by David Bishop
THE MANY LUSTS OF MORSE: Yvonne asks if he would like to go to bed with her, and lets her bathrobe fall open for him. Morse says no and adds (lying) that he is quite sure.
The inspector jokes that his sexual appetite grows stronger every year.
CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS: Morse contemplates 1 across in the Times crossword: ‘He lived perched up, mostly in sites around East, shivering (6, 8)’. The answer is ‘Simeon Stylites’.
Lewis has a crack at the coffee-break crossword in the Daily Mirror. The clue is an old favourite: carthorse (anagram), to which the answer is orchestra.
YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN, LEWIS: Lewis sets Morse off by speculating that an orphaned student must have a guardian or relative. The inspector proclaims his sergeant a genius.
MORSE DECODED: This novel is full of secrets from Morse’s past.
He came to Oxford just after the Second World War with an exhibition in Classics from one of the Midland grammar schools.
Morse came up to St John’s College as an undergraduate after 18 months national service in the Royal Signals Regiment. His first two years were the happiest and most purposeful of his life. He gained a First in Classical Moderations; Browne-Smith was one of Morse’s tutors.
But during his third year he met Wendy Spencer, who was studying for a D.Phil at St Hilda’s. They were neighbours in St John Street, just off St Giles’ – Morse living in a bed-sitter at Number 24, Wendy in a small flat at Number 22. She had a pale face, wide and innocent hazel eyes, and blonde hair. Within days of first meeting, Morse told Wendy he loved her. Months passed in long, idyllic happiness and they spent much time in bed together. But both of them neglected their academic work, and Wendy’s doctorate was terminated. One day before their first anniversary, Wendy received news that her mother had suffered a stroke. She returned home to the West Country. Twice Morse visited, but his money ran out. Three weeks before his final exams, Morse got a letter from Wendy saying she couldn’t see him again.
Two months later he learnt he’d failed. It was Morse’s disappointed father, a month or so before his own death, who suggested his only son join the police force. Morse never heard another word of Wendy Spencer.
Browne-Smith says the inspector was a fool as an undergraduate, wasting the precious talent of a clear, clean mind. But the don saw moments of rare perception and sensitivity amid the appalling ignorance of Morse’s work.
Morse’s mother left him a heavy old suite of walnut furniture. He remembers vividly a sermon from his youth, delivered by a wild Welsh minister.
PORN TO BE WILD: The inspector discovers a book of the lewdest pornography he has ever seen in Alfred Gilbert’s possessions. Morse offers it to Lewis, who turns it down. Morse says he has already read it – twice.
SOPHOCLES DID DO IT: Morse thinks Simon Rowbotham, the name of the man who discovered the corpse in the canal, is an anagram of O M A Browne-Smith. This makes him believe the body is not that of Browne-Smith. The latter is right but the anagram is wrong.
Morse tells senior staff at Lonsdale that Browne-Smith is dead – nine days before the don actually perishes.
LEWIS’ KITH AND KIN: The sergeant recalls praying for good news when his daughters were getting their eleven-plus and O-Level results. He would have given a few quid to save the wait and worry.
PEOPLE JUST CALL ME MORSE: Max says he has never known Morse’s first name and doesn’t give a sod whether it’s Eric, Ernie or something else.
Later the inspector refuses to tell Yvonne his first name. She also dislikes her Christian name – Winifred.
SOUNDTRACK: Incongruously, the background music in the Flamenco Topless Bar when Browne-Smith arrives is the slow movement from Mozart’s Elvira Madigan piano concerto. The don thinks the pianist is Barenboim.
The inspector plays through the first act of Die Walküre at home.
QUOTE-UNQUOTE: Morse reveals his attitude to teetotallers when told Browne-Smith was never seen drunk: ‘He was a bore, you mean?’
Lewis wonders where the cleverest people are: ‘In the police force?’
The inspector makes gentle fun of his sergeant: ‘Don’t underestimate yourself, Lewis – let me do it for you!’
Lewis insists not everybody drinks when Alfred Gilbert had no alcohol in his flat. ‘Of course they do! He was just an oddball,’ Morse replies.
SURVEILLANCE REPORT: Rather than have quotations at the start of each chapter, Dexter gives a précis of what follows. The main events take place over four weeks between 7 July and 4 August.
