I knew what would happen.
Flynn would yell. He would cry. Dania would cackle and steal his food as though it didn’t matter that she was relentlessly hurting someone who couldn’t defend himself.
I reached out and grabbed a hold of Dania’s arm. “Hold on a sec. What’s your hard-on for Flynn? Why do you have to give him such shit all the time?” I asked, not able to help the bite in my voice.
Dania looked surprised by my question. As though she had never really thought about it before. “Does it matter?” she asked coldly, her eyes narrowing.
“Well, yeah it does. I’ve never seen you be such a heartless bitch before, D. I just don’t understand what the hell that kid has ever done to you,” I said, finding that I was getting really angry.
“He deserves it—“ she began but I cut her off.
“He deserves it? Why? Because he’s different? That’s not fair, Dania. We’re not in any position to give anyone else a hard time. Look at where we came from. Look at who we are. Leave him alone. Let him eat his goddamned lunch,” I practically begged her.
Dania looked over at Flynn. His head was down and his focus was entirely on his lunch as he shoveled food into his mouth. I knew that he was eating as fast as he could because he knew that Dania or Stu would take it from him if he didn’t.
Dania looked down at my hand still wrapped around her wrist. Then she did something astonishing. She sat down, her back to Flynn and continued eating her lunch.
I looked at her, waiting for her to say something.
But she didn’t. She just ate her lunch.
I knew that for a second, she had heard me. That she knew what I said about Flynn was right. But I also knew that tomorrow, when Stu and the others were by our sides, all of that would change again and Flynn would once more be their target.
And I would be there, watching it happen.
I knew that Dania and I were one and the same. We were both cowards. We were both too pathetic to ever stand up against what we knew was wrong. We were both self-destructive in the worst ways.
Dania wasn’t all bad. She was just stuck…just like me.
**
“May I speak with Ellie McCallum?” a woman’s voice asked after I answered my phone.
“This is Ellie McCallum,” I said, shooing Murphy back inside the house. It had just started to snow and I had to be at JAC’s in less than an hour. The weather report was calling for up to six inches of snow, which would make driving home after my shift a little more dangerous than I was comfortable with.
I was used to driving in the snow but Flynn lived down a gravel path that was never plowed. And I didn’t particularly relish the though of having to hike a mile from the main road late at night.
“This is Wilma from Lambert and Associates. I apologize that it’s taken me so long to get back to you after your interview. We’ve had quite a number of applicants.”
I felt the air rush out of my lungs and I sat down at the kitchen table, my pulse fluttering with nerves.
I had all but written off the receptionist position because I hadn’t heard back. I was trying really hard not to get disheartened by the continuous barrage of rejection.
I’ll find something, had become my force fed mantra.
“I understand,” I said, lying through my teeth. I wanted to tell her that it was beyond messed up to leave me hanging like that. Didn’t she realize how much I needed a job that wasn’t at JAC’s Quick Stop?
Of course my employment crisis didn’t matter to anyone but me.
“Well, I wanted to see if you were still interested in the position as I’m starting to schedule second interviews for next week.”
I stopped myself from bouncing out of my seat and dancing a jig around the kitchen. But I did indulge in a righteous fist pump in the air.
“Yes, I am. And I’m pretty flexible. Let me know when would be the best time to come in,” I said, trying like hell not to sound as needy as I actually was.
“How about next Tuesday at eleven? Mr. Lambert and his partner, Mr. Weaver, will be conducting this round of interviews,” Wilma the sour puss explained, sounding as though she were ready to hang up the phone already.
“Eleven sounds great. Thank you! I’ll see you on Tuesday! Have a great weekend!” I practically yelled into the phone.
Dial back the enthusiasm, Ellie. It’s just a receptionist gig.
“Okay then. I’ll see you on Tuesday,” Wilma said and then hung up.
“Woohoo!”I hollered, startling Murphy who was licking his butt on the kitchen floor.
I tried to call Flynn to give him the good news but got his voicemail. I didn’t bother leaving him a message, knowing he’d never check it. After I hung up I stared down at my phone wishing I had someone to call.
Not for the first time I almost missed having Dania in my life. Not that Dania had ever been very interested in anything that didn’t have to do with her. But if I had been able to catch her on a good day, she would at the very least, feign interest.
I thought about sending a text to Nadine but figured I should wait until I actually had a job to tell her about. It was more than a little embarrassing that here I was, over a month out of school, and still with no decent employment.
I grabbed my keys and coat and headed out to my car, thinking I should get into work before the roads became icy. The snow was coming down hard and had already covered the porch steps.
My car slid as I took the turn out of Flynn’s driveway onto the main road and I knew that this did not bode well for my ride home tonight. But I didn’t think too much on that. I was still buzzing from my phone call.
A second interview was one step closer to a legitimate job. One that required more than knowing how to use a cash register.
“You’re early!” Melanie said, looking up as I came in from the back of JAC’s after arriving.
“The roads are getting pretty bad. I thought you might want to head home before it gets worse,” I said.
