Beneath Your Beautiful

by Tamsyn Bester

  “Hey douchebag,” he says in greeting. Jeff is two years older than I am but sometimes he can’t help but act closer to my age.

  “Hey asshat,” I reply. “Isn’t it a little early for you to be calling me?”

  “Yeah, I hit the gym and decided to head into the office early to get some work done for a new client. The world of digital advertising never sleeps,” he chuckles. “Why are you up so early? Coach Morgan call you boys in for an early practice?”

  “No,” I sigh. “I just left the cemetery.”

  The line goes quiet and I check to make sure Jeff hasn’t hung up.

  “Jeff?”

  “Yeah, I’m here,” he lets out a long breath. “That’s why I’m calling. I’m coming up in a few weeks for a visit. Mom has been bugging me about it and I caved.”

  “I can’t say I’m disappointed. It would be great to see you.”

  “I know it’s always tough on Mom, with the anniversary of Ems death. And I’m dying to meet the girl that has my little brother so damn whipped!”

  I groan. “I should’ve known Mom would tell you. You just have to promise me no funny business.”

  He laughs into the phone, forcing me to pull it way from my ear before it bursts. “I’m always well behaved brother. I’m sweet as pie.”

  I snort. “I know you. You’re going to try and charm her pants off. And I’m warning you in advance, she’s mine.”

  “Did you just growl at me? Jesus, you really are pussy whipped.”

  I roll my eyes even though I know he can’t see me. “She’s important to me.”

  “I hear ya bro. I’m just happy you were able to move on after what that bitch Hayley did to you.”

  “She’s nothing like Hayley.”

  “Alright alright, calm the fuck down Gray. No need to get pissed at me. Although mom also mentioned that Hayley will be in town the same weekend…” he trails off.

  The impending visit from my ex-girlfriend doesn’t excite me in the least. It’s just another thing on my ‘To Tell Huntley’ list.

  “As long as I don’t have to talk to her everything will be fine. She better stay away from me, and Huntley. The last thing I need is Hayley trying to worm her way back into our lives.”

  It’s my brothers’ turn to sigh. “You can’t expect her not to come Gray, she was Em’s best friend. I understand why you hate her so much, God I hate her too for what she put you through. But you won’t be able to avoid her forever. I think it’s time for you to let all that shit go and focus on your new relationship.”

  My brother has never said anything so profound in his life. But I know he’s right.

  “Ok bro, I just got to the office, but I’m glad I got a chance to talk to you. I can’t wait to see you guys in a few weeks. Three months away from home is way too long.”

  “I can’t wait to see you either. It will be good to have you home for a bit. And I’m even looking forward to you meeting Huntley,” I reply.

  “Alright then, I’ll see you soon Gray. Love you bro.”

  “Love you too bro, see ya.”

  I end the call just as I stop outside Huntley’s apartment. I hope she’s still sleeping. I plan on crawling back under the covers with her until we have to go to class.

  Chapter 19

  ~Huntley~

  A light breeze hits my back and I feel the bed dip behind me. Graysons’ arm slides around my waist and he pulls me into his chest. I twist so that we’re face to face and let out a satisfied sigh when our eyes meet.

  “Mornin’ beautiful,” he whispers. He kisses my nose and then my lips. I will never get tired of waking up like this. Ever.

  “Hey you,” I whisper back. “Where did you go off to so early this morning? I missed you.”

  Grayson traces my jaw and brushes his fingers across my lips. I nip the tip of his index finger and he growls. It’s so damn sexy when he does that. It sends tingles down my spine and makes me warm in all the right places. I notice that he’s stripped down again and I take pleasure in being close to him, skin-on-skin.

  His face is soft but his expression is dark, like something is troubling him. My insecurities surface and I worry that he’s starting to pull away after everything I told him last night. Would he still pull away from me after what we shared last night? After we made love for the first time?

  “I went to the cemetery,” he says, his voice so soft I almost don’t hear him.

