by Calista Fox
Admittedly, the situation was a complex one to dissect and reconcile. On the one hand, Katarina was in the past. But on the other hand—that wasn’t necessarily true, because they were still so caught up in the memory of her seven years later that they were writing songs for her. Or about her. Lily wasn’t really sure which.
All she knew was that they must have been very deeply in love. Because losing her had shattered them both. That was intently reflected in their music, as she’d concluded the first time she’d stood outside the music room, listening to Jax’s chilling notes.
So, back to the problem at hand. Once more, she considered the idea of leaving. It seemed like the wisest choice.
Also the hardest.
As she thought this through, she couldn’t help but believe last night was really the tip of the iceberg. For them all. It’d been a phenomenal experience in her mind. And while it wasn’t a unique scenario for the two men, the fact that they hadn’t been with the same woman since Katarina suggested there was something about Lily that resonated with them both. That attracted them both. That drew them both in. So that they were able to put aside their past pain and explore a new ménage.
Lex and Jax knew what they were doing. She was certain of it. Last night had flowed seamlessly for them. No envy, no possessiveness, no competition. As though their sole purpose was her pleasure . . . and what they’d derive from giving it.
But she wasn’t an expert on threesomes. Had never even delved into the notion until she’d arrived at the mansion and things had started to unfold. Now she was caught up in the meaning of it, the implications—or, rather, the ramifications.
There was a very good possibility that these two men would never let go of the past. Let go of Katarina. And what Lily provided for them in the bedroom was a physical substitute for the woman they’d loved. Still loved?
Shit. She didn’t know. Worse, the morning after was hardly the time to pose all these philosophical questions laced with the very insecure, Where is this headed?
Okay. There was her reality check.
She was getting way ahead of herself. It’d been one night. It wasn’t as though she’d fallen in love. Right?
Hopefully.
No, no. Not love.
Just . . . extreme appreciation for their talent, sexy smiles, and hot bods.
Yes. That was more accurate.
Right?
Hopefully.
With a dejected sigh because she really wasn’t solving her own dilemma, she stood and did what she’d originally come to do today. She extracted a small vial from her front pocket and removed the lid. Lily sprinkled the tiny portion of her mother’s ashes in the water.
“Enjoy Bayfront, Mom.”
Then she returned to the mansion.
* * *
It wasn’t possible to turn off or even scale back the desire among Lily, Lex, and Jax, despite her reservations.
They wanted her. She wanted them.
And when it came to the two men, she apparently had zero willpower.
She forced herself to concentrate on her duties during the day. But the nights . . . ?
Encore performances of their first time together.
Sometimes they’d sleep in Jax’s room. Sometimes Lex’s. Never hers, and she surmised that this was an alpha thing. They wanted her in their beds.
If Greta suspected anything, she wasn’t letting on. The other staff members weren’t around the three of them enough to pick up on any sexual vibes. Lily considered that all good and safe.
But she still had one lingering question rooted in her mind.
Was she falling in love?
Deep lust? Without doubt.
Deep like? Absolutely. It was unavoidable with these two.
But love?
It wouldn’t be a surprise.
Yet she forged on with her plans for the trip. With her most recent paycheck, she could afford nice hotels, rather than the lower-budget ones. She booked her first-class seat on a flight. And felt a little thrill over it, not just because of the premium seating—but also because it’d be her first time on an airplane.
She perused the Internet when Lex and Jax were out of the mansion and found a travel group that arranged tours in the cities she intended to visit. So she wouldn’t have to be making the rounds all on her own.
Planning for Paris was the absolute most fun. There was a dinner cruise down the Seine that she was interested in. A night tour of the palaces, the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre—all the lights of Paris. And then there was Moulin Rouge. Lily and her mother had watched the movie with Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor and had decided it’d be a high point. So that was definitely a yes.
Her itinerary was solidly mapped out weeks later. And she was excited.
She was also excited about Lex’s and Jax’s hands and mouths on her every night when they weren’t off on business. Currently, they were in New York, nailing down studio time and booking musical venues. They were already scheduled for Carnegie Hall. That was basically mind boggling to Lily.
She was sleeping with two men who had played Carnegie Hall in the past and would be doing it again when the new CD released.
As Lily thought of this, she realized she’d come to accept that their time together was short-lived.
Perhaps fate had brought them together. For numerous reasons. Maybe for a little healing on Lex’s and Jax’s part. And for her . . . an eye-opener. Because Lily had been living her life with her head down and her nose to the grindstone. No distractions whatsoever.
But this distraction?
Priceless.
Though, inevitably . . . temporary.
* * *
Lex was in the music room the night after he and Jax returned from New York. They’d had a fantastic practice session at their recording studio of choice to ensure it was, indeed, the perfect facility for them. All good there. Then they’d wrapped up tour dates and venues. Everything was falling into place.
The only downside was that time was not on their side.
As it related to finishing the compositions, yes. Because they were now ahead of schedule.
As it related to Lily . . . ?
