Lifting her chin, she read the words out loud.
‘“The ones I loved the most are the very ones who robbed me of my smile. They put a curse on me.”’ It was true, though how on earth Alec had worked it out was beyond her. Yet somehow, tonight, he’d managed to make her feel exactly as she’d done as a child. Isolated. Unloved by relatives all too busy fighting their own battles to spare any time for her. She’d been so starved of affection, real affection as a child, she’d snatched at the friendship Marianne and David had appeared to offer. And ended up so fuddled by David’s deception she’d ended up trying to compromise him into marriage. And then fallen so hard for Alec, that his rejection hurt worse than anything that had gone before.
‘“Beware,”’ she finished, her voice fading to a hoarse whisper, ‘“lest the curse fall upon you, too.”’
‘It already has,’ said Alec. ‘I’m bound to you forever. Whether you love me or not. Just as surely as these poor souls are stuck to the Golden Goose.’
‘Are you...are you really comparing me to a goose?’
‘Oh, hang the goose,’ said Alec, tossing it aside. His captives all collapsed in various directions, with varying degrees of artistry. Aunt Frances, she noted, who’d landed firmly in the burly footman’s lap, didn’t appear to be making any effort to disentangle herself.
‘Don’t shut me out any more,’ Alec said, reaching up to cup her cheek and turn her head in his direction when she would have carried on watching the antics of his newly released prisoners. Anything was better than facing him in the wretched state she was in.
‘I know I’ve been a fool,’ he said. ‘But if you would only give me another chance I will spend the rest of my life making you happy.’
‘You...’ Tears clogged her throat. She didn’t know whether Freddie had another card for her or not. All she could see was Alec, standing there looking as though he was playing the part of the romantic lead in a silly pantomime.
‘How can you do this to me?’
A look of panic came over Benjamin’s face. He searched frantically through the cards in his hand. Alec placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘We’ve got beyond that now, lad.’
‘What do you mean?’ Her heart was thundering so hard it was making her feel almost ill. ‘I don’t understand what is going on. How can you use this play to...to...?’
‘How could I not?’ Alec got a very determined look in his eye. ‘I humiliated you in public. Don’t you think you deserve a public apology?’
An apology? ‘Is that what this is?’ She looked from him, to her family members, who were struggling to untangle themselves from the undignified poses in which they’d landed. Apart from Aunt Frances, that was.
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, forgive him,’ said Aunt Frances, her normally porcelain cheeks turning a surprisingly rosy red. ‘Hasn’t he grovelled enough?’
Grovelled? How had he grovelled? In which part of the play had he done that? Had they been watching the same performance as her? She pressed a hand to her forehead, wondering if she’d become ill, and this was all part of some fevered dream.
‘Tell her, right now, you are sorry you made such a to-do over the kiss,’ said Aunt Constance fiercely. ‘I told him it was nothing to make such a fuss about,’ she said to Julia. ‘Everyone kisses everyone at Christmas time. That’s what the mistletoe is for. It’s just a bit of fun.’
Julia’s cheeks were burning. How could everyone speak about the incident with Eduardo, so openly, in front of the servants like this?
But then she caught sight of Lizzie, wringing her hands and looking as though she was about to step forward and say something, too.
And no matter how hurt she was at the way Alec had acted, she couldn’t let the girl throw her reputation away. A married woman could get away with a bit of dalliance. But once a girl of marriageable age got a reputation for being fast, it would stay with her, and blight any chance for future happiness.
As she floundered for a response that would neither be a complete capitulation, nor land Lizzie in hot water either, Freddie nudged her, a triumphant grin on his face. Then he handed her another card.
‘“I can see that you have gone to a great deal of trouble to prove your love for me,”’ she read. ‘“You have got all my family to help you make your apology.”’ She supposed he had. Even Nick and Herbert had taken part in this pantomime. A thing they’d always said was too demeaning before. She looked up from her lines to where her older brothers were standing watching her, their expressions inscrutable. Then across to where her aunts were helping each other up, smoothing down their rumpled gowns, and generally looking very pleased with themselves.
‘We all love you,’ said Alec, simply. ‘And we all felt it was high time we showed you how much,’ he finished in a rush.
They...they all loved her?
Suddenly, she saw the entire production in a different light. He’d said he was merely a sailor, with no skills he could use on land, with nothing to offer her, in fact. She’d assumed he was saying he was hankering to go back to sea, but, could he have been trying to say he felt worthless? Undeserving? Was that why he’d had her play the part of a princess? And dressed in ragged clothing, and gone on a quest to try to win her hand?
‘This whole performance—the duck, and the clowning around—it was all for me?’
There was a chorus of agreement.
‘You are such a dear girl,’ said her Aunt Frances unexpectedly. ‘Always trying to see the best of people. Though,’ she finished tartly, ‘I’ve never been able to stomach the way you let people take advantage.’
‘It’s more a case of never having a cross word for anyone,’ Aunt Joan said in her defence.
‘You all make her sound like some kind of...pudding heart,’ said Nick crossly. ‘And she isn’t. She’s pluck to the backbone.’
