by Amanda Boone
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to justify this...this thing between us. Somewhere, deep down in my rational, educated mind, there’s a bit of me screaming that the whole thing is wrong. There’s no biological precedent I can quote to justify our actions – even when the first human raised on Mars met and married his lover from the Moon, they were still, at least, both humans – and I know that...rationally.
But something fills my system, my entire body and my mind when I’m in his presence and all that, all the worries, fears and concerns regarding us, fades into the ether.
So two others and I ended up aboard a living ship – yes you saw that right, a live starship – plowing through the depths of space headed for...well, I can only assume we’re headed for this species’ home system.
Whether it’s because we have spent quite a bit of time together, or for some completely different reason, the powerful feelings that would burst through me have lost their edge, a little bit at least. I can be apart from him for a few hours now, but it was so painful in the beginning that it brought tears to my eyes. I still feel an overpowering pull in his direction, like there’s a magnet inside my womb pulling me toward where he is, but at least I can fight it now.
After the rampant, powerful bout of morning sex we had today, he left to go and do...whatever it is he actually does, and I decided to go and find Deakins, if he’s still alive.
Deakins is the linguistics expert and medical doctor who also came aboard this ship when the research station was destroyed. When my alien – what else can I call him? – entered the room we had been kept in, to take me away, I just about registered Deakins was fixated on one of the female aliens, and she was focused on him too, so I have no idea what kind of condition he might be in.
Now, of course, I’ve hit on another little problem. We boarded this ship in the middle of a devastating explosion, which was ripping the moon we had been on to pieces. Once we’d taken shelter aboard, still not quite sure what we’d found, the three of us discovered we were trapped in some kind of large chamber inside the ship. Once we’d been aboard for a while, and my alien came to get me, he dragged me through the ship to his quarters, where I’ve been ever since. So the difficulty I’ve got is this, how am I going to find Deakins and Nerravin when I’ve got no idea where they actually are or the layout of the ship? I don’t know much about it, but I do know I didn’t see any signs saying ’Human Being Storage This Way’ and, without any way to communicate with these, quite hostile, aliens, I can’t ask anyone.
I take a deep breath and step to the door, which is crafted from the same type of organic material as the rest of the ship. My exobiologist’s eye should be fascinated by all this – I’m actually inside some kind of space worthy, living being! – but I’ve got bigger things to worry me at the moment than the cellular makeup of this animal, so I’m just ignoring it for now.
Luckily, the door opens as I get there. I had wondered if it would only open for the aliens, and I step into the corridor outside. Lit by the same dim glow as the rest of the sections I’ve seen, the passageway stretches off to left and right into dimness, unpopulated and silent apart from a faint, background hum.
Complete guesswork takes me left, for no other reason than I have to go one way or the other, and I gingerly make my way along the hallway. It’s almost ovoid in shape, with thick bluish-black pipework running along overhead, which dive in and out of the walls taking whatever they carry to wherever it’s needed. My biologist brain suggests they might be blood vessels and an involuntary shudder runs through me. My feet lead me to a place where the corridor widens to accommodate a door which, again, opens when I approach. I lean on the door frame and look inside, my nerves spiking when I catch sight of a pair of aliens performing some kind of work in the cavern sized room.
The atmosphere inside is much warmer and more humid than outside, and I feel beads of sweat break out on my forehead. Tentatively, I make my way along the walkway, which runs through the middle of the space. The outside of the room falls away beneath my feet as I walk, leaving me suspended over a vast drop into midnight black. I can’t be sure, but what I’m standing on looks as if it’s made from bone, with connective tissues running off attaching it to other sections inside the cavity.
Now that I’m further inside the space, I can see some kind of vast structure, ringed by the walkway I’m on. The two aliens have spotted me, probably because I’m panting like a racehorse in full gallop. This is due to the drop under me, which might go on forever, and no guard rails to keep me from falling. Both of them stare at me with their expressionless faces, watching as I stagger on, trying not to collapse from the heat.
When I reach them, I lean against the central structure, bent over and panting, trying to catch my breath and ignore the trickles of sweat running down my back. I feel something odd through my left hand. The central structure is pulsating and warm like blood flowing through an artery, and on closer inspection, that’s exactly what it looks to be. Revolted, I snatch my hand away from the thing and wipe my palm on my coveralls, trying to get rid of the odd feeling, which makes my skin tingle horribly. The pair of aliens watches me impassively for a few seconds before something drags their attention back to the pulsating column in the center of the room.
“Ah...can you tell me where to find my friends?” I ask slowly, not really expecting an answer. One of the heavily-muscled males turns and comes over with his head tilted to one side as if trying to understand me. This one’s got lime green eyes, bright and intelligent. I gesture to myself from head to toe and try to make it clear I want to see another like me. After a few tries at this, some kind of recognition comes over this particular alien, and he turns to his companion, speaking in the whale-song language they use before pointing at me then off into the darkness. Without checking to see if I’ve understood, he stalks off leaving me to follow or stay as I choose.