Morse is now 52. He is horrified when a chemist’s young assistant asks if he is a pensioner. Morse suffers incurable acrophobia, arachnophobia, myophobia, ornithophobia and necrophobia. The inspector retches violently after seeing the dismembered corpse. This contradicts Service of All the Dead, which says Morse examines many mutilated corpses with nothing more than distaste. Sergeant Lewis suffers no such ill effects – contradicting his delicate stomach in previous novels.
The inspector invariably doubles the recommended dosage of all medicines. Morse thinks Greece is a lovely place.
Lewis believes in the resurrection of Christ. The sergeant’s longhand writing is painstakingly slow. He has an old Mini but doesn’t use it much. The sergeant usually goes to work on the bus and then uses a police car. Lewis seldom spends two nights away from Oxford. He doesn’t care much for London. The sergeant has donated blood 50 times.
THE VERDICT: The Riddle of the Third Mile is a disappointment after the prize-winning novels that preceded it. The story is massively over-complicated, with the reader having little chance of deducing who killed whom. Even Morse has to guess what took place, with all the crucial characters dead by the time he figures it out. The author needs five chapters for Morse to explain what happened.
The novel was significantly altered when it was adapted for television, to the point where even the title was changed to The Last Enemy. This is one of the lesser books in the series and an unsatisfying read.
THE SECRET OF ANNEXE 3
‘By Jove, this is the simplest case we’ve ever handled, my old friend.’ A fancy dress party hides a murder when a Rastafarian pretends to be a white man pretending to be a Rastafarian.
FIRST PUBLISHED: 1986
STORYLINE: Tom Bowman discovers his wife is having an affair. The other man sends her a threatening letter, demanding to meet again. Bowman plots murder.
The Haworth Hotel in North Oxford offers festive package deals for guests, including a fancy dress dinner party on New Year’s Eve. Sarah Jonstone is the unofficial manageress of the small hotel, working for the owner John Binyon. The hotel has a detached building being developed as an annexe. A giant crane stands over the building. Sarah runs the reception desk while guests check in.
The fancy dress competition is won by a man dressed as a Rastafarian. Sarah sees him emerging from the gents’ toilet, still applying make-up to his hands. She shares a dance with him. Afterwards she goes to her room overlooking the annexe. Sarah sees the guests returning. The Rastafarian has his arms around two women.
Next morning Sarah finds a stain on her clothes, left by the Rastafarian. One of the guests notices the window to Annexe 3 is open. The snow beneath is undisturbed. Binyon discovers the Rastafarian dead on the bed. Several guests leave before the police arrive, including everyone in the annexe.
Sarah says Annexe 1 was used by Mr and Mrs Palmer, who booked from an address in Chiswick. Annexe 2 was occupied by Mr and Mrs Smith, who booked by telephone. Annexe 3 was booked by Mrs Ballard from an address in Chipping Norton, but this address soon proves to be erroneous.
Sarah remembers Mrs Ballard checking in. She cannot recall seeing Mr Ballard until he emerged from the toilets in his Rastafarian garb.
Max says the corpse is a middle-aged white man whose face and hands are covered with theatrical make-up. Death was caused by a blow to the skull.
The Smiths gave a false home address. They left without paying their bill and drank four bottles of expensive vin
tage champagne.
Mrs Palmer is actually Philippa Palmer, a prostitute. She agrees to be interviewed by Morse in London. While the inspector is away, Lewis searches Annexe 2 and discovers a glasses case under pillows. It has a label for a Reading optician, who identifies the glasses as those of Mrs Helen Smith.
Philippa says she went to Oxford with a stockbroker. Once the murder was discovered, they quickly left. She got a stain on her coat from the Rastafarian.
Morse and Lewis meet in Reading, where they question Mrs Smith. Her husband has absconded. The couple are confidence tricksters. Like Philippa Palmer, Mrs Smith also got a stain on her coat.
Morse traces the false address to Tom Bowman, a postman living in Chipping Norton with his wife Margaret. The detectives interview Margaret at her workplace. She slips out of the building. When the detectives realise, they rush to her home – but she isn’t there. The detectives go to Tom Bowman’s work. The manager identifies the corpse as Tom Bowman.
