by Jenna Jacob
Max wrapped his arms around my waist and nipped the lobe of my ear. Sparks of arousal ricocheted through me. “I don’t love that fact, either.”
He slid on his tee and watched me dress, then walked me to my car.
“I’m going to head over to Dylan’s and change. I’ll see you at the club in a while.”
“Sounds good. See you there.”
As usual, Genesis was empty when I arrived. After scurrying to set up the bar, I poured myself a glass of water as Eli rushed through the curtain. Dressed in his street clothes, he clutched a backpack in one hand.
“Mistress, I want to apologize for last night. My friend Henry, he’s an ass. The things he said—”
“It’s all right, Eli. You’re not responsible for what your friend does or says. In his eyes, I am an old lady,” I chuckled.
“No. You’re beautiful,” he protested.
“Thank you, boy. I’m flattered.” I eyed his backpack. “Go change into your thong. I’ll have a cherry cola waiting when you return.”
“Yes, Mistress.” Eli sent me a grim nod before he darted toward the men’s room.
My words hadn’t eased his niggling guilt. I’d have to spank the shame from him. Normally the thought would thrill me, but for some reason, the notion held little appeal. I was probably still a bit harried from hustling to ready the bar or drained by my recent sex marathons with Max. I’d make it up to Eli tomorrow night.
But I didn’t, nor the next night, or the one after. I hadn’t abandoned the boy. He visited the bar often. We talked and even laughed a bit, but as more nights came and went, Eli’s hunger for another session grew stronger and stronger. For some reason, I couldn’t muster the motivation to play with him.
I tried blaming it on lack of sleep. Though I definitely wasn’t complaining, nearly every night Max and I would leave the club, drive to my place, and make love until sunrise. We’d catch a few hours of sleep, then wake and sate our hunger all over again. We’d fallen into a pattern of barely leaving the bedroom.
After his membership application had been approved, Max arrived early with me and helped me set up the bar. Occasionally we’d take a break from our bedroom Olympics—after all, you could only go for the gold so many times—and we’d share a picnic in the park, see a movie, or go shopping.
The bond between us was growing stronger every day. I was content and happy and, for the most part, able to ignore the two shadows looming over us—the worry of pregnancy and the direction I needed to pursue.
Early on, Max and I agreed to wait two weeks before breaking open any of the home pregnancy tests. I tabled deliberating Sammie and Samantha until we knew whether or not the rabbit had died.
As the two-week mark grew steadily near, my anxiety level skyrocketed.
Standing in my usual spot behind the bar, I tried to focus on the Doms and subs at play. But niggling in the back of my mind was the knowledge that when Max and I woke tomorrow afternoon, I’d break open one of the test sticks, and my future would be determined for me. Either I’d spend the next few years changing dirty diapers and saving for college tuition or dodge a life-altering bullet.
Lost in thought, I jumped when Max placed his hand over mine. “Stop torturing yourself, Sam. We’ll be fine with whatever comes our way.”
I nodded, not wanting to discuss our situation with so many ears around. Gossip had a way of sprouting wings and taking flight. As I skimmed a glance over the dungeon, my heart skipped a beat. Eli was cuffed to a cross. I watched as Mistress Monique, a young, raven-haired Domme, dragged her glossy red fingernails up and down the sub’s back. A pang of guilt sliced me. Max glanced over his shoulder to see what had captured my attention.
“You didn’t think the boy was going to wait forever, did you?” he softly asked.
“No,” I replied in a quick, harsh tone.
Grabbing the bar rag, I polished the gleaming surface while inwardly cursing myself for neglecting Eli’s needs. Purposely avoiding the urge to watch his scene, I focused on serving beverages instead. I was already juggling too many worries. I had no business tossing more into the mix. Eli’s needs were being taken care of. That was all the mattered.