Melanie’s mouth popped open. “Really? Well that’s very thoughtful of you, Ellie,” she said, as though hardly able to believe that I had made the offer to begin with. I understood her incredulity. I had never been her biggest fan in the past.
“Sure,” I said, taking her place at the cash register.
“What about you? Are you going to be okay getting home? Do you have somewhere to stay if it gets too bad?” Melanie asked.
“I’ll be okay. I can always sleep on the couch in the back if I need to,” I said, not relishing the idea of setting up camp in the back of JAC’s for the night. But looking outside, I wasn’t sure I would be able to make it past Main Street.
Melanie slipped her arms into her oversized parka and put up the hood before heading out to her car. “You know I just live three streets over. If you need a place to stay—“
“Thanks. I’ll be fine,” I said, cutting her off. No way in hell I’d subject myself to that brand of torture.
Melanie gave me one more bright smile and left, the bell above the door dinging as she made her exit.
I looked around the empty convenience store and wondered what the hell I was doing.
I felt as though I was twenty years old all over again and not a day had passed since I had last been there. And while some familiarity was comforting, this made me feel…stuck.
I let out a sigh and went into the storeroom to grab the boxes of groceries that needed shelved, knowing exactly what Jeb would expect me to do.
The hours passed in a blur. It was busier than normal as a result of the weather. I sold out of milk, eggs, and toilet paper; the three essential items for being snowed in, apparently.
As night descended, the customers dwindled and the roads, now piled high with snow, were desolate. I put on my coat and walked out front. Everything was quiet in that perfect way that only comes with a snowstorm.
I stood there for a long while, staring out at my hometown and for a brief second I experienced something that felt like serenity. The co
ld must be short-circuiting my brain.
My phone started buzzing in my pocket and I pulled it out to see Flynn’s number on the screen.
“Hey, you,” I said in greeting, surprised to hear from him.
“It’s snowing,” Flynn said without preamble.
“Yes it is,” I replied, going back inside and taking my coat off, shaking snow on the floor.
“You need to come home,” he all but demanded, sounding a little panicked. What in the world was wrong with him?
“Flynn, I’m working at JAC’s. You know that,” I told him calmly.
“Close the store and come home. The roads are bad,” he stated firmly.
“Flynn, I can’t do that. I have to keep the store open until closing,” I explained. I resumed my place behind the counter and perched up on the stool. Several of the security cameras were covered with ice, and I couldn’t see anything on the monitor.
“I don’t like you not being here when the roads are bad. It makes me nervous,” Flynn said, and I couldn’t help but smile. I wasn’t used to having someone worry about me.
“I’ll be okay, Flynn. And if I think it’s too bad to get home, I’ll stay here,” I tried to reassure him.
“You’ll stay in the store? That sounds awful.” Flynn sounded aghast.
I snorted. “Yeah, well Jeb has a couch in the store room. It’s warm in here. There’s food. I think I’ll survive.”
“You shouldn’t sleep on a couch in a storeroom. You should be home with me,” he protested.
“I wish I was. I’d much rather be there with you than here,” I remarked, looking up when the bell chimed over the door, wondering who would be crazy enough to be out in this weather.
“Will you call me and tell me if you’re coming home or not? I feel worried with you there. I don’t like it.” Flynn’s voice was tight.
“Of course I will. I’ll call in a few hours,” I told him. There was a moment of silence and then the click of the phone as Flynn hung up. No goodbyes. Just silence.
Flynn wasn’t the best at closure in any form.
The customer, all bundled up in a thick over coat, with the hood up around their head, held a crying child in their arms as they struggled with a basket.
I came out from behind the counter and headed toward them. “Do you need some help?” I asked, reaching for the basket as it fell from the woman’s grasp.
She pushed back her hood and looked up and my smile froze on my face. “Thanks, Ellie,” Dania said, looking flustered. Her daughter, Lyla wailed in her arms.
I took the basket and stood awkwardly beside my former friend. I hadn’t seen Dania since our run in at IGA. And our parting of ways hadn’t been particularly amicable.
Dania bounced the unhappy child on her hip, seeming frazzled and exhausted. “You’re working here again?” she asked, sounding surprised.
“Yeah,” I said shortly. The silence lengthened between us as Dania tried to shush Lyla and I wished the floor would open up and swallow me whole.
I cleared my throat, feeling the need to say something. “Why in the world are you out in this shit?” I asked and then grimaced. “I mean, snow. Sorry. Forgot there were kid ears present.”
Dania laughed. “She hears worse from me on a daily basis.”
I gave her a strained smile that instantly fell from my lips and died there.
Dania hefted Lyla up and patted her on the back, the little girl finally quieting. “I live just around the corner. I wanted to pop in and get a few things before heading home,” she said.
“Oh, well that makes sense,” I said. I looked out at the falling snow instead of looking at the girl who I had been closest to for a good portion of my life, remembering all the times she had come to visit me here while I was working.
Sometimes it was to keep me company. Sometimes it was take gum and candy bars without paying for them.
There were so many times I had been annoyed with Dania. Times that I had felt something close to hatred rather than friendship.
But lately, I found myself also remembering the times she had been an actual friend. Like how she had protected me from our foster dad. Or the times she’d visit me at juvie.
