by Ashley Erin
Shifting in the seat, I glare at Alex’s knowing smirk. “This is your fault.”
Licking my lips, I reach my hand over and slide my hand over Alex’s thigh, before cupping his erection in my hand. He swallows as I undo his button and slide my hand inside his jeans and boxer briefs.
Wrapping my fingers around his cock, I stroke him, enjoying the soft skin beneath my fingers. His smirk is gone as he speeds up, his hands clenched around the steering wheel as I work my hand from base to tip.
With a growl, he pulls my hand away before turning into our driveway. Throwing the car in park, he doesn’t bother doing up his pants before he’s out of the car. He shuts my door behind me, picks me up and stalks into the house.
Peering over my shoulder, I grin when I see Emma sitting on her porch watching us. I love that I’ve made him forget to be cautious, that he loses himself so entirely in me that he forgets we’re not alone.
Pressing my lips to his neck, I breathe him in.
Maybe it’s not hopeless.
My eyes burst open, my skin coated in a light sheen of sweat from the dream I was having. Lia moans softly, curling into me as she sleeps.
Watching her sleep, her face soft and slightly flushed, calms the thundering race of my heart. I wrap my arms around her and hold her close, letting her presence pull me away from the nightmare. It’s been a long time since I’ve been plagued by the dreams, but Mom has texted me three times since the night I had dinner with Lia.
I haven’t responded, Lia’s words reminding me that I have no reason to feel guilty, but she’s decided to persist, which is unusual.
Freezing when my door bursts open, Emma comes bounding into my room looking far too energized for the early hour. She doesn’t even falter at seeing Lia in my arms as she sits on the edge of my bed.
“Shit. I can explain.” I shift Lia away from me, feeling the loss of her heat as she rolls away from us, curling onto her side with a soft murmur. I doubt Emma will care that I’m sleeping with Lia, she will care more that I’ve been hiding it from her. Emma looks at me with humor in her eyes. “You don’t seem to be that surprised.”
“I saw you the other night, carrying her from your car like a caveman. Anyways, look what I found in the attic.” She hands me a photo I hadn’t seen in her hand.
Scanning it, I do a double take when I see her father and my mother with a group of people I don’t recognize. My mom looks young and vibrant. Happy. I try to recall a time when she looked like that, but there was always an overtone of sadness to her that is absent in the photo.
“On the back it gives the date. Apparently they hung out with the same group of friends in college. This photo was taken a couple of months before my dad met my mom.” She takes the photo back, looking down on it. “I wonder why he never said anything when we moved in next door.”
“Who knows? Maybe because my father made it apparent he wanted nothing to do with your parents. My mom blamed them for his leaving, you know that.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” Looking at the picture, her brows crease. “She looks so different than I remember her.”
We sit silently, looking at the picture. I don’t think I ever saw my mother as happy as she is in the photo. Even looking back to when things were okay with my parents.
Emma stands from my bed, glancing over at Lia with a smug look on her face. “Well, I will let you get back to your morning. We’re heading for the show at three. Ryan is going to join us tomorrow so the four of us will drive together.”
She prances out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Groaning, I run a hand over my face. Looking over at Lia, I ignore the way my body reacts to her. It’s no longer just physical, I enjoy every moment we spend together. This thing has become very real, and I don’t know how to deal.
Lia yawns, her brown eyes blinking up at me sleepily. “Good morning.”
Her smile is soft, unguarded, and the look in her eyes hits me in the gut. Shit. I’ve noticed her fighting me less and less for control, but right now, as she wakes up, I see what she’s been hiding from me.
This is no longer casual for her either. My throat closes up as I fight for air, that realization rendering me speechless.
She sits up, the sheets tucked under her arms, her mask falling into place as she waits for me to say something. Her gaze hasn’t left mine.
