A drawback of not being a ghost any more, one I hadn’t considered, is that I can’t follow Adam to work. I know he’s meeting Emily because I quickly filched a look at his phone when he was in the shower. But I can’t turn up and find out what they are talking about. Bummer. Who knew there were advantages to being dead? Even so, the tone of Emily’s message and Adam’s miserable-looking response have given me hope. Maybe she’s going to do the right thing.
‘And what might that be?’ says a voice in my ear.
‘Jeez, Malachi, how did you get in? And get off that work surface, I’ve just cleaned it.’
‘Through the cat flap.’
‘We don’t have a cat flap,’ I say.
Malachi shrugs. ‘You have a cat flap, and I came through it.’
‘Why are you here?’ I ask. I’m not up for a nagging, but I’m bound to get one.
And sure enough, it starts.
‘So how’s it going for you, then?’ says Malachi. ‘You succeeded in driving Emily away yet?’
‘That’s not what I’m doing,’ I say. ‘I’m just reminding Adam he should be with me.’
‘Ah, is that it,’ says Malachi. ‘You’ve got everything the wrong way round, but that’s not why you haven’t passed over yet.’
‘Isn’t it? So why am I still here then?’
‘Because you cheated and broke the rules,’ says Malachi.
‘I’ve got a second chance and I’m taking it,’ I say.
‘So you keep saying,’ says Malachi. ‘Did it ever occur to you to ask Letitia how often this kind of thing has worked out, hmm?’
I ignore him. And he jumps off the table, and vanishes through a cat flap in our back door, which I swear wasn’t there before.
He’s left me with an uncomfortable feeling. Basically I took Letitia’s potion without questioning anything too hard. And now, with Adam not exactly playing ball, I’m wondering if that was wise. Maybe I should have paid more attention. Perhaps I should pay her another visit …
Adam
I come home to an empty house. Livvy has mysteriously gone out, leaving a note to say she’ll be back later. Joe is also out, at Caroline’s. It’s not quite the last day at work before Christmas I was anticipating. I had planned to come home, maybe go down the pub with Emily, or sit indoors wrapping my presents. The turkey Emily bought is defrosting in the fridge, and I still have to buy vegetables for Christmas Day. I have never felt less like celebrating.
The heating is off, and the house looks different. Livvy seems to have gone into manic mode, rearranged the furniture and cleaned everything. It reminds me painfully of the days when she’d be trying to atone for a lapse and she’d have a cleaning spree to make amends. I’d come home and she’d have cooked me a lovely meal, to say sorry for all the nights when she just bought takeaways. The very thought of those meals makes me feel immensely sad.
I turn the Christmas tree lights on. But whereas before it had cheered me up with its sparkle, now it seems to have lost its shine, reminding me instead of everything that I’ve lost. There are presents for Joe, me and Felicity from Emily under the tree. Hers from me are still sitting in my bedroom cupboard waiting to be wrapped up. They include the ring I had been planning to give her on Christmas Eve. I was so excited when I bought it for her, a month ago, and now she’s gone. How has it come to this?
Suddenly I’m furious with Livvy. She made my life hell when she was alive and then she died and I felt terrible, but I also welcomed the chance to be happy again. And she’s taken that chance from me. Whatever happens now, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive her. And how can our marriage work with that between us?
Emily
Emily left Adam and walked through the hordes of cheerful last-minute Christmas shoppers feeling overwhelmed with misery. But she knew she’d done the right thing. Joe needed his mum, and Emily couldn’t and didn’t want to take her place. She hoped that somehow Livvy and Adam could find happiness again.
Emily wasn’t paying any attention to where she was going, but she found herself wandering to the green. Her feet seemed to have taken themselves there of their own accord. Before she knew it, she was standing outside Felicity’s front door.
She might as well face the music and try to see if Felicity would let her in. Emily liked Felicity. She felt as though they had something in common, and it had comforted Emily to have a mother figure back in her life, particularly one who’d got on so well with Dad.