  I try my best not to sound condescending. I don’t want him to think I’m going to judge him. “What were you doing there?” My voice matches his and if anyone had to listen in on this conversation from outside, they wouldn’t hear anything because we’re so quiet.

  “Visiting my sisters’ grave.”

  His eyes shoot up to mine and search for what I think is compassion. I get the feeling he’s waiting for me to run, but I have no intention of ever leaving his side. Whatever he feels the need to tell me, we’ll face together.

  “You didn’t tell me you had a sister, only an older brother, Jeff.”

  I touch his face gently, hoping to convey my love for this beautiful, broken man.

  “She’s my twin,” he replies, “Well she was. She died in a car accident two years ago.” A tear slips down his cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb. I can tell there’s more to it but I believe that when he’s ready to tell me everything then he will.

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I ask softly. I don’t want him to think I’m being accusatory even though I’m somewhat hurt he didn’t tell me this before. Do I even have a right to be hurt though? I waited almost two months before I spilled my secrets.

  “I didn’t know how to open up about it,” he sighs, “But then after you trusted me enough to tell about your past, I decided to put the same trust in you.”

  I kiss his lips, lingering a little longer when I get a taste of his minty breath.

  His mouth lifts to the side in a crooked smile. “She would’ve loved you,” he laughs, lightening the atmosphere. My heart constricts with his words but warms knowing that he’s sharing this with me. “You two would’ve become inseparable.” – he rubs small circles on my back and the feeling makes it challenging to pay attention – “Emilie had this power to just draw people in with her light and her laughter. It was impossible not to be happy when she was around; her love for life was infectious.”

  “Will you take me to her grave some time? We can take some of her favorite flowers if you want?”

  “I’d like that.”

  “When you’re ready,” I add.

  He nods once and rolls so that I’m straddling him. He sits up until we’re nose to nose. “You’re incredible,” he breathes. “And I love you so much it scares me. You’re my missing puzzle piece, the air in my lungs, the blood in my veins. You’re my everything.”

  My eyes glisten with tears. I’ve never known this kind of love and until now, I believed I was undeserving of it. Grayson makes me feel cherished, adored and loved, and the strength of what we feel for each other after such a short time is frightening. But I have never been so sure of anything in my life than what I feel for Grayson.

  “You are mine.” Kiss. “And I am yours.” Kiss.

  He looks at me adoringly, radiating the immensity of the imaginable love surrounding us. I shift in his lap and he stills. I giggle when I feel him harden between my legs and look up to find him blushing.

  “Are you blushing?” I whisper, trailing kisses from the freckles on his shoulders to the soft patch of skin behind his ear. I nibble lightly on soft skin and find his reaction to my touch a complete and utter turn on.

  He clears his throat. “No,” he says adamantly.

  I deliberately rock against him, circling my hips. I watch his chest move up and down as his breathing shallows until he’s panting. His hands dig into my hips as I lift myself up and let him fill me. Our foreheads touch and I lose myself in the feel of him surrounding me, filling me, and loving me. As our bodies connected together like a puzzle, eve
rything around us fell away and we disappeared into each other until it became too much. I bite his shoulder to stifle my moan which only serves to push him over the edge with me. Our eyes meet and the familiar crackling of electricity that flows from his body to mine blankets us. It wasn’t long before our bodies started the torturous dance all over again, causing us to miss all our morning classes.

  ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

  I walk out of my last class for the day feeling lighter and happier than I’ve ever felt. Something in me has lifted, taking the heavy burden of the secrets that haunted me with it. When I don't see Grayson waiting outside my class for, my face falls slightly. I saw him two hours ago but the thought of seeing him again so soon sends a thrill through my body enticing enough to make my toes curl.

  A hand shoots out and grabs me, pulling me into the space between the two brick buildings that house our classrooms. What the ??

  I scream but my mouth is soon covered by a palm. Looking up, I find Luke Bailey’s penetrating gaze on me, anger swirling in the depth of his eyes and radiating in powerful waves off every part of his body. He looks like a rabid dog about to lose it. I try to squirm out of his grasp but he pins me to the wall.