‘Nicky?’ She couldn’t believe he’d say such a thing of her. She always thought he’d despised her.
‘Don’t look so shocked,’ put in Herbert. ‘We may not like the way Father always favours you over us, but it don’t change the fact you are our sister.’
Suddenly she recalled the way Nick had objected to Alec sitting so close to her at the breakfast table, before he’d realised they were betrothed. At the time, she’d just thought he was being his usual quarrelsome self. But he had, now she came to think of it, been sort of...protective.
And both her older brothers had dressed up and sat in the front row of the chapel when she married, rather than go out hunting, which she was sure they would have preferred. She’d only seen their sour expressions, and recalled the mutterings about her marrying for love, but that didn’t alter the fact that they’d put in an appearance.
‘Family,’ put in Uncle Algernon. ‘Nothing more important. We need to stick together. And you young people,’ he said, advancing on Alec and her, ‘need to patch up your quarrel. We all want you both to be happy. Especially me, since I married you. Don’t want your marriage going cold less than a week after you spoke your vows.’
‘Yes, come on,’ said Nick with a touch of impatience. ‘Tell him he’s forgiven and make friends. Good God, girl, you don’t want to end up with a marriage like mine, do you?’
She glanced across the room to where Ellen had given a stricken gasp. Nick sought refuge in his brandy glass. The way he always did.
But Ellen was watching him with a thoughtful expression on her face.
‘Well, what do you say?’ Alec asked gently.
‘I... I’ve forgotten what the question was,’ she admitted. She could scarcely believe that Alec had managed to get her entire family to help him make a public apology for losing his temper with her. Nor that they’d responded with such enthusiasm.
Her family. Who usually sniped and moaned the entire time they were forced into proximity with one another. All united in the affection
she’d never really seen they had for her.
‘Why don’t you just read the lines I’ve written for you?’ Alec suggested.
In a daze, she looked at the card Freddie was pressing into her hand.
‘“Though you are but a poor sailor, and I am a princess,”’ she read, ‘“I do consent to be your wife. On one condition.”’ She paused, as instructed by the script, for Alec to make his response.
‘And that is?’
‘“That you never give me cause to regret it.”’
‘I never shall. Never again,’ he vowed.
Then he drew her up out of her throne, and into his arms, and kissed her, to the sound of applause and cheering from the entire cast of players, the audience, and the stage hands.
‘And they all,’ she dimly heard Benjamin say, ‘lived happily ever after.’
* * *
She hadn’t known how she would react at this point. Had been afraid she wouldn’t be able to act at all. And indeed, she couldn’t. The moment his lips touched hers—no, before that—the very second he pulled her into his arms, it felt so good that she simply surrendered. Surrendered to the feeling that she was where she belonged again. After being out in the cold, and alone, she’d come home. Home to Alec.
Tears seeped from her eyes as she put her arms round his neck and kissed him back. What point was there in clinging to pride? What use was there in quibbling about the fact that he was apparently forgiving her for something she hadn’t even done? What man wouldn’t have believed the evidence of his own eyes? When it had come so soon after her previous episode of loose behaviour in that very same place, he was bound to put two and two together and make five.
At least he’d gone to a lot of trouble to make the apology. And had done it in public. And enlisted the aid of her entire family.
How could she help loving such a...forgiving man? Even if he was so wrong about needing to forgive her? Most men were, after all, nearly always wrong about something.
The audience, meanwhile, were not only applauding, and cheering, but, as their kiss went on and on, also whistling and stamping their feet.
It was beginning to go beyond the bounds of what could be considered appropriate.
Alec seemed to think so, too, because he broke off kissing her, gave her a brief, hard hug, and spun her round to face the cheering audience.
‘Come, take your bow,’ he said, leading her by the hand to where the rest of the cast were forming up into a line.
Once more, she wasn’t sure if this was an act, or her real life, or what, as they all bowed several times.
Then the orchestra played a sort of fanfare, and her father got to his feet. He held up one imperious hand, and everyone went quiet.
‘Well, I must say, that was a most unusual performance. Something quite out of the ordinary.’
He looked pretty much as she felt. As if he wasn’t sure whether he approved or not. But then he appeared to make up his mind.
‘But I’m sure you will agree with me that it provided a very fitting end to this season of, er...’ He shot Nick a slightly perplexed frown. ‘Of goodwill. And now—’ he resumed his attitude of total command ‘—refreshments will be served in the supper room, while the nursery party retire to their beds.’
His cool words reminded the servants in the audience of their duties, and they got to their feet and scuttled off to their allotted tasks, either to serve supper to the family, or to put their children to bed.
The cast began to disperse, too, discarding costumes, laughing, and congratulating the young people, and each other, on a successful performance.
Alec took her by the arm and tugged her behind the woodland backdrop.
‘Julia?’ He searched her face intently. ‘Did you mean it? That kiss? I thought at the time—’ He broke off, to wipe away a tear from her cheek. ‘But you still don’t look happy. I’d hoped this was a reconciliation. I’d hoped...’
