by Tina Leonard
Swallowing nervously, she said, “I did like it very much.”
“I am taking that as encouragement,” he told her, the warning there if she cared to heed it.
“I think that…I hope you do,” she said, her heart in her throat, her whole body trembling with wonder.
Chapter Nine
Caleb’s heart began a wild pounding in his chest.
“I know that you don’t love me, April, and that we’re not long-term. I know I make you nervous, I could tell that at the desk downstairs. I don’t want to frighten you in any way.”
“I know,” she said, her gaze on his, trusting.
“I would never hurt you.”
Her eyelashes lowered for a split second before she said, “Tonight was the most beautiful night of my life. I wish it would never end, Caleb. But there’s one thing I can’t stop thinking about.” Caleb stroked her hair and then down along her neck. “Did you know white is sexy on you, whether it’s part of a nurse’s uniform or a wedding gown?”
“Caleb.” She pecked lightly at his chest to hold his focus, and he realized his mind was in a far different place than hers. But what could he do? Everything about this petite woman made him want to hold her in his arms and shelter her from life.
“What is it, babe?” he asked huskily. “Tell me what you can’t stop thinking about.”
“I know nothing about you, really.” She took a deep breath. “I know your family. I know that you’re the son of the McCallum Wing’s founder.”
He couldn’t stop the withdrawal from her, as much as he tried. It was in the cooling of his hands, and the stiffening of his spine. What she wanted was to get inside him, know him better than just a surface presentation to the world.
One thing he would never allow himself to do was pair himself so tightly to a human being that there was a bond, a sealing of spirits.
He looked into her earnest green eyes. Her need for emotional satisfaction was reasonable. Here they were, man and woman, husband and wife, without anything more between them than the reason they’d married. “I’m not trying to be mysterious. I just don’t make it a habit to get close to people. Or to spill my guts.”
“I know. It’s just that…”
What she was thinking was in her eyes. Her body wanted his, the same way he wanted her, and yet, her mind asked for a connection to his soul. Nothing wrong with that. A different thing than he wanted from her, but the same, in the end, since he needed to protect her, keep her safe, and that was an emotional level she wasn’t comfortable with him seeking. “Neither of us is right for the other,” he said huskily. “We both want something the other can’t give.”
“I know that. I’m not completely innocent.”
Touching her face, he enjoyed stroking the delicate skin. “I wonder if either of us could compromise.”
“Probably not.” She caught his hand and held it against her cheek. “Not enough, anyway.”
“And yet I want you, April. More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.” He turned the hand she pressed to her cheek, so that he carried her hand to his lips to kiss her palm.
“Nurses help people get well. You wouldn’t have asked me to marry you if you weren’t suffering, Caleb. It wasn’t all about the children. Your actions told me it was also about making your father happy. Laying some demons to rest. You’ll have to let me get to know you at some level, or I’ll never know which shadows of yours you don’t want disturbed.”
If she wasn’t a vision in angel-white lying on the hotel bed, he’d have been long gone by now. If they hadn’t said vows—vows that meant nothing and yet reverberated inside him somehow—he’d have pulled a major disappearing act. Staring at April’s sweet heart-shaped lips, meant for giving and receiving pleasure, stayed him. In a split second, a window in his mind opened. April had hit a salient point, whether she realized it or not: He wanted from her exactly what he did not know he wanted to be given.
Healing.
From screaming dreams in the night. From loneliness. From darkness.
The realization frightened him. This petite red-haired woman was too delicate to heal him. He’d take her under with him, just as a drowning victim might accidentally drown his rescuer. As a former cop, he knew better than to recklessly undercut his position.
He started to pull away. April swiftly put her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her, and before he could heed the warning, she’d touched her lips to his in a way that invited more intimacy.
Groaning, he gave himself up to her because he was tired of running away.
And because she was right. He did need to be healed.
APRIL HAD NEVER been kissed like this in her life. She melted into Caleb’s arms, unwilling to give up the moment they were sharing. His tongue swept into her mouth, possessing her the way she’d once dreamed would happen for her; long strokes of need had her whimpering for more connection, more depth, more Caleb.
His hand stroked up her thigh, rasping on the white stockings. At the garter, he hesitated, and it seemed he took a shuddering breath as he investigated the skin encircled by the garter. Then he went to her lacy thong, pushing the full white skirt up as he sought the top of her thigh. She gasped, feeling as if she was going to fly apart if he didn’t release her from the anguish her need was demanding.
“Caleb,” she pleaded.
“No,” he whispered, kissing her deeply again. “I can’t rush this.”
She arched underneath him as he kissed her neck, her earlobe, her collarbone. With unsteady fingers, she undid his tie, pulling it from his neck and dropping it to the floor. It was harder to undo his shirt buttons, and she sat up to push his jacket off of him.
He undid her zipper while he gnawed lightly on her neck. Shivers shot over her skin.
“Are you okay?” he asked against her earlobe.
“Yes,” she said, her voice unsteady, her heart going crazy inside her. To show him she was, she pushed his shirt from his shoulders, helped him unbutton the cuffs and dropped that to the floor as well.
