“Is that where your scars are from?” Ainsley asked softly, running his thumbs over the backs of my hands.
“Yeah,” said quietly. “I don’t remember how the actual injuries happened, because it was so fast. One minute I was looking out at the bay, and the next I was underwater, trying to reach the surface without the use of half my limbs. You know I was a lifeguard before that? I was trained to save people who were drowning, and there I was completely unable to help anyone except myself.”
“Carson,” Ainsley said hoarsely, squeezing my hands tightly. “You know that it wasn’t your fault, right? You couldn’t help those people, you were too hurt yourself.”
“I know. You’re about the millionth person to tell me that, and I believe it. Just, uh, not when I’m having a panic attack at five in the morning, apparently.”
Ainsley smiled at me.
“I’ll keep reminding you whenever you need it,” he offered.
“I might just take you up on that. It’s been one of the more persistent thoughts that I’ve had since that day. That I should’ve been able to help my parents, or Andrea. They told me that my parents died before they reached the hospital. With a mass casualty incident like that, a lot of people are triaged at the scene and you don’t necessarily get a lot of information about when exactly they died, but…yeah, they didn’t make it. I like to think that they didn’t suffer, but, well, I have no way of knowing.”
“What about your sister?” Ainsley asked, sitting up a little straighter.
I realized that I was chewing on my lower lip and forced myself to stop.
“Her body was alive but…they declared her braindead. It took a while for them to do all the tests to confirm that she wouldn’t wake up, and then I had to decide what I wanted to do. It took a week before I really believed them, really registered that it was kinder to let her go because she really wasn’t coming back. And most of that time I was in surgery, or full of pain meds because I had just gotten out of surgery. It’s a big blur, honestly. I eventually though to call Dom, and he and Sydney came to help take care of me. When I was able to fly, I went back to New York with them.”
Tears had sprung into my eyes out of nowhere, and I tried to blink them away. It just made them spill out, rolling down my cheeks. Ainsley let go of my hands to reach up and wipe the tears away with his thumbs. It was so tender, so loving, that it only made me cry more.
“You must have felt so alone,” he whispered. I nodded, starting to cry in earnest. Little sobs wracked me, and the tears were falling rapid-fire. “Baby, I want to be with you, to help you carry this load. And any other loads that come up in your life.”
“I want to be with you too,” I whimpered, crying even harder. “I love you.”
“And I love you. So much.”
“Ainsley—”
“I know this is fast,” he interrupted, pulling me into a hug. My arms went instinctively around him, and something deep inside me started to settle.
This, it said, this is where you belong, Carson.
“I don’t care that it’s fast,” I breathed out.
“Good,” said Ainsley, “because I do not want to contend with time differences and transcontinental flights.”
That startled the tears away altogether. I pulled back to cast him a questioning glance.
“What…?”
“My business is incredibly mobile, especially with the amount of money I have at my disposal,” he went on. My heart leapt. Could he possibly mean…? “So, I would like to relocate to Seattle. Your friends are there, and if they are part of your chosen family, then I would like us to live near them. Hopefully they will accept me into the family as well.”
I huffed out a wet laugh, imagining my friends’ reactions to Ainsley.
“They’ll love you. Once you learn how to speak like you’re a normal person instead of a member of the aristocracy.”
He snorted, shaking his head with a smile.
“I will do my best.”
“Use a contraction once in a while,” I teased him.
“I’ll do my best.”
“Better.”
“Well,” Ainsley continued, pressing a quick kiss to my lips, “if you are done criticizing me, I want you to know that I plan to buy a house in Seattle and I would be honored if you would move in with me. We can, of course, pick out something with enough guest rooms for all of your friends. Or something in the neighborhood where they all live.”
Happiness was pumping through my veins, my body trembling with it.
“Are you fucking serious?”
“I am.”
“Holy shit, Ainsley. This is like—like—like something out of a goddamn fairytale!”
“That’s what you get when you date a billionaire, darling,” he said with a grin. “I have never wanted to spend money on myself. But a life with you, that is something that I want to invest in.”
“But what about your life in New York?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“What life? My work will come with me. You and I can fly to New York to visit Beau, Sydney, and Alistair whenever we like. I suppose my assistant will be displeased, but I can offer her money to relocate to Seattle, or an exemplary reference for a similar position at Beau’s office. I have been sleepwalking for most of my adult life, Carson. I want to live wide awake, and you—you wake me up like nothing else ever has. So, say you’ll give this a shot with me?”
With tear tracks still drying on my cheeks and the biggest grin in the world on my lips, I pulled Ainsley in for a deep, passionate kiss.
“Yes,” I gasped when we came up for air. “Yes.”
And then I was wrestling his shirt off, exposing that chiseled chest that I had been thinking about all week.
He pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes, presumably confirming that I wanted this. And god, did I ever.
It took about ten seconds to strip the rest of our clothes off, and then he was kissing his way down my body, taking special care to place gentle kisses across my scars. Clavicle, ribs, abdomen, he even bypassed my straining cock to lavish attention on my ankle.
I nudged him with my foot, impatient, and he burst out laughing.
“Tell me what you like.”
