by Aimie Grey
“Time’s a wastin’, sweet cheeks,” Tubby said from his spot on the floor. I took another deep breath and dropped my robe. There was no way I’d be able to pretend that Tubby was Tate or Thomas or even Carter. With my brain fully engaged, I had no choice but to fully experience this.
After rolling a condom onto his length, or lack thereof, I lubed him up as thoroughly as I could. Carefully, I lowered myself onto his disgusting body. My eyes remained firmly closed as I gyrated my hips at a torrid pace. I kept fighting to get out of my head, but nothing worked. Tears welled behind my eyelids every time he reached up and groped my exposed flesh.
Bruce’s policy was twenty minutes or one happy ending, whichever came first. I peeked through my watery lashes at him, and was relieved to see his face twisted in some disgusting form of pleasure. With renewed determination, I bounced up and down as quickly as I could until he grunted and then stilled beneath me.
When the room monitor sounded the buzzer, I nearly jumped to my feet and wrapped myself up in the pink robe. Wanting to ensure the biggest tip possible, I looked back and said, “God, baby, that was amazing.” I gave him my sultriest smile and then left the room.
Although I’d sold myself to hundreds of men, I hadn’t felt like this since the night before Lisa was born all those years ago—violated. Johnny, the room monitor, said something as I passed his station, but none of it registered. The second I was sure no one would see me, I took off my heels and sprinted to the locker room; I couldn’t get to the shower fast enough.
I tossed my wig and shoes on the makeup counter as I dashed by and barely made it to a bathroom stall in time to vomit up everything I’d eaten that day. It was as if Carter were haunting me. Even as I hurled, I thought about how I was puking the dinner he’d paid for after we had rolled out of bed.
Once under the spray of scalding water, I tried as hard as I could to scrub every trace of Tubby from my flesh. By the time I turned off the shower, I was honestly surprised I had any skin left. If only I could’ve found a way to bleach the memory from my brain.
As quickly as possible, I brushed my teeth, reapplied my makeup, pinned up my wet hair, and secured the fluffy, blonde wig back into place. I searched the reflection in the mirror for even the slightest hint of Lisa but came up empty.
I took a series of deep breaths in a futile attempt to control the residual anxiety. With only a few minutes to spare, I had to jog through the back hallways to get to the room where my last client of the night waited. Just one more, and then I could go home and cry. Just one more, and then I could figure out a way to let go of Carter.
Knowing the night couldn’t get any worse, I shook out my hands and straightened my spine and tried to channel Lisa. When the door opened, I thanked God when I found a tall, muscular man standing across the room with his back to me. Faking it with him wouldn’t be easy in my current state, but hopefully, I could get through it without getting physically ill again.
“Well, aren’t you a fine hunk of man?” I purred. “I’m Lisa. What’s your pleasure tonight?” Just one more guy, just one more guy, just one more guy. I could do it. If Lisa could do it, then so could I.
A stray cannonball must have blown through the wall and crashed into me. That’s the only logical explanation I could come up with for the crater that suddenly appeared in my chest the moment my client turned around.
Silence seemed to stretch on for so long that I expected the buzzer to sound at any moment. When I caught a glimpse of the clock, it’d only been about forty seconds. He examined me closely, as if trying to put together a puzzle with a missing piece. When the confusion in his eyes faded, his gaze hardened. I was sure I was going to throw up again.
He was the first to speak. “You’re a whore?” His voice was eerily steady and tense. It was as if he was trying to take an explosion and contain it in a space a fraction of its original size. His eyes were narrow, and I could have sworn I heard his teeth grinding from across the room.
The shock that had stilled me in place finally dissipated, but the pain in my chest didn’t abate. His accusation hurt, even though it was the truth, and Lisa finally came to my rescue. “You’re a pervert?” I threw back at him.
“No.”
