All About Hope

by Ashley Erin

  She shivers, her hazel eyes burning as she pulls away from me. “I’m okay.”

  “Okay, I need to go to work. I will see you later, baby.” Ignoring Lydia, I leave Lia to do her job, thankful I don’t need to stick around after all.

  I’ve never been slammed with the need to protect anyone before, aside from Emma, but the desire to shield Lia was more primal. I wanted to prove to that hateful woman that Lia is better off without her pathetic friendship and that asshat of an ex. I recognize the jealousy coursing through me when I think of some other man taking her from me. That kind of emotion needs to be locked down.

  Once I’m back at the house, I grab my computer and move to join Emma on the couch. My nerves are fried and I need nothing more than to distract myself with work.

  She looks up to greet me, bursting into laughter as she takes in my appearance. “Your pants aren’t buttoned up. Do I even want to know?”

  Looking down, I laugh. “Oops.”

  “Where have you been? I thought you had work to do?” Emma closes her laptop, shifting her legs to make room for me on the couch.

  “I was just four-wheeling around the trails, I dealt with the issue and thought it would be fun to take a break.” I could tell her I was hanging out with Lia, but it would lead to more questions than I care to answer. I hate keeping secrets from her, but I like how this is going and I know Emma will pressure me to make it more than it is. Make it more than I’m capable of giving.

  “You’ve been disappearing a lot these days.” Emma nudges me in concern with her toe.

  “I’m just enjoying country life. Besides, this spring has been incredible, and I want to enjoy it before we get the rain that’s in the forecast.” She accepts what I’m saying at face value, I’ve never lied to her before. I’ve omitted information about my past to save her from the gory details, but never outright lied. It sucks.

  We settle in to working, Emma’s intense focus helping get me into the zone. I open Dane’s website and start making the necessary tweaks. It doesn’t take me long to complete the task. Dane and I communicate weekly about updates needed on the website. He’s my favorite type of client, he knows what he wants and communicates it with precise notes.

  Setting my laptop on the coffee table, I tuck my hands behind my neck and nudge Emma with my foot. “How’s Arwen’s training coming along?”

  “She’s fantastic, absolutely amazing.” She smiles widely, proud of her little filly. “She’s a pro with the halter and being led. That’s all I want to focus on right now. Ryan also trimmed her hooves, she stood perfectly. We can start getting her used to tack, so that way when she turns two I can start training her to ride.”

  We fall silent, Emma’s fingers flying over the keyboard as she loses herself to her story. I’ve never told her, but I’ve read everything she has written. She specifically told me not to, but I want to support her in any way I can.

  I prefer her paranormal stuff to the straight up contemporary, but I actually love her books. I recommend them to clients all the time.

  Rolling my head onto the cushion of the couch, I let my eyes drift shut.

  Mom stands in front of the door as I carry my suitcase down the stairs. My back aches from the bruises developing around the cuts from her belt.

  “You’re MY child, not theirs. You can’t leave.” Her words are slurred, she’s already popped some pills and drank a couple of beers, despite the early hour.

  “You’re not a fucking mom. You may be my biological mother, but you quit being my parent the second Dad walked out that door.” For the first time in my life, I physically move her away from me. It dawned on me last night as she whipped me with her belt that I’m bigger than her. I refuse to hit her back and sink to her level, but there is nothing she can do to stop me from leaving.

  “Your dad left because of him.” Her hard eyes glare over at Emma’s dad, standing on their front lawn with his arms crossed, watching us.

  “What could Mr. Hayle ever possibly do to drive Dad away from us? You know what, never mind. You’re too fucked up to know what you’re saying anyways.”

  I’m down the steps, ignoring her as she follows me to the edge of the lawn. Crying, begging, pleading. I can see Emma watching from the window of her house, her face white. I give my head a shake, continuing on my path without looking back. I’m taking control of my life, and I will never lose it again.

