She spun around in the chair and faced the large window behind the desk. Staring out into the darkness, her gaze landed on the plot of land where her grandmother planted her garden each year. Jada knew she’d never be able to look at a garden, fishing equipment or Timberland boots without thinking about the last few months with Zack.
A tear slid down her cheek, and she quickly swiped it away with the back of her hand. Zack offered her everything she’d ever wanted, and she had walked away from him.
“Jada?”
She swung around in the chair at the sound of her grandfather’s voice. A strip of moonlight shining through the window guided his path to the desk. At over six feet tall, with a solid build, Steven Jenkins had an impressive presence.
“What are you doing in here by yourself, and why are you sitting in the dark?”
Jada sighed and rested her head against the high-back desk chair. “Just thinking.” When she decided to hide out in her grandfather’s office, a place of serenity, she hadn’t bothered to turn on any of the lights.
Her grandfather flicked on the desk lamp and sat in one of the upholstered chairs in front of his desk.
“Anything you want to talk about?” He crossed his legs and interlocked his hands over his knee. “I’m a good listener.”
Jada smiled. “You’re the best listener.” The smile slipped from her lips as she tried to zone in on her problem. “Zack asked me to marry him.” She played with one of her dangling earrings as she stared down at the desk, not looking at anything in particular. “I’m not sure I can.”
“Why not? Do you love him?”
“I love him very much, but I’m not sure it’s enough.”
“What do you mean by you’re not sure if it’s enough?”
“I’m not sure if I’m enough for him.” She dropped her hands into her lap. “Grampa, I have nothing to offer him.”
“Honey, what are you talking about? You are a sweet, smart, and amazing young woman. Any man would be lucky to have you. Did he say or do something to you?”
“Oh no, nothing like that. Zack has always been a perfect gentleman. He is the sweetest man I’ve ever met,” she said on a sob. “He’s too good for me.”
Steven stood and walked around his desk and pulled her into a standing position. When he wrapped his arms around her, the tears that Jada had been holding at bay for the last couple of weeks, fell freely. “You said yourself that I only think about myself.”
Her grandfather leaned back and lifted her chin with his finger, forcing her to look at him.
“When did I ever say that?”
“You said that it’s not always about me.”
He chuckled and pulled her back into his strong arms, rubbing her back. Jada soaked in the love from his embrace. She didn’t know what she would do without her family, especially her grandparents.
“Honey, when I said that it’s not always about you, I wanted you to understand that you have to think about others sometimes. You are one of the most loving people I know, but there are times when you get on a tangent with only Jada in mind.”
He was right, and the truth wasn’t easy to hear. If only she were more like Christina and Toni, her cousins who had more compassion in their pinky fingers than she had in her whole body.
Jada pulled away from her grandfather and went to stand at the window, gazing out into the darkness. “Zack is … absolutely wonderful, Grampa. Not only is he successful on the football field, but did you know he has a degree in finance, and a MBA?” She turned to face her grandfather, folding her arms across her chest. “If that’s not enough, he gives millions to charities and probably does more volunteer work in one week than I have in all of my life. Unless he needs someone to tell him the difference between a Gucci and a Versace handbag, I … I have nothing to offer him.”
“Did you talk to Zack about this?”
She shook her head. She’d been avoiding him, but if she knew him as well as she thought she did, he was going to come looking for her soon.
“I can’t speak for Zack, but let me tell you what I was looking for when I decided I was ready for a mate.” He leaned against the corner of his desk, facing her. “I wanted someone who I could trust and depend on. Someone who would stand by me when no one else would. Jada, most men want a woman who will love and respect them. If we’re lucky she can cook and enjoy some of the things we enjoy, like sports or fishing.” A smile played around his lips and Jada knew he had heard about some of her horrific dates with Zack. “Honey, Zack doesn’t want to marry you for what you can do for him, or for what you have. He wants you to be his wife for the way you make him feel.”
Her grandfather had never steered her wrong before, but could it be that simple? Could Zack love her with her flaws and all? Would he still love her if he knew she’d been on the prowl for a wealthy husband?
Forty-five minutes later, Jada dragged herself into the house she shared with Christina. All she wanted to do was take a shower and crawl into the bed. The long hours at work were finally starting to catch up to her. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since the last time she’d slept with Zack.
Zack.
She missed him so much, she physically ached.
“CJ, I’m home,” Jada announced.
“Well, it’s about time.” Jada groaned when MJ walked out of the kitchen eating cookies and carrying a glass of milk. “I never thought I’d see the day you’d request overtime. Rumor has it, you’re trying to get out of debt. Or is it that you’re trying to work yourself to death?” MJ sat on the sofa and flipped through the television channels.
“Where’s CJ?” Jada leaned against the sofa, too tired to stand up straight and too tired to sit down knowing that she’d eventually have to get back up.
“Here I am.” CJ carried a bag of microwave popcorn and plopped down on the sofa next to MJ. “Where you been?”
“Gramma and Grampa’s house.”
“Oh, what did Gramma cook today?”
“Never mind that, we have important things to talk about.” MJ turned slightly on the sofa to look at Jada. “Whatever is going on with you and Zack, you need to fix it. He’s been playing like crap.”
