I smiled big, happier than ever.
My phone chimed again, signaling yet another new email. I walked into my bedroom and picked it up. Read today’s date.
Sunday.
Wow.
This time, I’d been out for six days.
Six whole days.
At least I didn’t have to worry about losing my job. I’d already lost it. I checked email briefly, but there were too many to deal with. I did notice one from Extreme Speed Dating LA, but that was probably just a sales email for their next event. I’d delete it later.
Scrolling through my unread texts, I saw Chelsea had checked in several times. I texted her back briefly to say everything was fine and I was back to normal. Texts from George. I had told him in advance I was taking the ring off. He had offered to come by to help out, but I had told him I’d do it alone. I texted him that everything went great and I’d call soon. Texts from Wes. A bunch of them. I didn’t want to read them. He was texting supermodel me, not plain me. I deleted our entire conversation without looking at his new texts. I really didn’t want to know. He had also left me several voicemails. Just as I was about to call my voicemail to delete them, my phone rang.
I gasped, thinking it was Wes.
Nope. Chelsea.
With great relief, I hit the FaceTime button.
“Jane!” Chelsea beamed. “It’s you!”
“Yeah,” I smiled feeling incredibly happy. “It’s me.”
“Wow, how are you?”
“I’m great. How are you?”
“Fine. So, was it bad?”
“Changing back? Pretty much the same as before,” I lied. I shuddered at the memory of my deformed face. I would never share that moment with anyone. My preference would be to never remember it.
“I still can’t believe any of this happened.”
“I know, it’s beyond weird. But it happened. Now it’s all in the past. I’m me!” I smiled, giggling.
“Yes you are. And you’ve never looked better.”
I pushed my glasses up my nose, “Thanks, Chelz.”
“I can’t wait to see you Friday.”
“That’s right! You’ve got your sales meeting or whatever.”
“New client. Yeah, it’s gonna be great to see you. Oh, you’re never going to believe this,” she said with high excitement. “People at work think I was at the Oscars!” She laughed.
I was part amused and part worried. “What did you tell them?”
“I just said it was a coincidence.”
“Did people believe you?” I had a hard time believing any of the past two weeks had happened to me, and I’d lived it. But you couldn’t deny hundreds of photos and videos splashed all over the internet.
“Mostly they thought I was lying. Some of the guys at work went all conspiracy theory and said I had plenty of time to get to LA, go to the Oscars, and be back at work on Monday morning. It was really kind of crazy.”
“I bet it was.” I hoped this didn’t somehow come back to bite both of us in the ass.
“So, now that you’re you again, what’s next?”
“Look for a job. I got let go, remember?”
“Maybe you can get your old job back.”
“Maybe,” I said doubtfully.
“You should try. What have you got to lose?”
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
“Jane. What are you doing here?” Doug Wallace stood in the manager’s booth at the 95 Cent Store. It was Monday afternoon, near the end of his shift. “And why are you dressed for work?”
“Hey, Doug,” I smiled, wearing my blue 95 Cent Store vest over one of my usual work blouses and slacks. Dress like you already have the job, right?
“Did you come for your last check?” he asked.
Or not. “Uhhhh…”
“Jane!”
I turned and saw Maria walking into the store with her purse over her shoulder, her vest already on. The relief I felt when she recognized me was overwhelming. Her arms were wide as she ran around the nearest register and headed straight for me and hugged me tight. I started to tear up and hugged her back.
She gasped, “We were so worried about you! What happened, girl? You disappeared for like two weeks!” She held me by both arms, looking me over. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I was just…” I cast a glance at Doug. “I was really sick. So sick I couldn’t call in.”
“Really?” Maria asked. “Was it serious?”
“Yes and no. It… it’s complicated. What matters is I’m fine now.”
She noticed my 95 Cent Store vest. “Why are you dressed for work? Are you taking over for Doug tonight?” She looked at him hopefully.
I leveled a look at Doug. “Tonight? Aren’t you off at five, Doug?”
