughed.
“I don’t know about you,” Claudia said to him, “but I promised my parents I’d graduate from Vassar. I don’t think getting kicked out first semester of freshman year would thrill them.”
“Me too,” Meredith said regretfully.
“We could go outside and drink it. I hid a bottle in the bushes.” Claudia rolled her eyes, and Meredith laughed at him. He was wearing a suit and tie, but he looked faintly rumpled and as though he had dressed in a hurry. “Clearly, you have no desire to get drunk with me. What should we do instead? I’m Ted Jones, by the way. My entire family has gone to school here, the men anyway. Four hundred generations of them. There’s some building here named after me. Or, actually, I think I was named after the building. No imagination in my family. Very boring people, all of them.” Meredith had come to realize that her parents were too. The only interesting member of her family was her grandfather. “What are you beautiful girls doing at Vassar?” he asked them. “Trying to find a husband or get an education?”
“Education,” they said in unison, and he looked disappointed.
“That’s terrible news. You must both be smart. Smart women never like me, they see right through me.” He was totally absurd and frivolous, but fun to talk to. “I’ve been trying for years to become the black sheep of my family. But I haven’t succeeded yet. It’s still a work in progress. I haven’t done anything bad enough. I’m trying to, though. I almost got arrested last year, but the policeman knew my father and felt sorry for me. Where are you both from, by the way?”
“New York,” Claudia spoke for both of them.
“Perfect. I’m from Connecticut. We can meet in New York for dinner over the holidays. Girls from New England are too uptight, California girls make me nervous, and southern girls terrify me, so that leaves both of you. Regionally, you qualify. We’re a perfect match. Now you just have to figure out which one of you wants me.”
“I think I almost have a boyfriend,” Claudia said, laughing.
“Almost is not enough,” he told her and turned to look at Meredith, who was eyeing him with a mixture of amuse
ment and disapproval. He was unabashedly silly, but something about him touched her. There was an appealing innocence to him. “That leaves you. What are you doing for the rest of your life?” he asked Merrie.
“Avoiding men like you, I hope.” She laughed at him.
“Very sensible of you. But…don’t be too hasty. I’m very personable and easy to get along with. I was captain of the swim team in high school, and I’m planning to play basketball here if I make the team. I’m not demanding. I have a decent allowance that can take you to dinner, and my parents gave me a very nice car for my eighteenth birthday. It’s at home in Greenwich, along with my dog Butch, a black Lab. I would make an excellent boyfriend. And I’m good with parents. They usually like me, even if their daughters don’t.”
“The offer is almost irresistible,” Meredith said. “But I don’t want one. How are you as a friend?”
“Almost perfect. I give great advice and listen for hours to your love troubles without falling asleep. I can change a tire for you, and lie to the chaperones for you if you disappear into the bushes with some other guy. I’m virtually flawless as a friend. And for a small additional fee, I lie to parents too, to cover for you if you go to a sleazy motel with some guy for the weekend.”
“You’re hired,” Meredith said to him. “I’d much rather have a friend than a boyfriend. How are you at math? We’re both having trouble with our math classes.”
He looked chagrined for a moment. “Unfortunately, I flunked math two years in a row in high school, and only got in here by the skin of my teeth. If it weren’t for my family applying pressure on the school and making a large donation, I wouldn’t have made it. I plan to coast for four years on that gift. Sorry, ladies, no math.”
“That’s a serious black mark against you. We’ll consider your application and get back to you,” Meredith said blithely, laughing athim.
“Damn, I thought I almost had it nailed.”
The Good Fight Page 7