by E. S. Moore
“You smell different.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “So do you.” In fact, all I could smell was a faint scent of soap.
“Oh, God,” Nathan said from across the room. He made it sound like he might be sick.
“We should probably find somewhere else to be,” Keira said, her voice light, almost jovial.
“No.” Jonathan stepped back and cleared his throat. “We’ll go somewhere else to talk. Keep an eye on the place. I don’t want someone trying to take advantage of us while our guard is down.”
Nathan looked skeptical, but nodded. Both he and Keira went different ways, presumably to check the doors.
I was thankful when Jonathan led me out of the living room and up the stairs. He took me to the same room where Doctor Lei had worked on me when Thomas and his pack of Tainted had just about torn me into itsy little bits. I hesitated just inside the doorway, struck hard by the memories, before walking all of the way in. He closed the door behind me.
“Are you staying in here?” I asked, noting the rumpled sheets.
“For now.” Jonathan crossed the room, stopped next to a chair, and then spun to face me. “I can’t believe you did this,” he said, sounding almost angry.
“I had to. It was the only way I could think of to take care of Levi. I really didn’t want to do it.”
“Who?”
I opened my mouth to reply, but didn’t know how to answer. I tried to remember what he might already know about the angel, but was having a hard time thinking straight. I wasn’t so sure I’d ever told him a single word. I’d never been very good about divulging information.
“He’s a very bad person,” I said, slowly. How could I do this without lying or telling him too much? If Jonathan thought I was in danger, he would want to come and help me take down the angel. There was no way I was going to let him get trapped in Delai to be turned into an empty shell. I’d rather die fist.
“I can help.”
“Not on this one. Only I can go.” I held up a hand when he started to protest. “This body is attuned with his realm. It’s why I had to make the switch. I wouldn’t have been able to go otherwise.”
“You’re not making any sense.” Jonathan paced back and forth a moment before coming to stand in front of me. He reached out and grabbed both my arms, gently so he didn’t hurt me. “Tell me what’s going on so I can help.”
“I wish I could,” I said. “But I can’t.”
He frowned. “I’ve missed so much while I’ve been locked up in here.”
“You wouldn’t have been able to help anyway.” I leaned into his touch. He held me at arm’s length a moment longer before wrapping me in another hug. “This is something I have to do on my own.”
I felt him tense, as if he was going to try to argue some more, but he eased against me almost immediately. “It’s so strange,” he said. “I know this isn’t your body, it’s not your smell, but when I hold you like this, I know it is you.”
I leaned back so I could see his face. Each moment I stood pressed against him like this was sheer agony. There was a want that burned deep inside me, something I knew I should never do. I never should have come here like this.
But this might very well be the last chance I ever got. Even if I survived Levi, I doubted we’d ever be this close again. Could I really let that pass?
Jonathan’s eyes met mine. He opened his mouth to speak, but I was done with words. Pure emotion rolled through me, wiped my mind clean of everything but this very moment. I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his own, silencing him with a kiss.
He stiffened for an instant before scooping me up, lifting me right off of the floor as we kissed. I could feel the heat of his body as I gave up every reservation I’d ever had. This felt right. This was what I wanted.
I shifted my weight forward, causing him to take a step back. The backs of his legs hit the edge of the bed and he sat down heavily. I landed in his lap, never once breaking the kiss. His need burned into me and I knew he could feel my own oft-suppressed desire. I ran my hand up under his shirt, felt the muscles there, the scars, the strength of the wolf beneath.
My entire body trembled. Desire rushed through me, obliterating everything else. There was only one thing I wanted and nothing would stop me from having it.
Jonathan leaned back, eyes scanning my own. I felt naked without his lips pressed against mine. I reached for him, but he held me back. Fear and lust warred with one another in his gaze.
“This isn’t right,” he said, breathless.
“I know.”
I leaned forward for another kiss.
And then, bliss.
20
Solid warmth pressed up against me. An arm lay draped across my midsection—a midsection that was completely bare to the world.
I sat up violently, all vestiges of sleep vanishing in an instant. Jonathan’s arm fell from me as I yanked the covers up over my chest. I was breathing fast and hard, almost as fast and hard as I had been just a few hours ago.
Oh, God, what have I done?
“You okay?” Jonathan asked, propping himself up on one arm. He ran a finger down my spine, sending shivers throughout my body. It felt so damn good.
My gorge rose and I scurried from the bed, taking the covers with me.
It was no wonder Purebloods were such easy prey. I’d let my guard down in the heat of passion and now I was going to pay for it. Sienna was going to kill me when she found out what I’d been doing with her body.
I sank back onto the bed with a groan. My clothes lay on the floor next to me. I picked up my shirt and pulled it over my head, feeling about a hundred shades of guilty.
“What’s wrong?” Jonathan asked, scooting across the bed so that I could feel his breath on my arms.
“What do you think is wrong?” On went the underwear, followed by the pants.
“I know it’s strange, but we’ll get used to it.” A finger trailed down the back of my arm. I was up and across the room in a second.
“I can’t,” I said. “Not again.”