He smirked, “I’m handling evenings until we can get Rick Martinez back filling in. Hopefully by Friday.”
“Rick Martinez?” I said. “From the Venice store? What happened to that guy Phil? What was his name? Phil the Turd Burger?”
“Phil Berger,” Doug corrected.
“I like Turd Burger better,” Maria giggled. “He grabbed my ass his third day here.”
“No way!” I gasped, covering my gaping mouth with my fingers.
“Yeah way. That hijo de puta was a perv. Tried to grab Natalie too.” She pursed her lips and shook her head. “Sucio verga. Anyway, Doug fired his ass, right?”
Doug grimaced, “Language, Maria.” Doug spoke Spanish, so he knew everything Maria was saying.
“It’s true! Me and Natalie came to work early last Thursday to tell Doug everything. He fired that pendejo on Friday and worked his shift that night.”
“Maria, please,” Doug warned.
“Relaaaaax, jefe. I’m just telling Jane what happened, yo.”
I gave Doug a long look.
His face wiggled nervously.
“Douuuuuug,” I singsonged. “I bet you’d love to go home to Pam and Matthew right now and have dinner with them.”
“I would but—”
I cut in, “But you need a qualified manager to take over for you. Maria, who do we know who can run this store on short notice?”
Maria smirked at Doug. “She’s right, jefe. Nobody is better than Jane.”
Right then, Natalie walked in with her usual quiet presence. She smiled big when she saw me and joined the three of us. We hugged. “Hey, Jane. Did you come back?”
I grinned at Doug. “What’s Pam making tonight? Lasagna? Or maybe pasta primavera?” I knew Doug loved Italian food. “Why have cold leftovers after midnight when you can eat it hot right now? If you leave at five, you can be home before your dinner gets cold.”
“What she said,” Maria grinned.
Natalie just smiled and nodded at Doug.
Doug rolled his eyes, “Will you three stop?”
“Not till you let Jane back,” Maria said defiantly.
Doug planted his hands on the counter of the manager’s booth and grumbled down at us. “You can stop steamrolling me, ladies. Let me call Stacy Lewis and make sure it’s okay.”
“Do it!” Maria said hopefully.
Doug frowned at me, “You know, Jane, Stacy is going to want a doctor’s note of some kind. You were gone for two weeks without an explanation. A note will go a long way to making me and her feel better about everything.”
“I wish I had one, Doug,” I pleaded urgently. “But I didn’t go to the doctor. I was too sick to get out of bed. You have to believe me.” I held my breath. Everything depended on how much Doug trusted me.
He arched a suspicious eyebrow.
“She’s telling the truth, jefe,” Maria said.
“How would you know, Maria?” he asked thoughtfully. “Were you there?”
I cringed, expecting her to start spinning some lie that I would have to somehow corroborate on the spur of the moment.
“When has Jane ever lied to you, jefe? Or any of us?”
Natalie shrugged and nodded.
I smiled at Doug. “I’m telling
the truth, Doug. Please believe me.”
Doug’s eyes searched mine. I’d known the guy five years. That had to count for something. His face softened. “Okay, okay! As far as I’m concerned, Jane is back on the job starting tonight. But I still have to smooth things over with corporate first.”
“Toma!” Maria clapped happily. “I’m so glad you’re back, hermana!” She hugged me again, jumping up and down.
“Me too, Maria.”
Natalie rubbed my shoulder and I turned and hugged her too.
Doug made a phone call to Stacy Lewis. We all listened in while he talked, unsure of how things would turn out. I crossed my fingers and Maria did too. Doug nodded a lot while he spoke, saying things like, “Yes, sure. Of course.” When he finally hung up, he turned to me and smiled. “Guess who’s back on the job?”
I beamed, “Really?!”
“Really.” Doug reached down and shook my hand. “Good to have you back, Jane.”
That evening, after Doug was gone and it was just me and Maria and Natalie running things, I’d never been happier to be the night manager at the 95 Cent Store.