She’d be leaving the mansion soon. Spending the spring in Europe. They’d be off to New York, then playing all over the world.
He and Jax hadn’t really discussed this yet. But Lex sensed his friend struggled as much with the nights they spent away from her as Lex did.
He wasn’t sure what that meant.
Or . . . maybe he actually did know. Deep down . . .
Joining him, Jax asked, “Where’s Lily?”
“Greta needed to borrow her.”
“Not all evening, I hope. We just got back.”
Lex grinned at his friend’s eagerness. “Not all evening. A few minutes.”
“Good.” He went to his violins to tune them.
Lex revisited his earlier ruminations and said, “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Shoot.”
Lex stood, went for a scotch, then told Jax, “Has it occurred to you that we’re writing music in tribute to Katarina, but it’s Lily who’s been providing the inspiration?”
Jax’s jaw tightened.
Lex pontificated further. “I watch you watch her, when you play. I watch her, too. And that’s when we have the ultimate harmony.”
Apparently, Jax needed a stiff drink for the conversation as well. Lex didn’t press him. Let him pour a brandy and take a few sips.
Jax appeared somewhat agitated with the subject matter. Or perhaps it was the answer he delivered that riled him.
Jax said, “Yes, it has occurred to me. More than that, though . . .” He let out a low groan.
Lex’s brow crooked. “I’m listening.”
Jax took a deep gulp, then said, “There’s a bigger picture here. A much broader one. We should face the fact that we’re composing music for one woman while falling in love with another.”
He speared Lex with a look. One that da
red him to deny it.
Lex couldn’t. Though he posed a very delicate question. “So what is this CD really about?”
Jax didn’t even hesitate. “Call it releasing the ghost.”
Lex set his cocktail aside. “Jax, we’re talking about—”
“I know what we’re talking about,” he all but growled. “A woman who has haunted us for seven years. A woman who has pretty much made it impossible for us to move on romantically. Even separately from each other. Sure, we’ve both screwed around over the years. But it was just screwing around, Lex. Right?”
Shoving a hand through his hair, Lex said, “Yes. I became extremely good at one-night stands because I didn’t want any sort of commitment.”
“Well.” Jax gave him another steely stare. “What we have with Lily has gone beyond a one-night stand. What we have with Lily is—”
“Jax, she’s leaving,” he stressed. “Do I like it? No. But it’s a fact. And we can’t stop her. Not when it’s so important to her. Not when it’s been a part of her life plan since she was a kid. Not when it involves scattering her mother’s ashes. For fuck’s sake—who understands that better than two men paying tribute to the woman they once loved?”
Lex was tempted to reach for his scotch to help bring his blood pressure down a notch or two. But it might impair his good sense to the point that he changed his stance and convinced Jax they ought to talk Lily into staying.
The two men stared at each other. Neither one seemed to know what direction to take with this unexpected attraction. No . . . this unexpected relationship.
Though Lex found himself saying, “We have to consider that—”
“Good evening, you two.”
Lily swept into the room, capturing their undivided attention with her beauty and the sapphire gown she wore. Another glimmering creation. One Jax had picked out.
She greeted Lex with a sweet kiss.
He said, “You look sensational. A sight for sore eyes.”
“Thank you. I love the new dress. You shouldn’t have, though.”
“It was Jax’s doing. His favorite color.”
She stepped forward and kissed him as well. “I didn’t realize. So thank you.” Turning back to Lex, she asked, “And what’s your favorite color?”
“On you? Nude.”
With a soft laugh, she said, “You are incorrigible.” Then she asked Jax, “What were you so intently discussing when I walked in?”
“You.” He stared down at her, unwaveringly. “And Katarina.”
“Jax,” Lex warned. They really needed to hash this out further before bringing anything up to Lily.
Especially since her expression turned wary.
She said, “I told you I didn’t want you making comparisons.”
“And I indicated it’s impossible not to,” Jax countered.
Glancing over at Lex, she inquired, “What, exactly, was the context?”
“Why don’t we open a bottle of champagne?” he suggested. “Have a seat. Take a few deep breaths.”
“Excellent idea,” she said, though she was clearly pensive.
She retrieved a bottle from the cooler, served it, and then joined them in an alcove of sofas, sitting in a chair adjacent to the couch they occupied.
Jax got the ball rolling. “We were discussing the fact that we were writing music for Katarina, but it never fully came together until you arrived.”
“Oh.” She visibly relaxed. Sipped. “That’s a huge compliment. Or . . .” Her bare shoulders tensed again. “You’re upset about it?”
“Not upset,” Lex assured her. “It’s more like . . . a crossroads. Of sorts.”
Her head tilted to the side. “I’m not sure I understand.”
“Lily,” Jax said. “You in the dresses and the diamonds—hell, everything about you—has inspired us. Motivated us. Helped to pull this CD together.”
“For which we are deeply appreciative,” Lex added.
“You’re very special, Lily,” Jax told her. “And you’ve returned something special to us.”