“MJ, I can’t control how Zack plays.”
“Actually, I think you can. His game didn’t start going downhill until you guys had your argument, or whatever.” She waved her hand. “He started fumbling and playing like a rookie about the same time you started moping around. So you need to do whatever you have to do get back together with him. Besides, where else are you going to find a man who puts up with you?”
“Oh, shut up and move over.” Jada squeezed in between them on the sofa and grabbed a handful of CJ’s popcorn.
“She’s right, JJ. Well, in her own twisted way. If you love Zack, you’re going to have to talk out whatever the problem is.” She shrugged. “You love him. He loves you. Work it out and put that man out of his misery.”
She knew they were right, but she wasn’t ready to face Zack. Not until she had something to bring to the table.
“Don’t forget you promised to go to the football game with me Sunday.” MJ dunked a chocolate chip cookie into her glass of milk. “I need to double check the time.”
“I’m not going.” Jada rarely backed out of a commitment, but this was one she couldn’t keep. Even if she didn’t see Zack face-to-face, she didn’t want to be anywhere near him. Just knowing they were in the same stadium would make her want to seek him out once the game was over and she couldn’t. She wasn’t ready.
“You have to go to that game. I told him that you would be there.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes you can. You have to.”
“Why?” Her cousin had always been persistent, but Jada had a feeling there was more to her being a pain than what she was saying.
“Because this is the second to the last game before the playoffs. They need a win. If you’re not there, he’s going to continue to get his butt kicked out there on the field.”
Jada didn’t want to believe her cousin, but Nick had told her about Zack’s poor performance. She didn’t see how sitting in the bleachers, freezing her butt off, would make a difference.
“Something else you might want to think about,” MJ continued, “he’s going up against three hundred pound linebackers. If he keeps getting hammered the way he has been, he could get seriously injured.”
Jada’s heart sank. She would die if something happened to Zack, especially if she were the reason. “Fine. I’ll go.” She stood and walked toward the stairs, more than ready to fall into her bed. Before she climbed the first step, she turned back to the living room. “Since you guys seem to be in touch with Zack. Let him know that if I’m sitting out in the cold to watch him play football, the least he can do is win.”
“Tell him yourself.” CJ shoved more popcorn into her mouth. “I’m sure he would love to hear from you.”
Christina had covered for Jada for almost two weeks, making excuses to Zack of why she couldn’t see him. She hadn’t told anyone about Zack and Shane’s argument, figuring that one of her brothers or cousins would hunt Zack’s brother down and put a hurting on him.
MJ stood and yawned. “Yeah, JJ, tell him.”
“I can’t,” she said, the heaviness in her chest suffocating her. “I’m not ready see or talk to him yet.”
***
A week later, Zack drove toward Christina’s house determined to see Jada. He thought, for sure, he would see her at the Chicago game the previous week, but she had left the moment the game was over. Tonight, he and his team had just returned to Cincinnati after losing to Denver. He knew it wasn’t a good idea to show up at their house in the middle of the night, but he refused to go another day without seeing her.
Thirty minutes later, he stood outside their front door. The house was dark, but Zack couldn’t turn around and leave. It had been three weeks since he had last seen her. He wasn’t going another night without holding her in his arms.
He shifted from one foot to the other, leaning on the doorbell. He was sure Jada wouldn’t be the one answering the door. A tornado could touch down, and she’d probably sleep through it.
Minutes later, the door swung open, and Christina stood in the doorway with a bat in her hands.
“You apparently took one too many hits in the head out there on that field today. Do you have any idea what time it is?” Her long curly hair was all over the place, and her eyes were bloodshot red.
He glanced at the Cartier watch on his wrist. “It’s a little after one.”
“And you thought it was okay to drop by for a visit?”
“Christina, I have to see her. I’m sorry, but I’m not leaving until I do.”
She sighed and lowered the bat. “She’s upstairs. Good luck waking her. She’s been working ten hours a day during the week and every Saturday. So trying to wake her up, will be like trying to wake the dead.”
“Okay.” He started up the stairs.
“Oh, one more thing. Fix whatever is going on between you two. She’s driving our family nuts.”
Zack knocked before entering. His eyes adjusted to the semi-dark room where only a sliver of light from a nightlight near the bathroom shown. The metallic wall covering with black, white, and red accessories placed strategically around the room were unique but classy, like the woman occupying the elegant space.
He eased toward the queen-sized bed, ignoring the sharp pain gripping his back and his left thigh. After the game they played, he needed a good long soak to work out the kinks in his body, but that would have to wait. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to be near Jada.
His gaze traveled the length of her sleeping form. She was already petite, but she looked as if she had lost weight in the weeks they’d been apart, making her look even smaller. Watching her now, he recognized that the depth of his feelings for her were much deeper than he ever could have imagined.
He wanted to wake her, but decided to let her sleep. Instead, he sat on a long, black and white chaise lounge near the bed, prepared to wait until she awakened. This time she wouldn’t be able to run or hide.
I will do whatever it takes to prove my love for you, was his last waking thought before he drifted asleep.