It was the simple things that counted.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
The next morning, I got out of bed, put my glasses on, and smiled at myself in the bathroom mirror.
My plain old reflection smiled back at me.
I was so happy to be me.
While eating a bowl of organic corn flakes, I thumbed through my emails on my broken iPhone. Mostly junk, including the ones from Extreme Speed Dating LA. I was about to delete them when I noticed the subject line on the latest one read: Your belated matches.
Belated?
I opened the email and skimmed it. An apology from the company followed by Good news! You have one more match!
One more? How about one only?
It was from Mike.
Who was Mike again? I had only a hazy memory of what he looked like. I’d been wearing my glasses when we’d met that night, but that seemed like a year ago.
I scrolled down and read his note.
Jane—
I am so sorry for taking so long to turn in my scorecard from speed dating. If I had a choice, I would’ve spent the entire evening with you that night, but rules are rules. You’re probably wondering why it took me so long to contact you. Let me explain. Halfway through that night, I got paged for work. I wish I had some super extreme excuse for you, like jumping out of an airplane into enemy territory or rescuing people from a burning building, but I don’t. It was just work. Business as usual. Not even an emergency. On the scale of extremes, I wouldn’t even give it a 2. But sometimes babies don’t like to wait, and I have to drop everything to go and get them. Such is the life of an obstetrician.
Wait, was Mike a doctor? I didn’t remember him mentioning it, but we’d only had five minutes and spent most of it flirting.
His email continued:
I should have turned in my scorecard before leaving ReaXion that night, but I put it in my pocket like an absent minded professor, which sounds more romantic than it actually was. I was just thinking about that baby. After the delivery, I couldn’t find the scorecard. Believe me, I looked all over everywhere trying to find it, but I’d left it in my blazer pocket like an idiot. I didn’t find it until I picked up my dry cleaning yesterday. Good thing they found it and saved it for me!
I scrolled down and there was a picture of him at a dry cleaner’s, holding up his navy blazer and his speed dating scorecard. He really had a great smile. And those cute blue eyes. Now I remembered him. Un-extreme Mike.
So, Jane, I would love to take you out some time for more than five minutes. We can have an un-speed date. We can do something more extreme than breathing but less extreme than skydiving. I’ll even eat Satan’s food cake if you want. Well, maybe just devil’s food cake. Don’t want to tempt fate by doing something too extreme. LOL
Wow, he remembered everything we’d talked about.
Call me some time, Jane.
It might turn out to be the most extreme thing you’ve ever done.
Yours,
Mike.
I was smiling from ear to ear when I set my phone down and put my cereal bowl in the sink.
What was not to like about Mike?
Chapter 27
Because of our schedules, Saturday was the first evening both Mike and I had free. I stood outside my apartment building, dressed in my nicest black dress, waiting for him. I didn’t want him coming to my door because I didn’t want to risk Brodie seeing him and beating him up. Mike was tiny compared to Brodie.
Brodie could go fuck himself.
He hadn’t even apologized since attacking Wes and making a mess of things.
Total asshole.
Only later did I realize I didn’t need to worry about Brodie because I wasn’t Chelsea the supermodel anymore. I was just plain Jane. Oh well. Brodie could still go fuck himself.
A new Lexus four door drove up to the curb. Mike jumped out to get my door. Once we were in the car, he reached over my naked knees and opened the glove box.
“Got something for you.” He handed me a thin package not much bigger than an envelope. It was wrapped in white wrapping paper checkered with dozens of red chili peppers and tied with a curly red ribbon.
“What is it?”
“Open it.”
I tore it open and smiled. “Dark chocolate with chili peppers. Awww! You remembered!”
He winked, “I told you I was extreme.”
“Thank you, Mike.” I reached across the center console and hugged him.
He chuckled, his blue eyes sparkling. “Are you gonna open it now? Or is that too extreme?”
“What do you think? Duh.” I tore the package open.