Before I had left Wellston, I had been sick and disgusted by her actions. I had loathed how selfish and self-involved she had become; particularly in regards to her unborn child and the way she had treated Flynn.
I had wanted nothing more than to separate myself from her for good.
She had been toxic. And where I was headed was not a place I wanted her to follow.
So where did that leave us now?
With nothing.
Only memories of a friendship that hadn’t survived.
“I can take the basket,” Dania said, snapping me back to the uncomfortable present.
“Oh, yeah, sure. Here you go,” I said, handing it to her.
“Thanks.” She gave me a half smile.
“If you need anything, I’ll be up there.” I pointed to the counter.
Dania gave me another small smile but didn’t say anything. So I left her to her shopping and I slunk back to the register.
I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Nadine, needing some sort of connection of friendship at that moment.
Got any snow? I’m getting buried up to my ass!
My phone chirped a few minutes later with a photo of city lights obscured by big, fat snowflakes.
Snow’s so much prettier in New York. Wish you were here to see it for yourself. So when are you coming to visit?
I chuckled and started to tap out a response when Dania dropped the full basket on the counter.
“What’s so funny?” she asked, fixing the hat on her daughter’s head. Lyla had her eyes closed and appeared to have passed out in the last ten minutes.
“Nothing. Wow, she’s out, huh?” I asked, changing the subject.
Dania’s face was soft as she smoothed her daughter’s dark hair away from her face with careful fingers. “She can sleep anywhere,” she said softly.
I started ringing up her items, trying not to make eye contact.
“The snow’s really coming down out there,” Dania piped up after a few minutes. I nodded.
“Sure is,” I agreed, wanting to laugh at our pitiful excuse for small talk.
“You’re living with Flynn, right?” she asked, and I nodded again, not sure why she was asking.
I put the diapers and bread into a plastic bag. “That’ll be ten-fifty,” I said, wishing she’d stop trying to have a conversation. It was uncomfortable and weird.
“How in the hell are you getting back there tonight? Unless you want to walk back, I doubt you’ll be driving. Because you know the plow guys are drinking a fifth of vodka right now and won’t even touch the roads until tomorrow morning,” Dania commented, and I knew she was right. The fun of living in the middle of nowhere.
“Yeah, good point. I guess it’s Jeb’s couch in the back then,” I responded with a groan. I just wouldn’t think too much about what may or may not be growing in the cracks of the cushions.
Dania took her bag and pulled her daughter’s hood up. “Okay, well I guess I’ll see you later. Just don’t go thinking you’re going to drive in this mess,” she quipped.
“I won’t, I promise,” I replied, giving her a genuine smile.
Dania started to head toward the door and then stopped, turning back around to look at me.
“I live above Blue Ridge Pharmacy. It’s not much. Just a small, two bedroom apartment,” she called out.
I frowned, not sure why she was telling me this. “Sounds great.”
“I have a couch. It’s secondhand and a little lumpy. Not the most comfortable thing in the world. But at least it didn’t come from a dumpster, like the one in the storeroom. Why don’t you come over after your shift? You can stay with me until the roads are cleared and you can get back home,” she offered, shocking me into silence.
“Um, well…” I started, not knowing what to say. I
t was the last thing I expected Dania to offer. Not after everything. Not after years of nothing.
“I usually stay up until late. Call it conditioning after years of barely sleeping at all,” she said with a smirk. “So if you want to brave my couch, come by. The door is around the back of the pharmacy. If not, that’s fine,” she said, holding Lyla tight to her chest and leaving the store.
A large, very vocal part of me wanted to blow her off. I had stopped speaking to Dania for a very important reason.
She had been a bad friend.
The worst kind of person.
She hadn’t cared about me or anyone else. She only thought about her wants and needs.
But there was the softer, quieter side of me that remembered the girl who had protected me at the cost of herself.
I remembered how she would come into my room after Mr. Beretti had cornered her. She would crawl into my bed, never crying in front of me, but needing my company. She had been shattered and so vulnerable, and I couldn’t help but feel responsible for her being that way. Because I had known that it was me that Mr. Beretti had been after. Dania had just made sure I wouldn’t have to suffer for at least one night.
Then I thought about how her angry words to me after she found my acceptance letter to the College of Baltimore. How she, in her Dania Blevins way, had pushed me out the door and towards my future.
The thought of spending the night on Jeb’s gross couch gave me hives.
I picked up the phone and dialed Flynn’s number.
“Hey. There’s no way I’m going to make it home tonight,” I began, not sure how to tell Flynn the truth.
“The weather is bad. The news said we would get another four inches tonight. I don’t want you to drive. But I don’t like you staying there,” Flynn said, sounding serious.
“Well, I’m not going to stay at the store,” I continued slowly.
“I don’t understand.”
“Dania came into JAC’s tonight with her daughter,” I started to say but Flynn cut me off.
“You don’t like Dania. But her daughter’s cute. Why were you talking to Dania?” He sounded upset. I didn’t like him sounding that way. I didn’t even question how he knew what Dania’s daughter looked like.
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