Noah stirs underneath me and I know he's awake. His hands wrap around my slim waist and he tugs me completely on top of him so my chest is flush against his and I'm no longer half lying on him and half lying on the bed. I breathe him in, my nostrils filled with his intoxicating smell.
"Good morning, shorty," he rasps out in his husky morning voice. His rough, calloused hands slide down my body and squeeze my ass. "I'm ready for another round."
The pads of his fingers slide down the crack of my ass and I know if I don’t pull away now I'll spend the next few hours in his bed, risking everything for the passion he evokes in me, and ruining everything with Caleb when he wakes up to an empty bed.
I kiss his bare chest and then pull away, kneeling on the bed. "We can't. Noah, I have to go."
The smile he woke up with quickly fades as he nods his head somberly. "I know. We're cutting it close as it is."
"Please don't hate me."
"I could never hate you, Skye. I pity you, knowing you'll be spending your life with someone who will never treat you as well as I could."
He sits up in bed and leans forward, brushing his lips tenderly against mine. His beard tickles my cheeks and I giggle, but even the brief moment of playfulness can’t mask the pain we're both feeling.
"You should get going." He kisses me on the forehead and gets up, slipping on boxers so he's no longer naked.
This is really it. It's over just as quickly as it started.
There are dates in our lives that stick with us forever, changing the course of our future, and I know today will be one of those days. Almost like a death of a loved one, every year on this date I'll be mourning what could have been with Noah, instead of the beautiful engagement party I have planned for tonight with Caleb.
I always thought that when Noah and I finally admitted our feelings for each other that would be it. There would be no one else and we'd live happily ever after somewhere. He was supposed to be my destiny, my soul mate. That was what I wished for. That was what I dreamed.
But I guess they're called wishes and dreams for a reason. If they were realistic they would be a set-in-stone future instead of a distant hope.
A tear escapes from my eyes and I try to wipe it away before Noah can see, but I fail miserably.
"This is what you want, Skye. It's not what I want."
"I know.” I sob softly. "But that doesn't mean this doesn't hurt. I love you, Noah, and I feel like you're going to disappear from my life after today."
He picks my pajamas up off the floor and walks over to hand them to me. "I'll never disappear from your life, shorty. I love you way too much for that to ever happen, so please don't worry about that."
"Promise?" I ask, looking up at him with big, tear-filled eyes.
"I promise," he confirms as he brushes the few fallen tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "Let's not make this more than it has to be. I'll see you tonight. We can go back to the way it was before. Nothing has to change."
"If nothing has to change then why is everything changing?"
"Some details of our lives are changing, that's how life works, shorty. One thing will never change. I'll always be in your life. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m the reliable one, remember?"
I shake my head and then leap into his arms, hugging him around his neck tightly. "I love you, Noah."
"I love you, too, Skye. More than you'll ever know."
Deciding not to draw things out any further I quickly get dressed and leave his apartment, refusing to say anything else in fear I might burst out crying and never leave. When I sneak back into our apartment, Caleb is still sound asleep. He could sleep through the apocalypse and never know it.
I slip into my side of the bed and pull the covers up, willing myself to fall asleep before he wakes up. I chose him and I love him, but if I look at him right now, the walls I've put up will come crumbling down and I'll confess everything.
***
After a few hours of sleep in my own bed–but not nearly enough to get rid of my puffy, swollen eyes–I wake up to Caleb handing me my cellphone.
"Your mom's on the phone," he whispers and then walks back out of the room.
Lifting the phone to my ear I mumble groggily, "Did you land already?"
"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry but no. Your father and I aren't going to be able to make it."
"What? Why?" This can't be happening. My parents have to be there tonight. I need someone there to represent my family and to tell me I'm making a good decision.
"Honey, our flight was cancelled and we tried getting on another flight but everything is oversold. There’s nothing we can do."
"What if you chartered a plane?"
"Chartered a plane? Honey, we're not the Kardashians. We can't afford something like that. It's just an engagement party. It's not like we're missing the wedding."
I know she doesn't understand why tonight is such a big deal to me. Back home no one has engagement parties. Hell, no one even sends out save the dates, but over here it's different and to Caleb's family this party is a huge deal, which is why I really wanted them to be here tonight.
"I know, Mom. I just really wanted to see you."
"Oh, honey, I wanted to see you, too! But you'll be home to visit soon with that fiancé of yours and Noah's there with you if you're ever homesick. I'm always only a phone call away, though. Even tonight, if you want to talk just call me."
"Thanks, Mom. Listen, I’ve got to start getting ready for tonight but tell Dad I say hello and I'm sorry I won't see him tonight."
"I will, honey. Tell Caleb we're sorry, and give our best to Noah. It's been almost a week since he's called your dad and your father is worried."
"Noah still calls Daddy?" I didn’t know that. When I was in high school he used to call my dad all the time, but I always just thought that was to butter my dad up for when he received the phone bill and saw all the long distance calls between Noah and me. I had no idea he still kept in touch with him.
"Yes, honey. They usually talk every other day. You know Noah's like a son to your dad."
Hearing that Noah and my dad still talk is too much to handle at the moment. "I have to go, Mom, but I'll talk to you soon. Love you."
