Some things don’t change. Felicity’s always been one to call a spade a spade.
At the mention of swimming, I could have sworn I felt the table tilt. I grabbed several glasses before they fell on the floor.
Felicity looks troubled.
‘Mum knocked the table,’ says Joe placidly. Kenneth looks puzzled but is too polite to say anything. I ignore Joe, not wanting to encourage him.
‘More wine?’ I say to Kenneth, and pour myself another drink.
This is a great evening, and I am going to enjoy myself.
Emily
The evening had gone far better than Emily could have imagined. Felicity was great company, and while it was slightly weird seeing her flirt with her dad, it also took some of the pressure off Emily, who was occasionally able to sneak an odd sideways thumbs-up to Adam. Felicity was giving Dad as good as she got, which was something no one had done to him for a long time. Even so by the time pudding came, he had her wrapped round his little finger. Emily’s mum used to call it his Midas touch, and normally it made Emily cringe. But tonight she was glad of it, and Felicity was clearly enjoying having some male company, so no harm seemed to be done.
Emily had decided she liked Felicity and felt incredibly sorry for what she had been through. It must be tough to lose your only daughter. Emily could relate to that. She had been coming up for her thirtieth birthday when her mum died, just at the point when they were getting to be friends. Emily still missed her wisdom and good advice – particularly so in the last year. Maybe she and Felicity could give each other something they were both lacking. Emily really hoped so.
Adam was a bit twitchy, which Emily put down to him being as nervous about this evening as she was. He nearly knocked all the glasses off the table at one point, but by the time Emily made coffee he seemed to have relaxed a bit. Joe appeared to be happy too, and so far had only mentioned his mum once.
And breathe, Emily said to herself. The evening had exceeded her expectations. Perhaps if they could get through this honeymoon period she and Adam could build the life together that she dreamed about.
Emily brought the coffee in, and was just pouring it out when the fire suddenly went out and a bone-chilling cold descended on the room. Emily shivered. That feeling of unease had returned very strongly. What was going on?
Adam got up to try and relight the fire, and there was a sudden blast of air as the kitchen door blew open and something jerked Emily’s arm. She was freezing cold and could feel prickles on the back of her neck. Suddenly she felt very scared.
The cups on the table started to rattle, and then the table began to move, seemingly of its own accord. Then it wasn’t just moving, but rising into the air, till it was hovering above them, close to the ceiling. Everyone stood open-mouthed, unable to take it in.
‘Is this some kind of trick?’ her dad said, looking fascinated but a little unnerved. Emily hadn’t told him about what had been happening. It sounded too mad. Now she rather wished she had.
‘No trick,’ said Adam, and Emily could detect an edge of panic in his voice. ‘Joe, are you doing this?’
‘No,’ said Joe, ‘I keep telling you. Mum is.’
Felicity looked ashen. Like everyone else, she couldn’t quite believe what was happening.
‘Livvy?’ she whispered, tears in her eyes. ‘Is that you?’
And with that the table dropped to the floor with a sudden clatter, coffee cups spilling everywhere. The fire roared in the grate, and the lights that had dimmed lit up again properly. Then the kitchen door closed itself gently.
Nobody said anything for a few moments and then everyone started talking at once.
‘What the—?’
‘Did you—?’
‘Did that actually happen?’
Till Joe said, ‘Now do you believe me?’
Chapter Nine
Emily
‘I wish Mum would stay,’ Joe said sadly, as everyone continued to sit in shocked silence. ‘I really want to see her.’
‘Joe, we don’t really know what happened tonight,’ said Adam. ‘There has to be a rational explanation. You know the wiring’s dodgy, and it’s so windy, that might have blown the fire out.’
‘The wind didn’t lift the table,’ said Joe stubbornly. ‘That was Mum.’
‘What’s going on?’ Dad said, who with good reason was looking confused.
‘Do you want to tell him or shall I?’ said Adam, and with that they launched into a litany of the odd things that had happened.
