Sweet Savage Heart

by Janelle Taylor

  Nathan now inquired seriously of Travis, “Don’t you think it’s about time you tell me what’s bothering you, son? You’ve been pushing us close to exhaustion for days. There ain’t no way we can stay alert and strong at this killing pace, and you haven’t even tried to cover our trail. What’s wrong, son? You’re running like a dog with his tail afire. The same goes for Rana. You two have hardly spoken or looked at each other in two days. You’ve been letting her come and go as she pleases, like you don’t even care if she tries to escape. I feel like I’ve been riding between two fierce enemies traveling under a bitter truce. Is there something you haven’t told me about Rana or our situation?”

  Travis tensed in dread. He should have known his actions would call Nathan’s attention to him. How could he explain the truth to his best friend without increasing his worries? “I told you, Nate, I want to get us out of this territory pronto, at least past Forts Kearny and Smith. We’re only two days’ ride from Fort Laramie, and we’ll be crossing over the Mormon and Oregon Trails on Sunday. The Indians could be watching them for wagon trains or troop movements, and the soldiers at those forts are getting plenty nervous. They’re in a mood to shoot first and check around later. Our best strategy is to head overland and stay clear of forts and villages until we’re out of Nebraska. I’m trying to protect you and Rana. I’ll ease up in three or four days, as soon as we make Kansas. I know what I’m doing, Nate.”

  Nathan eyed the younger man. “Do you, Travis? Talk to me, son,” he urged gravely, indicating that he did not accept his foreman’s explanation.

  Travis did not like deceiving the older man. Except for keeping the reasons for his originally leaving this territory a secret, he had always been open and honest with Nathan Crandall. Anguish and shame had caused him to keep silent about his father’s treachery, but far different emotions were keeping him silent about this present complicated matter. By now Nathan thought he knew all about the younger man, yet Travis realized he did not even know himself where Rana was concerned.

  “What’s gotten into you, son?” Nathan persisted gently.

  Travis inhaled deeply, feeling like his neck was in a tight noose. “All right, Nate, if you want the truth. I’ll give it to you. Your granddaughter is a beautiful, desirable woman. She’s trying her damnedest to become my wife in every way possible, and sometimes I have a hell of a time remembering who she is and what the real situation is between us. The faster we ride and the farther away we get from here, the sooner I can explain things to her and stop all this temptation. By the time we reach Kansas, it’ll be too late for her to try anything rash or foolish. We can tell her who she is and why we came after her; then maybe we can all have some peace. But frankly I don’t think she’s going to understand why I married her or why the council demanded that we join.”

  Travis leaned against a tree as if needing its support. “It sounded like a clever idea back in the Oglala camp, like the easiest and quickest way to handle her, but I don’t think so anymore. There are too many complications and feelings involved. Rana had a rough, frightening childhood, traveling from one saloon to another, watching her parents being slaughtered, enduring captivity by the Kiowas. Once she got settled in with the Oglalas and was treated like a princess for years, she became spoiled. We might as well face it, Nate; she’s impetuous and stubborn, and she’s too damn proud for her own good. She’s been living wild and free in the forest and plains. She’s been taught Lakota laws and customs. She’s been taught to depend on her wits and courage—to depend on herself, Nate. Her skin is white and she’s your flesh and blood, but her heart and life are Indian. She’s used to sidestepping her brother to get her way, and she’s had countless warriors begging for her. When she finally obeys her brother and marries a man, he doesn’t come near her. It doesn’t sit well with her that I’m not behaving like a husband. This situation has got to be as confusing and embarrassing for her as it is for me. It’s got her ego in an uproar. Since she was seven, this is all she’s known and loved. Then we walk in and make demands on her, force her to leave and change, to become civilized. It doesn’t seem fair. But you’re right, Nate; things can’t go on this way. I’ve got to settle down or I could endanger all of us.”