I tap the screen to end the call and throw the phone down on the bed. There's so much I want to dissect about that phone call, but today is not the day to do it. Today I'm going to try and enjoy every moment, even if it kills me inside.
I leave the bedroom and head out to the kitchen where I can smell freshly brewed coffee and it makes my eyes perk up and my mouth water.
"Good morning, fiancée," Caleb greets me at the counter in just his pajama pants and hands me a steaming cup of coffee. I inhale the light roast and sigh out in relief that caffeine will soon be flowing through my veins and perking up my lax attitude.
"Are you ready for tonight?" I ask before sipping the delicious and perfectly brewed beverage.
"I have the easy part, baby. I just have to shower, get dressed and show up. You planned everything so the question should be, are you ready for tonight?"
No. No, I'm not ready. I'm an emotionally confused basket case.
“Yep," I lie.
He smiles over at me approvingly. "I'm going to take my coffee to the bedroom and make a few work calls. I invited a few friends from work to the party tonight. I hope you don't mind. The calls shouldn’t take too long and then I'm yours for the rest of the day."
He shuffles off sexily to the bedroom and I watch his sculpted backside as he shuts the door behind him, putting a physical barrier between us. It's nothing compared to the emotional barrier that's there and continues to build.
I take another sip of my coffee before setting it down on the countertop and looking around the apartment.
The kitchen is clean, the living room is in order, and even our shoes are perfectly lined up by the door. Everything is in order, so why does my life feel so chaotic?
I'm about to head back to the counter to finis
h my coffee when the sun coming in our living room window reflects off something small and silver over on the bookcase.
It's probably nothing, but I walk over anyway to see what it is.
On the ledge of the bookcase, in front of all my favorite romance novels, is a Hershey’s Kiss with a small, ripped piece of paper underneath.
I can't control the smile that spreads across my face as I pick up the familiar piece of candy that I've missed out on this past month. Unwrapping the kiss I plop it in my mouth, practically sighing in relief that this milk chocolate treat is back in my life.
I keep the crumbled piece of foil in my hand and snatch the paper to read it.
Skye,
I'm sorry you've missed out on these the past several weeks. It was selfish of me to let my hurt feelings get in the way of letting you know just how special you are. Happy Unbirthday. I hope you have a fun time celebrating your unbirthday tonight. I know that's not what the party is intended for, but it's the only way I can look at it if I'm going to be able to show my face tonight.
Promise me that no matter what, you continue to follow your dreams. I'm okay with you choosing Caleb, I'm okay with you choosing that life, as long as you don't let your dreams slip by you in the process.
If you promise me that, I'll promise you something in return. I'll promise to always be here for you, Skye. I'll always be the friend you can count on. I'll always be reliable.
Happy Unbirthday!
Love,
Noah
Holding back tears I quickly fold up the note and stuff it between two of my favorite books until I figure out where I'm going to hide it permanently. I can't let Caleb see it but I want to keep it so I can read his words over and over again. So I can torture myself with what I could have had. When Noah finds someone and settles down, I'll at least have his words to comfort me at night and know that he loved me once.
It's sick to think this way, I know. I'm marrying another man, but I can't help it. Noah's words feed my soul. I'm not ready to part with them.
Chapter Twelve
The party is in full swing. Everything turned out beautifully and exactly how I intended it to be. The tiny lights hanging from the ceiling glimmer, creating a soft, well-lit ambiance, the flowers are arranged in colorful bouquets and spread throughout the large room, the food looks and smells orgasmic and we have an endless amount of booze.
The top half of my hair is pulled back in a crystal flower clip, leaving the rest of my hair down and just shy of skimming my shoulders. I'm wearing minimal make-up in neutral colors. The dark brown mascara on my eyelashes surprisingly makes my sand-colored eyes stand out. I'm wearing an off-white, knee length satin dress with off-white shoes to match. I feel beautiful and very bride-like.
This night should go down as one of the best in history, but I'm miserable.
When I thought of Noah with another woman in the future, I meant the distant future. I never thought he'd show up to my engagement party with a knockout on his arm less than twenty-four hours after making love to me.
It's killing me inside.
I've faked happiness as the night's gone on. I've plastered a fake, disingenuous smile on my face as I've said hello to our guests and showed off my engagement ring. I've fielded question after question about what our plans are for the wedding, all the while wondering why he had to bring a date tonight. He had to know how it would hurt me.
He's tried to get my attention tonight. He's signaled for me, trying to get me alone, but I've avoided his advances at all costs. Tonight is not the night to go off alone with him, or discuss our situation. Plus, he should be entertaining his date.
Now, as Caleb and I stand in front of some of our dearest friends and family there's only one thing I feel. Murderous.
There's only one thing I see.
Red.
Violent streaks of red and orange cloud my vision casting a fiery haze over everyone at the party.
Did Noah really show up to my engagement party with some two-dollar tramp who wouldn't know classy if it bit her in the ass?
This is my day.
My party.
He may not agree with the choice I made. He doesn't have to agree with it, but he could at least show me the respect of not showing up to my engagement party with another woman.