“You’re getting married tomorrow?” For the first time ever, I considered walking away from a client. I knew my employer’s unspoken rule: you walk away from a client, you walk away from a job. The only exception was when the client was being abusive or was excessively inebriated. Unfortunately, lying, cheating, heartbreaking neighbors didn’t count.
Heartbreaking? Yes, heartbreaking. Who was I trying to kid?
“Of course I’m not.”
“My final client of the evening is the bachelor boy from the party going on out there!” In a fit of anger, I stabbed the air to my right, even though the main floor was behind where I stood.
He paused a moment before he responded. “He had a flash of conscious, so I volunteered to take his place.”
That hurt worse. “Fuck! I knew you were too good to be true, and I fell for it anyway.”
“You’re one to talk. How many dicks have you had inside of you since I left your bed a few hours ago?”
Totally losing my shit, I hauled back and slapped him. “I told you you’d regret it. I told you over and over again I couldn’t be with you, but you just kept pushing!” With everything else I was feeling, the sting in my palm was barely noticeable.
He stood still except for rubbing the red handprint on his cheek. I barely took a breath before letting loose on him again. “I guess you didn’t get enough earlier. I’ll go find another girl to trade with me since you’re obviously in the mood for variety.”
He stared me down as he took a seat in the chair I’d fucked Tommy in not that long ago. Aside from him coming here to fuck a whore and being pissed that said whore turned out to be me, there was something off about this situation, but I had no clue what it was. The anger on his face morphed into indecision, which confused me even more. “That won’t be necessary, you’ll do.”
Was he trying to punish me? Before I could respond, Bruce barged into the room. “Put your robe on, Lisa,” he ordered. “Did this motherfucker hurt you?”
“Yes, but not in the way you think.”
“Did he lay a hand on you?”
“No.”
“But you slapped him?” Stupid Johnny must have tattled.
I nodded. Bruce looked between Carter and me and then settled back on Carter. “I apologize for her behavior. I’d be happy to find you another girl for the evening.”
“Don’t worry about it; I’m ready to leave.”
“B-but, you already paid. Why waste a perfectly good boner?” I wanted nothing more than for him to leave. Even with my shield back in place, touching him now would be a thousand times worse than what I’d done with Tubby. But there was no way I could lose my only source of income; not when I was so close to reaching my goal. I had to salvage the situation, especially since Bruce was still in the room. “I want you so fucking badly,” I lied. “Please stay.”
“Don’t feed me that line of bullshit.” His voice was almost a growl.
For the second time in as many days, Carter stood and walked away from me.
*
After my third shower of the evening, I put on my street clothes and hurried to the office to collect my tips from Bruce. Anything we earned over a certain percent of our regular rate was given to us in cash to avoid raising red flags with corporate. Might as well add tax fraud to my list of sins.
“You made out pretty good tonight, Lisa,” he said in an angry tone as he handed me an envelope that was thicker than usual. I peeked inside and was happy to find several hundreds tucked behind at least a dozen twenties. Thomas always took good care of me.
One of the best things about my boss was his integrity. Most guys in his situation would probably try to pocket most of our tips, but he always gave us every penny we earned. He made his money from the “upgrade” fee.
>
“Thanks, Bruce,” I said as I tucked the envelope into my bag. Keeping my tone upbeat, I hoped the boss man would overlook my outburst with Carter. Wanting to get out of there in a hurry, I said, “See you tomorrow,” as I headed for the door.
“Wait, I’m not finished.”
Shit.
“You lost a client tonight. I had to give him a full refund, not to mention you assaulted him. We can’t have the cops all up in our business. Luckily he agreed not to press charges.”
“I’m sorry. I know him, and he said some things that were out of line.”
“I’ve never seen you lose your cool before, but I can’t excuse it. You’ve been with me a long time, and you’re my top earner. However, I do need to set an example to make sure the other girls get the message. You’re being demoted to waitress for the next three months. I can’t fit you into the schedule until next Friday, so you have the rest of the week off.”
