by Leann Harris
“How’s your family?” Joan asked. “As I recall you had lots of siblings.”
“I’m the only one who left the mountains. They’ve all managed to come out here to visit, but I’m the black sheep of the family. No one really understood why I left except for my mother. She encouraged me to follow my dream.”
“I wanted that, too, for you, Vince.”
He understood her reasoning. It was a valid reason. Too bad his heart didn’t agree.
* * *
Once Tessa and Ethan arrived at the drive-in and ordered burgers, they sat at one of the picnic tables outside and ate.
“You were good with Sugar today,” Ethan told her. “Wonderful and patient.”
She put down her burger, her face somber. “I understand horses and how to take care of them, but I don’t understand why—” She pushed the burger away. When she raised her head, her eyes glistened with tears. “Suddenly, everything in my life is a lie. My father wasn’t really my father and the story my mom spun about my life wasn’t the truth. And the place where I’ve come to establish my career is the house of my biological father.
“It’s like my entire life has been cut off its moorings. I don’t know if anything my mother has ever said to me is true.”
Ethan grabbed her hand, pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her. “Tessa, you’re in the middle of a storm. Don’t try to understand now. Just give yourself time, and let the Lord comfort you.”
She tipped her head back. “How?”
The back of his fingers stroked her cheek. “Every time you start thinking about the situation, sing your favorite chorus or hymn. Send up a prayer.”
“That easy?”
“Probably not, but it’s a plan. Keeping busy might be useful, too—maybe you can help me try to get organized to move the rescue horses. I’ll call Mary tonight and see if we can arrange it.”
“Call her now.”
Seeing Tessa concentrate on something beside her parents gave him a boost. “Okay. I’ll make the call.”
It took less than ten minutes for Mary to like the idea. She told him to stand by while she made some calls. When Ethan hung up, Tessa smiled at him, the first smile he’d seen since that fateful moment when they’d walked into the kitchen.
“So, she’s going to arrange it?” Tessa asked.
“She is.”
“There’s light at the end of the tunnel.”
“There is.”
Ethan finished his burger. Tessa still fiddled with hers. “Wait here.” He threw the words over his shoulder as he opened the door to the drive-in and ordered two ice cream cones. When he returned, he held out one cone to Tessa. “I thought you might like this.”
Her eyes watered. “You remembered.”
Laughing, he nodded. “I couldn’t help but notice. You’re a girl who likes her ice cream.”
She took the cone and started licking it.
Before they finished, Mary called back. “It’s set. Tonight you and I will call the ranches fostering the horses and tell them the plan.”
“Thanks, Mary. You just email me which of the ranchers you want me to contact.” When he hung up, he smiled at Tessa. “It’s all set.”
“Then let’s see how fast we can get these horses away from here. I want to make sure all the horses and ranchers are safe.”
He walked her to her truck. “I’ll drive behind you to make sure you get home okay.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
He cupped her cheek. “I know you are capable, but still you’re not as familiar with this area as I am and it’s getting dark. I’d feel better if you let me do this.”
She studied him, thinking. “Okay.”
As they drove off, Ethan wished he could protect her emotionally as well as physically. He couldn’t, but he knew Someone who could.
* * *
The closer she got to the clinic, the more Tessa’s muscles tightened. She didn’t want to face her mother and Doc. She wasn’t ready.
Looking into the rearview mirror, she saw the lights of Ethan’s truck. The man had been a steady presence over the last nightmarish day. Was it really less than twenty-four hours since she’d walked into the kitchen and heard her parents arguing?
Her parents.
Her mother and her father.
How strange to think of Doc as her father. She’d come to know him as a colleague and admired his skill as a vet. Oddly, they thought the same way about horses and how to approach them. He’d evaluated her talent, not her gender or size.
And he was her father. It was more than she could take in.
She pulled into the clinic parking lot. Ethan parked beside her. Before she could get out of her truck, he was at her side, opening the door. “You want me to go in with you?”
Before she could answer, the back door opened and Doc appeared in the walkway. “How’d things go?”
“Tessa kept after that horse until the colic passed.” Ethan threw her a grin. Pride shone in his eyes.
Doc nodded. “You think that’s going to happen again?”
“We can’t take that chance. We’re going to move the horses to the rescue group out of Taos.”
Tessa cocked her head. “So they called you back?”
Ethan nodded. “They did while we were driving back. Mary’s making final arrangements. The group in Taos will find good homes for the horses with all the rich folks and celebrities that run through that place.”
Tessa gathered up her equipment. Doc joined her, taking several bags from the bed of her truck.
“Ethan, do you want to stay for a cup of coffee?” Doc asked.
“I can’t, Doc. I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me to arrange to move those horses.”
Doc nodded and left Tessa alone with Ethan.
“If you need anything, call me,” Ethan whispered to her before he brushed her lips with a kiss.
Tessa watched as he drove away, knowing that she’d need to gather her courage and face her parents.
When she went inside, no one was in the kitchen or living room. She went to her bedroom and found her mother packing her suitcase.
