The Complete Inspector Morse

by David Bishop

  Michaels has an alibi for the time of Daley’s murder. The head forester was in Wytham Woods with two representatives from the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds. The inspector thinks Philip Daley killed his father.

  The detectives interview Michaels’ wife, Cathy. She produces a passport – that of Katarina. But Morse does not believe she is the eldest Eriksson daughter. Katarina’s passport says she has a pronounced scar on her leg. The woman known as Cathy Michaels has no such scar – she is Karin. Her elder sister sent her the passport, then claimed it was lost. The detectives arrest Karin for murdering James Myton. He took her to the woods after the photographic session. Myton tried to rape her and she stabbed him. Karin ran through the forest until she met Michaels, who took her in. He was not at the photo session. He colluded with the men at Seckham Villa to conceal Myton’s murder.

  Philip Daley kills himself in London. He was picked up for shoplifting in the Edgware Road at the time of his father’s murder.

  The gatekeeper at Blenheim Park isn’t sure he saw Daley’s face. He does recall seeing a woman jog out of the park soon afterwards. Police search outside Michaels’ office for bullets. Morse believes the head forester shot Daley. Karin drove the body over to Blenheim Park, wearing Daley’s hat to make herself look like the dead man. She dumped the body and jogged back while Michaels talked with the RSPB representatives. Forensics discovers Karin’s fingerprints inside Daley’s van.

  Lewis finally discovers that it was Morse who wrote and sent the riddle to the police in the first place.

  UNLUCKY IN LOVE: Morse develops an affection for another guest at the Bay Hotel. She is registered under the name Louisa Hardinge, but her real name is Claire Osborne. Claire thinks Morse is conceited, civilised, ruthless, gentle, boozy and sensitive. Several days later she visits Morse at home in Oxford. They’re getting to know each other better when Chief Superintendent Strange arrives. Claire departs but sends Morse a letter, including a little of her love.

  The inspector is unhappy to discover that Claire is a professional escort. He confronts her. She would have swapped all the lecherous sods she had ever met for Morse, but is enraged by his attitude.

  Morse flirts with Dr Hobson, saying he would like to take her for a few drinks. Later he takes her back to his flat where they drink whisky. Dr Hobson declines an invitation to stay, saying they have to be sober for anything to happen between them. She kisses him lightly on the lips before leaving.

  At the end of the novel, a woman makes a late-night visit to Morse’s flat. Judging by her knowledge of Mozart numbering, the visitor is Dr Hobson, and it seems she stays the night...

  DRINK UP, LEWIS: Morse drinks two pints of best bitter after arriving at the Bay Hotel. For dinner he orders a bottle of Médoc. The inspector would willingly exchange an entrée or dessert for an extra ration of alcohol.

  Morse is disappointed by the beer at a dreary pub in Nether Stowey. Later he has best bitter at the Bay Hotel. He buys brandy for Claire and Scotch for himself. She buys the next round. Morse has several more drinks.

  The inspector drinks beer in the King’s Arms at Dorchester.

  Morse buys eight pint-cans of ‘draught’ bitter and two bottles of Quercy claret from Oddbins. The inspector is drinking the claret when Claire visits him at home. He says drinking is like breathing. They drink most of the two bottles.

  The inspector loves the White Hart Inn near Wytham Woods. Max invites him there for a drink but Morse declines – he has a meeting at HQ.

  Morse drinks Glenfiddich at home while contemplating photos.

  He enjoys two pints of cask-conditioned ale in the Rose and Crown after meeting McBryde.

  The inspector spends an hour at the Trout pub in Wolvercote.

  The detectives go to the White Hart. Morse orders a pint of best bitter, Lewis settles for an orange juice. Morse conspires not to pay. The inspector soon finishes a second pint. Remarkably, he buys Lewis a cheese sandwich while having a third pint for himself.

  Next day he drinks Ruddles County Bitter in a Holborn pub.

  The detectives go to the White Hart on the day Daley is killed. Michaels buys Morse a pint of best bitter and an orange juice for Lewis. The inspector buys the next round. At home he pours himself a Glenfiddich.

  Morse drinks Glenfiddich with Dr Hobson at his flat.

  The detectives return to the White Hart. Morse drinks real ale while Lewis has orangeade. The inspector buys the second round, after some prompting.

