He hadn’t wanted to do it and didn’t want to admit it, Jared thought, but he could see that, just maybe, his playing Santa had been a good thing.
“Why did you do this, Mr. Griswold?” Shea was asking. “Are you angry with Dad about something?”
Shaking his head slowly, Mr. Griswold looked as guilty as a small child caught tracking mud on a clean kitchen floor. He gazed down at his feet as though he wished they would carry him away. “My wife left me, took the grandson.”
Jared swallowed. There was a little too much similarity between him and Griswold for his liking.
“I’m so sorry things turned out that way,” Shea said softly.
“Yeah, well,” Griswold said, shuffling his feet, “said she ain’t coming back till after Christmas is over. Said I was too grumpy. Said I didn’t enjoy the holiday enough and she was danged if she was going to spend another Christmas with me and my moods. I told her I wasn’t going to change one dang thing about myself because she’s lived with me for forty years this way and oughta be used to it. That’s when she left.”
“Christmas is a very magical time, Mr. Griswold. Maybe she just wanted to make sure she got some of that magic for herself and your grandson this year, and you were making it too hard. When you didn’t help her to have a merry Christmas season, maybe she thought you didn’t care if she was happy or not.”
Shea could have been speaking directly to him, Jared reflected. But the very idea was ridiculous. Not care? She was the reason he came home every night. She had to have realized that even when he’d reached the conclusion that he never wanted children.
Yeah, sure, just like she knew how you felt about being needed for yourself, Burroughs.
“You mean,” Griswold was saying, “that each time I complained and she couldn’t make things okay, she felt bad?”
“That’s what I think,” Shea replied. “I’ll bet mostly she wanted you to be happy, and when you weren’t, or when you didn’t talk to her, especially at this time of the year, it made her sad that you couldn’t see the fun in the season—or in life. And believe me, Mr. Griswold, when you’re basically a happy, optimistic type like Mrs. Griswold, it’s hard to be around somebody sad all the time.”
What Shea was saying told Jared a lot about her perspective on their breakup. Since he’d never wanted to argue with Shea, he’d just walked away when she said something that he disagreed with. It had been his father’s way of coping with life. Silence. He hadn’t always been like that. He remembered wishing he had someone to talk to when he was a kid. But he had turned into his father nevertheless. And that wasn’t good.
Unless he figured some way out of it, he was going to end up just like his father and Griswold. Old, alone and unhappy. Hell, he didn’t want that for himself. The only trouble was, he didn’t know how to stop what seemed like his destiny. The conversation was resuming, so he forced himself to listen, feeling eerily as if he’d met up with the Ghost of Christmas Future.
“So it was after Mrs. Griswold left you that you started hanging around the store all the time, and everything and everyone was so cheerful you couldn’t stand it? That’s when you started—” she paused “—fixing things?”
Griswold nodded. “Then the store got sort of deserted, and I could almost pretend there wasn’t going to be a Christmas.”
“There almost wasn’t one,” Shea assured him, “until Jared came and saved the day.”
“Yeah. And I got caught.” The old man’s head bowed, then he gave her a worried look. “So what’re you gonna do, Shea? Call Ed?”
Ed was the town’s police chief, Jared remembered.
“You’re an old family friend,” Shea said gently. “As long as you stop the meanness, I won’t turn you in.”
Somehow that didn’t surprise Jared. His wife’s enormous heart was one of the reasons he’d fallen in love with her.
“You mean you’re letting me get away with this?” Griswold asked.
“Of course not. You have to tell my father that you were the one doing all the mean-spirited practical jokes.”
“Won’t that be kind of stressful for him?” Griswold asked, sounding truly concerned. “I’m not going to do anything else. I was kind of thinking I just wouldn’t come back in the store. I figured giving up my favorite place to sit in the afternoons and staying home instead would be punishment enough.”
“Your being forced to stay home all day would only be punishment for Mrs. Griswold when she comes back, I’m afraid,” Shea said, chuckling.