“Didn’t you . . .” Jonathan frowned and lowered his eyes. I could see the pain there, the knowledge that I was rejecting him.
“I liked it,” I said. And oh how I liked it. “A lot,” I added in case it wasn’t evident by my screams. “But this isn’t my body. I can’t do whatever I want with it. I can’t let this happen again.”
“You are going to get your own skin back, are you not?”
God, I hoped so. “Yeah,” I said with more confidence than I felt. I wasn’t even sure Beligral would make the switch if I did somehow make it back alive. “I am.”
“Then this doesn’t have to end here.”
I closed my eyes to stop the sudden urge to leap back into bed with him. I was stupid to think this might ever work. While I might not currently be a vampire, I would be again soon enough. When that happened, there was no way this could work. Our bodies were simply incompatible.
But this was what I wanted. Without all of the anger and hate broiling away inside of me, I could see it. I’d spent my entire life hunting and killing, never once worrying about what I was doing to myself. I’d lost everything I’d ever cared about because of it. It was time I looked into stepping away and finding a safe place to live out the rest of my days.
“Get dressed,” I said, turning away from Jonathan’s nude form. All of it was just a fantasy. You didn’t walk away from a life like mine, no matter how much you wanted to. The moment I turned my back was the moment someone would stick a knife in it.
The sound of Jonathan getting dressed was like torture. I wanted to turn around and marvel at him. I’d already experienced everything he could give me and I ached to experience it again, but I just couldn’t do it.
I fought so hard to ignore his movements behind me, I didn’t realize he’d come so close. He put his arms around my waist, hugging me to him. I leaned into his warmth for a split second before pulling away.
“I
really have to go,” I said. “I don’t know when this is going to happen.”
Jonathan held on for a moment longer before letting me go. He walked to the door, rested his hand on the doorknob, and then turned to face me without opening it. His glamour—which he’d dropped while we were in bed—was back.
“This wasn’t a mistake,” he said. “I know this form isn’t yours, but the spirit inside is. You can’t walk away from what we’ve done and pretend it didn’t happen.”
“I know.” Goddamn it, I knew.
“Please, Kat,” he begged. His eyes burned into mine so fiercely, I could almost feel the heat. “Don’t turn away from me now.”
The way he said it just about broke my heart. I forced a smile, walked across the room, and put a hand over his own. I was going to leave it at that, but decided it wouldn’t be enough. I leaned forward and kissed him on the corner of the mouth.
“I won’t,” I promised him. And I meant it.
He opened the door, stepping aside so I could go first.
I headed straight for the bathroom. My hair was a mess and it was quite obvious as to what I’d been up to. I found a hairbrush lying in one of the drawers and ran it through my hair a few times before splashing water on my face. What I really wanted was a shower, but I didn’t think I’d have time. I was about to head downstairs when I realized I hadn’t put on my bra. I returned to the bedroom, slipped it on under my shirt, and then made my way down to meet with the others.
The stares were enough to make me blush.
Keira was smiling as if she’d been a part of the whole thing. Her entire face was lit up as she handed me a glass of orange juice. She looked close to laughter.
“You’ll need this,” she said with a wink.
Nathan snorted from across the room. Thank God, he didn’t say anything or else I might have to kill someone just to put things back to rights. His eyes gleamed, telling me he’d finally accepted me and Jonathan as a couple.
The glass of OJ stopped inches from my mouth.
Was that what we were now? This fling, or whatever you wanted to call it, couldn’t happen again, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t spend time together. Could we really call ourselves a couple after only a few hours together?
A few really, really good hours.
No. I refused to let it be that simple. I didn’t believe in boyfriends and husbands and picnics in the park. My life consisted of death and misery and living one day to the next, hoping to come out of each and every encounter alive with all of my appendages intact. That sort of life didn’t allow for relationships.
I knew I was fooling myself. This was just one more thing I couldn’t escape. The sooner I realized that, the better.
I downed the orange juice greedily. Needless to say, I was pretty damn thirsty after what I’d just done. I was hungry, yet felt oddly full inside. I eyed a piece of bread that was sitting on the counter and decided no one would miss it. I snatched it up and gobbled it down in a few quick bites. I set my glass in the sink and turned to face the room.
Everyone was still smiling at me, including Jonathan.
“What?” I asked, still chewing. “I haven’t had much to eat lately.”
Nathan snorted again and walked away.
Dick.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stick around?” Jonathan asked. “You deserve some downtime, you know.”
“I wish I could.” I actually did, which was somewhat surprising. If I could have stayed there forever, I probably would have. “But I have to do this.” I paused, remembering something I wish I would have forgotten. “There is something I do need to tell you,” I said, almost reluctantly.
Jonathan leaned against the wall, content. He had an air about him that said that nothing I told him would bother him in the slightest.
“It’s a message,” I said. “From Adrian.”
That got his attention. He straightened, his eyes flickering to the window. Keira quickly moved that way, pressing her back to the wall as she peeked out through the curtain.
