by Vikki Vaught
On the morning of his birthday, Helen found Matthew in his study. “Good morning! Happy birthday, Matthew! How does it feel to be eight and twenty? I must say, you don’t look a minute older to me! What would you like to do today?”
“My goodness it is my birthday, isn’t it? I had forgotten all about it. I really don’t know what I would like to do, other than spend time with you and maybe the children,” he said, smiling as he met Helen’s gaze. “Since it’s such a nice day and not too terribly cold, we could go for a drive into the village. How does that sound to you?”
“I’m sure Christina and Catherine would enjoy getting out since they’ve been cooped up inside for the last six weeks. We could go to the confectionery and let them pick out some sweetmeats. I’d like some too. But surely there’s something special you would like for yourself?”
“Well, one thing I’d really enjoy doing is spending some time alone with you, but whatever you want to do is fine with me,” Matthew said, looking at her with hope in his eyes.
“Why don’t you go get the carriage, and I’ll get the girls, and we can go to the village. I’ll meet you out front in fifteen minutes.” With a wave of her hand, Helen turned and left his study.
On her way to the schoolroom, Helen thought about their conversation. She was glad Matthew was pleased she’d remembered his birthday. His eyes had darkened with desire, so she knew he was thinking about making love to her, and she thought that she would let him. It would be the first time they had made love since leaving London. After all, she still desired him, and why should she continue to punish him when it also denied her what she wanted?
Helen felt chills run throughout her body just thinking about being alone with Matthew and being in his arms again. It had been two months since they’d even kissed.
Yes, she would definitely let him make love to her tonight!
Helen and Matthew had a wonderful time in the village. Christina and Catherine were thrilled with their candies. They went to the bookshop and let the girls pick out a new book. Of course, Helen promised to read it to them when they got home.
Matthew enjoyed watching Helen with his daughters. The girls had started calling her mama right after the New Year, and he knew how much it thrilled her every time they called her that. He was so pleased with the change in his daughters, and he knew that it was all due to Helen.
Matthew hoped she would let him make love to her tonight. It did seem that she’d been more receptive to him lately, and she had a glimmer in her eyes when they talked about his birthday wish. Just the thought of holding her in his arms again had his desire running strong. Making love to her tonight would be the best birthday present she could give him.
Oh Lord, please let her forgive me.
That evening, Matthew asked Helen to sit beside him instead of at the foot of the table so they could talk. Once the footman served the main course, he dismissed him and turned to Helen. “Helen, we’ve rarely talked about your brother, Nelson. I’d love to hear about him. It sounded as if you were quite close to him, even though you were quite far apart in age. I’m sure you miss him desperately. Oh, and I quite enjoyed seeing his wife Mary again when we were in London. I remember when I first met her. Even though it had been a couple of years since his death, it still pained her to talk about him.”
With a poignant look in her eyes, Helen said, “Nelson was a wonderful brother. He was fourteen years older than I was. He made sure that Kathryn and I were well cared for and that we felt loved. I told you my parents were always in London, so Nelson took their place. He taught me how to swim, and every summer we would spend most afternoons swimming in the lake. He also taught me how to ride a horse, and it was because of him that I became such an expert horsewoman.”
“I always wondered where you learned to swim so well. I’m glad you had such a good relationship with him. I would have liked to have met him.” Matthew loved to watch Helen talk. She became very animated when she was talking about her brothers and sister.
“Nelson was married two times. His first wife died when she tried to give birth to their son. The child was stillborn, and Nora died from childbed fever. Nelson was devastated when he lost her. It took him quite a while to get over her death.”
“It’s good that he met Mary, after having suffered the loss of his first wife. I’m sure their marriage must have been a love match.”
“They actually didn’t marry for love, but they grew to love each other deeply. He met Mary in 1814, and they were married at Christmas the following year. Nelson suffered from bouts of illness for several years, and then we found out he had a wasting disease the Christmas before he died. It was awful watching him deteriorate at the end. That was such a bad time, what with Father ailing too.” There was so much sadness on Helen’s face that he almost wished he hadn’t asked.
“I’m sure all of you were devastated when he became ill. That must have been extremely difficult on Mary and your father.”
“Mary was quite melancholy after she lost Nelson, but Melody was able to help her move past her grief for the most part. Getting involved with the orphanage has given purpose to Mary’s life, and of course, she has the two children. I don’t think she’ll ever marry again, because she was so deeply in love with Nelson. You told me that you were sent away to school right after your mother passed away. I would imagine that was difficult.”
“It was very difficult. Thank God, I met Bradley. I don’t know what I would have done without him. We were very close and protected each other from the other boys.” He leaned back in his chair and continued talking. “I missed my home terribly and couldn’t wait for the holidays so I could come home. As I mentioned before, my father was desperately in love with my mother, and when she died, I think that a part of him went with her.”
“You said that your father spoiled Margaret. Why do you think he did that?”
“After my mother died, he spent most of his time with Margaret. I think he felt closer to her because she looked so much like my mother. She could do no wrong in his eyes, and he ignored Gregory for the most part. I tried to be a good brother to Gregory, but he was so wild that it was hard to do much with him. I did teach him how to swim and sail during the summer.”
