by David Bishop
STORYLINE: Courtenay College is electing a new Master. But the contest is a draw and an outsider is called in to choose between the two candidates, Professor Edward Ullman and Sir Julius Hanbury. Someone is blackmailing Sir Julius, whose library is lined with Victorian paintings of nude women.
Morse returns from a trip to the opera in London. He arrives in Oxford by train, late in the evening. Also on the train are Betty Parker and Lady Hanbury. Lady Hanbury offers Betty a lift. Lady Hanbury was disqualified for drinking and driving, and is driven by her gardener, John McKendrick.
Next morning, the Hanbury’s young daughter, Georgina, runs into the library, pursued by her French au pair, Michele Réage. They discover one of the windows has been broken and most of the paintings are missing. The housekeeper, Mrs Maltby, says Sir Julius didn’t sleep in his bed last night; he must have stayed in college. Lady Hanbury decides to call the police. She dispenses with Michele’s services. Michele calls her boyfriend, Roger Meadows, and asks him to come at once.
Morse and Lewis arrive to investigate the break-in. Lady Hanbury says six paintings are missing. She professes ignorance of her husband’s computer, which Lewis admires. Lady Hanbury says she got back home about 1.00 am. Mrs Maltby didn’t turn on the burglar alarm because she thought Sir Julius would be coming back from college.
McKendrick shows Morse into the Hanbury family’s private mausoleum. Among the stone statues lies the corpse of Sir Julius. Soon afterwards, McKendrick lowers the family flag to half-mast.
The new police pathologist arrives. Dr Grayling Russell is standing in for Max, who has suffered a stroke. She says Sir Julius was hit a dozen times with a five-pound hammer in a frenzied attack. But there is no blood in the church. He was killed elsewhere and taken to the mausoleum later.
McKendrick drives Lady Hanbury to break the news to her sons, who live at a boarding school. The vehicle nearly collides with a convertible sports car.
Michele sneaks out of the house to see her boyfriend Roger, the sports car’s driver. They go for a walk. Later, however, Roger nearly crashes into Morse’s Jaguar on the drive of Hanbury House. The sports car smashes into a tree and Roger is killed. Lewis discovers that the brake fluid had been sabotaged. McKendrick says he can’t identify the dead man. Lewis notices McKendrick’s shoes are muddy.
The dead man’s wallet contains photos of Michele. Lewis finds a letter from Sir Julius to Roger Meadows, refusing to be blackmailed. Michele runs off.
Dr Russell says Sir Julius fell from a height, but she doesn’t know if it was the fall or the blows that killed him. Morse thinks the first death was suicide. He and Lewis investigate the building’s attic and roof. Sir Julius had a photographic studio upstairs.
Lady Hanbury says she found her husband’s body the previous night when she got back from London. He committed suicide by jumping from the roof. She persuaded McKendrick to bludgeon the body in order to make it look like murder, and then to shift the corpse to the mausoleum. They faked the break-in, assisted by the housekeeper. Lady Hanbury claims she was worried her husband’s life insurance would be invalidated by his suicide. She was planning to leave her husband for McKendrick. He says the missing pictures are hidden.
The detectives find a photograph in Sir Julius’ darkroom. It’s a picture of the au pair, posed to resemble a Victorian nude.
Lewis uses the Hanburys’ computer to do some paperwork. He discovers the letter written to Meadows, and Sir Julius’ suicide note.
Dr Russell finds another head wound to Sir Julius that would have killed him. It happened before the fall and the hammer blows. Morse realises the hammer blows were used to conceal murder, not suicide. The inspector then brands the suicide note a fake. The spellings of key words are different from the letter Sir Julius sent to Meadows.
A police patrol finds Michele. Morse, meanwhile, interviews Lady Hanbury. She says tenor Placido Domingo was in fine voice at the opera.
Lewis gets a written statement from McKendrick. The gardener’s miss-pellings match those in the alleged suicide note. Michele tells Morse about posing for Sir Julius. She and Meadows blackmailed Sir Julius for money. Michele believes Lady Hanbury knows about the blackmail.
The sergeant deduces McKendrick walked cross-country through mud to drain the brake fluid from Meadows’ car while Lady Hanbury drove on to visit her sons at boarding school. The inspector knows Lady Hanbury is lying – Domingo was ill and didn’t sing at the opera performance she mentioned.
Lady Hanbury admits slaying her husband. They hadn’t had sex for eight years. She found Sir Julius developing photos of Michele, they fought and Lady Hanbury killed him. She claims it was self-defence. She instructed McKendrick to kill Meadows. They are both arrested.
