“After she laid all that on me, I shouted even louder. I don’t even remember all the names that I called her. All I remember is how much I despised her then. How just looking at her sickened me. To my mind, we had been partners, the two of us. I had trusted her, believed we were building something together. And she had betrayed me. Put me in my place. Son of a drunk and a wife-stealing gambler…whose own wife was no better than a whore.
“In the end, she grabbed her purse and ran out the front door. I heard her car start up and roar away down the drive. I sat down and I stared at the wall. For a long time. Hours. Finally I dragged myself off to bed.”
He was back at the drawn drapes again, staring at them as if he could see right through them.
“I didn’t wake up until a little after 2:00 a.m. When there was a knock on the door. The Denver police. They wanted me to come to the morgue and identify her body. That fourth house we had was on top of a steep hill. She’d gone over the cliff on her way down.”
Lynn wanted to stand, to go to him. But he turned—and he stared at her, a stare that froze her in her chair.
He said, “Why the hell are you crying?”
She blinked, felt the wetness, on her cheeks, running down her chin. “I don’t…” She gulped back a sob. “Oh, Ross. I’m so sorry. For you. And for her…”
“Don’t be,” he said harshly. “Not for me, anyway. Elana was right about me. I never did love her. I used her. And that change I said I wanted, the reason I moved here to Whitehorn? Well, I wanted a change, all right. I wanted to get as far away as possible from Denver and from Turow, Travis and Lindstrom—where half of the partners had slept with my dead wife.”
Lynn brought up both hands, smeared the tears off her cheeks. Then she forced herself to rise. “Ross. Please…”
He shook his head, a savage gesture, quick and ruthless as the slashing of a knife. “No.” He chopped the air with a hand. “God. You are amazing. You are…everything I ever secretly hoped might be somewhere in the world. Look at you. Standing there. Crying. For me. You are, aren’t you? You’re crying for me?” It was an accusation.
She saw no need to answer it. He was right. She cried for him. And for the woman he had married. For two people who had needed love so desperately, and had never had anyone to show them how to find it.
“Save your tears, Lynn. Save them for someone who deserves them.”
She swiped at her cheeks again. “Oh, Ross. I think you do deserve them.”
“No,” he said. “I don’t. And you were right. You said I’ve been pretending. And I have. Pretending what might have been. If I was someone different. If I’d met you sooner. But I didn’t meet you sooner. And now, you’re right about the rest of it, too. The month is up. And you have just learned why I’m not the man for you.”
She opened her mouth to form the word no.
He didn’t give her a chance to utter it. “I’m no prince,” he said. “You can see that now.”
“It doesn’t matter. Oh, Ross. It’s…only the past. It can haunt you. And hurt you. But what really matters is who you are, what you do, how you live right now. What matters is that you’ve told me the things you thought you had to keep secret. And that I don’t hate you for them. I only…understand you better. Can’t you see? My love is still here. Still yours. And if you could love me in return…”
He made a low, cruel, scoffing sound. “But that’s the point, Lynn. That’s exactly the point.”
“What? I don’t—”
“The point is, I haven’t got a clue what love is.”
Those words struck her like blows. She could see in his eyes that he really believed them.
And that anything she said right then would fall on deaf ears.
But maybe, with a little time…
Lord. There she went again. Thinking that time would do it, when it hadn’t, up till now. Thinking that her love was magic, as sweet old Winona Cobbs had promised her. That all she had to do was believe in it and it wouldn’t let her down.
Well, she had believed in it. With all her heart and soul.
Too bad he didn’t believe in it.
One last tear brimmed over her lower lid. Very deliberately, she wiped it away. “All right. Wait there, please. I won’t be a minute.”
He was standing in the same place, a few feet from the wing chair, when she came back down the stairs. “Here are your rings.” She held out the small black velvet case.
He glowered at her, insulted. “I don’t want them.”
“Neither do I.”
