by Amanda Boone
Sweaty sex and cool distance was what I’d practiced so far in life. It’d only let me down once, and that was only because I’d grown lazy in my search for new men. Staying with Max for so long had been my biggest downfall. I knew better.
I was about to raise my hand to get the bartender’s attention when Avery’s voice rang out to the crowd.
“All right, ladies and gentlemen. The happy couple are about to walk in. Everyone act natural.”
Some of the people closer to him and a woman I recognized as his mother smacked him on the back of the head. “Yeah, because that’s supposed to help us act normal.”
At that moment the front door opened and Justin appeared with his arm around Sara. She was looking up at him with a huge smile on her face, and he was beaming like the happiest man on earth. When Sara did look up, she froze. It didn’t take her very long to look around and see all of the people she’d grown close to.
Justin’s friends and family littered the bar, along with Sara’s work friends and all the volunteers from the shelter. Everyone seemed to pause as a silent moment bloomed.
Finally, Justin stepped forward and turned to face Sara. I could still see her face from the angle I was sitting at, and tears formed in my eyes at how happy she looked. When he went down on one knee, her eyes got big and she was instantly crying.
From where I was sitting, I couldn’t hear Justin’s speech, but I could tell it was special by the way everyone closest to them starting dabbing their eyes. I saw Avery slowly backing away, disappearing into the crowd again, and I felt another kick to the chest. I wanted to hug him.
Sara threw her arms around Justin’s shoulders, and I heard the “yes” she screamed at him. Justin’s son, Mason, raced forward, and I had to look away as the new family embraced.
I turned back toward the bar and took a deep breath in. I blew it out and then repeated the process until I had a check on my emotions.
“You’re the best friend. Aren’t you supposed to be over there, celebrating?”
I snapped my head in his direction and had my own frozen moment. Devon Steele had sat down right beside me, and the look on his face was enough to heat up the room by at least ten degrees.
4.
Devon had managed to get close to me when I wasn’t paying any attention. I’d let my guard down and was trapped because of it. I wanted to run out of the bar, screaming, but we both knew I wouldn’t cause a scene. Not on Sara’s special night anyway.
“Go away.” I motioned to the bartender for another drink and watched as he checked out how close Devon was to me. I saw the moment he wrote me off as unavailable and wanted to beg him to come back. I had a feeling that after a round with Devon, I would need someone to get my mind off it.
Devon rested his arm on the bar top casually and cleared his throat. “You can’t avoid me forever, Amanda.”
I could and I would. I spun in my stool to leave, but it was a mistake. Devon trapped my legs between his own and leaned into me. I glared at him, but it was useless against his smirk.
Devon rested his hands on top of my thighs. “I’m serious. You can’t avoid me anymore. My brother is marrying your best friend. You can’t hide.”
His thighs were warm around me, and the worn denim covering his legs felt rough against the soft material of my dress. Every exhale had the stitching on his inner legs stroking me. He was so tall that his booted feet were resting on the floor while my feet dangled between us.
He was wide enough to make me feel tiny in his presence. It was another thing I hated. Arguing with him automatically made me feel like a little kid throwing a tantrum. He was too big and I was too short.
Devon’s hands inches higher on my thighs, and I snapped my mouth shut to keep from moaning. His skin was hot and felt like it was burning away my dress. I felt naked under his stare.
I sucked in a big breath and swore as his familiar scent filled my nose. He always smelled like leather and the earth. I knew that I could be blindfolded in a room full of men and I’d still know when he came close.
“Hands off, Devon. I have to go congratulate Sara.” My voice was breathy, and I angrily used my leg to shove his out of my way so I could stand.
Only he didn’t budge. Instead, he laughed. “You weren’t in a hurry to run over there a few minutes ago. Stay and talk to me for a bit.”
He rested his huge hand on my wrist, and I flushed as a memory of the night we’d spent together washed over me. His hands holding my wrists over my head as he thrust into me for the first time. The sounds of moaning and my headboard hitting the wall.
I blinked the sensations away from me and tried to focus on the present. That didn’t help, though. My eyes traveled up his strong forearms, to his large biceps and wide shoulders. When I looked at his face, I was already drunk on the way my body reacted to his.
His honey-colored eyes were unusual, and the thick, dark eyelashes around them would’ve made most women jealous. Bedroom eyes that darkened to the color of caramel when he was in me. There was a slight crook in his nose that probably went with a story, and his lips were a little too full and pink to ever be called hard.
Devon Steele was hands down the sexiest man I’d ever seen. He was dark, with secrets playing behind his eyes. The first time I’d seen him, I’d instantly been drawn to him. My body reacted to his in ways that I’d never known. It wanted Devon even in that moment at the bar, despite what my brain was screaming.
He ran a hand through his short, dark hair and blew out a shaky breath. “You were thinking of that night, weren’t you?”
I jerked away from him and shook my head. “No! Why would you say that?”
Devon’s eyes got darker and he slowly looked me over. “Your breathing got shallow, your voice has that sexy little breathy thing going on, and you’re eyes narrowed in on me. Don’t forget I’ve seen you aroused before, Amanda.”
