by Amanda Boone
Our present course and speed will bring us back into Intrellian space in the next five cycles, at which time the three can be turned over to the Royal Institution for examination. End.
I tap the arm of my chair with my middle talon as Acrulla cuts communication between my thought center and his, ending the recording of my log. I can hear the proboscis being pulled back into his structural matrix and know my thoughts are now my own. I have to make sure the connection is gone before I allow my mind to relax. It would be difficult for me if Acrulla knew of my true thoughts and feelings.
What is wrong with me? What is this incessant, desperate need to see and hear the larger female? As soon as I laid eyes on her four cycles ago, she invaded my mind with her presence. I long for her in a way I have never done for an Intrellian female. She is soft and curved with some kind of long substance growing from the top of her head. My hands ache with the need to touch that fur-like, shimmering, golden mass, to glide them across her skin, which looks so soft and inviting. I would gaze into her large brown eyes until the Final Day and be happy to go into the darkness knowing she was there with me. Is she some manner of test from the Gods, sent to test my will, or is she, as I choose to believe, a gift from the heavens, a token of the delights to come? One thing only do I know, I must make her mine.
Neither the crew nor the ship can be allowed to understand the depths to which I have fallen for this creature, for them to do so would mean my complete undoing, loss of my ship, loss of my life and, worst of all, loss of her.
The pull was too much. I had to see her again.
***
Temporary Log – Hetty Vorgies, Exobiologist
I have finally managed to communicate to these lifeforms that I needed something to write on. It took more than half an hour, by my watch, of almost endless charades in which I attempted to mime writing and reading, through a sealed door with a sheet of something like glass set into it. Whether these beings do not have a written language or if it is so otherworldly different to ours is still unclear. Eventually, they seemed to understand something of my wishes as they began offering things from our supply kits. Luckily for me I have always kept a pad and pencil with my belongings and the excursion on Erenius 3 was no exception.
***
That was an interesting half hour! At least now they've allowed me to have something to write with. I can keep some kind of record in case we end up getting back to Earth. The other thing I managed to communicate was my hunger, which was rewarded with a bowl of the same substance we've been served since our arrival here. Astoundingly, for a deep space going vessel, the bowl appears to be fashioned from some kind of wood, and we have no utensils, having to rely on fingers to scoop out the mass, which has a texture somewhere between rice and porridge with a sweet and hot flavor I can't compare to anything I've had before. Deakins appears from wherever he’s been as soon as he catches scent of the food and grabs himself a bowl from the tray (wood again) then stalks off to eat alone.
Nerravin won’t eat anything they give her, even though she’s seen me and Deakins are fine after eating it. I just hope there’s some variety to the menu at some point.
Once finished, I try and look through the window, which leads to the rest of this weird ship, but I can’t make much of anything out. It’s made from something like fingernail material, hard and plastic with a little give to it and only a little easier to see through than something completely opaque. It has been enough for me to communicate my needs through so far, and I’d managed to get both food and my journal, but seeing through to anything beyond was impossible.
I looked to the left of the odd window to the slide and slot system, which they put things through, mainly the food so far, and take the bowls back through. A gentle push confirms it’s locked, which I pretty much expect, and it feels like it’s made from the same hoof or nail-like material as the window yet completely opaque this time.
The scream erupts from me before I can’t even register what is happening. Then I can feel the laughter at the relief in my chest as I realize it is one of our hosts, peering at me through the window. I can barely make out any features, just a vague outline through the keratin, and I approach the window to get a better view. Without any warning, the door slides silently up into the ceiling, and I’m face-to-face with a sentient alien species!
Even though this is a moment I’ve fantasized about since childhood, it’s one I never thought would happen. Extra-terrestrial life has so far been confined to a few species of bacteria, some unusual plant life and one planet which seems only to be populated with nematode worms. No one ever actually believed we would ever come across another sentient species, certainly not within the next few millenniums anyway.
Yet, before me stands such a creature. My curiosity and fear of the unknown battle inside my chest as we stand there, evaluating each other. Eventually, my professional side comes out, and I start to scribble notes down on the paper I’ve been allowed. It’s – I don’t want to make any speculations about gender so ‘it’ will have to do for now – approximately six feet in height with astoundingly similar construction to that of humans with four limbs, two of which it is standing on, and two more, which are similar to arms. Its musculoskeletal design is impressive, as it is thickly covered with corded muscle. I wonder what it would feel like to run my hands across those...
What? Where the hell did that come from? Get a grip, woman. You’re on the cusp of human-alien history and thinking about sex?
I shake my head, trying to clear it of the rogue thoughts. Who'd want to have sex with an alien anyway?
Me.
Christ! What’s happening to me? I can’t focus on anything.
Okay, the head has two eyes, set wider apart than a human’s and has no discernible iris. They are deep blue with hidden depths, like falling into a warm sea...