“Whoa, Jane! Slow down! I don’t think I can handle this much extreme!” He laughed.
I broke off a piece and handed it to him then popped a second one in my mouth. We both chewed on our chocolate.
I nodded thoughtfully as the dark chocolate melted in my mouth and the sweet turned to spicy. “This is good. I really like this.”
“I told you. What I’m wondering is, have you ever kissed someone while eating spicy chocolate?” His blue eyes twinkled. He really was cute, despite his pinched face.
“Ummm…” All I could think about was all the trouble I’d gotten into by kissing guys without thinking. “Can I think about it?”
“Sure. But don’t forget, I did give you the more extreme option.”
“You did,” I smiled. “And thank you for offering.”
Mike took me to dinner. We really had a great time. Mike was funny. Mike was nice. Mike wasn’t nearly as extreme as he wanted to be, unless you considered being an on-call obstetrician extreme.
I liked Mike.
But that was it.
When Mike dropped me off, he walked me to my door. By then, I’d remembered that Brodie wouldn’t care if he saw little nerd girl me back from a date with Mike the doctor. Knowing Brodie, if he were to see me, he’d probably ignore me. So I let Mike kiss me when he asked. Yes, he asked. It was so cute. How could I say no? It was his second attempt. I couldn’t bear to shoot him down twice. Plain Jane wasn’t dating anybody else, so I had no reason to feel guilty and I went for it.
The kiss was… just a kiss.
It wasn’t bad. It was just… boring.
He did grab me, but only by the elbow. He was being respectful, but it wasn’t exactly sexy.
After, he smiled at me, giddy. “I had a great time tonight, Jane.”
“Me too, Mike.” Was I lying to him? No, he was fun. I had laughed a lot. That was a great time, right?
“When can I see you again?”
“Maybe next weekend?” Now I was lying. I didn’t see a future with Mike. Was I being shallow? Maybe. No, it wasn’t his looks. I was fine with his looks. It wasn’t his height. He was short, but he was taller than me. It was… things just weren’t clicking. Maybe I was a bitch. Maybe I needed to give him a second
chance. “You know what? Next weekend might be great.” Might be great. Might. I forced a smile.
He didn’t. His smile was wide and genuine. “Okay then. Next weekend we’ll do something slightly more extreme than dinner.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” He stood there waiting, looking at me and smiling. Smiling and looking. Looking and smiling.
I hope he didn’t want me asking him inside for cocktails.
He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Hey, um—”
“I should probably get inside and get to bed.”
“Oh, sure. Right. Hey, you aren’t, uh, free tomorrow, are you? I mean, it’s Sunday and… you know…”
“My sister’s in town.” She was. She had flown in Thursday night, but she had decided to stay at Mom and Dad’s for the past two nights because she hadn’t seen them in so long. “I have plans with her tomorrow.” We didn’t, but maybe it was time for me to drive out to Mom and Dad’s for a visit. They probably felt like I’d been avoiding them, which was sort of true. So I wasn’t really lying to Mike.
“Oh, okay.” He pecked my cheek. “G’night.”
“Good night, Mike. Thanks again. Really. I’ll call you next week, okay?”
“Okay.”
When I closed my front door behind me, I felt like an ass.
Was I ever going to call Mike again?
Or was I just leading him on?
Who knew.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
The next afternoon, a knock at my front door startled me. I hopped up from the couch and dropped the library copy of Gone Girl I’d been reading. It was probably George. He’d be surprised seeing me back to normal, but he’d probably be relieved.
I knew I was.
I stood on my tip toes so I could see through the peephole. I had a moment to think about how I hadn’t needed to use tiptoes when I was a tall and leggy supermodel. Now I did. That meant things were back to normal. I liked normal.
Through the fisheye lens I saw Brodie.
My face soured.
What did he want?
Despite my irritation, my heart beat faster at the thought of him coming in. I hoped he was wearing a shirt. I really didn’t want to see his abs today.
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