THE MANY CAMEOS OF COLIN DEXTER: Colin Dexter appears in the opening scene, when the fellows of Courtenay College gather to elect a new master. He sits on the right side of the long table, near the Master. Writer Julian Mitchell appears in the same scene, seated beside the Master
DRINK UP, LEWIS: The chief inspector does a surprisingly small amount of drinking in this story and even abandons two alcoholic beverages. Professor Ullman pours Morse a sherry while being interviewed, but the inspector does not drink it. Morse later says Lewis is a very slow drinker. It’s something to do with the Newcastle ale. They like to sup it drop by drop up there, according to the inspector.
The detectives go to the pub run by Ted Parker for lunch. Morse has two pints of beer. Lewis has a pie and orange juice. The inspector leaves his second pint, when village gossip leaves a sour taste in his mouth.
UNLUCKY IN LOVE: Morse has a rocky start to his relationship with Grayling. He calls her ‘my dear’ and then accuses her of being a feminist, making it sound like a social disease. But they share a smile over their embarrassing first names and are soon on better terms.
PEOPLE JUST CALL ME MORSE: Dr Russell admits with embarrassment that her first name is Grayling, like the fish. She asks Morse for his first name but he refuses to say. Dr Russell says other people predicted he wouldn’t divulge it.
LEWIS’ KITH AND KIN: Mrs Lewis wants to see the musical Cats, despite being allergic to felines. Lewis jokes he might have been a chief inspector by now if he’d joined a Masonic lodge. Plum duff is Lewis’ favourite dessert but his wife doesn’t make it like his mother. Lewis’ first child, Lynne, was born at Newcastle General. He has an uncle who lives near where Dr Russell used to reside in Newcastle.
SOPHOCLES DID DO IT: Morse decides the death of Sir Julius was murder, then suicide, then murder and finally manslaughter. At least there’s no doubt over who or what killed Meadows.
ONE FOR THE MORGUE: Sir Julius Hanbury dies after being struck with a camera tripod by his wife. Roger Meadows dies in a car crash, after McKendrick drains the vehicle’s brake fluid.
MURDERS: two. BODY COUNT: two.
MORSE DECODED: The inspector chooses Indian tea over Chinese. He takes a little milk, no sugar.
YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN, LEWIS: Morse doesn’t understand how McKendrick had time to sabotage Meadows’ car if the gardener was driving Lady Hanbury to see her sons at boarding school – she lost her licence for drink-drinking. Lewis says she could have driven herself, just not legally. ‘Lewis, you’ve done it,’ Morse says.
QUOTE-UNQUOTE: Morse begins the case in his usual frame of mind: ‘What you need to know is the Chief Constable dines here once a month, which is why you and I are wasting a fine summer’s morning on some footling art theft.’
The inspector gets sarcastic: ‘I wouldn’t be so presumptuous as to think, sir – not in an Oxford college. But, as I was telling the Master, I do imagine.’
Morse reveals his old-fashioned attitude to women by saying the best place for Dr Russell is in a maternity hospital, not a mortuary: ‘Shouldn’t ask a woman to look at battered heads like that.’
As the case is winding up, Morse admits he still doesn’t know who did what. ‘That’s never stopped you making an arrest,’ Lewis observes dryly.
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SOUNDTRACK: As the story opens, Morse is returning from London where he saw the Royal Opera’s production of Tosca. The inspector closes his eyes and hears the glorious music of Puccini. Later Morse listens to a tape of Maria Callas singing Tosca while driving in his car. Lewis enjoys the music and asks if it’s an extract from the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Cats. Morse is suitably appalled. Mozart’s fourteenth string quartet is heard when the inspector notices the flag on Hanbury House is flying at half-mast. Morse tells Lady Hanbury that not hearing Callas perform live is one of his enduring regrets. He’s very partial to Puccini. She says Callas was an inaccurate singer, with a vulgar tendency to strut about the stage.
IDENTITY PARADE: Patricia Hodge is a well-known film, television and stage actress. Her roles have included playing Antonia Fraser’s lady detective Jemima Shore, and Miranda Hart’s mother in the sitcom Miranda. The housekeeper is played by Patsy Byrne, best known as Nursie in the comedy series Blackadder II. Claire Skinner makes a fleeting appearance as a pupil of Professor Ullman in the opening sequence, her first TV work. She’s since featured in such films as Sleepy Hollow and Bridget Jones’ Diary, and stars in the improvised sitcom Outnumbered.