I slapped him before I knew what I was doing. The sound rang out and everyone close to us stared. I stood up and shoved his leg away so I could move. “You have seen me aroused before, haven’t you, Devon? In high-quality HD, if I remember correctly. Leave me alone.”
I stormed away from him and made my way out of the bar through the back. I’d parked in the back parking lot so my car was close. My hands were shaky as I grabbed my keys from inside my purse and rammed them inside the slot in my door.
“Amanda! Come on. You know that isn’t what I meant!” Devon came racing out of the bar, his hands raised like he was approaching a wild animal.
The gesture just pissed me off more. “I don’t know that, Devon. Why don’t you go back inside and support your brother? I don’t have anything else to say to you.”
Not that I’d managed to say a lot. I’d been so overwhelmingly turned on by him that I’d allowed myself to get distracted from my goal of staying away from him.
He rounded my car and grabbed my door to shut it before I could get into my car. “I said I was sorry. I’ve said it about five hundred times. I also told you I’m not going to tell anyone.”
I shoved him away from my car with both hands on his chest. “The thing is, Devon, that I don’t believe you. Men are all the same. You’re fine keeping it a secret now, but what about after things get messy between us? What then? When it gets bad and you’re pissed at me for something? You’re always going to have your trump card. And if I stay around you long enough, you’ll eventually want to use it.”
He took a step back and growled low in his throat. “Goddammit, Amanda. Things are already messy, and I’m not sure I could get much more pissed off. You just slapped the shit out of me at my brother’s engagement party. Yet I still don’t feel the need to reveal any of your dirty secrets.”
The word dirty hit me like a brick and tears filled my eyes. “Just leave me alone, Devon.”
He groaned. “I didn’t mean it like that. Jesus, Amanda. Just stop running for a second!”
It was too late. I jumped into my car and peeled out of the parking lot so fas
t my car went up on two wheels when I turned onto the main road.
5.
That night I took my phone off the hook, afraid Sara would hear about what had happened and call me. I curled up on the couch with Moo-Key and watched TV.
My normal solution to my problems wasn’t working, though. I still couldn’t stop thinking about Devon, and that made me think of Max. I grabbed my phone and typed in the web address I knew too well.
It was a revenge porn site. A place where jilted lovers went to humiliate their partners. A place where men like Max turned to to do deal with their anger.
My heart gave a painful ache the way it did every time I thought about Max. Though I never fell in love with him, he had been my best friend before we’d started dating. That had all gone bad, though. He’d turned into an asshole at some point in our relationship.
He wanted to control me and everything I did. He liked the idea of possessing me. The harder I fought against it, the harder he fought for it. After three years of being away from him, I could see that he’d known I wasn’t in love with him. It seemed like he thought he could force me to be.
At some point in our relationship he’d decided that filming our sex would be a good idea. I never knew anything was happening. He kept the film a secret from me until three days after I broke up with him. I’d only found out because one of my girlfriends at the time called me and informed me that I’d gone viral in the porn world.
The next thing I knew, I was staring at the awful revenge website. I’d made the main page. When my mouse hovered over the video, I’d watched myself riding Max. I still had nightmares about it.
Unfortunately everyone in Dallas found out. There was no keeping it a secret with Max bragging to everyone that he’d slept with a porn star. No one believed that I hadn’t done it voluntarily. I lost clients, friends, and most of my pride. Seeing your ass jiggling on the internet could do that to a girl.
Even when I’d managed to keep my heart protected from every man in my life, one of them had snuck in and stabbed me squarely in the back. It was a painful lesson to learn, and I’d thought that I was done with being hurt by men.
My new rule had been a night with a man and then I was done. The only time I’d considered breaking that rule had been with Devon. Three years and he was the only one that got to me.
I shut the website off, not needing to see the stupid video to have it blaring through my brain. I knew detail for detail what happened in the video. I would never be able to forget it.
I groaned and stretched out on the couch. The more I thought about Devon and the video, the more agitated I got.
After Max I could usually pinpoint an asshole from across the bar. It didn’t always stop me from sleeping with them, but I always knew who they were. When I’d first met Devon, I hadn’t seen it coming, though.
It’d been at the end of the summer carnival, and I’d run off in hopes of meeting Justin. At the time he’d seemed like a big deal. He was a championship bull rider and was known for being a little kinky around town. Another plus had been that he slept around a lot. He was a perfect candidate for my one-night stand policy.
I’d stumbled across Devon first, though. Literally. I’d stumbled into his chest and we’d both tumbled to the ground. He’d broken the fall with his own body, and we’d ended up laughing about it over an ice cream. He’d been funny and kind, telling me I was beautiful when I had ice cream on my nose.
I’d been so attracted to him, instantly. We’d gone back to my place, something I never did, and had some of the wildest and hottest sex I’d ever had in my life. He was more attentive than any man I’d ever taken to bed, making sure I came multiple times before he ever let me touch him.
I’d been considering breaking the “no seconds” rule when he mentioned that he’d seen the video. He made a comment about how I was much hotter in person and I’d lost it.
No one in Martinsville knew about the sex tape. I’d come back home to a town where no one paid any attention to what was happening in the outside world. My escapades with men in town had gotten me a few nasty rumors, but no one considered me a porn star.