  “Sshhh," he coos. The stench of alcohol hangs heavy on his breath and I squash the need to vomit. That will not look pretty on my white sundress.

  I stop moving and wait to see what he could possibly want. After what he did to me at Nicky's, I have no desire to see him, let alone have a conversation with the douchebag. He can go play in peak hour traffic for all I care.

  "Now be a good girl," he says, trailing a finger down my neck. "And listen carefully to what I'm about to say. You are going to tell everyone about our date, and take back the fucking accusations that cost me my scholarship and position on the swim team. We both know you wanted me to fuck you. I was just getting you...complacent. If you don't fix the mess you've caused me, we are going to have some problems." He leans in and sniffs my hair. I pinch my eyes closed and gather the courage to help myself out of this horrible situation.

  A bead of sweat trails down my back, anxiety coiling deep in my belly. I swallow my fear and bite down onto Luke’s hand until I taste blood. He lets go of me and stumbles backward.

  "You bitch!" he yells.

  I make a run for it and smack into someone just as I reach the open space outside the classroom. I yelp when I fall to the ground and graze my arm, watching blood droplets ooze from the gash.

  "What the fuck?"

  At the sound of that voice my heart thuds loudly in my chest. Relief floods me when I look up. Grayson towers over me, a frown marring the features of his face. He helps up to my feet in time to catch Luke storming towards me.

  "You bit me you bitch!" Luke yells again, not caring who hears. "You ruined my fucking life!"

  I cower behind Grayson, shielding half my body from Luke’s sight. I doubt he would be brave enough to try and get to me with Grayson so close. Then again, he does have that mentally unstable look about him.

  "I'd be very careful if I were you Bailey," Grayson growls in front of me. I can feel the vibrations from his voice move through his body. He is a solid wall of steal and good three inches taller than Luke. He's also a size bigger, since Luke has the physique of a swimmer.

  "Fuck you Carter! What's it to you anyway? She's just another one of the many tramps you've bagged!"

  Everything happens so quickly but I feel like I'm trapped watching a movie in slow motion. Grayson pushes me back slightly before cocking his fist. I hear the crack as Grayson's fist makes contact with Luke’s face, blood spraying onto Grayson's shirt. This is not good.

  Luke tumbles to the floor before Grayson lands another punch, and another.

  "Grayson!" I scream, "STOP!"

  He gets in Luke’s face and grips his shirt by the collar, never breaking eye contact. "Listen here you little prick," he growls. He looks dangerous and terrifying like this. I've never seen him so angry. "Don't ever touch Huntley again. And if I hear that you've drugged any more girls on this campus, I will make sure the only view of a swimming pool you ever see again is from a wheelchair. Do we understand each other?"

  Luke pales but nods in understanding. Grayson drops him to the floor again and he turns to me. He looks me over then, from head to toe, and I know it's ridiculous but the way his eyes roam my body makes me shiver. In a good way. When images of our morning tumble in the sheets start flashing in the front of my mind, I look down hoping he won’t see the redness creep into my cheeks.

  "You ok?" he asks softly. He touches my injured forearm gently but I still wince. That's going to bruise.

  "I'm fine. My arm just hurts like hell."

  He chuckles, "I can never seem to keep you out of trouble."

  “Yeah well, I wasn’t exactly expecting to get jumped walking out of my class.”

  Scratching in my bag, I find a wet wipe and use it to wipe the now dry blood droplets from my arm. I hiss through my teeth when it burns.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to meet you,” Grayson sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “I had to see one of my professors after class.”

  I toss the wet wipe into the bin and grasp Graysons hand in mine. Our fingers twine together in a perfect fit.

  “You don’t have to apologize. I don’t need you to babysit me.” He feels guilty for no reason whatsoever and I wish he wouldn’t.

  “Besides,” I add, stepping into the crammed cafeteria. “You can make it up me to me later.” I wink and he grins wickedly.

  “Baby, I’ll rock you world if that’s what it takes.”

  Little does he know, he already has.