  I wake with a start when my foot falls off the couch, the memory of the day that changed my life causing my heart to pound. Glancing up, I watch Emma work. She’s still intensely focused, her eyes glued to her screen as I stand and stretch. She will never truly understand what she and her family did for me. Most of the physical scars have faded, but the emotional ones will always be there.

  I need to move, the thundering rush in my ears as I try to lock away those memories where they belong. Leaving the living room, I almost knock Lia to the ground as I round the corner into the hallway.

  She pushes me into the wall, wrapping a leg around my waist as she presses hard kisses onto my neck, before leading me upstairs.

  Shutting my bedroom door, she shoves me against it, her lips hard against mine as her hands run up and down my body. She grabs the bottom of my t-shirt, lifting it over my head before kneeling to remove my pants.

  Fisting my hands at my sides, I let her have the control, banging my head against the door when her lips wrap around my cock. She sucks hard, before taking me all the way to the back of her throat, swallowing.

  My hands fist in her hair, my hips moving as I push her head where I want her, growling as she sucks my dick. She fights my hands, running her tongue up to the tip, teasing the head.

  Yanking her off me, she pushes me onto the bed, fighting me to regain the power. Lia straddles me, kissing me forcefully as she lowers herself onto my dick, clenching around me. My arms are pinned above my head, her small hands wrapped around my wrists and I hate that I love it so much. The anxiety is there, the loss of control making my heart race, especially after the dream I had less than twenty minutes ago, but seeing her wild and in control helps drown it out.

  Part of me recalls the easy going kid I used to be, but after the abuse I went through with my mom, I can’t handle feeling out of control. It takes me back to her drugged and drunken outbursts, when she would burn me with cigarettes or lock me in the basement without dinner.

  Lia takes away the anxiety I feel at succumbing, even if I prefer to control her. There is something so sexy seeing her give in to me.

  Flipping Lia onto her back, I pin her arms the way she had mine and fuck her, covering her mouth as she cries out, her pussy clenching around me like a vice. My body quakes with the power of my release, sweat beading at the back of my neck.

  Planting a kiss on her lips, I leave her to go clean up before crawling back into bed. Instead of getting up and dressing like usual, she lays on her side to face me. “Thanks for being there when she arrived today. It helped me get through the initial appointment. I can’t believe I was best friends with someone like her. I just like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but Dane and Ryan never liked her, and their gut instinct with people tends to be quite good.”

  Grinding my teeth, I breathe deeply. The thought of someone doing that to Lia pisses me off. She’s so fucking amazing, what kind of fool would let her go. Like you’re going to?

  “They don’t deserve your energy, you’re too great of a person to spend any amount of time thinking about them.” Brushing some hair off her forehead, I search her eyes to see if she believes me.

  “I know. It’s been almost three years, and I’m honestly over it.” She sits up, the sheet pooling around her waist leaving her perfect breasts bare. “I’ve realized that I’m happier now than I ever was with Graham. There was always something lacking from our relationship.”

  Smiling, her eyes shine as she kisses me deeply before crawling out of bed and dressing. Standing, I pull my jeans on, making sure to do up the button. Lia is about to o
pen the door when there is a knock. She turns to me, eyes wide, before bolting into my bathroom.

  Opening the door, I smile at Emma. “What’s up?”

  She looks at me oddly, probably wondering why I’m shirtless and looking like I just got out of bed. I can’t stop the grin that forms when her forehead creases as she peers into my room. “You’re acting weird.”

  “I was just busy.”

  Shaking her head, she leans on the doorframe, wisely choosing not to ask what I was doing. “Anyways, whatever you have going on tomorrow evening clear it. We’re all going to Linger.”

  “I have no plans.”

  “Good.” She looks behind me again, her brows pinched together, before going into her room and shutting the door.

  Lia comes out of the bathroom, her hand covering her mouth to muffle her laugh. “I need to go. See you tomorrow morning.”

  She brushes past me, her fingers trailing across my abs. I lean against the frame, listening as she rushes down the stairs, backing into my room when I hear the front door shut.