RATINGS: 14.42 million. A marked improvement on 1988’s figures for new producer Chris Burt, with Dallas on BBC 1 proving no match for Morse.
THE VERDICT: ‘The Ghost in the Machine’ gets Series Three off to a strong start. Julian Mitchell’s writing is as witty as ever, the locations look gorgeous and Morse is in his element, getting up the noses of the nobility. The corkscrew plot is clever, but the viewer never believes the killer can be anyone from outside the grounds of Hanbury House. Dr Ullman is offered as a red herring, but proves to be nothing more than a sprat. The attempt to conceal how Sir Julius really died seems a massive over-elaboration. Still, this story does introduce the vivacious Dr Russell, who will make an interesting foil for Morse over the rest of this series
THE LAST ENEMY
‘The last enemy that shall be conquered is death.’ A headless corpse heralds a trio of murders as vendetta turns to violence in an Oxford college. Morse and Lewis have to pick up the pieces.
UK TX: 11 January 1989
SCREENPLAY: Peter Buckman, based on a story by Colin Dexter
DIRECTOR: James Scott
CAST: Barry Foster (Sir Alexander Reece), Michael Aldridge (Arthur Drysdale), Tenniel Evans (Dr David Kerridge), Beatie Edney (Deborah Burns), Sian Thomas (Carol Sharp), James Grout (Chief Superintendent Strange), Lana Morris (Miss Tree), Bert Parnaby (Ben), Mark Tandy (Collins), Pauline Munro (dentist), Albert Welling (Chris Stonely), Kevin McMonagle (Geoff), Michael Percival (landlord), Philip Bloomfield (Sam), Jill Johnson (Mrs Burns), Gertan Klauber (German man), Jackie Buchanan (German woman), Susannah Hitching (girl on boat), Nikki Brooks (young woman), Nathan Lewis (young man), Laura Sadler (Sabena)
STORYLINE: A young couple discover a corpse in a canal at Thrupp, near Oxford. Dr Russell says the corpse is a man in his sixties. The head has been hacked off, as have the arms below the elbows and the legs below the knees. A letter found on the corpse offers a few clues. Morse can make out the words ‘discuss appearing’ and ‘studios in Dockland’. Lewis thinks it could be an invitation to appear on a television programme. The note also mentions a club in Pall Mall. The corpse was dressed in a suit from a university tailor.
Morse is invited to lunch by the Master of Beaumont College, Sir Alexander Reece. A student called Deborah Burns storms out of Reece’s office. She is upset at being turned down for a research fellowship. The Master worries about the disappearance of his vice-master, Dr Kerridge. He asks Morse to make some discrete inquiries. The college has checked Kerridge’s cottage in Bayswater and his cottage at Thrupp. A young man phoned to say Kerridge was delayed.
Reece says there’s acrimony between Kerridge and Arthur Drysdale, another university man. Both were rivals for the Sheldon Lectureship, the university’s most prestigious post – Reece won through. Drysdale is dying of brain cancer. Drysdale is away, making a final visit to Rome, his favourite city. The Master wants the inspector to find Kerridge and prevent any scandal.
Kerridge visits a gentleman’s club in London to meet Chris Stonely. Stonely gets drunk and admits that he’s an out-of-work actor, not a TV producer. He was supposed to lure Kerridge to the Isle of Dogs, but felt attracted to him. It’s the second time he’s played the role. Stonely describes the man who asked him to perform the part. Kerridge believes it to be Drysdale.
Morse goes to London in search of Kerridge, visiting his Bayswater flat. A neighbour lends the inspector a key. She often gave the key to Kerridge’s guests, including a man only one week previously. Morse finds a sample of flesh on a chopping board in Kerridge’s kitchen.
The inspector bumps into Deborah in a London pub. She is waiting for Kerridge. Reece told her Kerridge voted against her getting the fellowship. Morse leaves to catch his train. Deborah catches Kerridge as he returns to his flat. He says it was Reece who stopped her getting the fellowship. Kerridge goes to his flat and is attacked by a man who tries to garrotte him.
Lewis learns the suit worn by the corpse was tailor-made for Kerridge, while Deborah phones the Master with news of Kerridge. The flesh Morse found in London, it transpires, comes from the canal corpse. Kerridge’s battered corpse, meanwhile, is found in his flat. Police divers recover a severed leg from the canal.
