by Lea Coll
“True, but I didn’t expect you to say no.”
“I’m not saying no, I just wanted to make sure.”
There was something about his hesitance, the uncertainty, and almost pain I saw in his gaze, then his swift switch back to the cool, nonchalant acceptance that had my instincts tingling.
His face was that facade I knew so well. The one he wore with fans. He’d been more real in our last few interactions. It hurt that when I asked for something deeper, he’d reverted back to his old self.
He tilted his head. “Was there anything else?”
“I guess not.” I chewed my lip, wondering if I should dig deeper. “Is there more to you questioning your ability to be a mentor?”
“I said I’d do it.” His shoulders were stiff.
“You went with me to see Grandpa today. I can be there for you too.”
But his expression was closed off. I wasn’t going to reach him right now. His walls were up.
Then I did what I’d done the other night in his SUV when he’d been so quiet, I stood, touching his forearm, the muscle under my fingers flexing.
His expression softened as his gaze moved to my hand on his arm. It was technically inappropriate to touch a coworker, especially one that was technically my supervisor, but with a guy like him, words weren’t enough. He seemed to respond to my touch. Whether my touch was different than anyone else’s, I wasn’t sure.
“Anytime you want to talk, I’m here. No judgment.” I squeezed his arm before walking away. The warmth of his skin sent tingles through my body.
I didn’t expect him to open up, not today, but maybe he will eventually. There was more to Jonah than this happy guy he appeared to be with everyone else. It was almost as if underneath, he wasn’t as confident. Did he not think he was good enough to be a mentor?
It was hard to imagine a professional football player not being cocky and sure of himself, but Reid hadn’t been confident. Maybe Jonah was like that too.
One thing was certain, I liked hanging out with him when his control slipped, when he was the real Jonah. The one who was vulnerable, who offered to drive me to the nursing home because I was upset, who sat and talked to my grandfather because he cared about me. That was the guy I wanted to know.
It had nothing to do with the fact I still thought about that kiss in the gym or that my skin heated each time it came to mind. If I stopped thinking of him as this cocky player, then I’d start thinking of the vulnerable side he’d showed me. That side was addicting. That side had me craving more of him, and it wasn’t just his kiss and touch I wanted. I wanted to know who he was on a fundamental level—what he did in his spare time, did he have friends outside the team, and did he have dreams and aspirations outside football?
Talking to him, kissing him, did nothing to quell my curiosity, it only made it burn hotter.
Chapter Twelve
JONAH
The last few days, Callie left the office to visit Frank before I came in. I wanted to help, but she hadn’t invited me. I had no reason to show up. Not knowing what was going on was driving me crazy. My fingers hovered over her name on my contact list. As her friend, it was okay to ask for an update.
Jonah: How is Frank?
I waited a bit for her to answer, going through the changes to the website, making notes on things that weren’t working or could use a design tweak. Finally, my phone buzzed.
Callie: He’s okay.
He might be but she probably wasn’t. I hated to use work as an excuse to see her, but we did need to go over the schedule for the grand opening, and I wanted to make sure she was okay.
Jonah: We need to go over the grand opening. Want to meet in the city?
I held my breath, waiting for her to see through me, to know I was using work to see her. My phone buzzed.
“Callie?”
“Hey, sorry. I’m driving. Can’t text.”
“Gotcha. What do you say? Want to meet in the city for dinner.” I checked the time on my computer. “If I leave now, I can get there in forty-five minutes, assuming there’s no traffic on a Friday night.”
“I really don’t mind coming to the office. I’ve been taking off all week.”
“Don’t worry about it. Frank’s more important.” I knew Reid would agree.
I could see Callie was doing her work. She emailed spreadsheets and updates each morning. I figured she was working late at night to keep up.
She sighed. The sound coming through the phone making my chest tighten with worry.
I had to see her, to make sure she was okay with whatever was happening with Frank. I wanted to help. I just wasn’t sure what I could do other than be there for her.
“Look. I don’t want you driving while you’re tired. I can meet you at your apartment.”
“Mine? Oh, that’s okay. I can come to yours.”
I liked the idea of having her in my space, but I wanted to do what was easiest for her. “You’ll be in the city before me. Go home and rest. I’ll pick up dinner.”
“Thanks, Jonah. That does sound kind of great.”
“Drive safe.” I got off the phone, packing up my stuff. What would it be like if she was my girlfriend and we met up for dinner after work? I let myself sink deeper into that delusion as I drove to the city. The warmth settling in my chest felt good. I wanted to hold on to this feeling.
I sent her a picture of the subs when I picked them up. She texted me back her address. She lived near the university. Made sense since she went there for so many years.
I parked, ringing the buzzer for her apartment. I wondered if she lived alone, or whether she had roommates.
Walking up the dim stairs of her old building, anticipation built to see her. I knocked on her door, wondering what I was doing. When had I ever used an excuse to get closer to a girl?
She opened the door, her hair pulled back into a low ponytail, wearing a tank and shorts. She stepped back, gesturing for me to come in. “Sorry, I wanted to get comfortable.”