  Ryan and Jesse wave as we enter Linger, our favorite bar and a secret treasure. The exterior looks like it should be condemned, but the inside is warm and inviting. The chandelier in the middle of the room is the central focus. It was hand blown by a local glassblower, and I would love to take a trip to his shop one of these days.

  Lia steps up next to me, drawing my eyes down to her. She looks absolutely stunning, her dress fits perfectly to her body. When she walked onto the porch this evening, it was all I could do not to touch her and kiss her.

  Even now, I want to wrap my arm around her, show off that she is mine. A feeling I have no right to. She steps in front of me, her hips swaying as she walks. The low lighting in Linger is romantic, heightening my already intense attraction to her, especially with the way her eyes shine as we move to join our friends.

  Seeing Emma and Dane together on a daily basis is messing with me. It’s making me want something like that, wishing I was capable of believing that they were the norm and not the exception, but then I remember my scumbag father and my substance abusing mother. Growing up watching their dysfunctional marriage made me hate the idea. At one time they were happy. I remember them going out on dates, both of them smiling as they dressed up. As I got older, I started seeing through the facade.

  Besides, after experiencing the ultimate betrayal from my parents, neglecting to fulfill their most basic duty, my trust isn’t easily given. Mostly, though, I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust myself to completely open up to anyone, and I know that will be the ruin of any relationship I go into.

  Trusting Lia with what we have is already a stretch. I’ve never spent so much time with a lover before. She makes everything easy, and that frightens me because losing sight of our boundaries is something I foresee happening with her.

  Sliding into the booth next to Lia, I order a beer from the waitress who is hovering near our table. She’s eyeing up Ryan and by the way he’s looking back, I’m positive she won’t be going home alone tonight.

  “Where is Ashton?” Lia leans forward to ask Jesse, shouting over the music.

  “He’s on a date.” Jesse tips his beer back, watching the crowd in the bar. It’s no secret that Jesse is attracted to his roommate, despite his frequent denials. The disappointment is written on his face and I feel bad for him. Attraction is hard enough without adding in being attracted to the person you live with. Not to mention how unsupportive his father is. He hasn’t spoken to him since coming out last summer.

  Dane and Jesse start talking about the ranch, causing Emma to roll her eyes. “No. We’re not working tonight. In fact, let’s go dance until you have to carry me out of here.” Dane smiles at her and leads her to the dance floor.

  Lia leans onto Jesse’s shoulder, watching the dancers. I can see the envy in her eyes. I don’t want her to regret what we have, so I yank her out of the booth to dance. When she looks at me, a question in her eyes, I simply shrug. “Friends can dance, can’t they?”

  “Oh, definitely.” Her smile is bright, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. My chest constricts, it’s rare that Lia lets things get her down and I wonder what’s running through her head. Holding her close on the dance floor, the fruity scent of her shampoo intoxicates me.

  The song ends, many of the dancers heading to the bar to get another drink. I tighten my arms when I feel her start to pull away. “Let’s dance a while longer.”

  She relaxes, two-stepping with me to the country song the DJ is playing.

  Every time the song ends, I refuse to let go until she quits trying to pull away.

  “Are you okay?” After four songs, I can’t hold it in any longer. Her eyes still lack the happiness that usually makes them shine and it bothers me.

  “Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind.” She smiles brightly, her eyes clearing a little. “All of Dane’s stuff is out of his room, if you’ve decided to take it.”

  Understanding dawns, we never really came to a decision on me moving in, and I can see that she is worried about me overreacting again.

  “I started packing today.”

  The smile that lights her eyes makes all my doubts fly away. Everything up to this point has worked. Besides, I see her all the time anyway, so living across the hall won’t change things that much. Thinking about it that way makes it easy to justify. When this friends-with-benefits whatever ends and she moves on, I can always continue to search for an apartment.

  Emma and Dane dance by, completely enraptured in each other. Lia’s arms wrap more firmly around me, her head resting on my chest as a slow song starts. We’re swaying on the crowded dance floor when her body tenses briefly. Following where she is looking, I see Lydia walk in with some guy.