Bare-chested, he was breathtaking. The dark trousers emphasized a toned waist and an ebony trail of hair that led to the place she wanted to be.
She popped the fastener on his trousers, and he tugged her bridal gown off. His swift intake of breath told her he hadn’t expected her to be braless. “The straps were so thin—”
His lips closed over her breast, cutting off her explanation and any chance she might have had to form a reason for refusal. Moaning, she clasped his head to her, sighing as he licked, nipped, suckled her. “Oh, Caleb. That feels so good. So very good.”
She wanted him to feel pleasure, too, so bravely she slipped a hand inside his trousers, inside his briefs, to massage him. For just a moment, her hand stilled as she considered his girth. He felt large, almost overwhelmingly so, and for just an instant she wondered how they would fit together.
“It’s all right,” he said, lying her back against the pillows. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.”
Standing, he removed his pants, and his socks and shoes. Last, his briefs. April’s eyes grew wide as she stared at him. He was big all over, and more handsome than she could ever have dreamed.
She wanted to be beautiful for him. As attractive as she found him to be. Shyly, she found herself freezing into uncertainty. He seemed to sense her sudden hesitation, because he gently drew the bell-shaped gown over her hips and down her legs, tossing it onto a nearby wingback chair. His gaze drank in her bare breasts; his finger caressed a path from her waist to her hip where the white garter belt began.
“I knew you’d be beautiful, April, but I never dreamed you’d be this beautiful.”
The words calmed her like a balm to her under-nourished spirit. Gently, he removed her high-heel jewel-patterned shoes; he reached around her to unsnap the garter and take that and the stockings down, over her knees and down her ankles, so slowly she thought she might scream from the way he was staring at her.
There was not
hing left but the thong. Caleb seemed content to let his gaze rove from her pink-painted toenails to the cameo at her throat. To her lips, then back to her pink-tipped breasts. She wondered why he hesitated. “Caleb?” she asked, reaching out to touch his face.
“You’re so much sweeter than I could have imagined,” he said, his voice raw with emotion. “You’re like a doll. I’d like to sit you up in my bed and look at you all night long.”
His approval warmed her. “This doll would rather be held,” she said. “I won’t break.”
It seemed a sigh of indecision left him. Whatever was battling inside him lay defeated, because ever so slowly, he reached for her white thong, and as carefully as if he were peeling petals from a rose, he took it down her legs.
Stroking lightly up her thighs, he seemed to admire her femininity, then suddenly his fingers teased inside her. She closed her eyes, swept by growing desire. When his tongue parted her, sliding inside her in a way she’d never expected, moving deeper to possess her, she grabbed his shoulders to hold on to him.
“Oh,” she murmured. “Oh, Caleb!”
He sought her secrets with his tongue. “Caleb!” she cried out, feeling herself ride up on a giant wave that suddenly exploded. She felt a scream rising inside her, begging for something she couldn’t understand, and then Caleb moved over her, parting her with his fingers as he eased inside her.
Tears of release began to spill from her eyes. “Yes,” she told him, urging him with her hands. “Yes, yes, yes!”
“Come to me, baby, come to me,” he patiently encouraged.
The building scream she’d been holding back erupted, pushed out of her by the uncontrollable pleasure driven by the shattering fire sweeping her, even more thrilling because his hoarse cries signaled his release was as passionate as hers.
“Don’t leave me,” she begged softly as he slumped against her, his lips against her shoulder in supine gratitude. “Stay inside me.”
“Be careful,” he said against her ear. “I could be easily tempted to stay inside you all night.”
“Could you?” she whispered, thinking that would be nothing short of heaven.
“Oh, my, you are so sweet.” He groaned and she thought it was a sound of pleasure. He turned, cradling her so that he stayed in her as she’d asked, and yet allowing him to lie more underneath her so that his weight was not on her.
She felt him kiss the top of her head, and for some reason, all the worry and tenseness left her body.
For the first time in her life, she felt sheltered. And whole.
MORNING CAME FASTER than April wanted. She was a morning person, always eager to greet the day.
Today, she just wanted to lie in Caleb’s arms. Yet that was not possible. Without disturbing him, she rose from the bed, showered, and changed back into her wedding dress. This time she didn’t add the silk garter or stockings. Those she tucked into her purse. Her hair she pulled up into a knot, and then slipped her shoes on. It just didn’t feel right to walk around wearing the same wedding finery she’d worn the night before. She wasn’t truly a bride in the forever sense, and somehow, she felt a sham. The gorgeous wedding ring sparkled on her finger, a reminder that Caleb was a considerate gentleman, a man who would stand up and protect what he believed in.
The lovemaking had been so shattering and wonderful because she knew she could trust him, knew that his credo of “your cause is now my cause” had given her the security she’d needed. But she had so little to offer him in return.
When she came out of the bathroom, Caleb was dressed as well, but without his tie and jacket. His hair was rumpled, as if he’d run a hand through it. She couldn’t believe she was married to such a devastatingly handsome, altogether-too-sexy man. Had he really held her in his arms last night, murmuring sweet words of passion she had never thought to hear said to her in her life?