  Morse buys four bottles of champagne for a celebratory drink at his flat. Lewis soon requests a Newcastle Brown Ale. The inspector switches to beer too. ‘Champagne’s a lovely drink, but it makes you thirsty, doesn’t it?’ he says.

  ONE FOR THE MORGUE: James Myton is stabbed in the heart by Karin Eriksson. George Daley is shot through the heart by David Michaels. Philip Daley commits suicide by throwing himself under a tube train.

  MURDERS: two. BODY COUNT: three.

  INCREASE YOUR VOCABULARY: The novel opens with a prolegomenon (an introductory discourse prefixed to a book). Morse looks for a man’s impedimenta (baggage) in Claire’s room at the Bay Hotel. A newspaper article mentions cabbalists (people skilled in mystic learning). Orthographic (spelling) irregularities are not uncommon in Lewis’ writing. A drunken Morse walks with steps of a diffident funambulist (tight-rope performer).

  THE MANY LUSTS OF MORSE: The inspector glances appreciatively at the low-cut neckline of a woman when she bends forward at the Bay Hotel. Morse flirts with a female dietician while her husband sleeps off a hangover.

  CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS: On holiday Morse struggles with the Times crossword. After 14 minutes he still has two clues to solve. He tells Claire the crossword is always easier on a Monday.

  MORSE DECODED: When the inspector was in the sixth form, one of his fellow pupils possessed a virtually photographic memory, which Morse much admired. The inspector never had any pets. He was given a camera once but never really understood how to work it. Morse only tried acting once. In his youth Morse was always the boy in the group who missed out.

  The inspector is ridiculously proud of never having been a boy scout. He hasn’t had a coal fire in his flat for 15 years. As a boy Morse was moved by the words of Socrates, who suggested that if death was just one long, unbroken, dreamless sleep, then a greater boon could hardly be bestowed upon mankind.

  Morse had quite a reliable backhand as a youthful tennis player. Physics has been a closed subject to the inspector since his school days.

  PORN TO BE WILD: Morse is too embarrassed to buy a pornographic magazine from the corner shop in Lyme Regis.

  SOPHOCLES DID DO IT: Morse thinks Philip Daley killed his father George.

  LEWIS’ KITH AND KIN: The only career advice the sergeant ever received from his father was to keep his mouth mostly shut and his bowels always open. Lewis had previously been overseas only for three weeks in Australia, two weeks in Italy and one afternoon at a Calais supermarket.

  Mrs Lewis is very fond of Gilbert and Sullivan. The sergeant says their work is far better than Wagner, because it’s full of tunes. Mrs Lewis hums a Welsh melody as she washes the dishes at home. She serves her husband two eggs, six sausages and a legion of chips for dinner. Lewis would rather have a plate of egg and chips than watch a sex film.

  PEOPLE JUST CALL ME MORSE: Claire asks the inspector’s name. She thinks Morse is his first name. Lewis says Morse is touchy about what people call him.

  SOUNDTRACK: Morse listens to a CD of the Immolation Scene from the finale of Wagner’s Götterdämmerung, featuring the Swedish soprano Birgit Nilsson.

  The inspector is listening to Bruckner Eight when Claire visits his home. She asks Morse for a list of his ‘Desert Island Discs’, along with all the versions he possesses of the Mozart Requiem. He agonises over the last two entries on his list. The inspector has five versions of the Requiem. He later buys another version on CD.

  Morse thinks a crematorium funeral service will be like the curtains closing
at the end of Götterdämmerung. He wouldn’t mind a few hymns at his funeral, perhaps ‘The Day Thou Gavest’.

  The inspector sniffs at Gilbert and Sullivan’s ability to produce good tunes: ‘We don’t go in for ‘tunes’ in Wagner – we go in for ‘continuous melody’.’ Later in the novel, however, he hums a song from The Mikado to himself.

  Morse listens to the finale of Wagner’s Götterdämmerung again at home, this time with Dr Hobson for company.

  As the case concludes, the inspector savours Lipatti playing the slow movement of the Mozart Piano Concerto No 21.

  QUOTE-UNQUOTE: Chief Superintendent Strange suggests ‘quantify’ as a word Morse is looking for. ‘I’d never look for ugly words like ‘quantify’,’ Morse says.

  Claire is appalled the inspector used police computer files to check up on her: ‘God! You’re a regular shit, aren’t you?’

  Lewis sums up the inspector: ‘I think he’s a great man, but he sometimes gets things awfully wrong, doesn’t he?’