Wrapping my hand around the back of her neck, I pull her down and kiss her softly. Part of me wants her to leave so I can process how to deal with what’s going on, the other part doesn’t want her to go, because while she’s here the panic I feel waiting in the background will stay away.
“Do you think we can skip breakfast? I have plans for you this morning.” Trailing a finger down her arm, I smirk.
“As much as I would love to spend all morning in bed with you, I need to finish getting ready for the show.” She pulls away, but runs her fingers through my hair and kisses me before crawling out of bed.
I sit against the headboard as I watch her dress, shooting me a smile as she opens the door and runs across the hall.
Before the panic can flood my system, a sharp knock sounds on my door before it swings in revealing Ryan. He looks behind him, listening for a moment, before returning his gaze to mine. Leaning against the doorframe, he crosses his arms.
“I like you, so you need to think long and hard this weekend about what it is you want from my baby sister. If this is only a fling, then end it now before you break her heart.” He pushes off the frame, with one last withering look taps the top of the doorway and is down the hall before I can form a coherent thought.
By the time we all load into Emma’s truck, I’m exhausted. I know I need to think shit through, but I’m not ready to process that the agreement I have with Lia needs to come to an end. So, instead of dealing with the issue like an adult, I worked out for an hour with music blasting in my ears, I packed for the weekend, rode Chandler, and finally signed off on the website that has been a thorn in my side for close to two months.
“So how do these shows work?” Leaning back in the truck, I settle in for a long drive. An hour is nothing, but whenever I look at Lia all I can see is the love shining from her eyes this morning. It makes my heart stop, before taking off at a thundering pace in my chest.
“This afternoon the arena will be open to practicing. Any rider that wants can go inside to work their horses. Out of courtesy, we practice the same thing and then switch it up. There are also paid warmups. I have one this evening and one tomorrow before the classes start.” Lia angles herself on the bench seat, tucking a leg underneath her. “There are different classes depending on the level of the rider. I have two classes I’m riding in. The Open class tomorrow, and the Freestyle class on Sunday.”
“It’s a pretty casual atmosphere. We will be in the warm-up area cheering Lia on.” Dane turns in his seat. “The base score, with no mistakes but also nothing outstanding, is seventy per judge. There are three judges and their scores are combined for the final score. You can gain or lose points depending on how you ride.”
It sounds easy enough to follow. I’ve been watching Lia practice this week, learning what the judges look for as Ryan shouted corrections to her. It’s going to be tough watching Ollie’s movements and not focusing on the intent look on Lia’s face, there is something intensely attractive when she is focused on the pattern and the movement of her body.
Dane turns back to face the windshield, striking up a conversation with Emma. Looking to my left, I catch Lia watching me with a thoughtful look on her face. I’ve caught that look on her face several times throughout the day, whenever we’ve crossed paths. It makes me wonder if my feelings are as transparent to her as hers are to me.
She hasn’t confronted me about my moment of panic, or the obvious fear that’s been bubbling under the surface since this morning, which makes me even more nervous because Lia doesn’t shy away from confrontation.
The rest of the drive passes quickly, and soon we’ve
parked the trailer and settled Ollie into his stall. The commotion around us is fascinating. Several people call out to Lia, greeting her. This is a part of her life I’ve never experienced. Last summer, I never went to any of her shows, too distracted by everything going on with Emma.
Leaning against Ollie’s stall, I watch Lia set up a temporary tack room. Emma and Dane went to town to pick up some last minute supplies, leaving us alone. I still haven’t thought through what I’m going to do. I want Lia to enjoy her weekend and, if I’m being honest, I don’t want this to end quite yet, but seeing the affection in her eyes this morning, the unguarded look that told me she’s falling for me, brought reality crashing down. No matter what happens now, when this ends, it’s going to hurt her.
Lia steps out of the stall she’s using as a tack room, shutting it and dropping a curtain I didn’t notice her hang across the front. It boasts the name of her practice, alongside her contact info.
As she turns to look at me, she’s suddenly lifted in the air, being hugged from behind.
