by J. Kearston
“It’s going to be fine. We’ve got this,” Rin starts rambling nervously and I like to think I know my mate well enough to guess what has her worked up.
“If we see him, we’ll leave; mage or no mage.” I turn around in my seat to see her worrying her bottom lip.
“He must have at least filed a missing person's report,” Ares points out. “But we were already trying to avoid cops anyway. If we start seeing posters around, we'll pull back a town or two and try our luck there instead.”
Rin shakes her head. “This is too important. I should just dye and cut my hair.”
Three resounding growls fill the cramped space. “Trust us to keep you safe, alright? You shouldn’t be afraid to be yourself. One thing at a time, beautiful, let’s not do anything drastic.”
She snorts and it’s incredibly endearing. “I’ve never so much as shoplifted a tube of toothpaste, let alone a whole person. But sure, let’s not be dramatic.”
Ares pivots in his seat and raises an eyebrow. “Who the hell steals toothpaste? If you’re going to shoplift, at least make it something interesting.”
She lifts her hands in surrender and shrugs. “What can I say? I’m practical.”
Now I’m the one snorting. “Practically adorable, maybe.”
“But it’s cute that you think you’ve been roughing it,” Ozzy adds and she flicks him on the nose.
“Geeze, everyone gangbanging up on me. Rude.” She leans down and starts rummaging around in her bag.
“I think you mean ‘ganging up’ on you.”
She briefly looks up just to wink and go back to searching. “Nope, but it’s adorable that you think I’m wrong.”
She pulls out her wallet triumphantly, frowning when she realizes she doesn’t have a purse and it’s too big for her pockets. Seriously, whoever is in charge of designing women’s clothes is the one that needs to get more practical.
“First thing’s first, I’m going to get a purse so I’m not just walking around asking to be robbed, and then I’ll start striking up some casual conversations to see if anyone knows where mages like to hang out in town.” She leans between the seats and kisses Ares and I on the cheeks before doing the same to Osiris and pushing open the door. “Gods, you guys must save so much money on phone bills. I’ll keep Ozzy in the loop so you know I’m not dead in an alley.” She shuts the door as soon as Ares starts to object, strutting down the street and into the nearest shop.
“Why’s she got to put things like that in my head? Like I’m not already freaking out enough, now I’m picturing some bastard mugging her,” he growls, smacking the dashboard.
“She doesn’t know how to put up a mental block to save her soul. Trust me, if she so much as has to pee, I’ll know. You don’t even want to know what was going on in her head while she was choking down Cole’s dick last night,” Ozzy laughs and I try not to be offended.
“You going to just leave me hanging?”
“I leave everybody hanging, remember?” he cackles obnoxiously and I flip him off.
We sit there in the truck, simply people watching while we keep half an ear out for Rin. From the pep in her step, she’s either thrilled to be back in a bustling town, or she’s just that elated we’re depending on her while sitting here with our tails between our legs.
Well over an hour passes without any real updates, not that I expected them this soon. Still, the sooner we can get out of here, the better. It feels like the axe is just there hovering at the nape of our necks, waiting for us to let our guards down before striking.
“You’ve got to be shitting me,” I mumble, fumbling with my seat belt.
“What?” Ozzy asks, bristling as he searches for threats, but Ares beats him to it.
His hand snakes out faster than lightning, wrapping around my wrist in a bruising grip. “Don’t. I’m begging you, brother; nothing good will come of it. Don’t do this to yourself.”
I jerk my arm away, slamming my way out of the car so abruptly I’m surprised the door is still on its hinges. They’ve disappeared into the crowd, but they can’t have gone far.
Shouldering my way past people, I can’t bother with trying to be invisible, not right now. With the way my heart is thundering, I have no doubt they can already hear me coming. They know, they just don’t fucking care.
“Grace.”
She turns, blonde hair tumbling down to her waist and bright blue eyes that haunt me every day in the damn mirror. Try as I might to forget and move on, those fucking bright blue eyes stare back like a constant reminder.