Her mother looked up from the bed, but said nothing before she resumed her packing.
Carefully, Tessa put her purse on the dresser. She needed to say something, but didn’t know where to begin. Her mind was still mired with a thousand conflicting feelings with not a clear thought in sight. “Why are you leaving?” she asked at last.
“I got a call from my company. There’s been a hitch in the deal I negotiated last week and I need to fly back to Brussels. My flight home leaves at 5:30 a.m. Vince has agreed to drive me to the airport in Albuquerque. I’ll catch a flight the next morning at 7:30 for Brussels.”
Tessa’s legs gave out and she sat on the bed. “I could—” Her cell phone rang and she retrieved it from her purse. “Yes, Ethan?”
“I’ve got several volunteers together to help drive the horses to Taos. Since the clinic is centrally located, we’re going to meet there at seven in the morning. Will you be able to oversee the horses, and talk to the others in the group?”
Looking at her mother, she said, “I don’t know. There’s been an emergency and Mom needs to fly out early tomorrow morning. I don’t know if I’ll be back in time.”
Joan waved to her. “Vince is going to take me. If you need to do something, don’t let my leaving stop you.”
It was a logical solution to the dilemma, but it wasn’t the right one. She nodded to her mom. “Ethan, Doc is going to cover the airport run, so I’ll be here.”
“Call me if you need anything, Tessa.”
“Thanks,” she whispered and hung up. When she looked up, her mother said, “Tessa, we need to talk.”
Joan wal
ked to the other twin bed and sat facing her daughter. “I know you’re still upset. It’s been only twenty-four hours since you learned the truth.” She glanced down at her hands. “I’ve pretty well messed things up, but you need to remember, I thought I was doing the right thing. My father felt I shamed the family. I was supposed to ‘get rid of the problem’. I couldn’t do that, and my father didn’t want me back if I kept you. But you were the only thing of Vince I had left and I couldn’t give you up.
“I loved Vince so much.” Joan grasped Tessa’s hands. Looking down, she worried her bottom lip. “I should’ve just had you and lived with my grandmother, but I really did think that Warren and I could come to love each other and you could have a normal family. My marriage wouldn’t be that head-over-heels love I felt for Vince, but a soft kind of love between close friends.
“Warren thought he could live with that. I was honest with him, Tessa. I never lied to him. But it turned out that Warren couldn’t live with the truth. In the end, he wanted more from me. And no matter how hard I tried, that love never blossomed. I knew why he started gambling and drinking and I felt responsible for driving him to that. I don’t think he would’ve done what he did if he’d never met me.
“And I couldn’t tell you. How were you going to understand that Momma didn’t love Daddy?”
The emotional churning inside Tessa wanted to erupt, but she knew if she said the things in her heart, she would forever drive her mother away. So instead of responding, Tessa sat silently.
Her mother released Tessa’s hands and sat back. Her eyes darkened with pain. “I made bad decisions, Tessa, but at the time, they seemed the best choices.” She fell silent.
“Mom—” She opened her mouth, but nothing else came out. She wanted to say something, reach out to her mother, but the wound was still so raw, aching. Tessa stood and walked into the bathroom as tears slid down her cheeks. The last thing Tessa heard was, “I’m so sorry.”
Closing the bathroom door, Tessa tossed her smelly clothes on the floor and turned on the shower. Stepping into the streaming jets of water, she grabbed the shampoo, poured it into her hand and scrubbed her head. As she rinsed the shampoo from her hair, water as well as tears streamed down her face.
When she finished her shower and slipped into her pajamas, she turned the light out in the bathroom and walked out into a dark bedroom. Joan lay in the twin bed, her eyes closed. Tessa knew her mother wasn’t asleep, but she didn’t say anything.
Climbing into bed, Tessa turned to the wall. She tried to empty her mind of all thoughts, but the first line of Psalm 31 kept running through her mind. In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame....
* * *
Ethan hung up the phone after talking to Randy Cousins, the last rancher he needed to notify of the move.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. It had not been the best of days. His phone rang. He snatched it up, thinking it might be Tessa.
“Ethan,” Mary began.
His heart deflated.
“I just finished my last call,” she continued. “I’ll bring the final instructions with me when we meet at the courthouse in Los Rios tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. Thanks for the update.” He wasn’t in the mood to chat, particularly with Mary.
He started to hang up when she said, “Ethan.”
“Yes?”
“Uh, I—well, we’ve never really talked since—”
He’d spent so long dreading this conversation, but now that it had come, he realized that his reluctance was far outweighed by his need to get through with it quickly so the line would be free if Tessa needed to call him. “No, we haven’t, but you don’t need to explain, Mary. You’ve done a lot with your life since that day. You should be proud of yourself.”
“I should’ve said something to you. I tried, but I always chickened out.”
The hurt that still lived in his soul evaporated. Like a puff of smoke, it was gone. “You did. I just wasn’t listening, Mary. I knew something was wrong that Thanksgiving when I came home from college. I should have listened to my heart and Heaven.”