STOP!
The nose is broad and flattened with a ribbed, possibly cartilage-based, appearance, which runs up between those...beautiful...blue eyes.
Shit, what IS going on?
All I want is to touch this creature before me, to run my hands across his – it has to be male, please God – muscles. The skin on my hands is actually aching with the want to touch him, and I can feel my face heat with embarrassment.
Arousal?
Apparently he’s got four chest muscles, two larger ones above two smaller ones. I can’t see any evidence of nipples, but he has got some kind of material covering him. If I could just figure out a way of getting him to take that off, I’d be able to lick...
Fucking stop!
I’ve got to get away from him. I have to, or this whole thing is going to be a huge, huge mess. I put my right foot back to step away, I can’t turn because I’d have to stop looking at him, and he’s so sex...
Nope. Not going there!
My left foot follows my right, and I’ve managed to move away from him a little. Good, okay. Now, just to do it again.
***
I must frighten her. My appearance must be too horrible to bear because as soon as the door retracted, her eyes widened in fright. She managed to scratch at the thing in her claws with the thing in her other claws. Then her flesh changed color! It was a sight both beautiful and terrifying to behold. From beneath, what I assume is some kind of clothing, she has the ability to turn her face red! I can only guess as to why she would do this, but I assume it to be fright because she immediately took a step backward, distancing herself from me.
I cannot understand why I feel a pain in my thorax. I have sustained no injury, yet it feels as if this is linked to the disappointment her fear of me has provoked. I cannot bear to frighten such a beautiful, gentle, creature as she, so I must leave even though my hearts do not concur.
“Farewell, sweet one.” I say to her as she takes another step backwards. Her head snaps up to look at me, and I am amazed because she can not only change color but alter the shape of her face too! The furry things over her eyes have pulled down through some magic of her sp
ecies, and her mouth...her mouth has opened a little. She breathes out a little huff of air. The soft lighting from Acrulla reflects from the soft-looking, red sections around her mouth, and I wonder what they taste like. This is odd to me because I cannot ever recall a time when I have wished to taste the mouth of another.
A burning spike of heat rushes to my sex organs when I see her put the lower red section in her own mouth and bite it. What purpose this serves is beyond me, but at the same time, I find it utterly arousing and overwhelmingly endearing at the same time.
I can hear a member of the monitoring crew returning, so I must leave. I cannot let anyone discover I have broken quarantine regulations so easily. It is as if my thought centers have been taken over by another, someone bent on my downfall. I have worked for thousands of cycles to get to this position and now seem utterly content to throw everything away to get the attention of this alien female.
Maybe I have entered madness. Perhaps something has gone wrong inside my thought centers and I need attending to. Should I go and see the healer to rid me of these feelings?
The truth is I do not want them gone. Never before, not in the heat of battle, nor in the fires of passion have I felt so completely alive. It is this feeling I crave, and the only way I can gain it is to access the large female. This is what I must do.
I allow the door to close, cutting off the closeness between us and feel bereft of something I cannot identify. I have to find a way to be close to her, to be with her, maybe even to touch her. Just once, so I could feel how soft she is.
“Commander!” Bhentus’ voice is full with shock. “I did not expect you to be here.”
I give her a dead stare, quiet for a long moment before telling her, “I go where I wish aboard my ship.”
She reads my tone instantly and returns to subservience. “Of course, Commander. I was shocked to see you. That is all.”
“I care nothing for this,” I tell her bluntly. “Continue.” My order is also my final word, and I leave the hastily installed monitoring station. I leave, yet it feels as if I have left something behind, something for the female to keep safe with her, and I find it completely baffling to understand what any of that means.
***
He spoke to me! I’ve got no idea what he said, but he did speak to me. I was trying to get away from him until I heard him, but his voice sounded so heart-breaking, so utterly bereft like whale song, and so sad I had to comfort him.
The door snaps closed as we both hear something, and I see his head turn away from his study of me to look at something else. Now all I can see are some vague shapes through the keratin window. I notice something shift on the other side of the partition and realize he’s left. He’s gone, and I can’t help but feel his loss completely in every part of my body. I don’t know if they can control the gravity aboard this ship, but it feels as if it has been increased. My body weighs me down.
This is completely nuts! How can I feel so utterly sad? To begin with, I’ve only just met this creature. Then there’s the fact he only just left the room. Plus, what the fuck?
I trail slowly through to the area where we three have been sleeping and lay on the mobile platform. Tears trickle across the bridge of my nose and drip from the end of it to land on my cheek, and I’m at an utter loss to understand the cavernous well, which has grown in my chest. I can feel the loss so keenly it’s all I can do to hold back the wail of despair, which is threatening to burst from me.