It was his own face that he wiped then. Wiped it clear of expression. ‘I can see that I hoped for too much. But at least you are speaking to me now. That is a start.’
‘I would have spoken to you at any time these past three days if you’d made any attempt to speak to me first,’ she hissed. Only a thin screen separated them from everyone else. She could hear snatches of conversation. So she was certain others would be able to hear them, too, if they didn’t keep their voices down.
‘But you couldn’t be bothered. You were too busy...’ She waved her hand at the room he’d spent so much time transforming into the set for his pantomime. ‘Creating all this!’
‘You would have forgiven me, if I’d just come to you and told you I was sorry for the way I spoke to you?’
‘I...’ She considered. Flung up her chin. ‘I might have done.’
‘Yes, you might have done,’ he said grimly. ‘Because you are very forgiving. I saw the way you wanted to make peace with Marianne, in spite of everything, but that wasn’t enough for me. You deserve better. I needed to show you that I really, really meant my apology, and wanted to start afresh.’ He gripped both her hands. ‘And I do want to start afresh, Julia. I know I made a mull of things, but doesn’t that tell you something?’
‘That you have a hot temper and a nasty, suspicious mind?’
He winced, briefly shutting his eyes. ‘Anyone who knows me well would tell you that I’m famous for staying calm no matter the provocation. The fact that I lost it so spectacularly when I saw you in the arms of another man, should tell you that...that...I really do love you.’ His face turned a shade of crimson. Which made her blink. He’d said it during the play. But that had only been lines. Now that he wasn’t playing a part, he had no need to say what he had. They both knew he’d had no choice, as a gentleman, but to marry her. And she’d realised, over the last couple of days, that she’d given him plenty of reasons to regret it.
So...for him to say he loved her...in spite of everything...must mean...he really did.
Could it be possible?
He sighed at the baffled expression she was sure must be showing on her face. ‘I know I’m not the man you wanted to marry. I know I let you down, badly, the moment we came to our first test. But if you give me another chance then I swear I will make you glad you married me, and not that trainee doctor.’
‘But...’ She shook her head. He thought she’d been up to no good with an actor, and still he was saying he wanted to make a go of their marriage. He was prepared to overlook something as bad as that?
‘You could have just said that, you know. You didn’t need to go to all this trouble.’
‘You are worth the trouble,’ he insisted. ‘Besides, I didn’t think you would listen to me, after the unjust way I laid into you.’
‘It wasn’t unjust...not really,’ she said, in a spirit of trying to meet him halfway.
‘Yes, it was. You know it was. I behaved like a savage. And you just stood there, and took it all, rather than defend yourself. Because all the time you were protecting Lizzie.’
She gasped. ‘You knew about that?’
‘Not until a day or so after. Looking back, I could see all the signs that you hadn’t done anything wrong. Your anger, the way you threw me out of your room, the way you smashed my telescope. And while we’re on the telescope, I need to explain that—’
‘You did. During the play.’
‘No, no—that is, I needed you to understand why I seemed so upset about it, when you broke it. Why I concentrated on it, rather than on you. You see...’ He thrust his fingers through his hair, forgetting that he was wearing a stocking cap, so that it slid to the floor. ‘It became a sort of...symbol, I suppose. It felt as if you were destroying everything of value in my life. Smashing what I’d begun to think could be so much more than I’d ever dared hope to find.
‘And then, when I realised th
at you hadn’t wantonly smashed anything at all, I felt so guilty, I knew that a simple apology wouldn’t suffice. I should have trusted you. I should have known you wouldn’t go about kissing other men. And then, to hear of the noble way you took all the blame, let our marriage dissolve about your ears, rather than let a single whisper of scandal touch an innocent girl...’ He shook his head. ‘And then I started to fear that our marriage couldn’t have meant so very much to you, if you could let it go so easily. Without even a token protest. Instead, you threw me out of your room, out of your bed, without a flicker of remorse. Then went about your duties the next day as though nothing had happened.’
She considered his way of looking at it. She’d been so determined to hide her hurt. And she’d clearly been more successful than she knew. So successful he had no idea what it had cost her.
‘While you,’ she reflected, ‘went prowling about the place with a scowl on your face like a wounded bear.’ She’d thought he was just bad-tempered. But now it struck her that if the marriage hadn’t mattered very much, he wouldn’t have been in such a bad mood, for so many days. He wouldn’t have thrown Eduardo through the window, either. He would have just given her a withering look, and strolled away.
‘All that stalking up and down the terrace, scowling at your shoes...you weren’t just regretting marrying me? You were...’
‘Planning a foolproof strategy for winning you back. Words weren’t going to be enough. I did look for some, Julia, but I didn’t know where to find them. I’ve no experience, you see, with wooing a woman. The only thing I am good at is organising boarding parties, and cutting-out crews, or drilling gun teams and the like. And then I saw that in the youngsters rehearsing for the play I had a willing crew. None of them liked the way we’d quarrelled and they all leaped at the chance to help me show how sorry I was. Am.’
‘You...you really do care for me, don’t you?’
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