  Strange unwittingly anticipates a favourite catchphrase from The Royle Family sitcom when considering Morse’s pen-name: ‘Lionel Regis, my arse!’

  SURVEILLANCE REPORT: The title is from a poem by Rudyard Kipling. This book won Dexter a Gold Dagger from the Crime Writers’ Association after being voted the best crime novel of 1992. It was the second such accolade for the author, who had previously won the Gold Dagger for The Wench is Dead in 1989.

  Morse is only a year younger than Strange. The inspector is never too worried about periods of loneliness. He lives in Leys Close. His flat is in a two-storey block of yellow-brick, newish properties. The large lounge has two settees, one in a light honey-coloured leather, the other in black leather. The walls are lined with books and records are stacked everywhere. Morse’s knowledge of camp-fires is almost nil.

  Max’s full name is finally revealed after death as Maximilian Theodore Siegfried de Bryn. His mortal remains are bequeathed to medical research.

  In a poll of Inspector Morse Society members, The Way Through the Woods was chosen as the best book in the series.

  THE VERDICT: The Way Through the Woods is a vast improvement on the damp squib that preceded it. This novel is full of intrigue, trickery and riddles as the inspector investigates a mystery of his own making, along with a conspiracy to disguise a murder. The narrative is full of twists and turns, with the killer hiding in plain view throughout.

  It’s a shame Dexter repeats Last Seen Wearing’s trick of having the missing girl (who turns out to be a murderer) pretending to be somebody’s wife. But at least the ruse is more effectively deployed in this book.

  Morse has not one but two significant romances in the novel and appears to get his leg over for the third book running. Surely this run of carnal conquests can’t continue?

  NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH

  ‘You were always a move or so ahead of me!’ Morse thinks he can prevent a clever burglary but ends up being burgled himself. Fortunately, someone else is cleverer than the thieves.

  FIRST PUBLISHED: 1992

  STORYLINE: Morse hears an intriguing story in a pub. Dr Eric Ullman says his car was stolen one night from outside his home. Three nights later it reappeared with a letter and an expensive opera ticket under the windscreen wiper. The letter apologises for borrowing the car and says it has been washed and filled with petrol. The ticket is offered as compensation. Morse pockets the letter. This is all observed by a woman in the pub.

  The inspector explains his suspicions to Lewis, who says a similar case happened in High Wycombe. The detectives decide to watch Ullman’s house. They see a woman approach the house and push what looks like a free newspaper through the letterbox. Two hours later Ullman comes home early. He removes a key from inside the newspaper and goes indoors.

  Morse gets home to discover an antique nest of tables has been stolen. He calls the police but the theft has already been reported by Ullman. The burglars were caught driving away. Morse visits Ullman, who says he observed the woman from the pub watching his house. The doctor deduced the burglars planned to rob Morse’s house while the inspector was keeping watch on Ullman’s property. Ullman took no risks. He hired a private detective to guard his home – the woman who put the newspaper through the letterbox.

  DRINK UP, LEWIS: Morse nips into the King’s Arms for a drink and finds himself drawn into a discussion between academics. But he gets several pints of best bitter bought for him as compensation.

  Later the detectives go to the Dew Drop at Summertown. Lewis buys a pint of best bitter for Morse and half a glass of Beamish for himself.

  Ullman gives Morse whisky when the story is concluding.

  THE MANY LUSTS OF MORSE: The inspector notices a very attractive 30-something brunette with ‘sludgy’ green eyes in the pub. She smiles at him momentarily, which Morse takes as a promising sign. But he never gets a chance to make contact with her. She is one of the burglars.

  CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS: Morse notices the woman in the pub working on the Times crossword. But she makes little progress.

  MORSE DECODED: The inspector inherited the family heirloom, a nest of tables by Chippendale from 1756.

  SOPHOCLES DID DO IT: Morse believes Ullman is being set up in an elaborate sting operation by clever burglars. In fact, the burglars are cleverer than him – but not as smart as Ullman.

  LEWIS’ KITH AND KIN: The sergeant’s wife is hosting a Tupperware party, so he is happy to accompany Morse on after-hours surveillance. The only valuable furniture the Lewis family owns is a big mahogany wardrobe by Utility from 1952. They have been trying to give it away for a year.

