by Fiona Harper
‘I was going to tell my family after the wedding,’ she said. ‘She wants to meet them, find out where she comes from. And then Scarlett told me about the letter and I realised I had to tell you too—tell you first. But I was going to do it after today, to avoid all…this.’
You stupid fool, he told himself. All this time you thought she was coming on to you and all she was doing was paving the way for the truth to come out.
‘What are we going to do?’ she said, with equal measures of fear and uncertainty in her eyes.
He stood up and offered her his hand. She took it, and he pulled her to her feet and waited while she slid her feet back in her shoes.
He stared at a cluster of trees, looking for answers.
Honesty deserved honesty.
‘I don’t know,’ he said, ‘but it’s time we went back to the party and faced everybody.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
JACKIE felt as if her skin were too thick, as if sensations from the outside world couldn’t quite get through. She was floating and heavy all at the same time. The details of the walk back towards the terrace were fuzzy; she didn’t remember which path they took, or any of the sights and sounds. Just before they emerged from the trees and into the open, she stopped, pulled at Romano’s shirtsleeve.
‘Here. You’d better have this back.’
She started to slide his jacket from her shoulders, but he hooked the collar with a finger and pulled it back up. ‘Keep it. You look cold.’
She was cold. Ever since Romano had said those things to her in the grotto, she hadn’t been able to ignore the shivering deep, deep inside. Sometimes it worked its way outwards and she had to clench her teeth to stop them rattling, but it all felt a little disconnected from her, as if it were happening to someone else.
‘But—’
‘What’s the point, Jackie?’
‘I…’
She didn’t know. Just that it seemed the right thing to do, to hide the fact she’d been in the garden with Romano. The need to keep everything about their relationship under the radar had become a habit she’d never thought to break.
‘We don’t have to keep it a secret that we went for a walk in the garden,’ he said, taking her by the hand and leading her forwards. ‘Who cares if anyone sees us together? Your family will know all there is to know soon.’
Jackie nodded, because she recognised the need for response of some kind. Her brain wasn’t working fast enough to keep up. Romano’s words seemed to make sense. Why hadn’t she thought about this before? Somehow in the confusion of recent days she hadn’t connected the fact that telling her family also meant that they would know about Romano, that they would all know the secrets she had kept to herself for seventeen years.
Seventeen years.
That was more than half of her life. She’d hated Romano, believed him to be heartless and superficial, for all that time. But now the truth was out. Her secret had been revealed. Wasn’t she supposed to feel free? Lighter? But she was too numb to feel anything but the pressure of Romano’s fingers on her hand and the warmth spreading all the way up her arm.
In their absence the party had spilled outside. The tall glazed doors that led from the ballroom onto the patio had been thrown open and guests were wandering through the upper terraces, champagne flutes in hands. The large paved area where she and Romano had lunched the other day had been cleared of furniture and planters, and a swing band played while couples danced.
She tugged on Romano’s hand, not really knowing why. Just that she didn’t want to throw herself headlong back into the party. She didn’t know what to do now, how to behave. How could she just go and rejoin her family as if nothing had happened?
He squeezed her fingers lightly and nodded towards the palazzo.
Good idea. Perhaps there was somewhere quiet inside where she could sit and recover.
Despite the fact she was still wearing his jacket, nobody took any notice of them as they weaved their way through the neatly clipped bushes. Romano walked slightly ahead, his face serious but not forbidding.
He’d surprised her by taking her news incredibly well. Too well—he was handling it much better than she was, even though she’d had more time to adjust to recent revelations. Under normal circumstances, doing better than Jackie Patterson at anything simply wasn’t allowed, but at this moment she was heartily relieved.
They were only a matter of steps from one of the entrances to the ballroom when she spotted her mother inside, heading their way. Jackie suddenly veered in another direction, following the curve of one of the low hedges. Their hands were still joined and she took Romano with her. He let out a grunt of surprise, then muttered something about quick thinking. Jackie was looking directly ahead but with all her attention behind her as she strained to pick out her mother’s footsteps, as she waited to hear her name in that shrill voice.