  Travis straightened and rested his hands on his gun butts. Clenching his teeth, he declared sullenly, “Hell, Nate, I’ve never been in this kind of predicament before and I don’t know how to handle it. It’s got me plenty worried, and even a little scared,” he admitted. “You’re depending on me, Nate, and I don’t want to fail you.”

  Nathan touched his shoulder affectionately. “You won’t fail me, son, and you never have. My life was nothing but hard work and bare existence until you came along, Travis. You don’t know how much you mean to me, son. I know this must be hard on you and Rana, but everything will iron out as soon as we can explain matters to her.”

  Travis shook his head and frowned. “I’m not so sure that won’t make matters worse, Nate. She loves her brother and trusts him, and he’s let her down. And we let her down. We made it look as if she didn’t have enough sense or honor to understand the truth or have any say about her life. We treated her like a child or someone who couldn’t think for herself, as if she didn’t have any feelings or didn’t deserve to know the truth. We bought her like a piece of property. We didn’t ask for her understanding or cooperation. We all tricked her. And she’s going to be mad at us, Nate. I know how I felt when I discovered my father’s treachery. All I knew was that he had lied to me and used me. Once she hears the truth, how can she trust us and accept us? We simply expect her to take our word that we did it all for her own good? Hell, we’re strangers to her!”

  “I’m her grandfather, Travis,” he argued sadly. “I had to get her back. I couldn’t just leave her there to get tangled up in that war.”

  “I know, Nate, but we’re asking a lot from her. She’s hardly more than a child. I think the best thing for me to do is to apologize to Rana and start being nicer and easier on her. I can’t blame her for acting on a lie I created. Until I can tell her the truth, I need to go along with it, at least halfway. As soon as we finish eating, I’ll ask her to take a walk—see if I can’t straighten things out a little bit.”

  “What are you going to tell her?”

  “I don’t know, but I have to tell her something. The longer I let her stay mad, the more she’s going to be tempted to run off just to get back at me. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, Nate, it’s that women can be spiteful and selfish. They’ll go to any lengths to get their wishes, or make you sorry they didn’t… Tell me about that necklace you gave her. It seemed to make her nervous,” he remarked carefully.

  “I gave it to Marissa on her last visit. She wore it every day. Sometimes, when she was rocking Rana to sleep after a bad dream, Rana would hold it and rub it. It always seemed to calm her down, so I was planning to buy her one. I never got the chance. After Marissa was killed, the housekeeper found it and a doll I had given to Rana in the bottom drawer in Marissa’s bedroom. I guess she left them behind so Raymond wouldn’t take ‘em and sell ‘em for a poker stake.” He paused for a moment, then continued. “Marissa and Rana both became edgy after he showed up at the ranch. What was I supposed to do, Travis? The law is on the husband’s side, and she was willing to leave with him. If she had said one word against him, I wouldn’t have let him take them away. I had this gut feeling she was planning to come back home. She never had a chance, but now we’re giving Rana one. I kept that necklace all these years and gave it to Rana while you were gone. You think she remembers it?”

  Travis replied candidly, “I think she doesn’t want to remember it, or anything else about her past.”

  “Does that include me, son? I know she only saw me a few times, but I was hoping…” Nathan did not finish his wistful thought.

  “You said she was happy at the ranch. Maybe it will spur her memory. One thing for certain, you need to get as close to her as possible before we reveal the truth to her. I thin
k I’ll speak to her before supper, then maybe we can all eat better. I’ll return soon.”