The Master believes he will be appointed head of a new royal commission, which would probably lead to a peerage.
Lewis thinks the corpse could be Nicholas Balarat, a senior civil servant and honorary fellow of Beaumont College. Reece’s secretary, Carol Sharp, says Balarat was a fundraiser for the college. Kerridge’s book on economics viciously attacked Balarat, and Balarat returned the venom in a public speech.
The detectives visit Whitehall, where Morse riles a senior civil servant. Balarat was involved with recommending who should chair the new royal commission. Reece wasn’t getting the job.
Lewis learns Balarat used to be a great friend of Drysdale and his wife. Mrs Drysdale ran off with Balarat and died three years later. Meanwhile, the missing head is found. Dr Russell says it was shot by a bullet from an old gun.
That night Reece has sex with Deborah. The Master goes for more champagne and is shot three times by a pistol fitted with a silencer. Next morning the police find one of Deborah’s ear-rings near the corpse. Dr Russell says the bullets probably came from the same gun that shot Balarat.
Deborah says she loved Reece and panicked when she saw his corpse.
Lewis learns Drysdale was in the army during the war. The detectives find Drysdale. He admits killing Balarat. He tried to strangle Kerridge but failed. Kerridge said he hadn’t stopped Drysdale getting the Sheldon Lectureship, so Drysdale let him live. The dying man says Reece murdered Kerridge, to protect his reputation. Drysdale shot and killed the Master.
THE MORE THINGS CHANGE: This story is an adaptation of the novel The Riddle of the Third Mile. However, so much was altered the production team chose to rename the story. The only major plot threads retained are the enmity between the three college men, and the use of fake letters to lure people to London. Morse, however, retains his toothache from the novel.
THE MANY CAMEOS OF COLIN DEXTER: The author can be spotted in the opening scene. He is dressed as an angler and walks along one side of the canal.
DRINK UP, LEWIS: This episode is awash with alcohol as the inspector tries to dull the pain of a toothache. Morse goes straight from the corpse to the Ship Inn pub, despite it being well before opening hours. He bullies the landlord into serving him a whisky, but does at least pay for it from his own pocket.
Reece offers the inspector a sherry, but he requests a Scotch. Morse solicits a second glass of whisky.
Morse has a Scotch in a London pub. He sees Deborah in the pub and buys her a white wine, along with another Scotch for himself.
The inspector is intrigued by a beer mat from Tackley Brewery on the desk of Ca
rol Sharp, the Master’s secretary. She says it’s her local pub – Morse should try it some time. He later buys her a pint there and approves of the beer.
Morse has two glasses of red wine at an art exhibition. He goes home and drinks Famous Grouse whisky. The inspector offers Lewis a drink when he comes to visit, but the sergeant declines.
Carol invites Morse to the college restaurant, which serves a perfectly acceptable ale. After lunch the inspector offers to buy Dr Russell a drink.
When the detectives go to London, Morse makes sure they linger long enough to catch the pubs opening. Lewis sadly predicts he’ll be driving them back to Oxford, so it will be alcohol-free lager for him.
Lewis sips a strange alcoholic concoction mixed by Kerridge’s scout.
Morse is heading for a pub called The Boat when Lewis takes a call on the police radio. They go to the mortuary, where Dr Russell offers the inspector a medicinal brandy for his squeamish stomach. He reminds her of their plans for a drink, but she’s going to a pop concert that evening.
The inspector visits Reece, who gives him a Scotch. Afterwards Morse takes Carol out for dinner and they drink whisky.
In the final scene Dr Russell and Morse drink at a country pub. Morse finishes his pint as a friend of the doctor arrives. The inspector offers to buy him a drink but is appalled when the man asks for half a lager.
UNLUCKY IN LOVE: Morse and Dr Russell disagree with each other within less than a minute of meeting. The inspector keeps calling Grayling ‘my dear’, despite her objections. Later he invites her for a drink but they’re unable to co-ordinate dates and times. They share a preference for pens over computers. Unable to take Dr Russell out, Morse invites Carol to dinner instead. She takes him to a Caribbean restaurant, where he feels distinctly uncomfortable.
As the story ends, Dr Russell persuades Morse to take her out to a country pub for her birthday. He gives her an impromptu present of a pot plant and gets a kiss on the cheek in return. Lewis smirks in the background but busies himself examining office equipment when glared at by Morse. Alas, when they get to the pub an old friend of the doctor appears and takes all her attention. Morse walks sadly to the bar, alone again, naturally...