Just as they reached the edge of the dance floor it came.
‘Jackie?’
She kept going. There was no way that she could deal with her mother in her present state. The only fireworks planned for this evening were the ones that Jack and Lizzie had arranged, and she’d very much like to keep it that way.
‘Jacqueline!’
She should have known that she’d need a more sophisticated plan than just trying to outrun Mamma.
‘Sorry, Lisa,’ she heard Romano say beside her as he slipped his jacket off her shoulders and pulled it away. Jackie didn’t see how he disposed of it. ‘Jacqueline promised me a dance. You don’t mind, do you?’
And then he took her in his arms and spun her away. When the motion had taken her one hundred and eighty degrees and they were disappearing into the crowd, she looked back to see her mother standing there, holding Romano’s jacket, with her mouth open.
‘I can’t believe you just did that!’
Romano smiled his twinkly smile. ‘What was it that you called me? Incorrigible?’
A soft laugh escaped her lips. ‘I never thought I would say this, but I’m very glad that you are.’
He turned again with some nimble footwork and her mother disappeared from view.
‘Glad to know I have a redeeming feature,’ he said softly so only she could hear. ‘I’ve been trying very hard to develop one.’
She smiled and laid her head against his shoulder. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, but something she’d done on autopilot. How strange that after all this time being in Romano’s arms felt as easy and comfortable as it always had done. She really ought to put some distance between them, try to maintain a little bit of self-respect, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to reverse her mistake. It was too much of an effort to pull away from him and balance on her own two feet again.
Romano wasn’t helping. He slid his arms around her waist and pulled her close, rested his cheek against her temple.
The song changed. In fact it might have changed more than once, but Jackie didn’t notice. She just moved side-to-side, round-and-round, enjoying the luxury of having someone to lean on, if only for a few snatched moments. She’d spent her whole life making sure she stood high and lonely on her self-created pedestal, and now she realised that it had left her unspeakably tired.
Romano didn’t say anything as they danced; he just held her. There was something wonderfully comforting about a man who knew how to be strong, solid…still. They silently danced like that for what seemed like hours and she was grateful for the chance to have time to absorb and assimilate the afternoon’s events.
She tried to pack it all away neatly in her brain, but one question refused to be properly silenced and stowed.
Why hadn’t she made more of an effort to talk to Romano about the fact they were bringing a new life into the world? Just one attempt in all that time seemed juvenile. Had she really believed him to be the villain of the piece, an evil seducer of young girls, who cared for no one but himself and never faced the consequences of his actions?
Yes and no.
She’d bel
ieved it because she’d needed to believe it. Not believing that had been far too dangerous an option. Hatred had helped her shut the door on him, pull up the drawbridge and keep herself safe. Second chances would have meant giving him access, giving him the opportunity to hurt her all over again, and she couldn’t have had that, because any further rejection would have involved Kate too. Self-righteous anger had been the path of least resistance—the coward’s way out. She’d taken it without a second thought, without even really understanding her own motivations or the long-term consequences.
But you were fifteen…
No excuse.
She’d been old enough to make a baby and that meant she’d needed to accept the responsibility that went with it. And despite her best efforts she’d failed, had chosen a course of action she wasn’t sure now had been the right one.
Could she have made a go of it with Romano?
The truth was she’d never know. They might have survived. They might have been awful teenage parents—children trying to bring up a child of their own. Perhaps it was better for Kate that her adoptive parents had been so stable and sensible. They obviously loved her a great deal.
More than you?
She shut her eyes against that thought. Whichever way she answered it, it made her stomach bottom out.
‘I think it’s safe now.’
Jackie raised her head from Romano’s shoulder. She felt so lethargic. ‘Huh?’