Morse and Lewis return to the Bowmans’ home. They realise Margaret has been back since their previous visit. Morse finds a postcard to Margaret from the Lake District. The inspector later realises it was from her lover. When the detectives return to the house for a third visit, the postcard is missing – Margaret has removed it.
Lewis speculates that the killer could have been a crane driver, who used the crane by the hotel to get the body into Annexe 3 without entering the annexe.
Morse revisits Margaret’s office where he learns the building has roof problems. Builders worked on it over the summer. Morse, meanwhile, receives an anonymous love letter.
Lewis finds a photocopy of the letter that led to murder in one of Tom Bowman’s jackets. It reveals the lover worked near Margaret and first saw her from above. Morse deduces the lover must have worked on the building’s roof, probably driving a crane. The detectives arrest Edward Wilkins. He denies knowing where Margaret is and says she doesn’t even have a passport. He has a perfect alibi. He spent New Year’s Eve with his band, playing at a pub.
Morse goes to the pub on his way home. He sees a real Rastafarian, who plays with a calypso quartet. Next day the Rastafarian, Winston Grant, is arrested. Edward Wilkins is taken off a flight about to leave for Barcelona. Grant admits attending the party. He put stage-black on his hands, so everyone would think he was white.
Wilkins admits his complicity but will not discuss the murder. Morse realises Wilkins lied earlier. Passenger lists confirm Margaret was on the same flight as Wilkins.
UNLUCKY IN LOVE: Sarah twice sees Morse walking in North Oxford before the murder. When she is formally introduced to the inspector, Sarah finds his hard, staring eyes startling and disturbingly strange.
Sarah wonders if Morse has a wife and sends him the anonymous love letter. Lewis gently teases Morse about it. The inspector announces he is taking her to dinner.
DRINK UP, LEWIS: Max and Morse go to the Gardener’s pub where they drink gin and Campari. The inspector thinks he could develop a taste for it. Later he accuses Max of drinking too much.
Morse and Lewis go to the Eagle and Child for a liquid lunch. The sergeant has, for him, a rather liberal intake of alcohol.
Morse meets Philippa in the Brunel Bar of Paddington Station. He drinks four pints of beer and buys her three glasses of red wine.
The inspector gets to Reading before Lewis and goes to a pub called The Peep of Dawn. Lewis has to buy the next round.
The sergeant buys a bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau when Morse comes round for Sunday lunch. Afterwards they have brandy.
After Bowman’s body is identified the detectives go to the Royal Oak pub.
Morse claims to be a dipsomaniac. The inspector goes to the Friar and drinks three pints of Morrell’s bitter and a larger Bell’s Scotch.
ONE FOR THE MORGUE: Thomas Bowman is killed by a heavy blow to the front of his skull, possibly with a champagne bottle. The identity of who actually killed him is never definitively established, although Edward Wilkins and Margaret Bowman conspired in the killing.
MURDERS: one. BODY COUNT: one.
INCREASE YOUR VOCABULARY: Dexter seems to have swallowed a thesaurus while writing this novel...
The hotel guests mix together happily, even the most weirdly bedizened (dressed in gaudy clothing). Sarah collects the supernumerary (excess) spoons and forks from the dinner table. An absent guest is described as a pusillanimous (destitute of courage) spirit. Lewis tries to form a picture synoptically (creating an overview) of the scene. Morse complains that the science of thanatology (the study of death) hasn’t advanced during Max’s time. One of Philippa’s clients has a prolonged period of stertorous (characterised by deep snoring) slumber. A rise in temperature reveals lawns that had been totally subniveal (buried beneath snow) the previous day.
THE MANY LUSTS OF MORSE: Morse says he is always turned on by the word unbuttoning, but admits to borrowing this from a Philip Larkin poem.
Philippa rather likes the sound of Morse’s voice on the phone. The prostitute invites him to bed. He demurs but soon asks at a nearby hotel if they have a double room available. They do not, so nothing comes of the invitation. That night Morse has a mildly erotic dream about her.
CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS: Morse completes the Times crossword while waiting for a phone call in the police canteen.
YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN, LEWIS: Lewis talks about someone recently sorting through the Bowmans’ accounts, making Morse realise the missing woman has been home that day. ‘Lewis! You’re a genius, my son!’