  SOUNDTRACK: Morse dearly wishes he possessed Dr Ullman’s £40 ticket to see a performance of Wagner’s Die Walküre. The burglar’s note accompanying the ticket says the opera is the greatest thing the composer ever wrote, but mis-spells its name. Morse agrees that Die Walküre is the greatest opera ever composed, but cannot forgive the mis-spelling.

  QUOTE-UNQUOTE: Lewis is unusually sharp of mind, bringing this remark from Morse: ‘You been sleeping in the knife-box?’

  The inspector decides to walk home after the abortive surveillance. ‘You sure, sir? It must be all of 300 yards,’ quips Lewis.

  SURVEILLANCE REPORT: This short story was first published by Moorhouse/Sorenson as a limited edition 24-page book illustrated by Suzanne Hammond. It was subsequently reprinted in the 1993 anthology Morse’s Greatest Mystery and Other Stories.

  THE VERDICT: This is a neat little conundrum. It does all make sense, but presumes a lot of ingenuity on the part of the burglars. For once, Morse is almost the slowest-witted person involved!

  THE INSIDE STORY

  ‘Maintain that level of deductive brilliance, Lewis, and we’ll be through this case before the pubs are open.’ Morse wraps up a murder in less than 48 hours, thanks to a short story written by the victim.

  FIRST PUBLISHED: 1993

  STORYLINE: The detectives investigate the murder of Sheila Poster, stabbed to death in her flat. The discovery is reported by upstairs neighbour Paul Bayley. He was out drinking and spent the night with a female friend. Sheila was 12 weeks pregnant.

  Among her effects is a flyer for a crime short-story competition. Morse finds and reads the dead woman’s entry. It is a fictionalised version of recent events in Sheila’s life. The lead character is having an affair with an academic. She gets a job cleaning his house while he is away. The academic refuses to believe she is pregnant and dumps her. She tries to murder him and his wife by burning down their house. But he is late back from overseas and she kills the wife and the wife’s lover, an odd-job man.

  Morse deduces the identity of Sheila’s real lover – an academic called Dr Robert Grainger. He admits the affair and says Sheila did get a job cleaning his house. Grainger was still in America when the murder took place. He refuses the detectives access to his wife, saying she is under sedation. She also has an independently confirmed alibi for the time of the murder.

  Lewis recognises Mr
s Grainger in a photo – she is the woman who earlier gave him an alibi for Bayley. The dead woman’s neighbour does do odd-jobs and he is Mrs Grainger’s lover. Bayley got Sheila pregnant and then killed her to protect his secret. Morse has already deduced all of this and had Bayley arrested and Mrs Grainger detained for questioning. The inspector had Bayley followed and the suspect led police directly to Mrs Grainger.

  THE MANY CAMEOS OF COLIN DEXTER: The author appears as the organiser of the short-story competition, Rex De Lincto – an anagram of Colin Dexter.

  UNLUCKY IN LOVE: Morse sometimes thinks he could fall in love with Dr Hobson and sometimes thinks he couldn’t.

  DRINK UP, LEWIS: Morse takes his lunchtime ration of calories entirely in liquid form (translation: beer) while Lewis sifts through Sheila’s possessions. That night the inspector gets over-beered and falls asleep in the dead woman’s flat.

  ONE FOR THE MORGUE: Sheila Poster is stabbed to death by Paul Bayley with a sharp knife.

  MURDERS: one. BODY COUNT: one.

  CRYPTIC CROSSWORDS: Morse takes 11 minutes to complete the Times crossword. He is held up by one clue: ‘Gerry-built semi is beginning to collapse in such an upheaval (7)’. The answer is ‘seismic’.

  YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN, LEWIS: The sergeant triggers one of Morse’s revelations of reason by talking about earthquakes. ‘Lewis, my old friend, you’ve done it again! You’ve-gone-and-done-it-once-again!’

  SOPHOCLES DID DO IT: The inspector believes Dr Grainger killed Sheila, to stop her ruining his chances of getting a prestigious Geology professorship.

  LEWIS’ KITH AND KIN: The sergeant asks to take several hours off work one day. A large crack appeared overnight in the kitchen wall and his wife is worried about subsidence. Lewis returns nearly three hours later, when he and his wife have been reassured.

  SOUNDTRACK: Something stirs deep in Morse’s mind, like the opening chords of Wagner’s Das Rheingold.

  QUOTE-UNQUOTE: The inspector is unimpressed at a job notice for a cleaner that prefers graduates: ‘We’re all of us overqualified in Oxford.’