He heard her sigh. “I want you to know something, Ethan. You are a good man and I think you and Tessa are made for each other. It won’t make me feel bad to see you two together. Really, it would make me happy to see you happy.”
He nearly fell out of his chair, her declaration leaving him wordless.
“You don’t have to say anything, Ethan. I just wanted you to know. See you tomorrow.” She hung up without giving him any time to respond.
He looked at the handset in his palm. What irony. He had an ex-fiancée giving him permission to court Tessa, who was so hurt and mad she didn’t know what she was doing or feeling. “Lord, what is going on?” The world seemed upside down.
* * *
Tessa heard the engine of a truck rumble to life. She looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. 3:30 a.m. Her eyes fluttered closed, then she remembered her mother was leaving with Doc. She threw off the covers and ran through the kitchen and out into the breezeway. She saw the truck pulling out of the parking area.
She rested her head on one of the crossbars bracing the mesh screen. “Oh, Mom.” She walked back inside, feeling numb, and sat in one of the chairs.
What was she to do?
She felt like she was staring into a void.
Her gaze moved around in the kitchen. Make coffee. She could do that. After she started it, she moved into the barn and began checking on the horses there.
Her first stop was Lady’s and Hope’s stall. “Hello, Momma, how are you doing today?”
Lady’s tail twitched. Hope woke and came toward Tessa. “Hello, young lady,” Tessa addressed the filly. Tessa slipped into the stall and stroked Hope’s head. Looking at the baby, Tessa realized how hard it was going to be to give the filly and her mother away. Tessa felt alienated from her mother, and the first foal she delivered as a practicing vet would be leaving. She buried her face in Hope’s side, fighting a wave of overwhelming despair.
* * *
Vince glanced at Joan, who sat on the other side of the cab of his truck. Her misery washed over him as he sat behind the steering wheel.
“She’ll come around,” he said.
Joan slowly turned her head toward Vince. “Will she?”
“Just give her time, Joan. It’s been a shock to her.”
“What about you, Vince? Do you hate me, too?”
He tried to concentrate on the road before him, but it became fuzzy through the moisture in his eyes. “No, Joan. I don’t hate you. But I keep wanting to go back and do it all again. Why didn’t I put two and two together back then?”
“So you didn’t have any idea?” she pressed.
“I feel like a dope, but no, I had no idea. I guess I was just an insecure kid from the hills. Of course, your dad hinted that you’d run off with someone else.” He shrugged. “I was too gullible to see he blamed me for the situation.”
Joan put her hand on Vince’s arm. “He didn’t want to live with the shame of his daughter getting pregnant out of wedlock. I thought he was so strict because he was just old-fashioned. But he only cared about how it made him look. My mother took his side.
“That night before I went to my grandmother’s, I wrote you a letter, telling you everything, pouring out my heart to you. But I didn’t mail it. You were going to make something of yourself, have a wonderful career, marry and have a good life. I loved you so much that I wanted all of that for you.”
If she only knew. He’d become a vet, but without ever having a family and wife and kids. He led a satisfying life, but not a rich one. Not the one he’d wanted. He couldn’t tell her that her sacrifice had only made everyone’s life miserable.
“Vince?” She reached out for him again.
“I’m trying to understand, Joan. You acted out of love.”
“But?”
“We can’t go back and change the past, but we can start from here and go forward.”
Joan didn’t appear convinced.
“I had a horse I was treating right after I came here. I thought the horse was suffering from colic and that with a little time and medicine he would be fine. Turns out I completely missed the diagnosis. When the owner went out the next day, the horse was dead. I felt responsible for that horse’s death. For a while, I thought about giving up until Ken McClure came to me and told me he understood that I’d made a judgment error, but it didn’t have to be a career ender. Ken believed in me. He wanted me to change the future, because there was nothing I could do about the past. I’ve never lost another horse to colic.
“Joan, all we can do is pick up the broken pieces of our lives, learn from them and go on.” Vince turned onto the road to the airport. “Tessa is who she is because of what she went through. I’d like to think her natural talent with animals comes from me, but who knows? Maybe it was from her spending time working to keep her horse fed, or seeing how the people at the stables cared for the animals. I don’t know. What I do know is I’d like to keep her as a partner and be part of her life from now on.” He threw her a glance. “And maybe explore a relationship with Tessa’s mother.”
Joan remained quiet for a long time as she studied his profile. Finally, she said, “I’d like that.”
He nodded. “I just hope Tessa can move forward, too.”
Chapter Fourteen
Tessa stood in the barn and watched Lady and Hope. She’d let her heart become attached to these two. She knew she needed to move them, but something inside her rebelled at the notion.
The phone in the barn rang. Getting a call this early in the morning wasn’t unusual. Tessa answered it.
“Hey, Tessa,” Ethan said, “I just got a call from the other rescue group. One of their members had something come up and can’t participate, so they can only take seventeen of the horses. We need to leave three of the horses here. I figured you might want to keep Lady and Hope. Will that work for you?”