by Gini Koch
Mom and Dad were on either side of me, but I was clutching Kimmie, who was holding a basket almost bigger than she was loaded with rose petals. She was also so excited she was ready to run down the aisle. I had a sudden death grip on her, though, so she wasn’t going anywhere.
Mom was holding onto Raymond for the same reason, well, to keep him from racing off. Unlike me, Mom was cool as an igloo. Raymond looked just as I’d imagined a child of Kevin and Denise’s would, though his skin was more of a creamy brown, versus the dark chocolate of his father or fair of his mother. He was five and was already more charming than men twenty years his senior. He also took the guarding of the rings as a serious duty and had his hand in one pocket, where the rings were, I assumed, to ensure they weren’t lost.
Dad spent some more time going over their duties with them, though, and they seemed clear. He had time—both ballrooms were beautiful, and while Islander was about threequarters the size of South Pacific they were both huge. A-C tradition required the wedding party walk down the aisle, the men going to the left and the women to the right, walk around the crowd, join up again at the back of the room, then walk back up the aisle to the altar set up at the head of the room. Then they’d do the same thing again, only with the men going to the right and the women to the left.
This meant the wedding party was doing a lot of walking. It probably seemed like less when you were moving at hyperspeed. At human speeds, it was long and drawn out. I wasn’t sure we’d make the marriage deadline at this rate, but everyone else seemed really calm and unworried.
“When do I see Jeff?” My voice sounded squeaky, and half our wedding party hadn’t made it inside the room yet. Chuckie was busying giving the “wait” and “go next” signals. I heard a lot of oohs and ahhs from inside, over the strains of wedding-type music coming from somewhere in there.
“The groom is already inside,” Jareen said, sounding like she was reciting from memory. “He waits on one side, for his bride to enter . . . and, that’s all I can remember, other than what I’m supposed to do later. Christopher?”
He laughed. “She really is just like you. Jeff and his parents are waiting for you at the left side of the altar or, in this case, front of the ballroom. Once you walk in, you don’t go down the aisle and neither does he. You both circle the attendees— Jeff going clockwise, you going counterclockwise. You pass once, near the altar, then keep going. You meet back up pretty much in front of the door we’re going through. Then the parents give you to each other, and Jeff walks you down the aisle.”
“White! Move it!” Chuckie hissed.
“You’ll be fine,” Christopher tossed over his shoulder. “Just do what you always do. You know, fake it until it works.”
Mom sighed. “He knows you well.”
“Last chance to tell me why I shouldn’t marry Jeff, Mom.”
She kissed my cheek. “Can’t think of one reason. You look so beautiful, kitten,” she added in a whisper. “Jeff’s going to be so happy.”
My throat was tight, and I was having trouble focusing. “Uh-huh.”
Chuckie looked over and grinned. “We’ve all spent too much money. Too late now, no matter what the movies want to tell you. Bachelor Number Three,” he nodded his head toward Christopher’s back, “and Bachelor Number Two here are both going to be big boys and tell you to marry the guy you’re in love with.” He looked down at the kids. “You guys ready?”
“Yes!” they chorused together, sounding totally excited. Wow, the only unison thing that didn’t freak me out.
“Okay, remember, dignified, don’t run, and if you do run, don’t get in front of Christopher and Jareen, okay?” They nodded. “Oh, and Kimmie, those petals are mostly for the main aisle, so do most of the dropping there, when you’re with Raymond, okay?”
“Okay, Chuckie!”
He looked shocked, then started to laugh. “Okay, you, and only you, can call me Chuckie like Kitty does. But I draw the line there.”
Raymond nodded, and he looked very serious. “I understand, Mister Reynolds. And I’ll make sure we don’t go too fast.”
“Good man. You’re up.” Chuckie ushered the kids in. Then he came back to us. “I’m going inside. Per A-C regulations, the last person to walk through this doorway has to be the bride. Angela, watch the door, you know when to enter.” My stomach clenched. I didn’t want him to leave.
Mom nodded. “Once all the hiking is over.”
“Right.” Chuckie examined my expression, took my hand, and led me a few steps away. “You alright?”