Just four pages later the sergeant strikes unwitting gold again by emptying the contents of Margaret’s bag out. Morse claps a hand on the sergeant’s shoulder. ‘You are – not for the first time in your life – a bloody genius, Lewis!’
MORSE DECODED: The inspector once found ten pounds in a hotel at Tenby. He once took part in a massive police search party in north Staffordshire, ending up with an empty packet of condoms, an empty beer can and, next morning, a troublesome bout of lumbago.
PORN TO BE WILD: Lewis discovers a Scandinavian magazine illustrated with lewdly pornographic photos hidden in one of the annexe rooms. He knows that Morse would sit down and give the magazine his undivided attention. Lewis puts the magazine back in its hiding place.
Morse’s eye is caught by a novel on the Bowmans’ bookshelf, Sex Parties. But its anti-climactic style of porn has no attraction for him.
SOPHOCLES DID DO IT: Morse has little doubt that the Smiths are actually an ageing middle-management rogue and his young secretary who enjoy a dirty weekend. In fact, they are a married couple from Reading.
Morse believes the dead man is not Tom Bowman – but it is. The inspector thinks Bowman was the man dressed as a Rastafarian at the party, but the postman was already dead by then.
LEWIS’ KITH AND KIN: Lewis has never spent a Christmas or New Year away from his home since getting married. He has never felt the urge to escape his modest semi-detached house in Headington over such holiday periods.
Mrs Lewis has fair hair but also has a few unsightly dark hairs around her chin. She goes to a beauty parlour for electrolysis treatments. The sergeant’s wife always prepares a Sunday lunch of slightly undercooked beef, horseradish sauce, velvety-flat Yorkshire pudding and roast potatoes. She leaves a spare key with the neighbours. Mrs Lewis cleans her husband’s shoes.
Lewis hasn’t got much experience of making love on the carpet. He was at his happiest when his elder daughter announced her first pregnancy.
PEOPLE JUST CALL ME MORSE: Morse has addressed Max by his Christian name for 15 years, but Max has never called Morse by anything other than his surname.
SOUNDTRACK: Morse is listening to the finale of Die Walküre at a mighty volume when Superintendent Bell phones to give him the murder case. The inspector is addicted to the works of Richard Wagner and Richard Strauss, which supply his only knowledge of the German language.
The inspector always breaks into a stupidly beatific smile when he listens to the love duet
from Act One of Die Walküre.
QUOTE-UNQUOTE: When Morse arrives at the crime scene, Max says he has already been there for an hour. ‘You want me to give you a medal or something?’ the inspector replies.
Morse tells Sarah a receptionist should never ask if she can help someone. ‘Can I hinder you, Inspector?’ she shoots back at him.
The inspector passes judgment on his sergeant: ‘Complex? Life is complex, Lewis. Not for you, perhaps.’
Lewis cheerfully offers to buy Morse a drink just after midday. The inspector looks at him curiously. ‘What’s the matter with you this morning? I hope you’re not becoming an alcoholic.’
SURVEILLANCE REPORT: This was the seventh Inspector Morse novel, making it the mid-way mark for the 13-strong series. It was also the last book published prior to the character’s television debut in January 1987. The success of the TV show and its characterisation of Morse, Lewis and other regulars from the novels would have a significant impact on the remaining novels. This impact will be discussed in greater detail later.
The main events of the novel take place over ten days, between 30 December and 8 January. Morse is now 54 years old and has well-manicured fingers.
Morse still lives in the Banbury Road. Sarah sees him as middle-aged, greyish-headed and balding. She thinks he might once have been slim but is now running to fat. His shabby-looking beige raincoat strains at the buttons. She thinks his nose looks Jewish when Morse puts on a pair of NHS half-lenses.
The inspector drinks nightly at the Friar pub near his home. He was due to participate in the final of the pub’s quiz night on New Year’s Day. Morse says he is quite good, apart from questions on sport and pop music. Morse recoils from looking at a corpse. The inspector gave up smoking for the New Year – his resolution lasts six days. Morse is a slow reader and envies colleagues who can skim reports at great speed. This is a direct contradiction of Last Bus to Woodstock, where the inspector reads with ‘amazing rapidity’.