  As the weeks pass by, the four of us settle into a good routine. Brody and Grayson spend a great deal of time at our apartment and on the weekends they’re away for football games, Demi and I have girls nights filled with junk food and chick flicks. Everything in my life feels normal.

  It’s Friday morning and Demi and I are alone in the apartment. Brody and Grayson are away until tomorrow for a football game. Waking up without Grayson next to me feels strange since we’re practically attached at the hip but today I’m a little grateful he’s not here. My stomach churns and I bolt from the comfort of my bed, making it to the bathroom just in time to see the remnants of last nights’ dinner spill into the toilet bowl. My body heaves until there’s nothing left and then heaves again for good measure. I hear a soft knock on the door and turn to see Demi walk in. Concern is written all over her face. She wets a washcloth and kneels next to me on the tile floor.

  “Are you ok?” She places the wet cloth on my neck and I’m grateful for the immediate relief it brings.

  “I think I might’ve eaten something funny last night,” I whisper. My throat feels raw, like it’s been rubbed every which way with sand paper. I stand up on shaky legs and rinse my mouth out with mouthwash to get rid of the vile taste swarming my taste buds. Yuck. The aftertaste of my vomit is almost enough to make me sick again.

  “Um, Huntley,” Demi stands and shifts uncomfortably.

  “Hmmm?”

  “This is going to sound weird but, um, when was the last time you had your period?”

  I’m not sure if I’m frowning because of her question or because I actually don’t know when my last period was.

  Oh no.

  She must see the shock registered on my face because she grips my elbow and helps me walk back to my bed and sit down.

  “You think I’m…” my words trail off as I mentally try to calculate the dates. It can’t be possible. It just can’t be.

  “Did you and Grayson use protection the last time you had sex?”

  I swallow. It’s a feeble attempt at not choking on the giant lump blocking my throat. The lump disappears when I realize that we’ve been using protection all along. A knot forms in the pit of my stomach despite knowing that we’ve been careful.

  “Yes.” The words come out in a breathy whisper.

  “The condom didn’t break or anything
did it?”

  It’s a reasonable question to ask. “I don’t know. Grayson would’ve told me if it had. Wouldn’t he?”

  All kinds of scenarios play out in my head. Demi must see my fear and uncertainty because she starts rubbing circles on my back. I feel like I’m going to be sick again, and ridiculously stupid. Grayson would’ve said something if there was an ‘accident’. I highly doubt becoming a parent at twenty one is on his wish list.

  If God were to strike me with lightening I wouldn’t hold it against Him. Honestly, if I could do that myself then I would. I start panicking and Demi grabs my face, forcing me to look at her. She doesn’t know about my past, about how I fell pregnant and had a miscarriage with my first boyfriend. If she did, then maybe my panic attack wouldn’t be seen as strange or unexpected.

  “It’s ok girl,” she coos. “I’ll take a drive to the pharmacy in town and get a test. Don’t freak out until we’re sure.”

  My breaths quicken and I’m sure I’m about to hyperventilate. I can’t be pregnant. I’m only nineteen for fuck sake and Grayson and I haven’t even been together that long. Oh God please let it be a virus or something. I would rather deal with that than have to tell Grayson that I’m expecting his baby.

  Demi lays me down and leaves. I try not to worry myself to death while she’s gone but it doesn’t help. I ask over a million questions and find myself answering them by rationalizing. Not that it helps ease the anxiety lurking in the darkest corners of my mind.

  What if I’m pregnant? I can’t be. I’m on the pill and Grayson uses condoms.

  What will I do? Crawl into a hole and cry most likely.

  How am I supposed to tell Grayson? Maybe I won’t have to.

  How will he react? He will freak the fuck out, that’s how.

  Will he leave me? I sure as hell hope not.

  The thought of him leaving me makes the tears flow down my face. I can’t go through this again. I won’t survive it.

  And what will Uncle Alex and Aunt Emma say? Will they send me to a home for unwed mothers’?

  Now I’m just being crazy. There may not even be a baby to speak of.