by Kip Nelson
“I was wondering why you have a very select policy. I don't know if you have been to the apartment buildings, but there are a lot of people suffering there. I'm sure they'd really benefit from being welcomed into this place.”
Lisa sighed and her head dropped. Her hands opened and she looked sorrowful. “I know, Adam. You are right, and I really wish I could do more to help them. I've tried to keep them safe and provide them with food but, unfortunately, we can't help everyone in this world. I sent men over there to protect them. I don't know how long you lived there, but I'm sure you heard about the riots. It was such a shame to me. I tried helping them, but they were greedy, and I had to start posting guards there. I didn't want to do that because they are some of my best men and, as I'm sure you know, the city can be a dangerous place. I don't really like them walking to and from those buildings all the time, but I want to know that I'm at least doing something for those people.”
“But why not just bring them all in here?”
“Because there is not enough room. Believe me, Adam, I have wrestled with these questions over and over again. If I could, I would fling open the gates and welcome everyone, but there is simply not enough room, and I require people who are going to contribute. Now, I don't want to speak ill of anyone because I'm sure they have suffered and are tormented by personal demons, but I decided a long time ago that I want to put the people living in this place first, above everyone else. I want to build something special and those are the types of people I'm seeking. It's hard, there's no doubt about that, and we do not carry anyone. So, if you can't contribute your fair share, then I'm afraid there is no place for you here.”
“But do you know what goes on in those buildings? About what your men do to people who try to stand up to them if they think there's anything wrong?”
Again, Lisa looked remorseful. “I am aware of everything that goes on, and I can only apologize. I cannot control the darker impulses of those under my command. I only can go by what they say. But I'm not going to be dishonest with you, Adam. The world is not a kind place, and we cannot play by the same rules as we used to. I will try looking into any grievances you may have, though, if you choose to stay here.”
“Choose? I thought that we had to impress you.”
“Well, that is part of it, but it is ultimately your choice. I am not going to keep anyone who does not want to stay here, but I hope you see enough that makes you want to stay. We have a number of children as well. Has it been a while since you've seen any children?” she asked Annabelle, who only nodded. Diana never had seen Annabelle this reticent before and wondered what she was feeling.
“Now then, what is it exactly that you want? Why are you here? I apologize for all the questions, but if I am to welcome you into our little community, then I need to know that you will be a good fit,” Lisa said.
“Well, we just want a safe place really. I think we've all been wandering around the city for a long time and, at least for me, I'd like to be a part of something bigger. I tried making it by myself and it didn't work. I thought being in the apartment building would help, but everyone there just seems to have given up. I want to be in a place where I feel as though I'm making a difference in the world. We're all hard workers and we've been through enough that we know how to survive. However, I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we realize it's better to be part of a group. Because if we don't live together, then we're going to die alone, and none of us want to die.”
“That's certainly a good start,” Lisa said, clapping her hands.
So far Adam was impressed with her, and she seemed like a reasonable person who really did care about the people she led. He hoped that the more he spoke to her the more she would be able to see that certain things shouldn't be allowed to continue, and that certain people should be punished.
“Lee did mention that we would have to prove ourselves as worthy, though. What does that mean exactly? Is there some sort of test to get in?”
“Nothing as dramatic as that, no,” Lisa said, laughing, “but we do require people to prove themselves. As I said, I want to make sure this place and the people within its walls are going to be able to give everything to the community and are going to be able to contribute. I want this place to be a foundation for the future, a place where the survivors can rebuild and begin the world again. When we first started there were only a few of us and we all were in this one building. Slowly, but surely, we've spread out. I want this place to be a positive influence on the world. Hopefully, eventually, we will be able to take everyone under our wing and protect them all. And it just so happens I have the perfect task for you. If you succeed, I'll make sure you're all perfectly comfortable here.”
Chapter Ten
“I really don't like this at all and it was a mistake to come,” Diana said as the four of them left the hall after being given their task. Adam rolled his eyes.
“Everything is going to be okay. We just have to do this one little thing and we're home free, and we'll have access to all that food! Didn't you hear what she had to say? This is a place that is going to grow and we can be a part of that. I'm tired of always wondering what's going to happen day after day. I'd like to be in a place where I know I'm going to have enough food to eat and enough ways to keep on living and be safe,” Adam said.
“I want that, too, but you shouldn't blind yourself to what this actually is.”
“What do you mean? She's just an old woman, she's harmless. Look, she's got all that food, and look at that over there, at those barriers.” He pointed to the sheets of corrugated metal that protected them from the outside world. “And she's managed to do all this. I'm not saying it's perfect, but it's a damned sight better than anything else we've come across.”
Diana huffed and bent down to talk to Annabelle. “Are you okay? I noticed you didn't seem quite yourself in there. I know this is overwhelming and it's a brand-new place, but you're always safe with us.”