***
My existence has become a whirl of mad happiness, and although I do not wish it, I must leave the warm confines of the large female’s embrace to make some adjustments. Some concerns have begun to creep into my thought centers regarding the surrender of my female to the Royal Scientists, as I have a massive reluctance to do so. Decisions must be made and any crew dealt with before I can ensure her safety and survival in my company.
Heads turn as I enter the command section, my absence has, of course, been noted.
“Talacrus, report,” I almost bellow across the small room, asserting my authority as commander.
“We remain on course for Intrellian space, Commander. Speed remains constant.” I can feel something cold in my abdomen, creeping up into my thorax and sealing my throat. I wonder if this is what it is to be frightened and know I cannot let my crew know I am even able to experience such feelings. From what corner do they come? How is it possible to function normally when it feels as if a massive, ice-clad hand holds my internal organs? Is this what my prey feels as I hunt it?
Of all the questions which cross my mind, it is the first to which I have an answer. I fear losing the female and what my people will do to her in their quest for understanding.
“...Sir?” My attention is drawn back by someone speaking.
“Repeat,” I growl ominously.
Jonober speaks once more. “One of the aliens entered a section of the plasma relay core, sir.”
“Which one?” I demand before I can halt my own words. What spell has this female cast on me?
Jonober makes an insubordinate sound and spits his answer. “How am I supposed to know which one?”
Without hesitation, I leap at him, wrapping my talons around his throat and squeezing, piercing his flesh with my claws. “It is your position to know which one!” I bellow into his face, making sure everyone within earshot knows my power is total. I hold Jonober’s struggling, gasping body by his throat until it begins to weaken. Then I throw him across the command section, where he slumps against one of Acrulla’s supports. “Are there any others who have diffic
ulty in carrying out their duties?” My voice rings out through the heavy air in the room. None of my crew so much as twitches, unwilling to share the fate of the injured engineer, who is bleeding on the floor. “Talacrus, Shaktee, Morjena, find replacements and come to my room, immediately.” My command will be obeyed. I am still in charge, for now at least. I just wonder how many good crew members I will have to make an example of before this business is complete.
***
The alien leads me from the massive, humid cave and takes me to the large room we were all held in when we first boarded. Without acknowledging I even exist, he turns and leaves on silent feet.
I look around the small room, which I have to go through to get to the larger one, seeing odd-looking things, which might be input devices for some kind of computer or might just be the door handles of storage lockers, for all I know. I make my way through what was a previously closed door and into the room beyond.
It’s much like I remember. There are two other rooms I can get to from this main area, one for sleeping and one a bathroom of sorts. A big table occupies the middle of this room, and it’s here that I find who I’m looking for.
“Deakins!” I cry, rushing over to him. His eyes flash a warning too late for me to register, and I feel myself slam into something as solid as a fence. I’m then roughly shoved back, away from Deakins, who looks at me with an apologetic stare.
“Sorry, Hetty,” he says to me. “She’s a little bit overprotective sometimes.” I glance from the ‘she’ to Deakins and back again, seeing the large, female alien who I remember was in here before.
Deakins comes over and puts himself between us, gripping her by the shoulders. “No. Friend,” he tells her firmly.
I wonder if even a linguistics expert can expect these aliens to understand English any more than I can begin to understand their whale-song.
It looks as if she does understand, though, as she backs off a little, at least enough to let me speak to Deakins.
“Got a new friend then, Deakins?” I ask with some amusement.
“Christ! You think this is funny?” Deakins shouts at me as he stamps back to where he was at the table.
I see he’s managed to get his hands on what little equipment we had with us, and he’s been hard at work running some kind of program. The female stands behind him but possessively close, and the thought hits me. I wonder if Deakins has been doing the same kind of things with this female that I’ve been doing with my alien.
Deakins looks at me with guilt written all over his face. “I...erm...I’m sorry, Hetty,” he tells me. “When that big male came and took you, I...well, I...” He trails off and glances at the female. That one look answers all my questions.
“You forgot about me completely and nothing mattered except her?” I guessed, and he nodded, again with a trace of guilt. “Don’t sweat it, Deakins,” I tell him. “I was the same till this morning.” I sit, making sure I’m far enough from Deakins and the female to ensure she remains calm. “I don’t know whether I got used to whatever substance they give off or whether it was because he’d gone when I woke up, but I could bear to be away from him for more than a few minutes, so I came down here.”
He looks at me with a pained expression. “Can I ask you something of a...personal nature?”
I chuckle as I know what he’s going to ask, so I put his mind at rest. “Yes,” I say, “and yes, we’ve been...” I look for a polite way of putting it before giving up. “Rutting like animals.” A wave of relief washes over Deakins’ face.
“Oh, thank God for that. I thought it was just me.” He shakes his head. “I’m thirty-eight and behaving like a hormonal teenager!” He grins at me and I nod. “What the Hell causes that?” he demands, as if I’ve got all the answers.