Felicity opened the door, before Emily could ring the bell.
‘I saw you from the living-room window,’ she said.
‘Can I come in?’
Felicity sniffed, and then said, ‘I suppose.’
Emily nearly laughed at her haughty demeanour. It really didn’t suit her.
‘I won’t stay long,’ said Emily. ‘I’ve just come to say, I’m sorry that you had to find out about Adam and me the way you did, and also to say goodbye.’
‘Goodbye?’ Felicity looked genuinely startled.
‘Yes, I’m going to my dad’s tomorrow, to spend Christmas with him. I thought it was best.’
‘What about Adam and Joe?’
‘Joe needs his mum. So I’ve told Adam it’s over.’
Felicity looked quite shocked now. ‘I wasn’t expecting that,’ she said.
‘Me neither,’ Emily said. ‘But I think it’s for the best.’
To her surprise, Felicity said, ‘I’m sorry it’s ended like this.’
‘I am too,’ Emily said. ‘And I’m sorry we weren’t honest with you before. We just didn’t know how to tell you. If it hadn’t been for the accident, Adam would have left Livvy you know. We’re not proud of what we did. But it happened, and I’m not sorry that it did, because being with Adam made me really happy. But I can’t stand in the way of what Joe needs. I hope you can understand.’
Felicity listened in silence, and then sighed.
‘It’s not what you want to hear, that the son-in-law you love has cheated on your daughter, but I do understand. Livvy wasn’t easy to live with, and you can’t help who you fall in love with. I don’t blame you, Emily. It’s rough luck, all of it.’
She gave Emily a hug. Emily hugged her back, and then left. There was nothing more to say.
‘Take care, Emily,’ Felicity said, ‘it’s been lovely having you as a surrogate daughter. Even for this short time.’
As Emily walked sadly down the path, Felicity suddenly came running after her.
‘I almost forgot,’ she said, thrusting a parcel in Emily’s hand. ‘Happy Christmas, Emily. I’ll miss you.’
Chapter Thirty
Emily
Emily was thinking hard and furiously as she packed to go to Dad’s. She didn’t think she could possibly live here now. It was going to be too hard seeing Adam and Joe. In order for her to do this properly, she needed to move right away.
Emily loved her flat. She’d had good times living here in the gap between Graham and Adam. It was where she had come to salvage the pieces and pick herself up after her marriage went wrong, and she had loved the independence and sense of freedom it gave her. But since Emily had met Adam, it had just been a place to tread water. At this moment the flat meant nothing to her if Adam was out of her life. After Christmas, Emily decided, she was going to put it on the market and move somewhere new. She still had time to go on her current IT contract, so at least she didn’t have to change jobs as well. Maybe she’d be able to commute in from Dad’s for a bit, though the journey would be hideous. It was the only thing she could reasonably think to do.
At least Dad was pleased Emily was coming home. He hadn’t planned to let her know that he was going to be alone at Christmas, but was delighted she would be there instead. He hadn’t asked too many questions, for which Emily was grateful, although thanks to the fact that he had apparently been skyping Felicity – which would have amused Emily immensely at any other time – he knew that it was something to do with Livvy. Emily had got the impression during their
last chat that Dad thought she was making a mistake. Maybe he was right, but Emily didn’t see what else she could do.
Emily’s phone pinged. A text from Adam, asking how she was. He’d been texting her all day and she’d been ignoring him. She couldn’t afford to talk to him. If she cracked now, she didn’t think she’d be able to leave.
So Emily carried on packing, and trying to ignore the fact that her world was imploding, she’d lost the man she wanted to marry, and didn’t feel like she’d ever be happy again.
Livvy
I realize as I approach the theatre that I have no idea how to get into Underworld, now I have my body again. But luckily I still seem able to see my ghostly friends, and there’s my pal Robert of the dressing gown and slippers, nipping in for a quick snifter.
‘How are things?’ I say.
‘Well look at you all alive and everything,’ he says.
‘Oh, you can tell?’