“Three months!” The corners of my eyelids stung with how wide they were spread. The vast difference in tips would make it impossible to save enough to pay for school before it started in the fall.
“Sorry, doll. It’s the best I can do given the circumstances. If you were anyone else, you would have been fired on the spot.”
I nodded and left his office, not quite as tall as when I’d walked in.
*
My phone rang as soon as I stepped out of the employee exit. I was already at work, so it couldn’t be my boss, which left only two people who would call me at two in the morning, and I didn’t want to talk to either of them. After looking at the screen to confirm it was one of my parents, I seriously considered letting it go to voicemail. But, much to my regret, I didn’t.
“What now, Mother?” Leaning against the wall, I patted my pockets in search of a cigarette. In this familiar position, my subconscious didn’t seem to remember that I’d quit six months ago. Smoking was a huge waste of money, and I made better tips when I didn’t smell like an ashtray.
“Hey, baby,” she said. “Can you float your daddy and me six hundred? We ran out of gas. We just bought food, and it’ll all go bad.” They liked to keep their ‘mobile home’, as they liked to call it, in the middle of nowhere and live off of the grid. I was surprised they’d never started a fire.
Knowing they didn’t need that much money for gas, I replied, “Maybe you’d be able to pay for your own gas if you actually sold some of your shitty homemade crank instead of snorting all of it.” That was actually the last thing I wanted. If they were going to run a meth lab, I’d much rather they kill themselves than fuck up the lives of others. “I can’t do this anymore. You know I want you to get clean. There’s no reason you can’t go to rehab and then get a real job.”
“Please, baby? We’re desperate.”
“Why should I care after everything you’ve put me through?” I fought like hell to keep the tears from my voice. Their decisions started me down the path that lead to my current devastation. I wasn’t one to rub the past in people’s faces, but it was way too close to the surface at the moment to suppress.
“You know how sorry we are for what happened. We were just trying to get things straightened out. We didn’t have another choice.”
“You could have sold your body instead of mine.”
“Oh, baby, you know you were worth way more than me. Please, sweetheart?”
“Fine, I’ll give you two hundred, but this is the absolute last time. Even if I didn’t hate your career choice, I can’t afford it anymore.” Not that I ever could.
“Thank you, baby. We’ll leave the porch light on.”
I pushed off the wall I’d leaned against so many times before and headed to my car.
Chapter Seven
My life had gone to shit, and I had no one to blame but myself. It was stupid of me to open up to Carter. Making love with—no, fucking—him had been even worse. How could I have been so foolish to believe I was special to him when I wasn’t even special to my own mom and dad? How could I have believed something so beautiful could happen to me and not be a joke?
In the few days I’d known him, I’d been certain he would be the one to get hurt. I tried to prevent it, but in the end, I’d been weak. Just when the slightest glimmer of hope started to force its way into my heart, I found out I’d been utterly wrong. How could I have not known he’d been playing me the entire time? How had I not realized I’d given him the power to hurt me worse than I thought possible?
The last minute trip to my parents’ current campsite only made my heart hurt worse. Meth had turned them into horrible parents, yet through it all, they had stayed together. Even when they were in desperate need of a fix, they still loved each other; however, their love no longer extended to me. After everything they’d done, it wasn’t fair for them to have some fucked up version of true love in their lives when it was their fault I couldn’t even try without falling on my face. I’d often wondered if they would be better apart—if maybe at least one of them would get clean if they weren’t feeding off of each other’s addictions. However, it was that bond between them that made me think there was a chance they could still be saved.
The sun was still several hours away from rising when I’d gotten home. Longing to escape my new reality, I pulled the covers over my head as I climbed into bed. The beautiful oblivion of sleep was the only thing that could bring me solace at that particular moment. However, just like everything else in my life, the sandman decided to give me a big fuck you as well. After tossing and turning for about half an hour, I was nearing the brink of insanity. I couldn’t lie there any longer, so I put on a pair of yoga pants, an extra-large T-shirt, and my running shoes before heading out into the night.