“Don’t worry about it. This is a casual work thing.” A casual work thing? Where was the charm I was known for?
The lines on her face smoothed out as she relaxed.
I closed the door behind me, following her into the kitchen, placing the subs on the small island in the kitchen. It was open to her living room, which consisted of a small couch and a TV on a chest. It reminded me of how I lived in college—with the bare minimum―back when we were waiting on our chance at the big time. A way out of whatever situation we were in.
“Let’s eat on the couch.” Callie opened a cupboard, pulling out two glasses, the hem of her shirt drifting up so that a sliver of her toned stomach showed.
I swallowed hard. I wanted to touch her there, to see if her skin was as soft as it looked. I wanted to come up behind her, touching her stomach, pulling her against me so she could feel how she affected me. The desire was so potent, I ripped my gaze from her, looking at the chipped counter between us.
Taking a deep breath, I asked, “Where are your plates?”
She filled the glasses with water, slicing lemons to flavor it.
“Right there.” She pointed at the cabinet next to the sink.
I didn’t want to watch her move around the kitchen, relaxed and comfortable with her skin on display. It was an entrancing mix of too much yet not enough. I was here for business, not to get in her pants.
Satisfied with my pep talk, I sat next to her on the small couch since there was no other seating. She slowly unwrapped her sub. “Thanks for coming and bringing dinner.”
“You’re tired.” Up close, I saw the dark smudges under her eyes as if she hadn’t been sleeping.
“This week has been tough. I knew this was coming, but it’s so hard to see the man I loved, the one who was always sharp, forget things. It’s just little things here and there. But I know—” She looked at me, her expression pained. “At some point, I’m going to walk into his room and he’s not going to know who I am. And then—” She broke off, dropping her
head.
You’ll have no one. I couldn’t voice her fears out loud. I couldn’t say what we were both thinking. It would break the small amount of control she seemed to use to hold herself together.
“I can’t imagine how hard that is.” My words weren’t enough. I’d never experienced a slow, drawn-out loss of someone I loved.
She drew in a shaky breath, her gaze on the TV. “We talked about his diagnosis when he got it. What to do when he moved to the next stage when things got worse. This morning, the nurse gave me a list of facilities he had researched. He’d taken detailed notes of each one. Things he wanted to ask or know. What he wanted.”
“That’s helpful.” I choked out the words. My throat was tight. My hands itched to draw her close.
“I want to do what he wants. It’s the only thing I can control in this situation.
“He wanted to make it easier for you.” Having met Frank, it didn’t surprise me. He wanted to protect her. It was the same feeling she’d evoked in Reid, and now me. The only difference was my feelings for her went beyond being supportive. I wanted to comfort her physically as well as emotionally. I wanted to be the one she talked to about this stuff at the end of the day.
The fact that Frank made decisions that made things easier for Callie, moving to the personal care home so she wouldn’t feel responsible for him in college, researching Alzheimer’s facilities before she’d need to move him to one. It made me respect him even more. “He’s looking out for you.”
“I can look after myself. He doesn’t want to be a burden, but he’d never be one. He’s been my rock since—”
I moved our subs to the coffee table. I wanted to put my arm around her, but I wasn’t sure that would be okay. Instead, I touched her knee. I meant it to be an innocent touch, but her shorts were threadbare and soft underneath my skin. Her heat singed the palm of my hand.
Did she lean closer to me? I placed my other arm over her shoulders. When she sagged into my touch, I relaxed.
I snuggled closer, my chin in her hair, breathing in her scent. “It’ll be okay. You’re doing everything right. You’re there for him. You’re making the tough decisions.”
“It’s so hard.” She spoke softly into my chest, but I heard the pain in her words.
I couldn’t imagine losing someone slowly over time. Knowing it was coming yet dreading it at the same time. I tried to imagine how it would feel if my mother didn’t remember something I’d said. If suddenly she didn’t remember me. The pain was hot and searing, stealing my breath.
I pulled her tighter to me. Her hand pressed solidly against my chest.
Could she feel how fast my heart was beating?
She pulled away abruptly. “You didn’t come here for this. I’m so sorry.”
I kind of did though. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
The admission felt rusty on my lips. I usually steered clear of emotional entanglements. This girl was testing my boundaries without even trying.
She turned her head away from me, swiping under her eyes. “I’ll be okay.”
She picked up her sub, resting it on her lap.
Being here eased an ache in my chest. Even if I couldn’t do much to ease her stress, being present was something.
I didn’t eat until she took a bite, chewing slowly before taking another. I could make sure she ate, that she took care of herself. It was something, even if it wasn’t enough.
Eating in silence, she didn’t bother to turn on the TV or even music for background noise. I was content to be in her presence, being that rock she’d described.
She was the most genuine person I’d spent time with lately. When she was upset, you knew it. Her emotions weren’t orchestrated for attention. She didn’t want or need anything from me. In fact, she repeatedly told me she didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.
Standing, she wrapped what was left of her sub, placing it in the fridge. Turning back to me she asked, “Are you ready to work?”