‘Of course I can tell. You’re solid,’ he says. ‘I expect you want me to let you into Underworld?’
‘That would be great,’ I say.
‘Just follow me,’ he says. ‘You’ll be wanting Letitia I expect.’
‘How did you know?’
He looks me up and down.
‘Everyone does, eventually,’ he says, ‘who does what you’ve done. They all come back to Letitia.’
Ouch. That doesn’t sound good.
‘I went to Zandra’s latest reading,’ he says as I follow him into the theatre, ‘I think she’s losing her touch. What on earth did you do to her? My son was there and had no idea I was, and Zandra didn’t dare talk to any of us.’
‘Me? Nothing,’ I protest. Robert raises an eyebrow. ‘Well maybe a little something. She held a seance, and it didn’t quite go as planned.’
‘Thanks for nothing,’ he says grumpily. ‘Good luck with Letitia, by the way.’
‘What do you mean?’ I’m suspicious now. Why does he keep talking about Letitia?
‘There are lots of us who’ve been there, love,’ he says. ‘It never bloody works.’
My heart sinks.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Those of us who had the balls to try her potion and got the you-only-have twenty-four-hours-to-save-the-universe spiel.’
‘Well, yes,’ I say, feeling pretty stupid.
‘Thing is, Letitia’s selling an impossible dream. We only get to hang around to sort stuff out with our loved ones. And just going back to your old life and carrying on as normal doesn’t work. But like everyone else you’ve probably gone and tried to do just that as if nothing’s happened. Can’t be done, I’m afraid.’
That’s so exactly on the nail I feel sick. He can’t be right. I don’t want him to be. It’s Christmas, surely I can make this work?
He stands by the broom cupboard.
‘Are you coming with me, or what?’ he says. ‘You need me to get through the door.’
Robert grasps hold of me impatiently. His touch is cold and goes right through me. I feel a rather uncomfortable rush, and this time instead of a sensation of being pulled through water, it’s like I’m being attacked by sharp shards of ice. I’m relieved when I’m out the other side.
Underworld seems incredibly busy. A few people wave, but most of them ignore me. I go up to the bar, to find DJ Steve, but he’s not there. Lenny looks at me and whistles. ‘Letitia really worked her magic on you,’ he says. As I’m standing there, I’m aware of silent whispers all around me.
‘Ouch, another idiot who’s been had by Letitia.’
‘Mistake, big mistake.’
‘Someone should have told her …’
‘Someone should have told me what?’ I ask.
I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I have made an error of judgement. God, I’ll be cross if Malachi turns out to be right.
‘It’ll end in tears, dearie,’ says a friendly-looking granny.
‘What should I know?’ I say.
‘Letitia didn’t mention it then?’ says Robert, popping up beside me again. ‘If it doesn’t work, you’re stuck in limbo forever, like this. Why do you think so many of us come here?’
Adam
The door slams and Joe comes in. He looks happy.
‘Where’s Mum?’
‘I don’t know. Out.’
‘Oh,’ Joe looks disappointed. ‘I’d like to go sledging again.’
‘We could still go,’ I say, though I don’t feel much like it.
‘Nah, it’s OK,’ says Joe. ‘Let’s wait for Mum.’
He goes to turn the TV on, and I am left staring out of the kitchen window, thinking about Emily.
I can’t believe I’ve lost her. I should have fought harder for Emily, tried to persuade her there was another way to solve this. But I keep coming back to the fact that Emily has done the right thing. For Joe’s sake, there is no other way. And I will do anything for my son.
I keep checking my phone, but Emily hasn’t called. I really want to call her, but she asked me very specifically not to, before she left. Instead I go and join Joe on the sofa. He’s watching Come Dine with Me.
‘Emily should go on this,’ he says. ‘She likes cooking.’
‘Yes, she does,’ I say sadly.
‘She’s a much better cook than Mum,’ Joe continues. ‘Maybe she could come back and give Mum some lessons.’