‘Your dad’s right, Joe,’ said Dad. ‘Even if it is a ghost, which I doubt, it might not be your mum.’
Emily wished she could be so certain. Something weird was happening, and if they did have a ghost, who else could it be? She wasn’t imagining the presence she could feel, full of spite and bile. Despite her initial scepticism, Emily was becoming convinced that Livvy had come back to get her revenge. Should she be frightened? What could Livvy do to them? To her?
The evening ended in rather subdued fashion. Dad kept trying to find rational explanations for things, but Felicity had gone very quiet and sombre. Even Adam hadn’t been able to come up with any satisfactory explanations.
Emily walked back to her flat arm in arm with her dad. It was a wild night, with gale-force winds which nearly blew them down. Winds which were enough to levitate a table? It seemed unlikely, but there was no denying something had.
‘Do you think the dead really come back and speak to us?’ Emily said when they eventually arrived back home, windswept and soaked through. She poured them both a bedtime brandy, and they sat down in front of the fire.
‘I have no idea,’ Dad said, ‘but I’ve often wished I could chat to your mum. I mean properly chat. I talk to her all the time on the allotment.’
He’d never said that before. Dad and Mum had both loved that allotment; it was their pride and joy. Emily felt a little thrill of pleasure that her dad still thought about Mum. Sometimes it felt as though he’d forgotten all about her.
‘I do too,’ Emily said and Dad gave her an awkward hug.
What Emily had most wished for after Mum died was to see her again. Thirty was too young to be motherless. There was so much Emily had needed to ask her, so much she wished she’d said. In the depths of her misery, in the months following her mum’s death Emily had even visited a medium; anything to get near her mum once more. All the medium had said had been vague things about the afterlife and Mum being happy and always with Emily, which hadn’t been desperately convincing. If anything it made Emily think that when you die that’s it, and there was no afterlife. But after tonight, Emily’s certainties had been severely shaken.
When she came down the next morning after a restless night’s sleep, she found her dad making pancakes. He looked chipper and cheerful, unlike Emily who’d been tossing and turning all night and felt like death warmed up.
‘Won’t you stay a bit longer?’ she said. It was rare she got her dad to stay at hers, and after the oddity of last night she felt she needed some of his common sense and down-to-earth chatter to help her feel grounded.
‘No, I should head home,’ he said. ‘I think there might be something on tonight.’
‘You mean you’ve got a better invitation?’ Emily laughed. ‘Who’s the lucky lady this time?’
‘No one you know,’ muttered Dad, having the grace to look slightly embarrassed. ‘I really must be off, I promised to pay my respects to Felicity on the way home.’
‘That was fast work even for you,’ said Emily. ‘When on earth did you get her address?’
‘Oh she mentioned a book I might be interested in last night,’ Dad said vaguely – as if. He gave Emily a huge hug and said, ‘Try not to worry about all this nonsense about Livvy. Everyone’s bound to be uptight because of the anniversary and Christmas. Grief does funny things to people. There’ll be a sensible explanation.’
‘I’m sure you’re right,’ said Emily, though she wasn’t convinced. She waved him goodbye and t
ried to settle down to watch some TV, but she was feeling so unsettled within half an hour, she felt the need to get out of the house and go for a walk. It was still windy, and as she bent her face against the cold a gust blew several leaflets in her path, just as a black cat ran in front of her. She bent to pick them up, intending to put them in the bin, but was stopped in her tracks when she saw what they were advertising.
Psychic Zandra As Seen On TV!!! the leaflet said. Coming to your local theatre for one night only!!!
One night only. Tomorrow night in fact. It felt like a sign. Emily kept one of the leaflets and thoughtfully put it in her pocket. Under normal circumstances it would seem a bit extreme to consult a medium, and after her previous experience Emily had become very cynical about spiritualism. But if Livvy really was out there, and they could communicate with her, maybe she could have her say and they could give her the peace she needed to leave them alone. Maybe. Emily didn’t really hold out much hope for that. If Livvy was a ghost, she was an angry and bitter one, and probably the last thing she wanted was to lose her husband to Emily. But it was worth a try.