Somewhere deep inside him, Jared chuckled right along with her. God, he loved her. She was warmth and happiness—everything he needed.
He was everything she didn’t.
He wanted to stay around her, try to become the person she wanted, see if it would work. He wanted to, but he was afraid that she was seeing him through all too idealistic eyes, thinking that he could even be a good father.
Sounding somewhat reluctant, Griswold agreed to her terms.
“And there’s one other thing I want you to do,” Shea said. “Promise to come to dinner at our house on Christmas Eve.”
Griswold was quiet for a few seconds, and Jared thought the man sounded kind of choked up when he finally spoke.
“I’ll be there, missy, if you’ll let me walk you back to the store. It’s after dark, and you shouldn’t be out by yourself.”
Shea’s laughter rang through the night air. “You sure letting the town’s Grinch escort me anywhere is safe?”
“You betcha!” Griswold said. “You know, if I live through telling your father I’ve been a fool, I’m gonna call my wife and see if I can apologize to her. And if I survive doing that, this might not turn out to be such a bad Christmas after all.”
This time, Shea didn’t laugh in agreement, which left Jared feeling like maybe, just maybe, he ought to do something about saving Shea’s Christmas.
But what?
Back at the store, her father surprised Shea by taking the news Caleb Griswold gave him remarkably well. He even said he understood and was just glad it was over. The two men shook hands, with Griswold vowing to reform, call his wife, apologize and beg her to come home. Everything went smoothly.
After Griswold left, closing the office door behind him, Shea voiced her request to keep the news that the Grinch had been caught a secret. It was then that Mack actually started going red in the face.
“Maybe you’d better sit down, Dad.”
“Of course we’re going to tell everyone the Grinch has been caught.” Mack hit the desktop with his fist for emphasis. “We just aren’t going to say who it was.”
“Maybe I’d better sit down.” Shea sank into the chair across from him, feeling the day’s events catching up with her. Either she was still chilled from standing outside so long with the Grinch, or she was nervous about her father saying no. She wasn’t sure, but she couldn’t seem to get warm.
Briefly, she thought about Jared’s arms around her. That brought a blush to her cheeks, but unfortunately, if she couldn’t get her father to agree to her request, she doubted if she was going to have much of a chance to get that close to Jared again. He’d be gone.
Seeming to sense something was wrong, her father got up and rounded his desk. He stopped abruptly, looking unsure of himself. “I’m sorry, Shea. I didn’t mean to startle you. Are you all right?” His frown deepened. “Should I find Jared?”
“No,” she said hurriedly, not quite ready to face him yet. “That’s all right. I’ll go find him later. I’m just tired.” Tired and worried. She was so close to changing Jared’s attitude about children. She could see it in the way his dark blue eyes became more and more easy whenever a child approached him. Darn it all, she wanted that chance to change him.
For the baby’s sake.
Mack sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay, so tell me why you don’t want the town to know Denton’s is Grinch free.”
“I don’t want Jared to go,” she said softly
. “I want him to stay on as Santa. I need a little more time with him, and if he finds out he’s not needed, he’ll leave.”
Her father gave her a long look. “The divorce is final in less than a week, baby. Are you thinking to stop it?”
Was she? Was that even possible? Jared would have to be a different man for her to call off the divorce. She didn’t want to spend the next forty years the way Mrs. Griswold apparently had, having a man in her life who never understood her or fitted into the happy life she wanted. Shea knew she needed Jared to care about traditions and community and family and believe they were all as important as she believed they were.
But that could take a lifetime and still not happen.
Sadness threatening to overwhelm her, Shea shook her head. “In the long run, I guess I’m just trying to make this Christmas perfect for Jared, you and me. As perfect as it can be, anyway.”