He wants to hurt me. It's the only explanation.
"Skye and I are incredibly lucky to be celebrating our upcoming nuptials with our family and closest friends. We know some of you have traveled from out of state to be here and your love for us does not go unnoticed. We're truly touched you chose to celebrate with us tonight."
Caleb's arm that is wrapped around my waist pulls me in closer to him as his other hand squeezes my hip softly. Tilting my head I smile up at him encouragingly as he continues his speech to all of the important people in our lives. Caleb always knows just what to say.
I try to focus on his words, I really do, but it's hard when two brown orbs attached to a face with perfect soft lips tucked behind a coarse, sexy beard are staring intensely in my direction. Especially when those lips were kissing me yesterday, and then again this morning.
Yes, everyone in the room is staring up at Caleb and me, but Noah's eyes cut through me like no one else’s can. He may be mad at me, he may want to talk to me, even though I've been trying my best to ignore the infuriating man all day, but that gives him no right to show up here with some whore and glare at me like I've done something wrong.
As Caleb continues to speak next to me, I watch below as the bimbo leans into Noah at their table and rests her hand on his upper thigh, slowly inching her fingers up closer to his groin. I'm starting to see violent streaks of red again.
Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I look away disgusted and try to focus on the eloquent speech my fiancé is giving.
He probably doesn't even know her name...
God, why can't I focus?
The crowd all around us begins to clap with a few of Caleb's buddies whistling and hollering, as they hold on tight to their bottles of beer. Caleb's speech must be over. As great as tonight is, I wish I had a moment alone to process all of my thoughts.
Caleb's family approaches us first. His mother's short blond hair is slicked back. She's in a long pastel and sequined dress that covers most of her body. Draped over her neck is a sparkling diamond Cartier necklace. I only know this because she loves to show and tell all the wealth she has and what she's acquired over the years.
Caleb's father stands next to her all stoic and serious in a three-piece suit. He's looking around the room, nodding in greeting to different people as they walk by.
"Skye, dear, I love how quaint this place is, but it's kind of stuffy in here. You knew how many people were going to be coming to this party, didn't you?"
"Yes, Mrs. Benton. I got each and every RSVP." She can't even get through one night without taking a dig at me.
"Then you should have talked to the management here and made sure they had the proper ventilation system required to accommodate all these people. You could have avoided this mess with just one phone call."
There is no mess to be avoided. Everyone seems to be having a good time. Maybe it's stuffy in here because of her big head and inflated ego.
I look up at Caleb, hoping he'll say something to stand up for me, but of course his mouth stays wired shut. He'll never stick up to his mother for me, no matter how horrible she treats me. After all, he has a trust fund to think of.
Sucking up my pride I respond, "You're absolutely right, ma'am. I'll remember that for the next party we throw." Hopefully it'll be her funeral. "If you'll excuse me, the stuffy air is getting to me, too. I'm going to step outside for a moment."
Squeezing past Caleb and his parents, I put my head down and walk briskly towards the side exit of the restaurant, wanting to avoid being stopped by any of the party's attendees. I also don't want to see Noah again.
Reaching the side door that leads out to the patio, I push down on the metal bar
and the solid black door opens for me. The cool night air hits my face and I immediately take in a deep breath, before exhaling out in relief. I am so glad to be away from everyone and out of that room.
I walk over to the railing and look out at the miles and miles of open green. When I booked this golf club it was because the Italian restaurant inside served the best Eggplant Parmesan I've ever tasted, and I wanted to impress Caleb's mother. She only tolerates the best and I thought this place was the best. I should have known nothing I booked would ever impress her.
My back is to the door so when I hear it open, hitting the outside of the building, I turn to see if I'll be forced to make small talk with someone. Noah walks out in black dress slacks and a black button down dress shirt. I can't even remember the last time I'd seen him so dressed up. He looks...good. I hate that he looks good.
His date to my engagement party is hanging all over him as he walks towards me across the dimly lit patio. I want to yell at his date to pull her dress down because it's too short, but that would only create a new problem and I'd have to find a way for her to cover the two water balloons trying to topple out of the top of her dress.
One of her hands is hidden somewhere inside the collar of his shirt, while her other hand plays with the buttons on the outside. This can't be a comfortable way to walk, which is obvious by the way she's stumbling in her heels trying to match every step he takes.
I bring my focus back on the man who really should not be here. "Noah," I say, glaring at him. Hopefully he's smart enough to realize I'm about to blow up at him if one wrong word slips by his tongue and out between those perfect lips.
"Skye," he greets me. His arm wrapped around his date tightens to bring her in closer to his firm body. "I didn't realize you were out here."
He so knew I was out here. His eyes have been on me all night, ignoring the bimbo next to him unless I was watching.
His arm-candy smiles at me, as if she's just noticed for the first time someone is out here with them. "Hi. Congratulations on your engagement. You look so pretty tonight and I love what you did with all the hanging lights in there," she says, releasing Noah's shirt to point back at the building. "It really adds to the ambiance. Hopefully one day I'll be able to have an engagement party as beautiful as this." She giggles and looks up at Noah, sending him a flirtatious wink.
Noah Page 15