She kept her hand extended until he reached out and took the case. He stuck it in a pocket.
She gave him a last smile. “Come on. I’ll walk you to the door.”
Chapter Fourteen
Lynn called Danielle after Ross left. She invited her friend to her family Thanksgiving. But Danielle had already told the McCallums that she and Sara would join them at their house.
“And what’s the matter?” Danielle asked. “You sound strange.”
So Lynn told her that she and Ross wouldn’t be getting married, after all.
Danielle was sweet and sympathetic. She stayed on the phone with Lynn for over an hour, saying all the things a friend will say: It will work out and I’m here. Anytime you need me. All you have to do is call….
Lynn felt a little better by the time she hung up.
Arlene brought the turkey over on Wednesday night. She and Lynn prepared the stuffing, standing side by side at the kitchen counter, while Arlene’s two children, Darla Sue and Bobby Clyde, watched television in the other room.
Arlene talked nonstop as they diced celery and chopped giblets. She said she was gaining more weight with this baby than she had with the other two, that Clyde was working way too many hours, driving to Billings and back every day, to sell farm machinery out of the dealership he ran there. She never saw him. And she worried that maybe he was staying out of the house on purpose. That living with his pregnant wife, their two children, Arlene’s mother and Arlene’s baby sister was just a little more than he could take.
Lynn reminded her sister that her husband adored her. That Trish did plan to move out soon—and hadn’t Arlene and Clyde been talking about getting a bigger house?
Yes, Arlene admitted. Trish would be moving out. And a bigger house was in the offing. That was the good thing about Clyde working so much. They did have the money to move.
“But sometimes,” Arlene said with a sigh, “I look in the mirror—at my fat stomach and my ratty hair. I look around at my house, where there’s always a mess. And I just wish…well, I almost wish I could go back. Be where you are now. Engaged and thin.” She sighed again. “Yes. That’s the perfect time in a woman’s life. She’s got a ring on her finger, but she’s still got her figure—which reminds me…”
Lynn knew what was coming.
And it was. “Trish told me about that ring of yours.”
Lynn didn’t reply, only scooped up olives in both hands and dumped them in the big bowl full of dressing.
Arlene stirred the olives in and asked very gently, “Lynnie, where is your ring? Why haven’t you shown it to me?”
“Because I gave it back.” Lynn turned to the sink, flipped on the faucet and rinsed her hands.
The big wooden spoon Arlene was using stopped in midswipe. “Oh, Lynnie…no.”
Lynn grabbed a towel, wiped her hands. “It didn’t work out, that’s all.” She hung the towel back on its hook.
Arlene dropped the spoon into the bowl. She rubbed her hands down her apron, then held out her arms. “C’mon. Come here.”
Lynn let her sister hold her. It was an awkward proposition, with Arlene’s stomach between them. Arlene made little crooning sounds and patted Lynn’s back.
Finally she took Lynn by the arms and pushed her away enough that she could look into Lynn’s eyes. “What happened? Tell me everything.”
Lynn shook her head. “I’d really rather not go into it. We broke up Monday night. He just�
��” She remembered the explanation that she and Ross had agreed on and decided it would work as well as any. “It turned out he wasn’t the right man for me.”
“You’re sure?”
Lynn nodded.
“This isn’t just a lovers’ spat?”
“No. It’s over. It really is.”
“Well.” Arlene let go of Lynn. Her look of concern turned to something of a sneer. “I have to say it. I never liked him.”
“Arlene…”
“Oh, no, you don’t.”
“What?”
“You’re defending him.”
“I’m not defending him.”
“Oh, yes, you are. And even if you won’t tell me exactly what happened, I can guess.”
“Arlene, please. Don’t go jumping to conclusions. There’s no one to blame here. All that happened, honestly, is that it didn’t work out.”
“Well, of course you’re going to say that. We all know how you are. You wouldn’t say mean things about the devil himself.”
“Arlene—”
“Just tell me this much. Who broke up with who?”