Chapter Nineteen
Jada hugged her pillow tighter and snuggled deeper into the soft goose down, refusing to open her eyes. She was so glad Peyton had forced her to take a day off. Otherwise, she probably would’ve had to call in. The long hours had finally taken a toll on her mind and body. She couldn’t get out of bed even if she wanted to and today, she didn’t want to.
I wonder if Zack’s team won yesterday.
She released a low growl and pounded her pillow, frustrated that she couldn’t go more than a few minutes without thoughts of him invading her mind. He was like an addiction. She’d had him, now she craved him more than she craved Godiva chocolates.
I miss him so much.
Jada’s eyes popped open. A terrifying realization washed over her. What if Zack didn’t want her anymore? What if he had already moved on?
She flipped over onto her back, kicking away the covers that were tangled around her legs. It was time to stop hiding. Her grandfather had been right. She was worthy of Zack’s love. It was time she was completely honest with him. He would either accept all her flaws, or she would move on.
On a sigh, Jada turned onto her side and bolted straight up in bed. What is he doing here? Shocked to see Zack stretched out on her chaise lounge, her hand flew to her chest as she fought to keep her tears at bay.
He came. Just when she thought he might have moved on, he showed up. She placed her feet on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. His face, thinner than she remembered, was strained and emphasized the dark circles under his eyes. He looked as if he had been dragged through a minefield.
Concern bounced around in her gut as she slowly approached him. Fully clothed, except for his coat and shoes, his hair was mussed, and his normally tanned skin looked paler than she remembered. How long had he been sleeping like this? Her heart ached for him. Even in sleep, he looked so tired.
She sat on the edge of the lounger. “Zack.” She cupped his warm cheek in her hand and called his name again. Her gaze dropped to his lips. Lips that had brought her more pleasure than shopping at Bloomingdales on a one day doorbuster sale. She hadn’t felt his lips against hers in weeks and couldn’t resist.
Jada ran the pad of her thumb across his bottom lip, eliciting a twitch from him and bringing a smile to her face. She lowered her head and covered his mouth with hers, lingering, and savoring the moment she’d dreamed about. A shock wave of sensation soared through her body, stirring a passion within her that she hadn’t felt in weeks. Oh, how she had missed him, missed this.
Zack responded instantly. “Jada,” he mumbled her name against her mouth and braced her face between his hands. His tongue lovingly explored the inner recesses of her mouth as their moans intertwined as one. Jada knew she was home. “Aw, Sweetheart. God I’ve missed you.” He sat forward but cried out in pain. Releasing her suddenly, his head fell against the back of the lounge. His eyes slammed shut, and his face contorted. “Ah damn! Damn.” He continued cursing under his breath.
“What? What is it?” She leaped up, wringing her hands. Her heart threatened to beat out of her chest as she shuffled from side to side, unsure of what to do. The agony on his face tore at her insides. “Zack you’re scaring me! Please tell me what’s wrong.”
His jaw tightened, and his hands fisted at his side. The tough man she’d grown to love looked as if he wanted to jump out of his skin. Seconds passed before he finally spoke.
“Jada.”
“I’m right here.” She reached for his hand, and he stiffened. “Baby tell me what’s wrong. What do you need me to do?”
“Spasms … bad. Need … ah sh… need a minute.” He swallowed hard, his breathing ragged.
She ran to the bathroom for some ibuprofen and water, hoping the medici
ne would relieve some of the pain. When she returned, his red face covered in a light sheen of perspiration, was clammy to the touch. A cold knot settled in her gut. This is not good. She was no stranger to him coming home, muscles tight and his body riddled with pain after a game, but this time seemed worse.
She helped him take a couple of pills, hoping they’d work fast. She left him again to wet a towel and wipe the perspiration from his face. Minutes had passed before he seemed to settle down.
“Why did you sleep in the chair? Why didn’t you wake me? You could’ve slept in the bed.” It broke her heart each time he came home, and she witnessed the type of pain he experienced after a game. “Maybe I should get you to the hospital.”
“No. I’ll be al … alright.” He still hadn’t opened his eyes, but his breathing seemed to be back to normal.
“You don’t look alright. As a matter of fact, you look awful.” She wiped at his face again, wishing she could wipe away some of the exhaustion seeping through his pores. “When was the last time you ate or slept?”
He lifted his eyelids, the blue in his eyes darker than usual. “I could ask you the same questions,” he said groggily. His eyes searched hers, and he seemed to want to say more, but hesitated. “We have to talk. Today. Now. Sweetheart, I can’t keep living like this. We can’t keep living like this.”
“I know,” she whispered. She glanced down at the way his body was angled, knowing that if he didn’t get in a bed and stretch out, he was going to be in even more pain later. “Are you able to sit up? You can’t stay like this. You need to get in bed.”
“There you go, always trying to get me into bed.” His eyes were closed, but she didn’t miss the humor behind his words.
“Funny. Very funny. If you weren’t in so much pain, I’d pop you.”
He opened his eyes again, the smile no longer on his lips. “I’ve missed you so much. I can’t live without you. Sweetie, I love you so damn much.”
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