‘Your mother. She’s gone. I think I saw her talking to your uncle.’
Well, that didn’t make sense. Mamma and Uncle Luca were hardly on chatting terms.
Romano stopped moving and Jackie looked up at him. ‘That means we can stop now,’ he said, looking down at her.
Was it wrong that she didn’t want to stop? That she wanted to stay here, warm in his arms, and not have to face the world again?
She knew the answer to that one.
Of course it was wrong. It was weak. She let her hands slide from where they’d been resting against his chest and stepped back. All the easy warmth that had flowed between them suddenly evaporated. She didn’t know what to say, how to leave gracefully.
In the end she decided to do what she did best and attack the practical angle. Inter-personal stuff was so much harder. She brushed herself down, straightened her hair. ‘I think we should talk tomorrow, once we’ve both had time to think.’
Romano gave her an odd look. ‘I agree,’ he said slowly. ‘Jackie? Are you okay?’
She straightened her shoulders. ‘I’m fine. Just tired. You know…’
His mouth creased into a sort of combined grimace and smile. ‘I will call you in the morning.’ And then he nodded once and walked away.
Jackie blinked. What had she done to Romano? He’d lost all his charm and polish. She’d never seen him take leave of a woman without kissing her on the cheek, or saying something witty to make her laugh and then watch him as he walked away.
Jackie decided to find somewhere quiet to sit and fend off the migraine she felt developing before it took hold.
As she made her way through the wedding guests in the ballroom, heading for one of the smaller rooms, she spotted her mother and Uncle Luca deep in conversation, just as Romano had said. She passed behind her mother, but stayed out of her peripheral vision so she could slip by unnoticed. As she did so she caught a snatch of their conversation.
‘I appreciate your honesty,’ her uncle was saying.
She heard that little intake of breath her mother made when she was finding a subject difficult. ‘I mean it, Luca. I am truly sorry I ruined your birthday dinner by causing a scene. It was extremely bad manners.’
Jackie paused, hovering on the balls of her feet. She’d heard all about her mother’s outburst from Lizzie—how Mamma and Luca had got into a terrible fight and then she had told the whole of his unsuspecting family of the twin half-brothers they’d never known had existed. What was it with this family? Surely life would have been much easier for them all if they could have put their pride aside and just accepted each other, loved each other. Wasn’t that what families were supposed to do?
And then her mother’s words actually registered.
Holy…something or other. Had her mother just apologised? Wonders would never cease! Or maybe it was just the prosecco talking. Mamma had knocked plenty back this afternoon.
‘What’s done is done,’ Luca said, his palms upturned in a gesture of resignation. ‘I didn’t like the way the news came out, but it was well past time for my family to know about Alessandro and Angelo. It needed to be said. There are too many secrets in this family.’
Jackie wanted to laugh out loud. You don’t know the half of it!
But you should. You all should.
Jackie filled her lungs with air and moved slightly to the left so her uncle could see her, but he was too deep in conversation to register her presence at first.
‘How can we be strong as a family if we are splintered like this?’ he said, taking Lisa’s hands in his. ‘It’s time to put the old grudges to sleep, time to stop the fighting.’
Her mother sighed. ‘We’ve been warring for so long that sometimes I forget how it all started.’
Uncle Luca laughed and kissed her on the cheek, much to her mother’s surprise. ‘We have war, yes, but that is because we have passion. Let us use that to build rather than to destroy.’
Jackie smiled. Uncle Luca always did get very flowery with his speech when he’d had a few.
‘It is a new era,’ he added. ‘Valentino and Cristiano and Isabella now know about their brothers and I am feeling the need to mend things instead of fortifying them. There is a subtle difference, you know.’
Much to her surprise, her mother nodded. ‘I know. Having my girls together again has me feeling that way too, even if I am not convinced we can learn to do things differently. There are some wounds that just don’t want to heal, no matter how well we bandage them up.’