“May I help you?” she asks in confusion, the two men at her side rising to their full heights and defensive.
My breathing is heavy, rage clogging my throat and making speaking damn near impossible. I just stand there glaring daggers at all three of them, my anger rising with every passing second.
“Wait…Cole?” Nick asks and it’s just another punch to the gut.
“Yeah, Cole. Excuse the hell out of me for assuming you’d recognize your son. It’s only been what? Twenty years? But who’s counting, right?”
Jake shifts awkwardly, looking off to the side. He and Nick have matching black hair and similar features, being actual brothers, so we never knew for sure which of them is my biological father, but it doesn’t even matter. All three of them agreed to abandon me, so why would I even want to know? It wouldn’t change anything.
Grace puts her hand on Nick’s arm, acting all timid. “Is that really any way to speak to your mother?”
I spit on the ground at her feet. “You don’t get to call yourself that.”
“Easy there, Cole,” Nick warns and I fucking hope he hits me. Wouldn’t be the first time, but I’m far better equipped to handle it now.
“Why?” I snap, throwing my arms out at my sides, ignoring the countless looks being thrown our way in the middle of the sidewalk.
Grace scoffs. “You’re still just as obnoxious as ever. You always were an emotional thing. We weren’t ready to be parents; especially to a handful like you. Isn’t that reason enough?”
You, you, you. Always my fault.
“It wasn’t like I was a baby you left on someone’s porch, I was fucking seven! You couldn’t even look me in the face to say you were leaving; you just didn’t come back. Do you have any idea how long I sat in that godforsaken trash heap we called a house before going to look for help? That I thought you must’ve been in an accident or something and that’s why you never came home?”
Tears burn the back of my eyes as my voice steadily rises, but I refuse to give them that satisfaction. “How long I waited for you to come back or at least send a goddamn letter explaining why you left?”
My chest is heaving as they stand there, Jake the only one decent enough to at least look guilty. He refuses to look my way, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably, but he’s just as much to blame as the other two. Grace clings to Nick like a pathetic victim and Nick just stands there stoically, waiting for their embarrassment of an offspring to stop having a tantrum.
“Feel better getting that off your chest?” Nick asks in a smooth, even tone that just makes we want to vomit at the memories it dredges up.
“No,” I laugh humorlessly, scrubbing a hand down my face. “But it wouldn’t even matter if it did, would it?”
He shrugs a single shoulder, apathetic. “Not particularly.”
I huff, torn between wanting to burst into tears or vomit. “None of you regret it, do you? Wouldn’t go back and change a single fucking thing?”
Grace brushes her hair over her shoulder, putting a hand on her hip indignantly. “You turned out well enough, right? So why are you complaining? We didn’t even want kids; you were an accident. But I tried, okay? And the baby thing was hard enough, but everyone promised it got easier. But not you; constantly clinging to my leg, or asking for shit. I gave it years waiting for things to get better, but they never did. Is it any surprise I finally snapped? It took me weeks before I was finally starting to feel l
ike me again.”
I look at the woman that birthed me, but I just feel…nothing, anymore. Rage at the situation, years of heartache and issues a therapist would sell their left arm to get a hold of, sure. But the people themselves? I don’t miss any of them in the slightest, just what they represent.
Not bothering with another word, I turn on my back on them and walk back towards my actual family. It doesn’t feel good, or even the slightest bit cathartic to be the one to abandon them this time; it just hurts, so goddamn much.
They don’t call my name, or ask me to wait while they beg my forgiveness. Every fantasy I’ve had over the last couple of decades crumbles apart as if my dreams were constructed of nothing but sand.
I climb into the truck, silently looking ahead to see them long gone. They couldn’t even be bothered to act upset for a few measly minutes and I’m just so…defeated.
“You were better off,” Ares states softly, looking straight ahead. “They abused you enough for those brief years. It would have only gotten worse if they’d stayed.”
I’m quiet for a long stretch, my thoughts a jumbled mess. When I feel like I can actually risk talking without breaking down, I start rummaging in the glove box just to give my hands something to do.