As Emily turned back to head home another black cat walked between her legs and purred. It looked just like the one she’d seen earlier. Then it wandered away, but turned back to look at Emily. If she hadn’t known any better, she could have sworn it winked.
Adam
‘A medium? Are you crazy?’ Emily has rung me up at work on Monday to tell me her plan. I’ve still got mountains of work to do before Christmas. A lot of people have only got a week left but, thanks to the year end, I’m working up to the last minute. Before all this happened, I’d been looking forward to Christmas – despite all the stress of the anniversary. This is the first year I get to spend it properly with Emily. I just can’t wait to have time off, and flop around at home, maybe going out for the occasional walk or run. Now with Joe still maintaining his mum is a ghost, Emily being convinced he’s right and the weird evening we’ve just had, I’m getting a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t believe in ghosts or the afterlife, but something very very strange is happening in my house and it makes me feel out of control – not a feeling I like.
‘No,’ says Emily, ‘I wouldn’t even think about it normally, but even you, Mr Super Rational, have to admit the last few days have been odd. I know it’s probably all nonsense, but it can’t hurt to at least try.’
I’m not really convinced, but I’ve never seen Emily so anxious, and I end up agreeing to go along with it to pacify her. We decide not to take Joe, as we think it might wind him up more. As it happens, he’s arranged to see Caroline tonight. ‘She’s cooking me Christmas dinner,’ he says happily, which surprises me somewhat. Caroline is a new friend Joe has made since he started college in September. She seems like a lovely kid, and I’m really pleased that she accepts Joe for who he is. I wonder sometimes if there’s something romantic going on, but if there is Joe hasn’t said. They seem to have bonded mostly over physics.
I’d have expected Joe to say that Caroline has to cook something else, as you can only have Christmas dinner on Christmas Day, but she appears to have the knack of gently introducing him to new things. She’s good at understanding Joe’s quirks while at the same time treating him like a normal human being. Very few of his peers seem to be able to do that, so I’m grateful to her.
When I go out at lunchtime, I take a walk to the theatre to see what all the fuss is about. There’s a big poster on the wall showing a smiling Zandra, all teeth and sympathy, with the words: Putting YOU in touch with your loved ones.
There are some leaflets in the foyer of the theatre, and a gaggle of excited elderly ladies buying tickets. I pick up one of the leaflets. There’s a lot of bumf about how Zandra can help resolve your issues with the Dearly Departed, or Those Who Have Gone Before. I notice that Zandra never actually uses the word dead. That would be far too brutal. Instead she makes it sound like your loved ones have just gone on a little holiday, as if they’ve popped over to Spain and can Skype you at any moment.
The Dearly Departed are apparently on the other side of a door, just waiting to talk to us. And of course Zandra is the conduit through which they can communicate. Yeah, right. I’m sure if there are a bunch of dead people really waiting on the other side, they’d be knocking the damned door down and trying to get in. Livvy certainly would be. Although … with all the strange things happening, perhaps that’s just what she has been doing, and Joe’s right, we’ve not been listening. No. I refuse to believe that. This is mad, there has to be some other explanation.
I take a leaflet anyway, and wander down the street towards my office. A gentle snow shower has just started, and I shiver slightly as I make my way back to work. I’m still not sure about this, but as I get to the entrance a mangy black cat is sitting on a wall staring at me. It feels like an omen. I’m going to give it a go.
Livvy
‘Everything going well then?’ Malachi finds me sitting outside a café watching Joe and Caroline together. I’ve been watching them for ages, not getting too close in case Joe feels I’m intruding. He looks so happy to be with her, it makes me really glad. I’m pleased he seems to have found a friend who understands him.
Actually, I’m exhausted. This levitating business has really taken it out of me. But I don’t tell Malachi that.
‘It’s fine,’ I say. ‘They’re finally beginning to notice I’m there.’