That was my excuse for being here, even if I didn’t want to think about the sports complex. Nothing mattered more than how she was feeling. “Sure.”
She sat next to me, pulling her laptop closer. “This is what I have so far.”
She pulled up the itinerary she’d emailed to Reid and me this morning. “You’re in charge of the football competition since it was your idea.”
“That works.” I took the last bite of my sub then stood to throw out the trash.
“Do you think you could get your teammates to show up and help with it? The kids will love it. We won’t advertise it. It could be a nice surprise, and having the support of your team would be nice.”
“Sure.”
“I’ll walk around, making sure things are running smoothly and no one feels left out. Reid will talk to potential donors, answer questions, and deal with the media.”
I relaxed into the cushions. “He’s come a long way. I remember when he’d avoid cameras at all costs.”
“True.” A smile played on her lips. “Dylan’s good for him.”
That made me pause. Was that what a relationship was? Being there for someone, supporting them, encouraging them to do things they wouldn’t otherwise. Be good for them? It sounded great.
“I haven’t had many relationships since high school.” None really, but I couldn’t tell her that. She’d think I was a player, a freak, or something.
“No?” she paused, waiting for me to expound on my answer.
Why had I said anything at all? I opened myself up to more questions. I went with part of the truth. “It’s tough to find someone who isn’t looking to be with a player.”
“Ah. Yeah. I remember Reid talking about that, but he was more closed off than you. I don’t think women chased him as much.”
The irony was I was closed off. No one knew the guy I was underneath. I didn’t even know him anymore. He was buried under the quintessential football player, fun teammate, and hardworking athlete.
“I never thought I’d say this, but it must be hard to date as a professional athlete. Never knowing who wants you for you.”
Did I want someone to want me for me? To do that, I’d have to open up to them. “It is.”
She studied me.
I cleared my throat then drank a large sip of water. Had I said something wrong? Was it my expression? Could I be with her but not open up, at least not entirely? Would she be okay with that? We had chemistry. I cared about her. Was that enough to see where this went, knowing it could only go so far?
“I guess I’m as much at fault. I figure you have these women surrounding you. It’s so easy for you, but it’s not.”
“You must have the same issue, hanging around the team. The guys must hit on you,” I teased, wanting to take the focus from me.
She smiled. “You know Reid took care of that. No one has dared.”
The words left unspoken were except for me. I had already. I’d kissed her twice.
“What about the other teams?”
She blushed. “I always say I have a boyfriend. When I was in school, I was focused on graduating, now I’m taking care of my grandfather, worried about making enough to afford his care. I don’t have time for a boyfriend, especially not an athlete.”
My brain tripped on the word afford, but I let it go for now. “You love football.”
“I do. It doesn’t mean I want to date a player.”
This was interesting. I don’t think I’d ever had anyone tell me that. “But why not? What do you have against us?”
“Players can be cocky. What’s going on with them might come first. I want to be equal in the relationship. If the guy plays for a team in another city, it’s unlikely he’d want to date. He’s just looking for some fun.”
“That’s smart.”
I’d been contemplating kissing her again, taking whatever this was to the next level. I hadn’t considered that she might not be interested. That was a rookie mistake. I should have considered all angles.
Usually, when I went for something, I got it. At least when it came to sports and my career. Would it be the same if I wanted to make her mine? Or would she think of me as a cocky player, one that was only looking for a good time?
I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans, wondering why I was stressing over a woman. I couldn’t remember the last time the woman hadn’t been interested in me first. It was a different feeling, sitting next to this beautiful woman, wondering what she was thinking, whether I was good enough for her. Would she think I was smart or a dumb jock? My biggest asset wasn’t in my favor. She didn’t care that I was a football player.
I rested my elbows on my knees. “You’ve never been tempted, not even once?”
I spoke slowly, emphasizing each word. I held my breath, her answer mattered.
Her breath caught. Her face flushed. “Maybe.”
She wasn’t being coy, not like I was used to. She was flustered. Her eyes cast down, she was embarrassed. God, she was sweet. Too sweet for me. I had no business going after her, but I couldn’t stop.
I wanted to ask if I was the exception, but I wanted to make the right play. Something told me that this moment would define our relationship going forward. Were we coworkers, friends, or something more? The kiss we’d shared told me the potential upside was huge.
She licked her lips, and the words I wanted to say disappeared. Inching closer, the blood pounded in my ears. She looked up in surprise, when her eyes met mine, they heated.
She wanted me. There was no question.
I had to kiss her one more time. I wanted to eliminate the space between us. I ached to touch her. I cupped her cheek, tipping her to the right angle. She was so soft, and for this moment, she was mine.
Our lips touched, the touch was light, then I kissed her again, deepening the kiss, moving closer to her. Her smell surrounded me; my blood hummed in my veins. When her lips parted, I’d never experienced anything sweeter. Her fingers knotted in my shirt, pulling me closer.
Pulling back slightly, I whispered, “Callie.”
I wasn’t sure what I wanted, maybe some indication she wanted this too. Her eyes were bright with desire, her fingers still held me tight.