“I broke up with him.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Well, too bad. It’s true.”
“Your heart is broken. I can see that.”
“My heart is just fine.” Now, there was a lie. But Lynn knew her sisters and her stepmother. She didn’t want them taking up residence at the Hip Hop, spreading tales about Ross.
Arlene went to the table, yanked out a chair and sank into it. “Oh, Lord…” Her breath came in sharp little pants, the way it sometimes did when she was pregnant and something had upset her. “Oh, my…”
Lynn went to her. “Arlene, please don’t get yourself worked up. You know it’s not good for you, or for the baby.”
“But I was just getting used to the idea that you would marry him. And now this…”
“We’ll get through it.”
Arlene started sniffling.
“Arlene. Don’t…”
But there was no stopping Arlene once she got going. The tears came flooding out. “Oh, just look at me,” Arlene sobbed. “Why am I crying? You should be crying. I love my babies, the good Lord knows I do. But I hate being pregnant. Fat as a big old she-bear. And blubbering over every little thing…”
Lynn knelt enough to embrace Arlene’s slim shoulders. “It’s all right. Really…”
“Oh, my. Oh, Lord,” Arlene moaned against Lynn’s shirt. “Trish said it was such a pretty ring. That the diamond was two whole carats, at least. And I was already starting to think about your wedding, you know? Starting to look forward to helping you choose just the right dress. It was going to be such fun. I was going to make it all up to you, for the rotten things I said, for the mean, awful way we all acted when we found out about you and that man….”
There was a box of tissues on the table. Lynn yanked out a couple and put them in Arlene’s hand. “Arlene. Calm down now….”
Arlene sniffed and dabbed at her eyes. “I don’t care what you say. I hate that Ross Garrison. First he dangled Trish along. And then he—”
“Arlene. I mean it.” Lynn stood up straight and put steel in her tone. “I don’t want you bad-mouthing Ross Garrison. The truth is, he was never interested in Trish. Trish admits that now. And as for me, he treated me…like a princess. He truly did. And I was the one who broke up with him.”
“But—”
“I want your solemn promise, Arlene. I want you to swear to me that you won’t say bad things about him.”
Arlene loosed a low, rather pitiful whine. “Oh, Lynnie.” She honked into a tissue. “You were always such a good person. I have to admit it. Sometimes it really irritates me, how good you are.”
“I want your promise, Arlene. I mean it. I do.”
Arlene sniffed and blew her nose again. “Oh, Lynnie.”
“Promise. Come on.”
“Oh, all right. I won’t say a word about him. I’ll keep my mouth shut. But don’t expect me to like it.”
“Thank you.”
Arlene let out a final unhappy moan. “You are too good to live, you know that?” With a grunt of discomfort, she pushed herself from the chair. “Come on. Let’s get that darn bird stuffed.”
Lynn had the table set when the family arrived the next day. Her sisters and Jewel told her it was beautiful. Through the afternoon and evening, they never missed an opportunity to praise her, to hug her, to pat her arm tenderly, to show her in a thousand ways that they loved her and only wanted to put what had happened in the past behind them for good.
Both Jewel and Trish found their own opportunities to let Lynn know just what they thought of Ross Garrison. Lynn made it as clear to them as she had to Arlene: they were to leave the man alone.
Grudgingly, they agreed that they wouldn’t say rude things about the lawyer to anyone but each other. They wouldn’t defame him with the good citizens of Whitehorn. But what they said in the privacy of the family, well, Lynn would just have to put up with that. They wouldn’t say those things to her, if she didn’t want to hear them. But they had a right to their own opinions, now, didn’t they?
Lynn sighed and decided to leave it at that.
When they sat down to eat, Clyde said the prayer. Lynn looked up after the amens and saw the moisture in Jewel’s eyes. Lynn knew her stepmother was thinking of her father. Until they had lost him, Horace had always said the Thanksgiving prayer.