I swallowed. I didn’t really know how to put it into words. But they came anyway. “You’ll always be my friend?”
Chuckie smiled. “Always. And I’m not deserting you—I’ll be right up front in the Majordomo seat, ready to take care of whatever you need.”
I relaxed a little. “Then I’m good to go.” He turned, but I grabbed his arm. A thought had occurred. “Chuckie?”
“Yes?”
“Do you have any advice?”
He was quiet for a long moment. “Actually, I do.”
“And?”
“Be yourself.”
“That’s it?”
Chuckie nodded. “That’s it. Because the reason we love you, Martini and myself particularly, is because of who you are.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek through the veil. “I know you’re scared, but it’s no bigger step than any other you’ve taken. Now do me proud and go show everyone out there how the comics geek-girl who made good gets married.”
CHAPTER 72
CHUCKIE WENT BACK TO THE DOOR, took a look, and nodded. “Almost showtime. See you on the other side.” He winked at me, went in, and left us out there. Alone. Just me and my parents.
Mom went to the door. “You know, am I the only one of the three of us who thinks this parading all over the place is more like being at a beauty pageant than a wedding?”
Dad and I stood there in shock for a moment, then we both started laughing. “Yeah. What’s the bet on our side for how many times I trip?”
“Nana Sadie called ten,” Mom replied. “Nona Maria called twenty. I was too busy to catch the rest. But the A-C side’s betting, too. And all your friends.”
“Viva Las Vegas.”
Dad moved up next to Mom and took a look. “Ready, kitten?”
I took the requisite deep breath and waited for ninja or alien attack. Remarkably, there was none. “Yes.”
Unlike an Earth wedding, neither Dad nor Mom was holding onto me. I’d thought they would be on either side, but they linked arms and went in front of me. Right, last one through had to be the bride. That had seemed almost logical when Chuckie had explained it. Now? Not so much. “I have to close the freaking door?” I muttered, as I closed the door. Managed not to catch my train. Wondered why I’d said yes to this all of a sudden.
Delayed by door closing, so now had to somehow catch up to my parents, who, once inside, started sauntering along, waving to guests, as if they were freaking Hollywood types at a premier. Got a glimpse of the wedding party standing far, far away. Couldn’t spot Mister Joel Oliver or his camera crew anywhere. Good lord, this place was humongous.
Couldn’t run, of course. May have looked great, but nothing says “you will walk slowly” like a tight mermaid gown. Felt the veil slip and wondered why I’d ever questioned Reader about not wearing one. Tweaked it back into place, not as surreptitiously as I’d hoped, if the grins were any indication. Maybe this was the A-C version of the gauntlet or gladiator fighting.
Gave up on catching my parents. They were what seemed like miles ahead of me now. Seriously considered the benefits of turning and running. Remembered I couldn’t run in this dress. Tripped, recovered, tripped, recovered, started to crack up, maintained decorum, tripped, recovered, gave up. Paused, took off my shoes, held them in my right hand and my bouquet in my left. That way, the shoes were, at least, on the side facing away from my audience.
I was a hit, if I was going for comedy. I realized
as I looked around that A-Cs didn’t seat groom side and bride side, because I saw my friends and relatives scattered in there with A-Cs. Apparently the seating ritual was in part to get the families jumbled up, because no one was where I’d have expected them to be. Not that it mattered. Everyone near me was trying hard not to laugh. Most were failing. Utterly.
Fine, whatever. Moved the veil to the wrap position. I’d fix that later. I hoped. Got up onto my toes and did the girly run I detested. The one where the girl is pretending not to run, so doesn’t move her arms, doesn’t move her thighs, but somehow bounces as though she’s on a trampoline? Yeah, that one. I felt like an idiot, but my parents had rounded the corner, and that meant I had miles to make up. For all I knew, the Martinis were already behind me. No, couldn’t be, they were going the other direction. And I was supposed to do that lover’s crossing thing in front of the world. Operative word being front. I was on the side. Not so good.
Girly run sort of worked. The dress was great—didn’t rip, didn’t allow my breasts to fly out, didn’t unbutton. One thing in the win column.