Mack took so long to answer that Shea was certain he was going to refuse her request. Then he sighed. “I’m not sure keeping a secret from him is the best way to handle it, but I’m going to bow to your judgment this time. As long as Jared agrees to play Santa and the parents keep coming, you don’t have to tell anyone you caught the Grinch.” Leaning over, he patted her arm. “But, dear heart, as for you and Jared, maybe you’d better quit looking for what you already have.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’re a smart girl. You’ll figure it out—and I can only hope you do before it’s too late.” He got up and walked toward the coat rack to pull on his coat, but then he paused by the door. “By the way, that little Molly girl stopped in to see me. Cute little thing.”
“Yes, she is.”
“Fanciful, too. Says she’s become Santa’s elf now and she’s helping him out until he gets back into town.”
The image made Shea smile. The child was adorable. “If she’s an elf and that Santa of hers is as real as she claims, maybe I should get her to throw a little Christmas magic my way.”
“Yes, well...” Mack cleared his throat and started blushing. “I was thinking more along the line of my throwing a little her way. What would you say if I rented the garage apartment to her and her mother?”
“I’d say that’s a wonderful idea!” Rising, she joined him at the door, beaming at him and temporarily forgetting her troubled relationship. “But the apartment’s so small, you couldn’t possibly rent that thing for more than a hundred and a half a month, you know.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured I wasn’t going to make a killing off it.” He grinned back.
“So if they’re going to be our neighbors, you know that means we’ll probably have to have them over for Christmas Eve dinner. Sure you can stand the crowd and the noise? If Jared stays, that’ll be four extra.”
“Five if you count my impending grandchild.” His thick brows rose in question. “So can I take it you approve of my idea?”
“A child in the house on Christmas Eve?” Her heart quickened with bittersweet joy. Between Griswold and the Millstones, their home would be bustling this season. All she had to do now was bake a lot of cookies—and insure that Jared was a part of it, too. “Of course I approve.”
He beamed back at her and went off to play his own version of Santa Claus to the Millstones.
As she headed downstairs to look for Jared, she considered what she was about to do. It wasn’t right, lying to Jared. But he was so close to being able to give his heart to their baby-to-be and wanting to be a great father that she was sure she could find some way to push him over the edge—if she just had a little more time. So really, what choice did she have?
Her nerves getting more tender with every second, Shea began to hum along with the store’s Christmas carols as she walked around looking for Jared. When she finally found him in a booth at the rear of the snack area near the Santa Station, her eyes took in the sight of him in his jeans, midnight blue flannel shirt and tousled dark brown hair. Then her heart hustled up a different song that had more to do with desire than Christmas. She slid into the booth opposite him, trying to shush her heart.
His eyes met hers questioningly, and her throat closed in an uncharacteristic surge of pure panic. She didn’t want to lie to him. But she had to. For the baby’s sake.
And maybe even for her own.
“I saw the coal in the storeroom and figured that that was what had you so preoccupied,” he said when she didn’t speak. “Did you see who it was?”
“I missed the Grinch by seconds,” she said, reaching down and picking up his untouched glass of water to take a sip. When she put it back down on the table, her fingers remained around the bottom in a tight, tense grip. “I thought maybe I could catch up with whoever it was if I didn’t stop to explain, but even though I searched around for a while, I didn’t find out who it was.”
He nodded. “I know. After I changed out of the Santa suit, I checked the alley. He could have disappeared anywhere, so I came back in here.”
Flooded with relief that he seemed to have swallowed her story, Shea relaxed her fingers. “I wasn’t kidding when I said it before, Jared. We need you more than ever here. We want you to stay.”
“We?” he asked quietly.
“I do.” She met his eyes and was startlingly aware of just how calm they were. Controlled. She couldn’t decide if that was good—or bad. “You actually talked to me before, Jared, about how you felt when we were together.”
Her hands shook a little, and she laid them one over the other on the table in front of her. She was about to head into the same territory that had led to her walking out before, and kiss or no kiss, it was scary.