“I knew it felt hotter in here,” a voice rumbles out from the face buried in her hair and I’m frozen with the rage that surges through me.
The dude sets her back on the ground, spinning her around. His cowboy hat shields his face from me as he looks down on her. I want to fucking rip his hands away from her body, drag her to the horse trailer and bury myself deep inside of her until she forgets everyone’s name but mine.
She giggles at something cowboy has said, my hands fisting at the sound. That’s my fucking giggle. Stalking to stand next to her, cowboy finally looks up at me.
Of course, he looks like fucking Scott Eastwood. Emma made me watch that damn rodeo movie several times swooning over him, and here is his doppelganger with one hand still resting on Lia’s hip.
Lia glances up at me, her face flushed. “Dominic, this is Alex. Alex, Dominic.”
Cowboy holds his hand out to me, shaking firmly before dropping it.
“I gotta go, gorgeous, but I will see you in the arena.” He bends to drop a kiss on her cheek, before turning on the heel of his boot and heading out of the barn.
Before my head has time to catch up with my body, I’ve grabbed Lia’s hand and I’m dragging her to the trailer.
Opening the door to the living quarters, I lift her inside before shutting and locking the door behind me.
Threading my fingers through her hair, I tilt her head back and kiss her. Every ounce of my rage and jealousy is thrown into the kiss. It’s hard, and punishing, but she opens up to me giving back just as good as she gets.
Until Lia, a kiss was always just a kiss, but with her it’s every unspoken word that hangs between us. I can feel her love pouring into me, while my response is pure, primal possessiveness.
Dropping my hands to her waist, I hold on tight trying to imprint myself into her as we let our bodies speak the words we both refuse to say.
Pulling away, I strip her shirt off, her bra joining it on the floor, before I pull off her boots and remove her jeans. She leans against the table, watching as I remove my own clothes.
We haven’t spoken one word, I can’t right now, because I know I will say something I can’t take back.
Turning her, I plant her hands on the table angling her body so her breasts are pressed down on the surface. She presses back into me, moaning as I drive into her. She’s fucking soaked, her pussy clenching around my cock as I move in and out of her in fast, hard motions.
It’s rough, urgent, and primal. Every ounce of my energy is going into making her forget that asshole who made her giggle and flush. Next time she sees him, I don’t want her to remember his name, I want her to remember how I feel inside of her.
Stilling inside her as she clenches my cock, the force of her orgasm making her legs shake, I follow close behind, spilling into her as I come harder than I think I’ve ever come before.
Pulling out, I cross the short distance to the bathroom and wet a cloth. Lia is still bent over the table, so I gently clean her up before tending to myself. I quickly use the facilities, giving myself a moment to come down from the high, and when I come out Lia is fully dressed with her boots back in place.
She presses into me, lifting onto her toes and kissing me with a softness that contradicts the rough way I just took her.
We still haven’t said a word, and before I can she is slipping out the door, closing it with a quiet click.
I dress, my mind going haywire. I have never been jealous like that, ever. Even when I kissed her in front of Graham, it wasn’t out of jealousy, although the need that night had been just as primal as just now.
I’m addicted to Lia’s body, but not just that, I’m also addicted to her smile and her passion for her job. I’m addicted to making her giggle, and talking with her about everything. The fear I’ve been suppressing all day rises, but I tamp it down again.
I know I need to end this before any more emotions get involved, but not until after the weekend is done. Things have gotten too real for me.
My stomach turns over just at the thought of ending this. Obviously there are men out there who would jump on the chance for something more, and the idea of witnessing it makes me ill.
Stepping out of the trailer, Emma is sitting in a lawn chair watching me descend the steps with a knowing smirk.
Before she can say anything, I inquire, “Where’d Lia and Dane go?”
“They’re getting Ollie ready. The arena opens in five minutes for the open practice. I was waiting for you, we will meet them there.” She stands from her chair, and I know she is going to say something.