After dinner they all worked together to get the dishes rinsed and stacked. Then they sat in the living room chatting, watching the children play with the toys that Lynn kept for them in a trunk in the corner, giving the huge meal a chance to settle a little before they tackled the pies. Then, after dessert, they gathered around the upright piano that had once belonged to Lynn’s mother. Lynn played and they sang the old Thanksgiving hymns, “Harvest Home” and “For the Beauty of the Earth.” From there they progressed to children’s songs, so that Bobby Clyde and Darla Sue could join in, too.
The family left at a little after eight, bearing most of the leftover food in plastic containers and on foil-wrapped platters.
“It was lovely,” said Jewel.
Lynn’s sisters and brother-in-law chorused their agreement.
There was a last flurry of hugs and then they were gone.
Lynn went back to the kitchen and finished cleaning up. Then she sat in the breakfast nook with a hot cup of tea and looked at the phone for a while.
She didn’t pick it up.
But she wanted to. Oh, sweet Lord, how she wanted to….
In the big log house on Black Bear Lake, Ross sat alone in front of the fire. There was a phone on the end table, a few inches from his hand.
About now, he thought, that impossible family of Lynn’s would have gone home. She’d be alone.
Doing what? Maybe sitting at that little table in the kitchen. Or watching TV. Or perhaps she’d already climbed the stairs to her room.
What did it look like, her room?
Hell if he knew.
They’d had a month together. A whole damn month.
And he’d never seen where she slept.
And that was a good thing. He should look at it that way.
He’d taken her innocence. Messed up her life. Wrecked things with her family.
But he’d done what he could to rectify the wrongs he’d done her. He’d stood by her when she needed him. And he’d managed to keep himself from taking her to bed again.
She even had that annoying family of hers back now.
He didn’t see how that family was anything to get excited over. But she had wanted them. And now she had them.
And they would have gone home by now.
Wouldn’t they?
Which brought him back to his original question.
What was she doing right now?
He moved his hand. Only a few inches. It settled onto the smooth black bod
y of the phone. He picked it up. The dial tone hummed in his ear.
“No,” he said aloud, and set it back down.
Lynn called Danielle first thing the next morning. Danielle answered with a cheery hello and Lynn said, “I was wondering, have you had breakfast yet?”
“As a matter of fact, Sara is just pouring her cornflakes all over her place mat.”
“Well, tell her to scoop up those cornflakes and put them back in the box. I want you two to meet me at the Hip Hop. For breakfast.”
“My, my. Feeling ready to face any challenge, are we?”
“I need to get out. I need…cheering up. And everyone will know about Ross and me by now, anyway.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yep. I want a short stack, sausage and two over easy. And I want someone else to cook it for me.”
“Okay, then. I’ll be there. The Hip Hop. In twenty minutes?”
“Done.”
Lily Mae and Winona were waiting. Lily Mae’s bracelets jangled as she waved Lynn over. They insisted that Lynn sit with them at their table, and pulled more chairs up when Danielle and her daughter arrived.
Lynn told the two older women frankly that she and Ross had changed their plans. There would be no wedding, after all.
Lily Mae’s false eyelashes fluttered. “Oh, now, honey. What did that Shakespeare fella say? ‘The course of true love is one rocky road.’ Or something like that. You will work it out. I just know you will.”
Lynn chose not to argue the point. Maybe she was hoping, just a little, that Winona would say something.
Something mystical. Something meaningful.
Something to allow her to imagine that Lily Mae might be right.
But Winona had no psychic pronouncements to make that particular morning. She only smiled and asked Lynn to pass her a couple of individual creamers.
“I’ve managed to cut out the sugar,” she said. “But I just can’t get along without my cream.”
Lynn went to her empty classroom later in the day. She took down the Thanksgiving decorations and got out the materials for the first of the Christmas projects. In the afternoon, Trish called to invite her to Arlene’s for dinner.
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