A few minutes later, I noticed Mika standing at the end of the bar. He was darting a glance between Max, Mistress Monique, and me. I tried to mask my shame for failing Eli, but I wasn’t fooling anyone, not even myself. Mika had always been able to see right through me. The man didn’t miss a thing when it came to his club, employees, or the members. Still, I worried my lack of desire to work the boy had irked Mika. Without a word, he turned and walked toward the hallway.
“Is there a problem with you not scening Eli?” Max arched his brows.
“I’m not sure.” I shrugged.
Tony and Joshua stepped up, joining Max. The three began talking. Soon other Doms joined the men while their subs sat clustered at one of the tables across the room, visiting as well.
Behind me, the house phone buzzed. I answered, knowing Mika was on the other end.
“When things slack off down there, would you come to my office for a minute?”
“Sure thing, boss. Joe can take over for a few. I’ll be right up.”
“Thank you.”
As I headed past Max, he shot me a curious look, but I continued my march toward the archway, feeling as if I were making a trek to the principal’s office. Climbing the stairs, I broke out in a cold sweat as a wave of nausea hit me.
It’s just nerves, I told myself. Shoving down my fears of what the pregnancy test would reveal, I sucked in a deep breath. When I reached the door to Mika’s office, he opened it wearing a thin smile.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as I entered.
He closed the door behind me and frowned. “I wanted to let you know that I asked Monique to work Eli before they’d decided to negotiate a session. It seems both were a bit too anxious to get some playtime in. I apologize, Sam. The look on your face…well, I know this was a surprise.”
“It’s all right. I’m well aware that I’ve been shirking my responsibility with the subs, especially Eli. I’m the one who owes you an apology.”
“Accepted, but I’m curious. Why have you been avoiding the subs?”
“The bar’s been busy. I’ve been a little tired lately, and I have a lot on my mind.”
Even to my own ears, the excuses sounded lame.
“Do you need to take a few days off?”
“No. I’m fine.”
His piercing amber eyes flickered slightly at my lie. “If you need to talk about anything, you know I’m here for you.”
“I know that, and I treasure our friendship.”
“I do too, so stop blowing smoke up my ass. You know how I hate that. Does your sudden departure from Dominance have anything to do with Samantha? Because I thought you worked that out weeks ago.”
I closed my eyes and issued a heavy sigh. “I tried. But I discovered I haven’t really come to terms with it like I thought I had.”
“I see. And you didn’t bother to come talk with me about that, because…?”
“Because I’m still working through it. I haven’t reached any conclusions yet.”
Mika frowned and stepped closer. He squeezed my shoulder. “You’re a terrific asset to the club, Sam. You embody the code of the lifestyle and strive to ensure the subs’ needs are achieved.”
I could hear a big ol’ but coming.
“But until you know where your heart truly lies, I have to ask you to refrain from working the subs. Not that you would ever lose your shit during a scene. I know better. But I can’t have a Domme revert to sub mode in the middle of the dungeon. I’m doing this to protect you and them.”
I felt as if he’d punched me in the stomach. I swallowed the bile rising in the back of my throat and nodded. I’d failed my boss…my friend…the one person who’d been a constant in my life over and over again. Inside I was howling in shame and regret.
It took me several long seconds to fight back my
tears and find my voice. “I understand. I’m sorry that I’ve let you down, Mika.”
“It’s not that you’ve let me down, Sam. I’m worried about you. I see now that you’ve come to that familiar fork in the road…the one you didn’t want to face again. I’m here for you, sweetheart. I’ll do anything to help… and I do mean anything. If you need me to walk through fire for you, I’ll do it.”
I threw my arms around his chiseled body as a tear slid down my cheek. Though I didn’t know why, I wanted to curl up in Mika’s arms and sob like a child. But I knew that would worry him even more. Without a word, he held me as I struggled to glue myself back together.
“Twenty-four hours obviously wasn’t long enough to make such a major decision. That’s on me, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”
“No,” I said with a sniff. “I should have dealt with Samantha years ago instead of ignoring her. I’ve prolonged the process too long and shot myself in the foot.”
“What’s Max’s take on all you’re trying to deal with?”