“God,” I growled, “I like everything. Do you have lube?”
He grinned, nodding toward the nightstand. I pulled out a brand-new tube of lube and tossed it down to him.
“What specifically would you like me to do?” he asked, sounding suddenly nervous.
“I need you inside of me, like, yesterday,” I panted, spreading my legs.
“Carson, I’ve never done this,” he said, sounding affectionately exasperated. “I need specific instructions. Or a tutorial. Maybe I should have consulted Google.”
“Nah, I’m a way better teacher than the internet,” I teased. “How do you feel about me showing you some stuff on your body, and then you can give it a go on mine?”
He flushed a deep red, and I waggled my eyebrows ridiculously.
“That sounds, uh, really good, actually,” he managed to get out.
“Okay,” I said, all businesslike. “Get on your stomach. And try to stay quiet, because the whole house definitely doesn’t need to know that I’m about to blow your mind.”
“Confident, huh?” Ainsley asked, crawling up the bed and dropping onto his stomach. I arranged myself between his legs and set the lube aside.
“I’ve done this plenty of times before, if I wasn’t confident, that would be a problem.”
“Fuck,” he moaned, spreading his legs instinctively. “Just thinking about you getting fucked by someone—is it bad that that gets me hot?”
I laughed, swatting his ass playfully.
“It’s great that it gets you hot. Now, I’m always on the receiving end of most of this, so I know how it feels to be where you are. If something hurts or feels bad, stop me, because it’s not supposed to.”
“Okay,” he sighed, pillowing his head on his arms.<
br />
Looking up his body, I was hit with a wave of arousal so all-consuming that I had to take a shuddering breath to stay present.
I ran my hands up his back and then back down to settle on his ass, pulling the cheeks gently apart. He shifted his hips a bit, but stayed where I put him.
Good, I thought contentedly, this is going to be so good.
Bending down, I flicked my tongue across his hole experiementally. Ainsley let out this deep throaty groan and thrust instinctively back toward me, making my cock throb almost painfully. If he was this damn responsive from the first touch of my tongue…
I licked across him again, more firmly this time, and a felt him starting to loosen up, his body adjusting to the idea of being breached.
Fuck.
I began licking him again and again, laving his hole, feeling the saliva dripping down my chin and toward his balls. He was keening with it, his hips pistoning back for more, and at the first firm lick inside of him, his whole body jerked and he let out something close to a howl.
“Shh,” I warned, “use a pillow if you have to, you gotta keep it down.”
“S-sorry,” he panted as I licked into him again.
When he was wet and pliant, I slicked my fingers and brought one of them to his hole, just tracing gently over it.
“Can I?” I asked, voice trembling with anticipation.
“Please.”
That was all I needed to hear. I slid in slowly, until the finger was as far in as it would go. He had gone still, but he didn’t feel tense. More like he was maybe concentrating on relaxing.
“How does it feel?” I murmured.
“It feels right,” he gasped out. “I want more—can I have more? Is that…?”
“Yeah,” I said through a smile, “you just need to adjust for a minute, then I can give you more.”
I started thrusting my finger in and out, keeping the rhythm slow and steady, predictable. After all, I was the first person ever to be inside of him like this, and that was both awe-inspiring and brutally hot.
He deserved gentle and loving for his first time.
He also deserved filthy and rough, if he ever asked for it.
When he felt loose enough, I slipped a second finger in alongside the first, and savored the moan he muffled in the pillow. He was meeting me thrust-for-thrust, quickening the pace even as I tried to keep it slow.
And then my fingers brushed right the fuck across his prostate and his entire body trembled, his mouth falling open in a silent cry of ecstasy.
“Yeah, that’s it babe,” I coaxed, “feels good, right?”
“I’ve never felt anything like that,” he whimpered, and I took that as permission to start milking his prostate, rubbing my fingers into it relentlessly.
With my free hand I reached down for his cock and found it rock hard and leaking steadily.
“Oh fuck,” I moaned, my own cock spurting out precum in response.
He was so goddamn hot for this, and it was pushing me toward the edge at an alarming rate.
I slid a third finger into him, and his hips started working double-time, desperate to be fucked harder, faster.
“Carson, Carson—”
“Do you wanna come like this?” I asked, the words shaking their way out of my mouth.
“Please—”
I jerked his cock once, twice, and then added, “Or do you want to come inside of me?”
He stuttered to a halt and whipped his head around to look at me with sex-glazed eyes.
“Why would you even give me that choice?” he whined. “I want both—all of it at once—don’t make me choose—”
“Okay,” I panted. “You fuck me. I’ll try to hold off long enough to fuck you after you come inside me.”
His eyes went wide as saucers, and he nodded silently.
I pulled my fingers out and he winced at the loss. Then I took my hand off of his cock and nudged him out of the way so that I could lay down.
“You think you can do to me what I just did to you?” I asked, before pulling him in for a long, filthy kiss.
When we pulled apart he stuttered, “A-all of it?”
My cock was as hard as it ever had been, and flushed dark.
“Maybe skip the foreplay, just give me a couple of fingers to prep, and then…I’ve been tested recently, but if you’re worried we can use a condom. I have one in my wallet.”