I shrug. “Beats me, Deakins. I can’t understand it. At first I thought it was some kind of hormone they gave off, but I think we affect them as much as they affect us. Plus, it seems either it, whatever this is, is very specific, or once you have a...a connection with one of them, you’re immune to any others.” I laugh at his puzzlement. “I managed to get a different male to show me here,” I explain. “There was nothing between us at all.”
“Oh, I see,” he states. “Well, I’ve had a little success with communicating with her.” He jabs his thumb at the female, who strokes his head like a pet. “One of my little programs has managed to define a set of parameters I can work with, and I started a translation program.” Deakins points to the computer, which is grinding away at the problem. “Problem I’ve got is I need more of their language to make a more complete translation. I’ve only got a few words at the moment, and I can’t be sure if they’re completely right.” He looks at the awed expression on my face and grunts a little laugh. “Don’t look at me like that, Hetty,” he says. “It might not work at all.”
But all I can dare to do is hope. To be able to say even a few things to my alien, to know his name even, would be like a miracle.
I feel something tighten in my chest and squash it savagely back down. I’ve had enough of being under the spell of these hormones or whatever they are.
“What about Sierx?” I ask, and Deakins gives me a weary look.
“You’ve met her, right?” His sarcastic tone speaks volumes. “She’s in there.” He points into the sleeping area we all share. “But I’d stay away if I was you. Lady is not happy.” He whispers these last words as I rise to go see the security officer.
In the sleeping area, I can see there’s only one of the weird, angled beds left and I assume mine and Deakin’s beds have sunk back into the floor, where they came from to begin with. That alone tells me Sierx Nerravin has probably spent a lot of time alone, while we’ve been cavorting with aliens. I walk over to where she’s laying, pretending to be asleep.
“Sierx? How are you doing?” There’s nothing but silence for over a minute, and I pull in a breath to speak again when she rolls over. Her face is a mixture of hate, disgust and contempt, her features twisted by the feelings she’s clearly displaying. The urge to step back is almost too much, but I stand my ground, not willing to let her see how much she frightens me.
“How am I doing?” She parrots back at me with venom. “You and Deakins disappear to go fuck these fucking aliens, and you ask me how I’m doing, man?” She shakes her head. “I’m fucking done, man. Done with you and him both, man. I don’t know what kind of sick shit they got you two doing, but I ain’t want no part of it.” The stare she gives me is filled with barely contained violence, and this time I do step back. “Get the fuck out of here, man, and don’t never come back again, fucking traitor.” She spits on the floor at my feet, and I know there’s no way I can ever explain how I feel.
Deakins knows because he’s going through it with his female, but no one else in all of humanity would understand what we’re going through at the moment. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and turn to go back out to Deakins.
He sees me and comes over to give me a hug causing the large female to utter a low whine.
“No,” an artificial voice states from the computer. Deakins pulls away and looks at me in wonder. He turns to the female then back to me, hugging me again. She makes the same sound, and the computer repeats her negative.
“Shit! It’s only started working!” Deakins cries to me as he races to the computer. He taps a few keys and clearly says, “No.” The computer translates this simple word while we both stare at the female alien.
Her head tilts to one side as she looks from Deakins, to me, at the computer and back to Deakins again. She utters another sound which the computer translates, “Yes.”
Deakins laughs and orders the computer to tell her the same thing. He crosses to the alien and throws his arms around her in a completely unashamed display of love. My throat goes tight as Deakins strokes the side of her face, while getting the computer to translate his word over and over. “Yes. Yes. Yes.”
***
I have arranged refreshments for the three Intre
llians, who I ordered here. I was concerned when, upon my return, I discovered my large female had left me. Her absence, however, did tell me which one of them was roaming around Acrulla’s insides, a practice I will have to insist she avoid in the future.
I seat myself at the head of the table I have asked Acrulla to fashion and await the arrival of my crew. They do not keep me waiting, appearing a few moments after I seat myself, and I take this as a good sign.
“Enter, be seated, take from my table,” My tone and words are intended to indicate friendship as Talacrus, Shaktee and Morjena walk in and seat themselves. The three of them give off a very obvious sense of tension in their movements and the absolute silence with which they take food and pour drinks. I cannot blame them. I cannot explain or excuse my actions regarding the large female, even to myself. I have quickly come to accept, however, there is some unbreakable bond between us, a link which has only deepened with our frantic and copious coupling.
“I begin this meeting by issuing a blood-bound oath.” I glance at my crew to see if there is any reaction. “Any word spoken within the confines of this room will remain in the confines of this room. No action will be taken against any who speak out against me inside these walls.” As soon as I finish speaking, I grab a knife and slash it across my arm, letting the blood pour from me and across the table where Acrulla absorbs it into his being. A howl escapes me as I cauterize the wound, but the searing agony is worth every scrap of respect I can get from these three. I grab a cup and drink the contents down in three huge gulps, the fermented brulla berries lending their flavor to the brew, which burns its way down into my thorax.
“I have some things to tell you,” I begin, trying to lighten my ominous tone, while explaining what has been happening with the large female. Once finish, I wait for one of them to speak, knowing almost instinctively it will be Shaktee, her jealousy forcing her to condemn me for my actions.