I hear someone approaching and hope it’s Deakins rather than Nerravin because at least he might ignore me. I roll over and face the odd wall, so whichever one it is doesn’t see my tears. I hold my breath as much as I can, while whoever it is shuffles about doing whatever they’re doing.
“What’s up?” Deakins asks, knowing something must be wrong.
Neurons fire through my brain, concocting a lie at the speed of thought. “They’re all dead, and I think it’s just hit me.” I sniff, “I can see their faces: Kowtoi, Derenus, Trant and the rest.” My breath hitches in my chest, but not for the reason Deakins thinks. I hear him sigh and feel his weight as he sits next to me, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder,
“Yeah,” he tells me quietly, “I know, Hetty, I know.” I can feel him gently rubbing my shoulder to soothe me. Although I appreciate his efforts, I can only wish he would leave me alone and manage to get myself together enough to sit up and pretend I feel better.
“What’s this?” Deakins asks, grabbing my little journal and reading through it. His eyes search my face through his glasses. “Have you seen one close up?” He asks me.
I nod my head a little and draw my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms about them and hugging tight.
“What happened?” he demands, his eyes alight with wonder. I relate the story, even though thinking about the alien leaving me carves the well of desperation out of my chest again. I pointedly avoid telling Deakins about my feelings and try to keep my narrative as professional as possible.
“Amazing” is all Deakins can say when I finish my telling. “To think we were never alone in the galaxy after all.” He shakes his head. “What a bunch of conceited people we were to believe it.” Deakins sighs again. “I don’t suppose you got any idea what they’re going to do with us do you?”
“No idea,” I tell him and realize it’s the truth.
He nods and makes a face. “Suppose we’ll just have to wait and see then,” he adds and leaves me to be alone.
***
I make my way to the command section and claim my seat at the head of Acrulla.
“Report!” I bark the command across the small room and feel satisfaction as each member of my crew gives me their information.
“We remain on course, Commander. Estimated time to Intrellian space remains constant.” Talacrus growls from navigation control.
“Acrulla’s systems are all fully operational, Commander. We have sufficient fuel to make the journey.” This comes from Jonober in the engineering section.
“All weapons systems are fully operational as usual, Commander.” This boastful report comes from Shaktee, the only female in the command center at present, although there are others aboard. This one has had designs on me since she boarded, one of the many who want to share my bed and the prestige my name brings.
A number of the other officers have also expressed a desire to do this, but I have never allowed any of them to do so. I have earned my place as Commander of this vessel through hard work and violence and will allow none of these inferior creatures to suck my prestige from me like a Garatulean parasite.
“Talacrus, locate a nearby planet with the likelihood of prey. I will hunt this cycle.”
“As you command, my lord.” I watch as his interface pulses, telling Acrulla to locate and head for a viable planet.
No sooner have I settled back in my seat than my thoughts turn to the alien female. My fixation on her is a distraction I do not need, and briefly, I consider jettisoning all three of them into space.
“May I be permitted to join you, my lord?” This comes from Shaktee again, and I hear a few hisses from the other members of my crew.
“You may carry my weapons and clean my kills if it suits you,” I snap at her in a dismissive tone.
A few of the others laugh, and she snarls at the obvious put down. I look at her with a dead stare as she begins to rise from her seat, and an air of anticipation fills the command center, my crew looking forward to seeing one or the other of us being ripped savagely apart.
Shaktee looks around at the collection of Intrella who are all watching her with expectant faces. Her eyes alight on me, and she looks away fast, sitting back down and turning to her console.
“Anyone else wish to perish this cycle?” My voice rumbles ominously across the room, finding only silence as a reply. Without another word, I leave for my room.
Once within the confines of my private rooms, I can relax and think about the alien.
***
The incessant h
um from the engines – how can it have engines if it’s alive? – stop, and I glance towards Deakins and Nerravin, whose expressions must mirror mine. We’ve all been in space for long enough to know when we’ve entered the atmosphere of a planet and landed.
“This might be our final destination.” Deakins theorizes ominously.
I roll my eyes at his depressive attitude. I swing my legs from the bed and utter a little sound of wonder as the walls around us begin to lighten, eventually turning white and then translucent before finally becoming completely transparent.
Deakins and Nerravin come to stand beside me as I look out over the landscape of an alien planet. The ship has landed in a vast plain seeded with pink, grass-like plants that wave in a breeze I can't feel. Dotted about are larger bushes, in groups or individually, in a myriad of bright colors. Apparently, there are no pastel shades here as everywhere I look is a riot of hues: blue, purple, orange, yellow and even some greens. The light of a nearby star beats down and, judging from the angle of the shadows I can see, it is almost directly overhead.
I can’t see much of the rest of the ship as the floor and ceiling above us are still the original gray-green color they have been since arriving. What I can tell, from the vague glimpses of shadow and limited vision I have through the wall, is we appear to be amidships, and the craft is massive in comparison to anything built by humans.