He shook his head fiercely.
“I’ve been tested as well. And I’ve always wanted to try it without.”
“Then get on with it,” I said with a smirk.
Ainsley carefully slicked his fingers with lube and I tilted my head back to stare up at the ceiling.
The first brush of fingers against my hole felt marvelous, and I sighed into it, already relaxing.
I loved being fingered.
It was pretty much my favorite thing in the entire world…although I had a feeling that having Ainsley’s bare cock inside of me was about to bump fingering down to my second favorite thing.
He slipped in first one finger and then, at my insistence, immediately added another. It felt so good to be filled up, and the fact that it was the man I loved…
I closed my eyes, thrusting my hips back and—
“Thaaaat’s it,” I purred as he stroked across my prostate, making stars burst behind my eyes. “You’re amazing, Ainsley. I need you. Need more.”
“You—are you ready? Do you need—”
“We’re good to go,” I murmured, planting my feet under me so that I could thrust up hard.
“You’re sure?”
“Baby, when a bottom tells you that he’s ready, you put your cock in him,” I advised.
He snorted out a laugh and pulled his fingers out leaving me aching for him.
“Pretty sure if you fuck me after this, you’re no longer just a bottom,” he pointed out as he slicked his cock.
“Okay,” I acquiesced, “you’ve converted me to the vers life. Fuck, I can’t wait to have you every single way possible.”
Ainsley didn’t reply, too busy sliding his cock into me.
He was thick and hot and perfect in every single way.
“Fuck,” he muttered, and I squeezed around him, just to drive him crazy.
“Fuck me,” I urged, pumping my hips up and sighing in relief.
Ainsley was filling me up more than just physically—he was as deep inside of me as anyone could ever be, embedding in my heart, on my mind, fucking into my body. This was everything I had never known I needed.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
We were both so close, and I was pushing the pace faster than was probably advisable. I knew I’d be sore the next day, but I didn’t give a shit. I wanted to feel the echo of him when I woke up.
“Oh fuck, I’m gonna—”
“Please,” I moaned, grabbing tight around the base of my cock in an effort to keep from coming.
All at once Ainsley was spilling within me, his entire body tensing and his mouth falling open as his eyes slid shut. He was a vision of bliss, the very essence of pleasure, and the sounds spilling from his mouth were sending shivers through my body.
His hands were tight on my hips, and I reached my free hand down to press him even harder into that tender skin. I wanted his bruises streaked across my skin.
When he finally pulled out, I pulled him down to kiss me, his softening cock smearing cum against my turgid one. His hands scrambled to tangle in my hair, and I whimpered into his mouth.
“That was—”
“I know,” I panted.
“Fuck.”
“I know.”
“Will you still fuck me?”
I nearly came just from those words, but valiantly managed to refrain.
“Ride me, Ainsley.”
He sat up, his expression absolutely blissful, and reached back to line my cock up against his hole. Our fingers brushed, and we both let out breathless little laughs.
Then he was sinking down onto m
e, almost painfully slow, and at long last I was inside of him.
This was one of the few firsts I had left, fucking another man this way.
And as our bodies joined once more, I knew that I had been waiting for Ainsley.
“I love you,” he sighed as we bottomed out, his ass resting against my hips.
“Love you too.”
We took it slow this time. He barely even rose up, just undulated his body enough to get some friction going. Just being encased in his tight heat was enough to have me ready to spill, and when I felt his cum starting to leak out of me, I let it all go.
His name was a benediction spilling from my lips as I thrust up, coming deep inside him.
“Ainsley, Ainsley, Ainsley…”
My vision whited out, and I floated for a while in an amorphous cloud of pleasure. When I came back down to earth, Ainsley had dismounted and was gently licking at the cum streaked down my thighs.
He is everything I could ever want, I thought sleepily as I reached down to ruffle his hair.
We fell asleep tangled up and filthy that night, ready to face whatever the world had in store for us the next day. Ready to face it together.
Epilogue
Ainsley
Two Years Later
“Ainsley? You in there?”
I glanced up just in time to see Carson come barreling into my office with a big grin on his face.
“What can I do for you?” I asked, closing my laptop. It was as good a time as any to wrap up work for the day, and judging by the look on Carson’s face, I was in for some really spectacular sex in a few minutes.
“You will never guess what I just got!”
“Let’s see,” I mused, looking up at the ceiling for inspiration. “An invitation to tea with the queen?”
He shook his head. “Negative.”
“Well,” I said, “was it a puppy? Because I am not into the whole housebreaking thing.”
“It’s not a puppy,” Carson said nearly bouncing up and down with excitement. I couldn’t help smiling at him.
Over the past two years we had both grown a lot. Between falling in love, moving across the country, hiring Carson to run his own committee in the Foundation, and attending an ungodly number of therapy sessions, I was becoming someone who loved his day-to-day life. Meanwhile, Carson was doing his own therapy, volunteering as a swim team coach at a local middle school, and learning the ropes of philanthropy. We were the same people we had been when we met, but happier, healthier versions of ourselves. And we had a frankly unreasonable number of people we considered family, all of whom we saw regularly.
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