‘I don’t think that will work, Joe,’ I say, trying to picture a scenario with Livvy and Emily in the kitchen that doesn’t involve sharp knives.
‘I didn’t give Emily my present,’ says Joe.
‘I didn’t give her mine,’ I say.
‘She should have presents, shouldn’t she?’ Joe says. ‘Otherwise she might be sad. I wouldn’t want Emily to be sad.’
‘I think Emily probably is sad, Joe,’ I say.
‘Because she’s not going to be my new mum?’ Joe looks interested.
‘That – and because of me,’ I say.
‘She’ll find someone,’ says Joe. ‘She’s pretty. Pretty girls always have boyfriends.’
Of course Joe has no idea what has actually happened with me and Emily.
‘I’m sure you’re right, Joe,’ I say.
‘But you’re not sad are you, Dad?’ he continues. ‘Because you’ve got Mum back.’
‘It’s a bit more complicated than that,’ I say.
‘Why is it complicated?’ Joe looks curious. ‘You and Emily are still friends.’
‘We can’t really be friends now, though, Joe. Not with Mum here too.’
‘Why not?’ Joe still seems puzzled.
Because I’m in love with Emily, and not your mum, I want to say, but I actually say, ‘Mum might not like it.’
‘Oh,’ says Joe. ‘But she wanted to come back home, and now she’s here I thought everything would go back to the way it was.’
I wish it was that simple. Life can never go back to the way it was; but for Joe’s sake I will try.
My phone pings. There’s a text from Emily, and when I read it, I feel a blow to my soul.
‘We should take Emily our presents,’ says Joe.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ I say. ‘Best leave it.’
‘We can give them to her after Christmas,’ says Joe. ‘When we see her at swimming.’
‘No Joe, we won’t,’ I tell him. ‘If Mum and I are to be together, we can’t see Emily any more. Besides,’ I reread my phone message, just to make sure I’m right, ‘Emily’s going away, and she’s never coming back.’
Joe’s Notebook
Emily is going away.
Dad says forever.
That is bad.
Mum is happy.
Dad is sad.
Emily is sad.
I wish everyone could be happy.
I wish I could have two mums.
But I can’t.
Now I will look at Libra and think of Emily.
I wish she didn’t have to go away.
Christmas Futur
e
‘May I borrow you for a moment?’ Malachi appears strolling across the bar. The other ghosts in Underworld part in hushed awe as he wanders between them. He looks out of place here, but I get the feeling everyone is just a tiny bit frightened of him. This is just what I don’t need right now. I’ve never seen him at Underworld before; what is he doing here?
‘Why?’ I’m scanning the bar for Letitia, but I can’t see her anywhere.
‘Letitia can wait,’ says Malachi. ‘I need to show you something.’
With that I am transported to my mother’s house, I am guessing in the future, as it appears to have had a makeover and the lounge has been redecorated. The calendar is showing it’s Christmas Eve and she is singing carols at the piano, with – a man? Mum has a man? Mum always said she couldn’t marry again after Dad. No one would match up to him, she said. But with a jolt, I realize that she’s still young enough to find love if she wants it. And with another, I notice she’s not with just any old man. I look closer. She’s with Emily’s dad.
His fine baritone contrasts with her lovely soprano. I sit and listen; they sound good together. They look good together. I think about how lonely Mum must have been since Dad died. Perhaps she needs to be with someone again. I wish it wasn’t Kenneth, but …
Mum makes a mistake on ‘O Come All Ye Faithful’, and Kenneth gets it wrong too. They stop and giggle over it.
‘I’m so happy,’ says Mum, leaning against him.
‘Me too,’ says Kenneth massaging her neck – ew! – ‘To think that we both thought that life and love had passed us by.’
‘We’ve been so lucky to find it again,’ Mum says. Her eyes fill with tears. ‘You’re the best thing to come out of losing Livvy. If Adam hadn’t married Emily, I might never have known you.’
Pass the sick bucket. Mum and Emily’s dad are together because I’m dead? That’s just fantastic.
Make a Christmas Wish Page 25