  At a secluded area near the stream, Rana was also thinking and planning. She finally understood that there would be no going back to her old life and that she would have to make the best of this baffling situation. For two days she had been thinking about her new life and Travis. Somewhere out there a new destiny awaited her, and it included her mysterious husband. To keep from making herself and the others unhappy, she would have to accept the way Travis wanted things, or seemed to want them. She would have to show complete control and patience, and behave like a woman, not a child or a wild vixen. She was tired of her cold, self-imposed silence. It was making her miserable and tense, when all she wanted was to smile and be happy again. She yearned for him to like her and accept her, to be proud of her and his choice. She hated the way Travis was treating her and the way he was pushing them. His troubled spirit seemed to be driving him and she had no doubt that she was somehow to blame. Maybe she had said or done something to offend him or displease him. Maybe he believed those ugly stories about her. Maybe he doubted her reactions to him. If only he could explain his feelings and his reasons for rejecting her, perhaps they could come to some understanding.

  Rana was terribly bewildered. She recalled the few stirring moments of closeness they had shared: the incident in her tepee, the kiss at the beginning of their journey, and their passionate embrace near the river. Each time, things had gone well between them until she had yielded to passion or had tried to inflame him. For some inexplicable reason, feeling desire for her angered him and caused him to lash out cruelly at her. If there were to be peace between them, she would have to keep her distance from him; she would have to live as his sister, as he had so contradictorily requested. Perhaps if she showed him her best face and ceased “tempting” him, he would settle down so they could get closer. One day she might even convince him to take her as his wife in the true sense.

  With this enticing thought in mind, Rana completed her bath. Wrapping herself in a drying blanket, she washed her soiled dress so that it could dry during the warm night. Afterward, she slipped into her white garment, which she knew was her most flattering dress. She brushed her hair and allowed it to hang free down her back. Above her left ear, she secured the tiny medicine wheel made from quills in the sacred colors of blue, yellow, white, red, and black with a breath feather attached to its center. Seeing that it was nearly dark, she collected her possessions and headed toward the camp to join the men.

  As she made her way back, she was surprised to find Travis waiting for her in the shadows of a tall tree. She halted before him to view his expression and to learn what he wanted. He did not look angry, only tired and troubled. She observed the way his gaze slipped over her from her head to her bare feet and she watched his troubled look increase; suddenly she regretted dressing so prettily to catch his eye and to soften his anger.

  When he did not speak, she eyed him quizzically. He seemed to be having difficulty finding words, or perhaps, she mused, only the right ones. Apprehension filled her. He was so handsome and virile, and she longed to enjoy his lips and arms. At times such as this, he made her feel so unsure of herself, so vulnerable and helpless. His mere presence caused her body to warm strangely and to quiver. His look caused all thoughts to rush from her head except those of him, and it inspired her heart to beat as swiftly and forcefully as the drums during the Victory Dance. He even affected her breathing and the moisture in her mouth. As if that were not enough, he also made her legs go weak and refuse to move. No man had made her feel this way before, so weak and compliant. It was alarming, and yet very pleasant. Taking a deep breath, she looked into his eyes and waited.

  “Lordy, woman, you’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” he mumbled. “How do I explain myself without making you furious with me?” He half turned and pounded his fist on the tree, for he had never before explained himself to a woman.

  Rana softly replied in fluent English,”Say what is in your heart, my…Travis. I do not wish to cause you such pain and trouble. It is not good for us to behave as fierce enemies. What does Rana do wrong? Are you sorry you chose me? Do you wish to send me away?”

  Travis faced her and stared into that upturned face with its innocent, appealing expression. Damn women for having and using such potent wiles! he cursed silently, then said aloud, “So, you do remember English. I thought as much. You’re one clever and stubborn girl, Rana Michaels.”

  “My people did not like to hear the white man’s tongue, so I did not speak it unless my brother asked it of me to question captives. Does it not please you that I can speak with you? Where we go, will you not wish me to keep the Oglala tongue a secret?”

  “From now on, speak English. Why did you trick me?”

  “Trick you? You did not ask if I could speak your tongue, and you did not order me to speak it. Is it strange for a white girl to speak the white tongue? Did my brother not tell you?”

  “No, he didn’t, and I was under the impression that you had forgotten it. You were captured as a small child and you’ve only heard Oglala for years. But I suspected you understood more than you let on. But that isn’t what I wanted to discuss,” he declared, changing the subject before he could become angered by her deceit. He had no right, he knew, for his duplicity was worse.