I didn’t want anyone to find out. I’d already had to leave one town. If I had to flee Martinsville, I’d have nowhere else to go.
Devon saying he knew about the video sent me into a tailspin. I kicked him out of my house and was edgy for the next couple of weeks. I waited for the pointing and laughing to start. Only it never did. He hadn’t told anyone about it.
He scared me, though. He was a snake, easily disguising himself as a cuddly stuffed animal. I’d seen a nice guy, but he turned out to be the worst guy I’d run across in Martinsville. He’d slept with me and then thrown the tape in my face. Being wrong about what kind of guy he was freaked me out. I still didn’t know what to think about him. He hadn’t told anyone about the video. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t, though.
I couldn’t get close to him again. If I pushed him, I knew he would show other people. I couldn’t face that pain again.
Moo-Key whined and curled up against my chest. He took up most of the couch, and I was squished against the cushions, but it was nice to feel safe in that moment.
Safe wasn’t a normal feeling for me anymore. I had a dark cloud hanging over my head, and it wouldn’t take much for the rain to start.
6.
I was working at the library the next day when Sara found me again. She looked pissed off, and her stomping had Maggie wincing before Sara had even reached my table.
“You know what? I’m so mad at you, Amanda. Not because you’ve been avoiding me and not because you slapped Devon and stormed out of my engagement party, but because you won’t tell me what the hell’s going on. I’m your best friend. I have been your best friend for a long time. You need to talk to me.”
I motioned for her to sit down. “Sara, don’t make Maggie yell at us.”
She glanced back and shook her head. “Maggie loves you. She won’t yell. Now, are you going to talk to me?”
I frowned. I couldn’t tell her what was going on. She didn’t know about the tape, and I couldn’t tell her. She’d been a virgin when she started dating Justin. How could she possibly understand my situation?
Sara plopped down in a seat and closed my laptop for me. “Talk to me, Amanda. I need you to talk to me. I’m begging.”
“I can’t!” I squeezed my eyes shut and blew out a shaky breath. “I just can’t, Sara Jane. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I stormed out last night. I should’ve held it together better.”
She grabbed my hand. “Held what together?”
“I slept with Devon! The night of the carnival last year. God, Sara. Things were said that I don’t want to relive. Can you leave it alone now?”
Her eyes were wide as she nodded. “So, that’s why you hate him? Was he mean to you?”
I groaned and threw my hands in the air. “Sara. He’s about to be your brother-in-law. I’m not going to throw you in the middle of our shit. We just don’t get along. Let’s leave it at that.”
She nodded again. “Wow. I can’t believe you slept with Devon.”
“I’m sure lots of women sleep with Devon.”
Sara shook her head. “No, actually. Justin mentioned to me that Devon doesn’t sleep around. He had some bad experience with a woman when he was young or something, and since then he’s very choosy about who he takes to bed.”
I laughed. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m being serious. I don’t know of anyone else he’s slept with since being in town.”
A throbbing started at the front of my brain. I didn’t know what to make of the information she was giving me. The only thing I could see was that he must’ve been desperate that night. Or maybe he really liked my tape and wanted in on the action himself. I liked that idea even less.
“Do you like him?”
I glared at Sara. “Shut up. Don’t even try that. Of course I don’t like him. He’s a giant pain in the ass. I’ve been avoiding him for mon
ths.”
She grinned. “That’s too bad, because you’re going to be my maid of honor and he’s Justin’s best man. Plus, I need you to plan it. You’re going to be spending lots of time with the Steele brothers.”
My excitement for her took over. “You want me to plan it? And be your maid of honor?!”
She laughed. “Of course! You’re my best friend, even if you’ve been hiding lately. It’s time to come out and play with the rest of the world.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to play with the rest of the world. I just want to plan your wedding with you and congratulate you on marrying the man of your dreams.”
“Thank you. I can’t believe he proposed!” Her squeal of excitement had Maggie looking our way, but she just smiled and went back to what she was doing.
I leaned over to hug her and squeezed tight. I had really missed her. Maybe she was right. Maybe I needed to stop hiding. I could handle Devon if I had to. At least, I thought I could. “When do you want to start planning?”
“That’s the thing. We don’t want a long engagement. We want to get married as soon as possible. I know that he’s the love of my life, and I don’t see why I would wait to drag it out. I just want to be married to him, Amanda. I want to start a family.”
The part of me that felt danger when a guy asked me out for a date instead of a hookup tried to crawl away. I was happy for her, though. It seemed she had found her guy. Justin looked at her with so much love that I couldn’t see my mother in their relationship, which was a first. Normally when I looked at couples, I saw signs of the desperation my mom lived in.
“As soon as possible, huh?”
She grinned and wiped tears from her eyes. “I know you think it’s silly. You always roll your eyes at romantic comedies, and Valentine’s Day with you is like a plague.”
Shaking my head, I held her hand and smiled back at her. “I don’t think it’s silly. I can tell you love each other. I’d be honored to kick this wedding’s butt into gear.”
More tears fell from her eyes. “Thank you so much. I’ve missed you.”