Uncle Luca shrugged. ‘We can but try.’
Her mother gave the smallest of nods and began to look around. This was Jackie’s cue to scuttle away before she was noticed, but she did the unthinkable and took a step forward to stand beside her uncle, putting herself right in the firing line. Uncle Luca gave her a kiss and hug.
‘Beautiful as always, piccolo.’
She smiled and shook her head. ‘Uncle Luca, you’re full of it, but I love you anyway.’
‘We’ve been talking about family,’ he said. ‘Talking about coming together, all Rosa Firenzi’s children and grandchildren—as it should be. We need to unearth the roots of the secrets that have grown within us and choked us.’
There he went again. But this time Jackie didn’t smile. There was too much truth in what he said.
‘I agree,’ she said, and turned to face her mother. ‘And in this new spirit of unity and openness, I have something I really need to tell you.’
Even though Jackie slept hard and deep that night, she still woke up feeling as if she’d been clubbed about the head with a cricket bat. She crawled downstairs and found Scarlett in the kitchen.
‘You’re looking fabulous this morning,’ Scarlett said with a broad smile on her face.
Jackie just grunted. As always, Scarlett was looking perfect. ‘I told Mamma,’ she added, by way of explanation.
Scarlett grimaced. ‘And you survived? How did you manage that?’
‘I don’t know,’ she replied, shaking her head slightly. ‘It wasn’t at all what I’d expected. She was very calm, which was worrying, because either she’s had a complete personality transplant or it means there’s going to be a delayed reaction.’
‘Good luck with that.’
‘Thanks.’ Jackie walked over to the coffee machine and kept her voice matter-of-fact. ‘And I told Romano.’
Her sister didn’t say anything.
‘Sorry,’ Scarlett said from behind her. ‘But I thought you just said you’d told Romano.’
Jackie turned round. ‘I did. Y
esterday. At the wedding.’
‘At the…? Wow!’
Jackie nodded. ‘I know. I hadn’t planned on it, but it was the only way to stop him…never mind.’
Scarlett’s eyebrows had almost disappeared into her hairline. ‘Oh, really?’
‘Let’s not go there,’ Jackie said, trying her best to make her cheeks cool down. ‘Let’s just say that things took an…interesting…turn. I hadn’t planned on letting it all out on Lizzie’s wedding day, but situations arose that warranted full disclosure.’
Scarlett burst out laughing.
‘What?’ Jackie said, a little cross after her great efforts to remain dignified about the whole thing.
‘Just listen to yourself!’ Scarlett said. ‘As soon as anything becomes remotely emotional, you start getting all wordy and businesslike. You’re just like—’
‘Don’t you dare say it!’
But it was too late. The word had slipped out while Jackie had been ranting.
‘—Mamma,’ Scarlett finished.
‘I am nothing like Mamma. You’re the one who looks most like her.’ Jackie countered.
Scarlett shrugged. ‘What can I say? I’ve come to terms with the similarities between us. Doesn’t mean I like it, but at least I’m not in denial.’
Jackie steadied herself by taking a sip of coffee. ‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ she muttered. ‘I’m nowhere near being in denial—about that or anything else.’
‘Darling,’ Scarlett said before sauntering out of the room, ‘denial is your middle name.’
‘Rubbish!’ Jackie called out after her. ‘You haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.’
She couldn’t have.
Jackie wasn’t wrong about this. She was rarely wrong about anything.
Oh, yes? Or is it just that you’ve made sure that you’re top of the heap, that yours are the opinions that count, so you never have to deal with being wrong? It’s too difficult.
Rubbish, she repeated to herself. One mistake. That was all she’d made in her life. Sleeping with Romano when she hadn’t been old enough for that kind of relationship. Okay, and there was the letter. She should have talked to Romano herself. She’d been big enough to admit that to herself—and him—already. And, of course, there was the whole thing about her not getting in contact with him ever since. She knew that was wrong now.