Toying with the stem of her wine glass, Helen replied, “Gregory must have been wild from the beginning. At least you tried to help him. You never know, maybe the navy will save him. He’s still so young, he could end up fine by the time he’s fully-grown.”
As she continued to talk, he watched as she tucked a strand of her gorgeous red-gold hair behind her ear, and Matthew felt his heart swell. Tenderness for her nourished his soul. He just prayed that she could find it in her heart to forgive him.
“I’m sure it was difficult for you to understand why your father changed so much when your mother died,” Helen said. “I’m glad you had your friend Bradley. It’s hard to imagine you were ever small for your age.”
“The year that I turned sixteen, I grew about five inches over the summer. I didn’t have to worry about anyone picking on me anymore, because I was taller than most of my peers.”
Helen laughed. “Is that around the same time that you started being a bit of a rake?”
“Yes, my downfall was women. I just loved them—short, tall, slim, plump—it didn’t matter. I just found women fascinating,” Matthew picked up his wine glass and took a sip. “That was part of the problem when my father arranged my marriage. I just wasn’t ready to get married. Even though I was a bit of a rake, I never fooled around with innocent young women, only experienced women, mainly widows. I never got involved with married women either.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that, but you shouldn’t have treated Belinda the way you did.”
“You’re right, I caused my first wife great pain because of my unfaithfulness. I’d never want to cause you the pain my first wife felt.” He looked directly into her eyes. “Helen, I don’t know why I didn’t break it off with Cecilia before I went to London. I guess I ju
st didn’t think about it. I did a grave disservice to you and Cecilia. If I had broken with her before I went to London, she would have had three months to adjust, so by the time we got here, she would have probably moved on to someone else.”
“Yes, you should have broken it off before you came to London to look for a wife. It was very thoughtless of you to not take care of it before you left.”
Matthew stood up, knelt down beside Helen, and took her hand into his. “I promise you, I never did anything that would have led her to believe I would marry her. That wasn’t the type of relationship we had. As bad as this sounds, with Cecilia, it was just about sex. There were no emotions involved, at least on my part, and I thought she felt the same way. All I can do now is promise you that I’ll always be faithful to you. Are you able to forgive me, or have I ruined any chance I might have had with you because of my thoughtlessness?”
Matthew looked up at Helen as he waited for her answer.
Oh, please let her say she can forgive me!
“We’re married, and I don’t want to spend any more time dwelling on this. I believe you when you tell me you didn’t raise expectations of marriage with her. While I do feel you did do both of us a disservice, I do forgive you, and I want us to move forward. We’ll soon have a child together, and for the child’s sake, I forgive you. It will still take some time for me to fully trust you, but I’m trying.” Smiling, she said, “I’m glad we talked tonight. We need to do this more often. Now here’s your birthday gift. Open it.”
Thank God, she was willing to forgive him!
When Helen handed him the beautifully wrapped gift, Matthew stood up and went back to his seat. “You shouldn’t have gotten me anything, but I’m sure I’ll love it.” Matthew opened his present. When he saw the new riding crop, he smiled. “Well, I really needed this since I lost my old one. Thank you.”
After dinner, they went into the library, and above the mantle was the portrait that Kathryn had painted of Christina and Catherine.
Matthew just stood there in awe.
The portrait was so beautiful.
Kathryn had caught the most adorable expressions on his daughters’ faces, and they looked so sweet and innocent. Tears came to Matthew’s eyes as he gazed up at the painting. “When did Kathryn do this? I wasn’t aware that they had sat for her. She’s truly an incredible artist. I’ll cherish this forever. Thank you, Helen. This is the nicest present I have ever gotten in my life.”
Helen smiled up at him. “Kathryn did sketches of the girls when we were in London. She asked me if you would mind, and since I knew you would love a portrait of them, I told her it was all right. Kathryn will be famous someday. She’s probably one of the most gifted artists of our age. I’m glad you like it.”
Once Matthew finished looking at the portrait, they sat on the sofa and read to each other from a book of poetry by Byron that they both loved. While Matthew enjoyed reading with her, his mind kept drifting. It had been so long since they had made love, and soon all he could think about was taking her upstairs to bed and showing her how much he loved her. He kept shifting in his seat, until finally, at ten o’clock, Helen stood up. “Matthew, I’m going upstairs to bed, and I hope you’ll join me. Just give me about fifteen minutes, and then come to me, all right?”
“Of course. I’d be happy to join you. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Matthew was extraordinarily nervous. He wanted to make tonight special. It would be the first time they’d made love since he’d told her he loved her. Making sure he gave her fifteen minutes, he went to his room, took a quick wash, got undressed, and put on his dressing gown. Once he was at Helen’s door, he took a deep breath and walked into her room. Helen was sitting by the hearth, and the firelight created a halo around her glorious hair. He walked over to her and knelt before her.
He gently kissed her hand and gazed up at her. “Helen, you look so beautiful tonight. Your skin just glows in the candlelight.” He leaned forward and stroked the soft skin of her face, and then put his arms around her and gently pulled her close. Breathing in her luscious rose scent, he kissed her with reverence. “Helen, I’ve missed touching you and smelling your rose-scented skin so much.”