Rounded the corner to see my entire wedding party looking my way. The men, to a guy, were standing there open-mouthed. I chose not to make eye contact with Reader—I just hoped he wasn’t having a heart attack. The girls, on the other hand, were all, to a one, laughing. Lorraine and Claudia were leaning on each other, they were laughing so hard. Same with Felicia and Wahoa. The others were no more reserved. Serene had her hand over her mouth, Jareen was doubled over she was laughing so hard, and Queen Renata, by benefit of being royalty, was merely doing that whole body shake thing where the laughter’s inside but could come out any moment. My friends, there for me when I needed them.
Richard White was up there, between Christopher and Jareen, Kimmie and Raymond in front of him. Thankfully, he was really good with the poker face.
My parents had finally picked up that they’d lost me. Martini’s parents had picked this up a while earlier. All four of them were standing there, chatting, while waiting for me. I risked a look at the audience. Chuckie and Brian were sitting next to each other, right there in the front. I was worried they were both going to die they were laughing so hard. My grandparents were next to them. Money was changing hands so fast it was almost impossible to keep up with, at least in the quick glance I allowed myself.
The seating was as wide as it was long. I decided I’d had it with the girly run and slowed to a walk. Close enough to see tears of laughter running down Serene’s face. At least the Diplomatic Corps had missed this. Another check in the win column.
I took a deep breath, put my shoes down and back on. Back to mincing. Head held high. Remembered the stupid veil. Flipped it on. Accidentally looked at Reader, saw him wince. Realized the veil was upside down. Well, who the hell could tell? I’d fix it after my next wind sprint.
In all the excitement, the one thing I hadn’t done was try to figure out where Martini was. Looked around and found out. He’d stepped out of line with our parents, and I was erratically weaving in and out of line with them, so he was now right in front of me, though about a hundred feet away. I forgot everything else looking at him because he looked so incredibly, totally, drool-worthingly hot.
He was in a longer, four-button, peaked-lapel tuxedo jacket that hung down to just above his knees. It emphasized his size in a really sexy way. Unlike everyone else, he was in a white, buttoned vest over a white shirt. Long black tie, done four-in-hand, red rose on his lapel. He looked incredibly gorgeous and masculine, and I stopped dead.
Martini was staring at me. He wasn’t laughing, thank God, and he didn’t look horrified, also thank God. He looked as though someone had kicked him in the stomach. I started to worry about how I looked, not to mention how I’d pretty much destroyed whatever beauty this ceremony had.
He shook his head a little bit, and my whole body went tight. I’d blown it, and he was going to turn around and run. My eyes filled with tears, and I tried to swallow but I couldn’t. My breathing got fast and shallow, and I realized I was about ten seconds away from hysterics.
All of a sudden he wasn’t a hundred feet away, he was right in front of me. “Shhh, baby,” he said softly, and I could see he was smiling. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
I took one of those gasping breaths where it’s a tossup whether you’re going to get it under control or burst into tears. Martini took my right hand and wrapped it through his left arm.
“No one leaves the sexiest girl in the galaxy at the altar just because she had a little mishap on her way to catch up to you. Especially when seeing you makes her stop in her tracks, for all the right reasons.” He stroked my hand. “I was trying to tell you not to worry about the ceremonial parade, baby, not that I didn’t want you any more.”
“I’ve embarrassed your family, haven’t I?” Mine, clearly from all the betting going on, were neither shocked nor embarrassed. At least, the winners weren’t embarrassed.
He shrugged. “Doubt it. Don’t care.”
“But I’ve embarrassed you.” I could barely get the words out.
“Is that what you think?” He laughed softly. “Baby, this is why I love you.”
“Because I’m a dork?”
“No. Because nothing you do comes out like you plan it, but it still always works out.” He grinned. “Put the veil back on as a wrap and take your shoes off.” He looked around. “Kids, c’mere.”
Raymond looked confused, but Kimmie grabbed his hand and raced them over. At hyperspeed. “Yes, Uncle Jeff?” Fortunately, it was a short enough distance that Raymond didn’t look as though he was going to be sick.