All you’re trying to deal with? Another sickening wave coiled in my belly. Had Mika somehow gotten wind that I was struggling with more than lifestyle issues? The room grew hot, like an oven, and started to spin. A veil of darkness clouded my vision, and then everything went black.
Somewhere in the distance, I heard Max calling my name. I opened my eyes to try and find him, but a harsh light had me slamming them shut again.
“Thank fuck, she’s coming around,” he cried. “Sam. Come on, baby. Open your eyes for us.”
“Too bright,” I grumbled.
“That was my fault, honey. I was checking your pupils.”
The unmistakable voice of Master Sam had my eyelids flying open. I was lying on Mika’s long leather couch. Max, Mika, Cindy, Liz, and the good doctor hovered over me wearing uneasy expressions. Well, all except Max, whose face was ghostly white and etched in terror. His confident veneer had shattered, sending adrenaline to ramp up inside me. I lifted my hand and cupped his cheek in hopes of wiping away his fear. His expression stayed the same as he pressed a beefy paw over my hand and continued to hold me with a desperate stare.
I was unsure how or why I’d ended up on Mika’s couch, and a surge of embarrassment rolled through me. I tried to sit up, but Max dropped his hand to my shoulder, forcing me to remain flat on my back.
“Whoa. Don’t try to move. Just lie here a little bit longer,” he whispered. “You passed out, baby. Let Brooks take a look at you. All right?”
Dr. Samuel Brooks, ob-gyn surgeon by day, Master at Club Genesis by night, was the last person I wanted poking and prodding for answers as to my unexpected blackout. I knew the first question out of his mouth would be…
Oh, hell no!
While I desperately wanted to deny I was pregnant, I couldn’t. I’d never passed out before in my life. My stomach pitched and rolled. The tiny salad I’d eaten for dinner was coming up. Panicked, I launched off the couch and pushed past my friends. Skidding to my knees next to Mika’s desk, I grabbed the trash can and promptly tossed my cookies.
A split second later, Max was behind me. With one hand, he gathered up my hair and softly stroked my back with the other.
“I need a few minutes alone with Sammie,” Brooks announced as he, too, knelt down beside me.
As the others paraded out of the room and the door snicked shut, I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and collapsed against Max’s chest.
“I’m staying,” he informed Brooks.
“Sammie, are you okay with that?” I nodded. “All right. Have you ever fainted before?”
“No,” I answered.
“Is there any chance you might be pregnant?” Brooks asked.
So it wasn’t the first question, but close. I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath.
“We planned on taking a home test in the morning,” Max answered.
“How many periods have you missed?”
“Who knows?” I shrugged, wanting to give a lackadaisical impression, but the strain in my voice gave away my fear. “I’ve been irregular for about a year.”
“If you’d rather come by my office tomorrow, we can do a blood test,” Brooks offered. “It’s much more accurate.”
“No offense, Doc, but this is something I’d rather find out in private.”
Brooks nodded in understanding. “If it comes back positive, I need to see you. I’ll want to keep a close eye on you.”
“Why?” Max blurted out. Concern tightly wrapped around his one word.
“I don’t like to use the term high risk, but the chance of complications rises with women over the age of thirty-five.”
“Great,” I mumbled. “Can I go back to work now?”
“No,” Max barked. “I’m taking you home so you can rest.”
“But I feel—”
“Max is right,” Brooks interrupted. “You need to take it easy for a few days.”
Oh, god. This cannot be happening!
“You’re not going to say anything to Mika or the others, are you?”
“Of course not,” Brooks assured.
“Thank you,” I exhaled in relief. “For now, we’ll just tell everyone I have the flu.”
“You might have to come up with a different ailment in a few months,” Brooks teased. “Maybe a hernia or a stomach goiter…hell, we’ll think of something.”
“You’re not funny, Samuel,” I groused with a scowl.
The two men bit back grins. I simply groaned.
“I’ll grab your purse from behind the bar,” Max announced and stood. “I’ll be back to get you in a minute.”