Leaning forward, he kissed her again. As she responded to his kiss, he deepened it, sliding his tongue across her lips. When she parted them, he slid his tongue into the depths of her mouth. Matthew gently cupped her breast, and Helen gasped with pleasure. He slowly stood up and pulled Helen with him. He swept her up into his arms and carried her over to the bed.
Once they were lying down, he softly stroked her cheek. “Helen, I’m desperately in love with you. When I came into your room tonight, your beauty took my breath away. I want tonight to be for you. Let me love you softly and tenderly.”
Matthew rained kisses all over her face, ran his hands over her belly, and then parted her pretty thighs and stroked her core. Kissing his way down her body, he trailed kisses over her firm belly, gently rounded with his child. He glanced up at her, and with a smoldering look he licked her navel. He nibbled his way down to her gorgeous red-gold curls. He licked her little pearl as he breathed deeply of her unique musky scent.
Her breathing grew faster, and she gave a soft moan as he slid his tongue into her tight sheath. Writhing and twisting, she pulled his head tightly against her sweet spot. He licked and nibbled her as he stroked his finger in and out. Then as she came apart, her high, keening scream told him she’d found her release.
Matthew crawled up her delectable body. He rolled her onto her side and slid into her tight sheath from behind as he put his arm around her and pulled her tightly against him. The feelings were so intense that he almost climaxed right then, but he fought to gain control as he began to slide in and out of her. He started moving slowly but intensely as he took his hand and stroked her sweet little bud of desire. Feeling her muscles clinch around his shaft, he knew she was nearing her peak again. Just as she splintered apart in her release, he surged into her and flooded her passage with his essence. Gently pulling out of her, Matthew turned her over so she was again facing him.
Her face glowed from the pleasure she had experienced, and he tenderly kissed her. They lay there in each other’s arms for a long time, just enjoying the peace they found in each other’s arms. Matthew watched as Helen drifted off to sleep and knew in his heart that he had to gain her love. He could understand how his father felt when his mother died. He knew that if something were to happen to Helen, a part of him would go with her.
>
When Helen woke up the next morning, Matthew was gone from her bed. She lay there thinking about how Matthew had made love to her. It was the most incredible and tender experience of her life. She knew she would love Matthew forever. He’d been so gentle and tender that she’d had to fight the tears to keep them from falling. There was a completeness to their lovemaking that hadn’t been there before. Helen knew that Matthew loved her deeply, and she knew she needed to tell him she’d fallen in love with him, but still she hesitated.
Helen wasn’t sure why she didn’t want to tell him, but for some reason she just wasn’t ready. She guessed there was still a small part of her that hadn’t completely let go of the hurt. It all came back to what had happened with the Duke of Somerset. That experience made her afraid to let go. This was something she needed to think about, because she didn’t want to give power to Hanford, and that was what she was doing. She knew she needed to move on from the pain of what he had done to her. It wasn’t fair to Matthew to hold on to past hurts.
Yes, this was definitely something she needed to ponder.
Well, this wasn’t going to get anything accomplished.
It was time to get up so she could start her day.
That afternoon, she spent several hours playing with the girls and listening to them read. It really was astonishing how well they were doing. She was proud of what she had accomplished. Christina and Catherine were excited about the new baby. Of course, they wanted a sister, but
she wanted to give Matthew a son. It was so important to him. He needed an heir so he didn’t have to worry about Gregory inheriting if something happened to him, God forbid.
They fell into a pattern after the night of his birthday. Matthew came to her bed every night, and most nights he made love to her, but sometimes he would just hold her as she slept. When he felt the baby move, he would gently stroke and rain kisses all over her belly. Matthew told her how excited he was about having the child. He felt as if he was fulfilling his father’s dying wish, and it meant the world to him.
Her pregnancy was progressing along nicely, and she was getting anxious to have her baby. She was eight months along, and it was beginning to get a little uncomfortable. It was no longer even possible for her to see her feet when she was standing up. This troubled Helen, because she looked as big as Melody had at the very end of her pregnancy with Magnus. This baby must be very large, and she hoped she would not have a hard time delivering it.
It was getting much more difficult to play with the girls, but they were so sweet and patient with her. Most of the time she either played tea with them, or they took short walks in the garden. Her heart felt such joy when they called her mama. Whenever she thought about what her life would be like if she hadn’t married Matthew, she thanked God for bringing him into her life. Helen realized that she was more content than she’d ever been in her life.
Chapter 21
April 1821
April arrived, and the spring flowers were starting to bloom. Helen continued taking Christina and Catherine for walks in the garden every day. Helen knew they were anxious for her to have the baby so they could all work in the garden as they had last summer. Dr. Moore came to examine Helen and told her that the baby could be here as early as the third week of April, as the babe already seemed quite developed. He suspected that they were probably off a bit on when the baby was due, but Helen knew that couldn’t be possible, since she couldn’t have gotten pregnant before the twenty-sixth of July, which was the first time they had made love.