“Don’t.” Cutting her off before she has the chance, I raise my hand in front of me.
“I’m just going to say one thing.”
I should have known.
“I know that look in your eyes. It’s the one you always get before you drop whatever woman you have in your life. Think carefully through that decision before you screw up something that has been making you happier than I’ve ever known you.” She doesn’t wait for me to respond, turning and walking toward the entrance of the huge building behind us.
I follow silently, stewing over the information overload from today. I must’ve been blind not to notice any of it sooner, but right now I feel like I’m drowning in the torrent of my thoughts.
We find Dane in the mass of people and horses. There is a small warm up area where riders wait for someone to clear out of the competition arena where they are practicing. Lia is already inside, loping circles.
I can’t believe the number of people they allow in there, and I’m even more impressed by the fact no one crashes. My jaw snaps shut when I see Dominic ride up alongside Lia, saying something to her that makes her laugh.
Emma chuckles softly beside me. Instead of responding, I elbow her in the side, not taking my eyes off Lia.
Dane growls when Dominic leans over to tuck a strand of hair behind Lia’s ear. “If he’s in there to pick up women, he should have gone to a fucking bar.”
Emma laughs, but I’m happy someone is on my side.
“He’s sexy, and they have a lot in common. I can’t say I’m surprised that he’s taken an interest.” She looks up at me, a challenge clear in her eyes. She doesn’t need to say the words. If I don’t want anything serious with Lia, I should step down so someone else can have a shot.
“Not Cowboy Casanova over there. He just wants someone to fuck once in a while before moving on. Lia needs someone who can be serious about her, she deserves that after the shit she’s dealt with. Lia is the type of woman you fall in love and settle down with, nothing less is worth her time.”
My stomach turns over at Dane’s words. Emma wraps her fingers around mine, squeezing. I know what she wants from me, what she believes I’m capable of giving, but I don’t think I can do it.
He knows.
It’s barely the ass-crack of dawn and I’m awake. Alex has been acting strangely since yesterday morning, a little distant, and definitely
more guarded. And it’s because he knows I’m in love with him.
He didn’t drop his guard until Dominic was flirting with me, and his response was one of instinct rather than thought. It was like his mind shut down and his body took over.
As soon as he pulled me inside the trailer, I also realized what he hasn’t yet. He loves me too. I just wish his head would catch up to his heart and his body.
Sighing, I roll out of bed and dress. Brushing my teeth, I scowl when I see the bags under my eyes. Emma and Dane took the big bed, Alex is on the couch, so I ended up on the tiny bed the table folds down into. It wasn’t the most comfortable night’s sleep I’ve ever had. All I wanted was to crawl into bed with Alex, having him so close was torture.
Everyone is still sleeping, so I grab a protein bar and slip out of the trailer. I need to get to the warm-up ring anyways. My paid warm-up is in forty-five minutes and I don’t want to spend fifteen of that moving Ollie through his stretches.
It doesn’t take me long to groom and tack Ollie, but Ryan is waiting for me in the pen when I lead him in there. Stepping into his arms, I hug him tightly. “When are Mom and Dad coming?”
“They will be here for your first class.”
I’m so grateful to have such a supportive family, especially after hearing some of the shit Alex had to go through. It makes me appreciate them so much more. Not that I didn’t already, Dom is here every show without anyone to cheer him on or keep him company, and he does it with a smile on his face.
Ryan sits in one of the seats alongside the fence as I swing myself into the saddle. I love having the first paid warm-up, no one else is in here. It’s quiet and it gives me time to push every thought from my head aside from Ollie and the show. Something I definitely need today.
My thoughts swirl around Alex and everything that has happened between us over the past couple of months. I know what I want, but I don’t think continuing as we are will help him realize he wants the same things. He’s conditioned himself to avoid commitment, and if I try to push him into something it will just drive him away.