“You said I stopped showing you I needed you.” She took a deep breath. “I hadn’t realized that. I got so involved with my ideas of making everything so wonderful for our future that I forgot, I guess, just to live for the day sometimes and that it would be your future, too.” She glanced down at her hand, at the finger that used to hold his ring. “I forgot to make sure you knew that I loved you, no matter what. I’m so sorry for that.”
Jared reached across the table and put his large, warm hand over hers. Her gaze lifted to meet his eyes, and as she looked at him, her heart began beating thunderously in her chest. Was he going to say that he wanted them to try again?
And if he did, would she accept? Almost every part of her wanted to fall into his arms and make the hurt of the past months go away, but there was still a tiny voice within her—the voice of reason?—that wouldn’t let her forget that she could never live with the remote man he’d turned into, the man who didn’t seem to care about all the things that were so important to her....
Like their baby.
But he wasn’t saying a thing.
“Say you’ll stay, Jared,” she asked. “Please? I promise you won’t regret it.” And he wouldn’t. She’d learned her lesson. She was going to try harder to use love to make his life better—both for him and their baby.
“You mean stay long enough to catch the Grinch, right?” he asked in return, his thumb moving over her fingers, his touch fueling the fire within her that had never totally burned out when they’d parted.
She was caught. If she asked him to stay just to work on their relationship and he refused, she would have blown her chance to keep him there. If he did agree, and she didn’t get him to warm up, she’d end up hurting him in the end once more because she didn’t want to raise the child in a family with a cold and distant father.
“Stay long enough to save Christmas for me,” she whispered. That was as close as she could put it and still say the truth—-but she knew Jared wouldn’t be able to interpret that the way she meant it. He didn’t know what was in her heart.
His thumb stopped its soothing movement, and his eyes searched hers as he considered her request. His answer came sooner than she expected.
“Okay, I’ll stay. But Shea...” His hand tightened on hers. Not enough to hurt, but the pressure felt almost like a warning.
“Yes?” she asked, r
egaining some of her voice now that she knew she’d bought some time.
“I’m not promising a thing.”
Chapter Nine
“This Christmas is getting better ail the time,” Shea said as she danced with Jared at a church Christmas party on Sunday afternoon. “You know the Griswolds across the street from Dad’s house?”
“The old guy we saw in the store?” Jared tried to remain nonchalant, but inside, he tensed. Was she actually going to tell him she’d found the Grinch? Finally?
“That’s right. Well, he’d been fighting with his wife, and she was spending Christmas elsewhere. He was pretty upset. But Dad told me earlier that Mr. Griswold convinced his wife he’s a changed man, and she came home last night. So all the Griswolds will be joining us on Christmas Eve.”
Jared waited, but Shea didn’t add anything about having discovered that Griswold was the Grinch. Disappointed, he muttered, “That’s nice,” and pulled her close to him, not wanting to give her a chance to ask the obvious question—whether or not he’d still be in Quiet Brook on Friday.
She snuggled against him, and in turn he held her like there would be no tomorrow—which was the truth. He would be leaving before Shea got up the next morning.
It had been over two days since the Grinch had been found. Saturday, he’d played Santa and watched Shea for any signs to explain why she wanted to keep him in town so desperately that she would lie to him about being needed when he wasn’t. But her lovely eyes had given away nothing.
Her cheek had been resting against his shoulder as they danced to a slow song. But she must have sensed the growing tension inside him, for she raised her eyes to his, her smile anxious.
“Did you like what Santa brought you this morning?”
“Yeah.” He pulled her back to him and nuzzled his face against her sweet-smelling hair. He’d woken up that morning in Mack’s guest room to find three wrapped presents on his bed, which turned out to be video games and collectible model cars. Toys. She was trying so hard to give him back the childhood Christmases he’d missed, and he appreciated the gesture.
A Baby In His Stocking (Harlequin Treasury 1990's) Page 11