She stood and began to pace. “Look, I’ll be honest. Technically, I’ve been living in Katarina’s shadow since I came here. But you never actually treated me like that. And . . . I told you I hadn’t been with anyone in a really long time. It’s all because I am deathly afraid of attachment. I lost the most important person in the world to me when I was at a really pivotal point in my life.”
“Makes sense,” Lex said.
“That’s not the only reason I’ve been so closed off since then,” she contended. “I have family. It’s just that they’re the type of people who are committed to their responsibilities. So if I’d suddenly become this overly needy little girl after my mother died, it would have been disastrous for all concerned. It was much easier to just shut down emotionally and do my own thing. And then it just sort of became who I was.”
“But with us—”
“Totally different,” she said, cutting Lex off. “I see that. Though I can’t fully explain it, except to say I knew you were both struggling. I sensed it from the beginning. I knew you both had a past pain—it lives and breathes in your music, which spoke to me from the very first note I heard. Reached straight to the depths of my soul. So maybe this has all become a case of kindred spirits coming together for a good cause. To work through our issues.”
Jax got to his feet. He stepped toward her and clasped her upper arms. “It’s more than that, sweetheart.”
She seemed to melt a little. Lex leaned forward in his seat.
Jax said, “You—” He shook his head. Cleared his throat. And Lex saw him completely change direction, he knew his friend that well. “You really saved us, Lily. This CD is as much an homage to you as it is to Katarina.”
“Jax.” She’d turned breathy again—and damn it, that made Lex’s cock spring to life. “Thank you. I can’t even . . .” She sighed. Then just repeated, “Thank you.”
He kissed her.
Lex didn’t intervene.
When Jax pulled away, he told her, “We needed a muse. And you needed a place to land in order to get your feet beneath you. It’s been a win–win all the way around, right?”
“Yes.” She swallowed hard. Then smiled . . . though her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “Exactly. That’s all.”
Lex’s heart constricted; conversely, relief washed over him. Jax had just done what he could not. He’d freed her. Expressed their appreciation and affection without taking it to the next level—to the level it was really at—by revealing their true feelings for her.
So that Lily would be able to leave this house and fulfill her dreams.
Chapter Eleven
Lily and Greta were sipping wine at Bristol’s in River Cross, not far from Bayfront. They’d had a couple of hours to slip away, and Lily had suggested the venue. She needed some perspective. And Greta was damn good at providing it.
She said, “I still have a few days left in my employment contract, but I’m wondering if you’ll release me, since you’ve already found a permanent replacement.”
Greta’s head snapped back. “Lily. I thought you liked the mansion.
“I do. Of course I do. But what’s the point of sticking around? I’ll lose some pay, yet I’ll survive considering the salary Lex and Jax gave me.”
“But I have to train the new person and it would be infinitely helpful to still have you around when I do.”
“Greta. Come on. He’s been a butler for over twenty years. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.”
The older woman scowled. “That’s not the point, and you know it.”
“Yes. But . . . the truth is, I’ve served my purpose. I did my job and I also gave Lex and Jax what they wanted. Or needed. The whole muse thing. And in turn, I learned quite a bit about myself. Was inspired as well, in fact. By them.”
“Lily, I was rather hoping you might change your mind about leaving altogether.”
This took her aback. “What on earth would make y
ou think that? You’ve moved forward with selecting someone to fill the position.”
“As a precautionary measure, yes. But he has other prospects. It wouldn’t be a problem to cut him loose. He’ll land another job tomorrow.”
Lily gnawed her lip. “Greta . . . I’m going to Europe because it’s something I’ve always felt I need to do. Something I feel compelled to do. I’m very excited about it.”
“Fine,” she said, clasping her hands on the table in front of her. “You’re going. But not for another week. So why the sudden exit from the estate?”
“It’s just . . . not a very comfortable scenario anymore.”
Since Lex and Jax had returned from New York and Jax had basically thanked her for services rendered—in all capacities—she’d felt awkward in their presence. There were things she wanted to say to them, about how amazing the entire experience had been, about how much she adored them. But even if she said those particular things, she’d still be taking the easy way out.
The entire experience hadn’t just been amazing. It’d been extraordinary. A once-in-a-lifetime affair.
And she didn’t just adore them. She was, indeed, in love.
With both of them.
She’d realized it when they’d come back from New York. When she’d joined them in the music room and they’d looked at her like . . . like . . .
Like, Thank God we’re finally home. With her.
But she’d completely misread them. And Jax had set her straight. She’d fulfilled a personal need. And a professional duty. Now it was time for them to all move on.
Exactly as was planned from the get-go.
And though Lily was crushed, she couldn’t let on to Greta. Or to Lex and Jax.
She hadn’t gone to either of their suites that night. She’d claimed the champagne had given her a headache.
What she really had was heartache. She’d felt it then. She felt it now.
So Europe beckoned once more.
She said, “I’ve just completely made up my mind. I have to go.”