  Realizing that must be Graham, I feel my body fire with anger. He’s not even a real man. A real man would tell the woman he is with that he wants to move on. He wouldn’t give her a key to his place and start banging her best friend shortly after. Some best friend. I may not always be up front with Emma, mostly to shield her, but I would never betray her.

  Grasping Lia’s hand, I lead her to an open spot at the bar, walking past where they are standing. Lia gapes up at me, unsure how to respond to the fierce look on my face. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I want to claim her in front of him.

  Lydia was watching us, and it doesn’t take her long to drag Graham over.

  “Hey, Lia.” Lydia’s smile is friendly, wavering when Lia remains stoic. She presses on. “How’s Patty doing?”

  “She’s coming along. It will be a couple of weeks before we notice a significant difference.” Lia leans into me for support as she finally looks at Graham. He hasn’t taken his eyes off her. I want to kick him in his nuts. “Graham, Alex. Alex, this is Graham.”

  “Her boyfriend.” I clarify, holding my hand out.

  He stiffly shakes my hand, wincing at my hard grip, before he pulls away and stands there uncomfortably as Lydia tries to talk to Lia.

  Lowering my head, I kiss Lia’s neck, her body automatically relaxing into me. I can feel her pulse pounding and I smile knowing it’s from what I’m doing to her neck and not being near Graham. I didn’t doubt Lia when she said she was over the whole thing, but I needed to show him what he lost. He doesn’t need to know what his betrayal did to her ability to trust.

  I don’t doubt that the day will come that she will entrust someone with her heart again. She has too much passion and too big of a heart not to find someone to share it with.

  “I think we’re going to head back to the dance floor now.” Leading her away, I hold her close as we dance. Her eyes never venturing in their direction again.

  “I would apologize, but I’m not sorry.” Murmuring into her ear, I grin as she shivers and presses herself into me.

  “I’m not sorry either. I haven’t seen him in years and I admit I was shocked watching them walk in, but after it wore off I felt nothing.” This time when she smiles at me, the smile reaches
her eyes.

  Countless songs later, we rejoin our group at the table.

  “Did I see you kiss my sister?” Dane looks between us, Emma smirking beside him. Crap, I didn’t think about the repercussions on my actions. I’m not ready for anyone to know about what’s happening, especially since I don’t think her brothers will appreciate the fact we’re having casual sex. Swallowing hard, I’m saved from having to answer.

  “We ran into Lydia and Graham. I asked him to act as my boyfriend because I thought it would help. It’s silly, I know.” Lia smiles at me in fake apology.

  “You haven’t seen them together since shortly after the break up. Are you okay?” Emma looks at Lia in concern.

  “I’m fine. I’m over it.”

  Emma grins as Lia states this, her eyes glancing at me quickly before turning away. Rolling my eyes, I don’t bother saying anything. Now that she has Dane, it’s only a matter of time before she starts in on me.

  “Finally. That asshole didn’t deserve any of your attention.” Dane glares daggers over to the bar. My lips lift in a smirk as I see Graham and Lydia glance over here and cringe.

  “Dane, stop it. Seriously, it’s fine.” Lia slides out of the booth, shooting a warning look at Dane. “I’m going to the bathroom, leave them alone. It’s been almost three years.”

  Watching as she makes her way to the bathroom, I narrow my eyes when I see Lydia push Graham in that direction. Emma, Dane and Jesse are huddled together chatting. Ryan has disappeared somewhere, probably flirting with the waitress, so I slip out of the booth and follow them.

  The bathrooms are at the end of a long, dark hallway. I can hear Lia’s voice as I approach. “What do you want, Graham?”

  Her voice shows no emotion aside from exasperation. Leaning against the wall, I wait and listen. It’s rude and I should probably just go back to the table, but I want to make sure she’s okay.

  “I know it’s been a long time and I know by now it probably doesn’t matter, but I want to apologize.” His words sound stilted, like he’s rehearsed this, but never gotten comfortable with the words. “Not that I showed it at the end, but I did care about you and you deserved so much more than that.”