“Kitty and I have to get around the room one more time. She used to be a track star, and I’m a lot bigger, but she can’t go as fast in her dress. So, it’s fair.”
“What’s fair?” Raymond asked, sounding as confused as I was.
Martini grinned. “We’re going to race. No hyperspeed, though,” he said to Kimmie. “Has to be running Raymond and Kitty can do. Winning couple gets twenty dollars each.”
“I don’t have any money,” Raymond said, sounding uncertain.
“Then you’d better hurry up. Go!”
Kimmie squealed with laughter and dragged Raymond off. He didn’t argue. Martini unhooked my hand from his arm, grabbed my shoes in his free hand, and grinned at me. “They’re ahead, and you can’t run fast in that dress.”
I flipped the veil to the wrap position. “I’m still a sprinter.” I grabbed his hand, and he started us running after the kids. “We’ll be back,” I shouted to our parents as we ran by them. “We’re racing for money.”
“I love how you have to run in this dress,” Martini said as we moved around the room. The kids were little, but they were money-motivated, because they were far ahead. Kimmie looked back, Martini made a lunge forward, she shrieked a laugh, and they kept on going. “Is asking you to wear it once a week too much, you think?”
“Probably, but we can discuss it. Jeff, is anyone going to speak to us ever again?”
“Don’t care,” he said cheerfully. “Boy, are you slow in this. I have a great idea for our honeymoon. You try to run away from me in this, and I’ll chase you.”
I started laughing. “I do love how you think.”
“Yeah? Tell me so in another minute.” He stopped, flipped me gently over his shoulder, then took off at a better trot.
I was laughing too hard to protest. Got a glimpse of Aunt Carla’s face. The Gower girls were by her, but they were laughing so hard I was pretty sure they weren’t using their A-C talents for anything right now, and Aunt Carla’s expression seemed to confirm that. I wasn’t sure if she was going to have a conniption fit, a heart attack, or merely storm out, but the horror on her face was worth the whole experience. She shook her finger at me, and I shrieked with laughter.
“Are we catching them?”
“Yeah, but Kimmie’s not clear on the concept. We’re taking a full lap.”
“You up to it?”
He snorted. “Baby, I could do this all day. I plan on doing this all day, too.” We rounded another corner, and I saw people I’d seen before. Martini put on another burst of speed. “Kimmie, go up and down the aisle next, okay? From Uncle Christopher to the back and then back to Uncle Christopher, okay? Then stop.”
“Okay, Uncle Jeff,” she called out at the top of her lungs, giggling like mad.
“Come on,” Raymond said. “They’re catching us!”
Martini slowed down a little. “You okay back there?”
“Yeah, view of your butt’s great. I love this tuxedo, by the way. I can’t wait to rip it off you.” I heard a couple of gasps and a lot of laughter. “Whoops.”
Martini just laughed. “Yeah, it sucks to be me.”
Rounded another corner. Waved to the people in the front row. The ones who weren’t rolling with laughter or shocked out of their minds managed to wave back. Rounded another corner, got to see our wedding party. The guys had given up and were laughing, too.
Kimmie and Raymond must have reached the back, because they passed us. “We’re beating you,” Kimmie shrieked joyfully.
“We can still catch you,” I called back. They ran faster.
We reached the back, and Martini flipped me gently back onto my feet. “Your shoes.” He handed them to me with an almost wistful look on his face.
“Wow, just like our first date.”
“Yeah.” He smiled, and I realized he’d wondered if I remembered.
“I could never forget the first time I met you, Jeff,” I said softly, as I put my shoes back on.
“No one ever forgets their first superbeing.”
“No. No girl ever forgets the first time she meets the man of her dreams.”
His expression was so loving and tender, I couldn’t help it. The tears started to roll down my face. But they weren’t tears of shame or fear or hurt.
Martini took my face in his hands and gently wiped the tears away with his thumbs. “I love you. Now, let’s go finish getting married.” He pulled the veil on, right side up, adjusted it carefully, then wrapped my right arm in his left again.