  “Discuss?” she repeated the unfamiliar word, knowing he had a right to be angry with her for withholding her knowledge of English from him.

  “Talk about,” he clarified. “These last few days we’ve… I’ve been acting badly. I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for being so mean and hard on you. I know this change in your life must be confusing and frightening, and I haven’t been making it any easier for you. I want you to undertand some things about me and our marriage,” Travis ventured, wanting to stay as close to the truth as possible. He had to get this particular matter straight between them, for both their sakes.

  “I didn’t come here looking for a wife, and I’m a little confused about finding one. You know it’s the custom to choose something of great value in exchange for the guns and supplies I gave to your people. Since you were white and the war was heating up, I thought it would be a good idea to get you out of Indian territory. If what I heard was true, you were having problems in the camp. I had already asked for you in trade when they said I would have to marry you before you could leave with me. It would have been an insult to refuse to marry the sister of Chief Lone Wolf when I had been willing to trade for her. I’m not used to having a woman around, Rana, so you’ll have to give me time to get adjusted to the idea. If you weren’t so innocent and special, I could toss you on my sleeping mat and think nothing about it. But you are special, Rana, and I don’t want to take advantage of a situation you were forced to accept. I promise you that Nate and I will do all we can to make you happy and safe. He likes you and feels drawn to you, Rana, so please be kind to him. His only daughter was killed years ago, and she looked a lot like you. That was her necklace he gave to you. For now, let’s just become friends and get to know each other. Will you try to be patient and understanding? Can we have a real truce?” he inquired earnestly.

  “Do you have a wife waiting for you?” she queried anxiously, aware that warriors often took more than one mate and knowing she could never share a husband, especially this rare man standing before her.

  “No. You see, Rana, we’re both white. We’ll be living on white lands, under white laws and customs. The Oglala laws and customs are not accepted, or even recognized, by the white man. Our marriage is binding only in Indian territory and under Indian law, but we’re not Indian and we won’t be living here. You’ll be like my sister. You’ll be free. Do you understand what I’m saying?” he asked nervously.

  Consternation flooded her features. She moved a few steps away from him and drifted into deep thought. Finally she turned and looked at him. “We are not joined in your eyes? You do not want me?”

  Travis responded car
efully, “We’re not joined in the eyes and laws of the whites, and we’ll be living as whites. We must obey their laws and customs. That’s why it’s wrong for me to make love to you. I want you to be free and happy and safe, Rana.”

  She realized that he had cleverly avoided her question. “You are half Indian, White Eagle. Is that half not joined to Wild Wind? Do the laws of Grandfather and your mother’s people mean nothing to you? Have you forgotten all you were and knew?”

  “No, Rana, I haven’t forgotten. I love my people and believe in Grandfather. But I’ve chosen the white world and must live by its laws and ways. It troubled my spirit to join to you falsely, but I believed I was doing what was good for you. When war comes to your camp, no white girl will be safe there, from whites or Indians. I couldn’t let you be killed or placed on a reservation, or worse. In war, men are evil and fierce. And I couldn’t rescue you without following the wishes of your adopted people. You’re very beautiful and tempting, and it’s hard to remember you’re not my wife. Unless we’re married by white law, Rana, we can’t share a sleeping mat. You’re returning to the white world, so you must accept this. I can’t dishonor you or use you selfishly. You have the right to choose who and what you want.”

  “Is there a woman you love in this land you call Texas? Is she why you hurry home and do not take Wild Wind as promised?”

  He grinned at her jealous look and tone. “I have no wife, or a woman close to my heart. Come home peacefully with me, Rana. Let me… teach you to find your new destiny. I promise you this is how it should be. You will be able to come and go as you please. You’ll be free and happy with us. Don’t fight Grandfather’s will,” he urged.