“He’s not here,” I said, hoping Adrian hadn’t followed me from home. “He just wanted me to tell you he has a place for you if you want it.” The words tasted like ashes in my mouth. “I told him I’d tell you, but if you even think of—”
The heat in Jonathan’s eyes caused me to stop. He looked angry enough to break something. He watched Keira as she scanned the road.
“I don’t see anything,” she said. “I’ll go out and check.”
He nodded as she hurried out the front door to go on patrol.
“You aren’t going to consider it, are you?” I asked, feeling like a jerk for even bringing it up.
“No.” He left it at that.
We waited for a good ten minutes. I was just glad Nathan didn’t come in and ask what was going on. It was bad enough I’d set Jonathan on edge bringing Adrian up at all. I should have ignored the wolf’s warning and kept it to myself. Or at least waited until I was back to drop it on him.
But it was too late now. I could feel the clock ticking in my head and knew I needed to be going. I hated leaving him so soon after, well, everything, but what choice did I have? I didn’t want him to see me suffer if Levi’s call came.
“I have to go,” I said.
Jonathan frowned but nodded. “Okay.”
I felt sick as he opened the door for me. It was still light outside, but it was starting to get late in the day. Exactly how long had we spent in there?
“Let me know as soon as you are back,” Jonathan said. “I’m done with hiding away.” He scanned the quiet street. “But I’ll be here, waiting for your return. Just let me know, okay?”
“I will,” I said. “First thing.”
“Thank you.” He leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. Some of his worry about Adrian bled away as he smiled. “I really needed this.”
I blushed and looked away. I didn’t want to tell him that I thought I needed it as well. It wouldn’t be ladylike of me.
“I’ll see you soon,” I said instead.
I turned and walked on shaky legs to Jeremy’s car. I was sore in places I’d never been sore before. How could Purebloods stand being so weak? Just a few hours of fun and I felt like I’d been pummeled by a dozen pissed-off vampires, yet it was a strange, pleasant sort of ache, the kind you don’t really want to live without.
I slid into the car with a wince. Jonathan was still standing at the door to Doctor Lei’s house, watching me. A shadow moved behind him and my heart clenched, positive Adrian had somehow gotten in, but it resolved into Nathan’s face as he whispered something to his Denmaster.
Tension seeped from me and I smiled. I’d finally let myself go and it had felt good—really damn good. I hoped Adrian had felt every second of it through the Oath bond.
And that’s when it hit me.
I couldn’t feel Adrian.
There was absolutely no hint of him anywhere in my head. Did that mean we were no longer bound now that I was in Sienna’s body? Could I actually seek him out and kill him, ending his constant bid for me to become his mate?
It was almost laughable. I might not be bound to him anymore, but that didn’t mean I could kill him. His wolves would tear me to shreds before I came anywhere close to him. With Sienna’s eyes, I probably couldn’t hit a fucking house, let alone a moving werewolf. Even if I had my gun with me, I’d be practically helpless.
With a sigh, I started up the engine. This body had its advantages, but the disadvantages far outweighed them. I could run and hide now that Adrian couldn’t use the Oath to find me, could forget about Lady Death forever, but I’d never do that to Sienna. Just because I was free of oaths and bonds, didn’t mean I was free of responsibility.
I was just about to take the car out of park when a strong sickness rolled through my stomach. My gut clenched and searing pain scored through my middle. I threw open the car door just in time. Hot bile and orange juice shot up my throat and splattered on the grass. I fell out of
the car, landing on my hands and knees, just missing my own sick.
I could feel him. Levi was out there, calling for Sienna.
He was going to get me.
The pain eased, but the need remained. Delai was all I could think about. I had to go, had to return where I belonged. I would stop at nothing to get there.
It was Levi’s influence, I knew, yet I was having a hard time separating it from my own thoughts. I rose to my feet, wiped a hand across my mouth, and turned slowly around, knowing what I’d see.
A row of houses was gone. In their place was a road that led off into the distance. Two yards away from where I now stood was a sign, one I’d seen many times before but never thought I’d see again.
Jonathan took a step toward me. I waved him off, not knowing if he could see the road or not. I didn’t want him to risk coming too close. I was pretty sure Levi would love to break the former Denmaster of the Luna Cult.
My legs started moving on their own accord. I took two staggering steps toward the road, knowing if I didn’t, the pain would come again and I wouldn’t survive it.
“Kat!” Jonathan shouted from somewhere behind me. I couldn’t tell if he was coming for me or if he was standing where I’d last seen him. Nothing mattered now but getting to Delai.
The last steps came in a rush. The world shifted, something I might not have noticed before, but seemed all too obvious now. The need to return and the fear of coming pain was washed away by a sense of welcome and relief.
All was right with the world.
I was back in Delai.
21
The town was just like I remembered it. People went about their lives, oblivious to pretty much everything. They stood in lines at the theater, pumped gas, and walked their dogs with blank, mindless looks on their faces. It wasn’t until I passed that they reacted. Each and every head turned my way, eyes tracking me. No one made a move toward me. No one called out or yelled at me to get home. They just stood there and stared.