‘Right,’ says Malachi, ‘but what have you actually achieved apart from freaking Emily out?’
Dammit, he’s right as usual. Why do I get saddled with such a smart arse for a spirit guide?
‘Not much yet,’ I say, ‘but I’m working on it.’
‘Well get yourself down to the theatre tonight.’ Malachi nods at me and a leaflet blows on to my lap.
‘Psychic Zandra?’ I say. ‘Isn’t that a) rather humiliating and b) aren’t all these people frauds?’
‘Zandra’s a fake. But unbeknownst to her, she has a modicum of talent which occasionally allows her to get in touch with a very superior spirit guide. Ghosts flock up to see him to get through to the other side.’ There are other ghosts? Lots of them? Why hasn’t Malachi told me before? It would have been nice to have someone to talk to.
‘He has a gift for linking the dead with their living friends,’ Malachi continues. ‘Zandra has just enough of an open mind to allow him to let people come through.’
‘There’s a psychic for ghosts?’ I say. ‘You’re having a laugh.’
‘Straight up,’ Malachi assures me solemnly. ‘Go and see for yourself. You’ll find him in the Underworld basement bar. It’s where all those who haven’t been able to pass on hang out. You never know, you might meet some like-minded people.’
‘Like-minded people? What, you mean others like me?’ I’m staggered. I’ve got so used to being on my own, it hasn’t occurred to me that there might be somewhere the dead meet up.
‘Yup,’ says Malachi. ‘Did you think you were the only one?’
‘Well, yes, actually, I did,’ I say indignantly. ‘I’ve spent pretty much a year on my own, and now you’re telling me I could have had some ghostly pals for company.’
‘You weren’t ready to meet them,’ says Malachi.
‘Are you this much of a bastard to all the spirits you guide?’ I mutter in disgruntlement.
‘Probably,’ says Malachi. ‘But remember, it was you who elected to stay in that car park all that time, by refusing to listen to me in the beginning. If you hadn’t been so stubborn, we could have got through all this months ago.’
I go to protest, but he has a point.
‘So don’t forget. Underworld tonight,’ says Malachi. ‘I think you’ll find it illuminating. But be careful, some of the people who go there have a … different way of looking at things. Don’t be taken in by them.’
Oh great, another enigmatic warning. Why doesn’t Malachi ever tell me anything straight? I’m tempted by his suggestion, but I refuse to be bulli
ed into it, so I say, ‘Perhaps,’ and Malachi yawns and stretches, and says, ‘Your choice.’
He wanders off down the street, and then pauses and says, ‘Of course, Adam and Emily are going to be in the audience.’
Now I have to go.
Joe’s Notebook
I have a new girlfriend.
Her name is Caroline.
She is very pretty.
I have never had a girlfriend before.
I like having a girlfriend.
If she were a star, she would be in the constellation of Virgo, because she is pure and perfect and right.
Caroline understands about Mum. She knows I am not mad.
I don’t think Dad does.
I am not sure Dad wants Mum to come back.
This makes me sad.
I hope he changes his mind.
I wish Mum would come back for Christmas.
That would be good.
Christmas Past
I follow Malachi to the theatre feeling intensely irritated with him. He has an air of superiority about him, as if he knows something I don’t.
When we get there, he says, ‘Now remember why you’re here. You need to seek closure, and you’re not going to find it if you go off on a rant. When you get through to Adam, try and listen to what he has to say too.’
What on earth does he know about it? Adam betrayed me. End of. And there were so many times when I felt let down by him when Joe was very small. It got better as Joe got older when Adam used to help me out by taking over at the weekends, but by the end we never did anything together as a family and that still makes me sad. I think I have every right to be angry.
‘Do you?’ says Malachi. ‘Then remember this.’
I’m about to snarl at him to stop reading my mind, when he’s done it again, and I’m standing at the school gates on a wintry November day, in absolute despair.
Make a Christmas Wish Page 11