“We look just a little different than we did last night,” she said, her smile regretful for the night of passion that would never be theirs again.
His expression was rueful as well. “It was quite a night.”
She didn’t know how to take that, exactly. But she knew she’d reached out to him last night for shelter; he’d provided it. Now was the time to walk away gracefully, without putting more entanglements into the relationship than they had both agreed upon. Hadn’t she been the one who’d been eager to set boundaries with which they’d both be comfortable?
“I’m anxious to get home and change and do some things so I can get to the hospital,” she said softly.
“With it being New Year’s Day,” he said, “I’m curious to see if there are any teens hanging around the local hot spots, blowing off boredom.”
So it was back to work, back to the normal routine for both of them. She nodded, knowing it was best if they both went on about their separate lives.
“Monday morning, we go put in the application for the quads,” he told her. “Agreed?”
“Agreed. Definitely.” She gave him an appreciative smile. “Thank you, Caleb.”
He shrugged. “Nothing to thank me for. Yet.”
There was, in so many ways she couldn’t tell him. So she picked up her purse and waited for him to lead the way downstairs. He had his car brought around, and while they waited, April tried to ignore the cold wind whipping against her bare legs. Last night she’d been so warm.
Last night had been the most wonderful night of her life. She wondered if Caleb had any idea just how much she’d needed him.
That was not the basis on which to start this partnership, she reminded herself. The need in the marriage was the quads’, not her own personal yearnings. So she remained silent as they got in the car. She didn’t say a word when he pulled the car in front of her house. No protest left her lips as he walked her to the porch, clearly having no intent to enter her house with her.
But after she opened the door and hesitated, not looking at him, and lost for words, he took the hand dangling at her side and raised it to his mouth. He pressed a kiss against her palm without lingering, a kiss that didn’t seek more but was a gesture of chivalry.
Anything more would have spoiled what they’d shared, and what they both knew would not happen again. She offered him a tiny smile of understanding, and then murmured goodbye as she went inside and closed the door behind her.
A moment later, she heard Caleb’s car pull away. A deep sigh of relief left her as she closed her eyes, remembering one more time what he’d given her. Then resolutely, she walked down the hall to her bedroom.
It was time to give up the past. There was not a doubt in her mind that she and Caleb had qualifications not even Social Services could ignore. He was the son of the wing’s founder; he and his family were well known for their generosity. He had been a respected police officer. She was a neonatal nurse.
There really was nothing now that Social Services could nitpick. Today, she felt certain that the quads would be awarded to them as soon as they could leave the hospital. Marrying Caleb had given her that reassurance.
So now she needed to make some changes. The babies could sleep in one of the guest rooms, or two in each guest room. The cribs and other paraphernalia would certainly fit very nicely.
Caleb couldn’t always sleep on the sofa. She could easily move a bed for herself into one of the rooms where the children would be, thereby being able to keep close to them in the night. Caleb could use her room.
She went out to the garage and gathered up some boxes left over from when she’d moved into the house. Carrying them to her bedroom, she retrieved some packing tape and taped the boxes back into shape from their collapsed state. With one last glance around her room, she eyed the doll collection she had built over so many years. A beautiful ensemble, certainly, but nothing a man would want in his space. She wanted Caleb comfortable.
Without hesitating, she took the dolls, one by one wrapping them in tissue paper and storing them in the boxes. “Goodbye,” she said as she carried the boxes to the garage. “Somed
ay you’ll mean a lot to someone. But I don’t think Caleb will want to sleep every night with you watching over him.”
That vision made her laugh. It hadn’t been so bad packing up her cherished memories. In a way, she felt as if she’d closed a door in her life. Where the dolls once had comforted her, now she had someone who comforted her in a much more tangible way. It was only for a short while, only until they found Jenny and got her resettled with her family—but for April, who had never known the depth of that support before, it was something she knew she’d never forget.
Chapter Ten
Monday morning, Caleb picked April up at her house. It was still her house, of course. That would never change. For a moment, the irony struck him. She was his wife, and yet, she wasn’t.
A woman like her would be a real right angle chunked squarely into his neatly ordered life. He didn’t want the emotions, the deep commitment, the abiding connection they would have to forge. The magic they’d allowed to sweep over them on their wedding night would never happen again. Neither of them would want it, for so many reasons.
So he put on his cop face, and gave her doorbell a serious stab with his finger. No way was he going to let his bride-for-a-while make him go all soft.
She came to the door wearing a lavender skirt and wool top, and sensible heels by no means old-fashioned, but by no means stiletto, either. Her hair was up, and she took his breath away faster than the cold breeze.
“Hello,” she said, her voice quiet and unsure.
He knew exactly where her head was at. Despite their agreement, there was so much tugging between them that it was tempting to give in to the pull and go with it. See where it took him. “Hi,” was all he said instead. “Got all the pertinent papers you’ll need to satisfy the first round Social Services throws at us?”