After he left, Brooks helped me over to the couch and sat down beside me.
“What kinds of things can go wrong with a high-risk pregnancy?”
“We’ll cross that bridge if we need to later. Right now, all I want you to do is rest and take it easy. Are you having any morning sickness?”
“No, but food hasn’t been my friend for a couple days. Nothing sounds good or tastes good. I do force myself to eat, though it’s not very much.”
“I can tell you’re less than thrilled at the prospect of being pregnant.”
“I’m too old.”
“No. You’re not yet. If the home test is positive, come by my office. We’ll discuss everything then.”
“All right,” I mumbled.
Mika poked his head in. “Safe to come back yet?”
“Sure.” I nodded. “Sorry about the trash can. I’ll get it cleaned out and—”
“You will not. I’ll take care of it in a minute. I want you home and in bed until this flu bug is out of your system. Got it?”
I whispered an inward thanks to Max for using a case of the flu as a smoke screen. I didn’t want to have to lie to Mika; he’d see right through me.
“Just wait until you’re sick,” I drawled. “I’ll bark out orders to you left and right.”
“You’ll have to get in line. Julianna’s like Nurse Ratchet,” Mika said with a snort.
“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. I’ll go down and meet Max by the back door. Thank you both. I’ll feel better soon.”
“We’re walking you down,” Mika demanded.
“Fine, but if I give you cooties, don’t be pissed at me.”
“I could never be pissed at you, Sam.” Mika sent me a tender smile.
As both doctor and club owner helped me down the stairs, Max appeared in the alcove with my purse.
“Why don’t you bring the car up to the back door, Max? She won’t have as far to walk.”
“See how you are?” I shot Mika a mock glare. “You ask him to get the car, but you order me to go home.”
“He won’t argue with me, because he’s worried about you. You, on the other hand…well, your claws are out and you’re hissing and spitting.”
“I’d say Mika’s already got your number, baby,” Max laughed as he rushed out the door.
“Rest well, Sammie.” Brooks smiled before heading t
oward the dungeon.
As Mika led me outside, Max was jogging up the stairs. Concern ate up his eyes and lined his face.
“Thanks man, I’ve got her from here.” He lifted me off the ground and carried me to the car.
“Call if you need anything…anything at all,” Mika yelled.
“We will,” Max assured.
Racing toward my house, he threaded his fingers through mine. “I think I lost ten years off my life when Brooks tugged me off the barstool and told me you were sick in Mika’s office.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you. One minute I was fine. The next, I…I don’t even remember hitting the carpet.”
“You didn’t. Mika caught you and laid you on the couch, then radioed the DMs to send Brooks upstairs, stat.”
“It felt like the whole damn dungeon was in the room when I came to.”
“Just the resident medical crew. They love and care about you, like I do, Sam.”
“I care about you, too,” I whispered.
“I know.” He squeezed my hand. Long minutes passed before he darted a glance at me. “I don’t think waiting another day is going to matter. Why don’t we take the test when we get you home.”
A knowing dread inched up my body. I’d been living with my head in the sand, dismissing my loss of appetite and queasy stomach for days. But after passing out, I couldn’t avoid the obvious any longer.
“Okay,” I murmured.
I pressed a palm to my stomach, and somehow I just knew…
The test would be positive.
Max and I had created a life.
I was terrified.
A rush of panic swelled and a tear slid down my cheek. As we entered my subdivision, I had to bite my tongue to keep from ordering Max to drive around the block for several hours. That would only prolong the inevitable.
Still, when he pulled into the drive, I couldn’t move. Couldn’t open the door. Couldn’t speak. I was frozen in fear. I wasn’t ready for my life to change so drastically.
Would I be a good mother?
Was Max going to stay true to his word and help me raise this child?
What if he skipped town or—god forbid—died, like Desmond?
The thought of being a single parent was daunting. I’d have to quit the club and find a nine-to-five job. The cost of daycare would no doubt be staggering, not to mention diapers and formula and clothes…good god, the price of raising a kid was astronomical.