The waning moon was nothing more than a sliver¸ but I didn’t care that I could barely see. I didn’t even care that the air was cold and damp. I needed something and was going to get it regardless of the fact that it was only a couple of hours until sunrise. Keeping my eyes on the ground, I cut through the park to get to Main Street, which was lined with restaurants, gas stations, and liquor stores—exactly what I was looking for.
An electronic chime sounded when I opened the door, which seemed to wake up the beefy, tatted-up guy behind the counter. If only sleep had come that easy for me. “Help you find something?” he grumbled.
“Can’t sleep. Any recommendations?”
“Sounds like a job for whiskey. Try the Heaven Hill bourbon; back of aisle three. That should do the trick.” Trusting his expertise, I took the short walk to the back of the cramped space, which only had four aisles total. Bottle in hand, I returned to the register and handed him my license before he had a chance to ask. “I normally don’t give a shit,” he said as he looked at my identification, “but you look like hell. You shouldn’t be out alone in the middle of the night.”
“I’ll be all right, I’m a big girl.”
“If you say so, but do me a favor.” He pointed over his left shoulder. Look straight into the security camera so the cops have a clear shot of your face for the news when you go missing.”
“Ha fucking ha.” Like anyone would even notice if I was missing. “Are you going to ring me up, or what?” This guy made me wish I lived somewhere like New York City. From what I’d seen on TV, most people there wouldn’t bother with the lecture.
He scanned the barcode and returned my license. As I slid my debit card through the machine, he wrapped the bottle in a stereotypical plain brown paper bag. “Be careful, okay? I’ll feel bad if I turn on the news tomorrow and see them pulling your body out of a pond.”
“Thanks,” I said and then took my purchase and left.
After being in the warm store for a few minutes, it seemed much colder outside than it had before I went in. I spotted steam coming from a grate in the sidewalk outside of a nearby building and went to stand over it for a minute. While enjoying the warmth, I opened my bottle and, like a hobo, wrapped the paper bag around its neck.
After just a few swigs, I was
beginning to relax. Between the bourbon warming me from the inside and the steam coming from beneath my feet, I finally felt a little sleepy. With a firm grip on my bottle, I headed back home. The drinking continued as I slowly walked through the park. Before I was even halfway through, I was so tired that I had to sit down. After stumbling around a bit, I found a place that seemed safe enough to rest. I decided to lie down and close my eyes for a few minutes. Just long enough to get enough energy to continue my trek home.
*
It was cold. Reaching for my blanket, I ended up with a handful of damp grass instead. My eyes popped open and found the trunk of a tree barely three inches from my face. Surprised, I fell onto my back. Taking in my surroundings, I realized I was under our tree. “Fucking moron,” I chided myself. It had never been our tree. It had all been a part of Carter’s elaborate rouse to get in my pants.
I remembered walking through the park and stopping somewhere to rest, but I didn’t know if I had been there five minutes or five hours. Looking up through the trees, I could tell the sun was up; I just couldn’t tell how high because of the solid wall of storm clouds.
My stomach churned a little when I tried to sit up. Grasping the ground behind me for purchase, my fingers collided with the bottle. I picked it up and was relieved to find it still over half full. My eyes burned and my mouth tasted like ass, but at least I didn’t have a full-blown hangover.
Without putting much thought into it, I climbed up onto one of the few sturdy looking branches of my tree to get off of the muddy ground. When I was safely on the branch that was just slightly over my head when I stood under it, I leaned back against the trunk. I was cold, wet, and covered in mud, but the thought of going home wasn’t appealing.
Just as the cool spring rain started to fall, my foggy brain began processing the events of the night before. I couldn’t fix what happened with Carter. I didn’t have the energy to think about my parents. The biggest problem that I might be able to control was my job.