Annabelle nodded. “I just don't like that old woman. She gives me a bad feeling in my tummy.”
“I know. I feel it, too,” Diana said, and glared at Adam once again, who threw up his hands.
All he seemed to get from Diana was grief and he couldn't get anything right. Part of him was tempted to tell her to go and make her own way through the world because he was getting tired of her sighing and getting annoyed with him. He only was trying to give them a chance to be safe, a chance to actually matter in the world. He wanted to change the world for the better and try making this life better than his old one. He wanted to matter, not to hide himself away and escape in make-believe stories. Life was happening, whether he liked it or not, and the least he could do was take charge of his own life. If Diana always was going to be on his case about it, then she could just go away. Of course, he didn't have the courage to tell her all of this just yet. He still found her intimidating, and the thought of conflict set his anxiety off anyway, but the angrier he became the more he wanted to tell her what was on his mind.
They were taken back to the small office where they were given a chance to talk it over before they went back to Lisa with their decision.
“Right, then,” Diana began when they were alone, “we need to decide what we're going to do.”
“What do you mean? There is no decision. We have to do it and try to be accepted here. This is the only option we have,” Adam said.
“No, it's not. We can leave this place and go find somewhere else.”
“Where?” Adam challenged.
“Well, not the apartments, that's for sure. You burned that bridge for us with this stupid deal.”
“Stupid? Look at this place! I don't know why you're so afraid of this deal. We just have to do this one small thing and we'll be home-free. We can live here. They have water and shelter and food and--”
“And what is it going to cost us? You know what type of people live here. Do you really want to be a part of this? This is just the beginning you know. They'll keep asking us t
o do more and more, and what are you going to do when they ask you to do something you're not comfortable with?” Diana said.
“That won't happen. You heard what Lisa had to say. She wants the best for people and she's going to look into it. I'm going to get Lee kicked out. She'll see what he did, and I'm sure if we just talk to her more that we can get her to help the other people back in the apartments. She's probably just had so much on her mind with this place that she wasn't really aware of it, and it's not like Lee and Ham are going to bring it to her attention.”
“You really are a fool, aren't you? How did you ever make it through life acting like this? You really think she's this benevolent dictator? I've tried to tell you over and over again that people aren't like that. They look after themselves, after their own skin, and that's that. She probably just told you all that to get you to stay! It's exactly what you wanted to hear. Once they have you here, do you really think they're just going to let you walk out if you feel like it?”
“Well, sometimes you have to take a risk and, quite frankly, I'm tired of always having to wake up not knowing where I'm going to end up at the end of the day. Maybe you're okay with that, maybe you like adventuring around the world, living on the edge, always scrounging to survive, but I don't. I've tried making it on my own on the outskirts of the city. I've been out there in the pouring rain, sharing a small animal with Peter and sometimes that's all we had to eat for the whole day. It ain't easy out there, not as easy as you like to make it seem. It's fucking scary, and I'm not going to go back out there! I can't.
“You can try to leave if you want, but I'm not going out there again. I want to be safe, to feel like I belong somewhere. I've seen too much death. I know that if I stay out there, eventually I'm just going to be a body that someone else is going to come across. They'll look at me and they'll feel sad, and they'll wonder how I died, and then they'll move on. I want there to be more to life than that.”
It was the first time Diana had seen Adam this passionate and scared, but she wasn't about to fold. She hated that he had brought up all this when Annabelle was sitting right there. “I know you're scared. We all are. You don't think that? You think that I'm happy just going about my business when I have a child to worry about? At least you only have yourself, well, and Peter I suppose, but you don't have a monopoly on fear. I'm damned scared every single day that this finally is going to be the day when my luck runs out. I just want to make sure there are as many days in between as possible. Just because you're scared doesn't mean we should take the first deal that comes to us. There's something really dodgy going on here, and I think we seriously should consider leaving now before anything bad happens. You do not get to make the decisions for all of us. I've managed to make it this far through life, and if we're being honest, I think we both know I'm the more capable one between the two of us. My gut is telling me that something is dodgy and we should leave.”
“And my gut is telling me that you're being paranoid and we just should see it through. At least wait it out until winter has passed, and then when the spring comes we'll have a better chance of making it somewhere else.” But Diana didn't see his point of view.
The two of them raged against each other, their voices rising as the anger escalated. They were shouting at each other, their faces crimson, and their bodies trembling. On the periphery of this Annabelle and Peter stood together, huddled in fright. The two people they each trusted most in the world were fighting, and neither of them had any idea how to stop it.
Out of the corner of his eye Adam saw the two of them, saw the frightened look on their faces, and stopped speaking mid-sentence. He bowed his head. Diana's nostrils still were flared but then she followed Adam's gaze. Then shame came over her like a cloak, for she saw the look on Annabelle's face. She took a deep breath, as did Adam.
“I think we've let this get a bit out of hand,” Adam said. Diana nodded. They turned and spoke to Peter and Annabelle, apologizing for the way they had shouted at each other.
“I think we need to remember that, for better or for worse, we're in this together. We've stuck together this long, and you're right that we need to be in a safe place, but I hope you realize that not everything is as it seems. Sometimes something is too good to be true, and it's better to realize that sooner than later,” she said, her tone calmer.
She moved toward Annabelle and wrapped her up in a tight hug, giving the girl a kiss on the cheek, which made her squirm. Adam walked over to Peter and gave him a reassuring smile along with a pat on the shoulder. Peter seemed more at ease now, but he still remained quiet.
“I know. Trust me. If anything really goes south, then I'll be the first one to want to get out of here, but I want to believe in this place. I want to hope again. It's alright being cynical, but I'm tired of it. I've spent too much time over the last few months feeling miserable, feeling despondent, that to come across a place like this...it's just wonderful. I can't remember the last time I felt this excited about anything.”
But he could, for in that moment he remembered the last time. It was the day before the end of the world, when he was able to try Hololife, and he knew everything was going to change, it just hadn't changed in the way he expected. But he had that same feeling again now that he was in this community. That everything was going to be better once they were able to complete the task and prove themselves worthy.
“Stealing medicine from the hospital is too risky,” Diana said. “We don't know what kind of people are there or what's waiting for us.”
“But it's what we have to do, and for once it's actually nice to feel like I'm taking my life into my own hands for a change. This is our way to improve our lives, and it may not be something that we want to do, but it's just a means to an end. Think about it. This way we're going to be helping people as well. I'm sure there are a lot of people around here who need medicine. It's not like she asked us to do anything too bad. Look, I'm sorry that I mixed you up in all of this. I should have asked you first, but in the heat of the moment I just made a snap decision that I thought was going to be the best thing for all of us. I really want to give this place a shot, at least until the winter is over. Because I just...I can't handle being out in the city alone anymore. I'm going through with this, even if I have to do it on my own.”
“There's no need to be so dramatic about it,” Diana said, and gave him a playful smile. She looked down at Annabelle and then inhaled deeply.
“We're with you. Someone has to make sure you don't get killed,” she said, and the tension that had built up between them quickly dissipated.
With that decided they went back to Lisa and told her they accepted the offer. Lisa looked pleased and clicked her fingers. Swiftly, a thin demure woman ran up to Lisa and handed her a list. “This is what we would like. Above the line are things we need, below the line are things that we would like. Try getting as much as you can, for it will all help the people here, and we prefer to have as few runs as possible. There's a bag over there, and on that table, you each will find something to help you on your quest. Take what you like, but please be careful out there. The city is a dangerous place and there are plenty of people who will want to hurt you. But if you come back and I am satisfied with what you bring, then we will make arrangements for you to stay here, and you will be a part of this community. Oh, and please feel free to take some food for the journey as well. I am very grateful that you're choosing to do this for us.”
Adam thanked her and then the four of them went over to the table with the weapons on it. Adam stuck with a knife, for it was the only weapon on the table he was confident of handling. Diana took a pistol and expertly checked that it was fully loaded, smiling as she felt the satisfying click. Annabelle took a little bit longer to pick hers. Lisa watched with interest as Annabelle walked around the table, until she eventually picked a bow and arrow.
“That's a fine weapon. I'm impressed with your courage,” Lisa said, digging her sharp nails into Annabelle's shoulder.
Annabelle tried not to wince, but as soon as she could she twisted away from Lisa's grasp and stood behind Diana, clutching the bow and arrows tightly. Peter was the only one left to choose a weapon but he abstained from picking one. Lisa looked at him curiously, but when she asked him why he only muttered something unintelligible in response. Lisa didn't ask any further questions. After that they collected some food and put it into their backpacks, also provided by Lisa. Then they made their exit.
“Here goes nothing,” Adam said as he led the four of them out toward the hospital. Lisa had given them a small map, and it didn’t look to be that far, but Adam was sure there would be many dangers. He only hoped Diana wouldn’t have the chance to say ‘I told you so.’
Chapter Eleven
“We're almost there!” Annabelle exclaimed.
She had been given control of the map and was studying it intently, the bow and arrows slung across her shoulder. She kept having to shrug to keep them from falling off. Diana still was seething at Adam. She barely had said a word to him the whole time since they had left the camp, but they all had stuck together. Adam felt the weight of the steel knife against his back, wondering if he would have to use it. He felt the same way as he did the first time he had been walking through the city, and even though he had companions now, he still felt vulnerable. He couldn't forget the bullet holes that riddled the walls of Lisa's camp. As they walked his eyes darted around to every dark corner in case there was anyone lying in wait.
“Great,” Diana replied dryly.
“I don't know what you're so upset about. This is only the same thing you'd have been doing anyway. But instead of going back to those apartments, we get to be a part of a bigger community, with better food and a better standard of living.”