“Am I really that bad?” I whisper, not wanting to hear the answer. “I mean, I know I’ve got issues, and days I can hardly get out of bed. And I’m clingy. And annoying.”
“Stop. Don’t let them get in your head, Cole. You’re not a burden.” Osiris’ voice does little to settle my nerves though.
What if I drive her away too? I can’t even voice those words, afraid that doing so will give them power and make them more real.
“You won’t,” Ares declares firmly. He gives off a confident air, one that begs me to believe him and cede control. We may not have alphas like the wolves do, but Ares? He takes care of our pride as well as any alpha I’ve ever met.
“I could bite their faces off if it makes you feel better?” Ozzy offers and a small smile pulls at the corner of my mouth.
“I wouldn’t be opposed. I know everyone preaches taking the high ground, but…”
Rin snorts from outside my cracked window and I jump in my seat. “Fuck the high ground. Be petty; I sure as shit was.”
She climbs into the backseat and slams the door behind her, eyes radiating absolute fury. Truth be told? Fucking sexy on her. I doubt she could throw much of a punch, but I’d love to see her try. She spends so much time subdued, that the brief times I’m able to witness her keyed up and animated are something I could quickly become addicted to.
“What do you mean?” Ares asks as Osiris starts rubbing against her like a horny cat.
She leans over the center console and grabs the side of my neck, planting a hard kiss fueled by her anger on my lips. Pulling back just as quickly, she leans her forehead against mine. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it was impossible not to,” she apologizes and I have a brief flash of guilt at what a scene I made while literally my only job was to stay under the radar.
“I’m sorry, I-“ but she cuts me off by pressing a finger to my lips.
“You don’t have a damn thing to apologize for,” she growls, and fuck, she may not be a shifter, but she has all the fire of one right now. “But those assholes?”
Sirens fly by, cutting her off and hurting my sensitive hearing. Why any shifter would willingly live in a place like this is absolutely beyond me.
“What did you do?” Ares asks tentatively and she smiles sheepishly.
“Well, you did say that if someone were to shoplift, it should be for something more interesting than a tube of toothpaste.” She sits back and I give up all pretense of being cool and mysterious to crawl into the backseat with her, desperately needing to be near my mate right now.
There’s so much restless energy coursing through my veins that I actually want to shift for the first time in ages. I typically do so out of necessity, but right now? I want to tear the world apart. That, or run, and just keep running until my past can’t catch me.
“What did you do, beautiful?” I brush a lock of chestnut hair behind her ear, just looking for an excuse to touch her.
“Fifty-fifty shot they’re going to be mad,” her voice echoes around my skull and I startle, hand stilling on the side of her face.
Did you just…?
Her eyes widen in alarm, biting her lip. “Shit, there’s another one.”
A genuine laugh slips past my lips before I capture hers. It’s cathartic in a way I can’t describe, feeling that sense of belonging. When the pack link slipped into place between the three of us, it was enough to give me a sense of stability in an otherwise chaotic life. With Rin coming in, battering her way through those walls with all of the grace of a lumberjack, it just feels complete.
I may not have the family I should have been born to, but I have the one that I found. And that means so much more because it’s not just real, it’s mine.
Want to confess your sins? I promise, we’ll only punish you a little. I waggle my eyebrows, not feeling quite like myself, but able to bury my pain easier under the distraction.
She lowers her voice as if she’s afraid someone will overhear and arrest her. “I may or may not have taken a necklace and slipped it into Grace’s purse. Then reported it.” She bites her lip, waiting for my scolding, but I don’t think I could ever think of this woman as anything short of perfect.
“You’re devious,” I praise, kissing the side of her neck.
“You mean reckless,” Ares corrects, but there isn’t any heat behind it.
She hums, stretching her neck further to the side to leave it open to my ministrations. Osiris leaps into the front passenger seat, curling up on the footboard and trying to stay out of sight.
“You’re both wrong,” he purrs. “She’s absolutely perfect.”
“You guys are the ones inventing petty feuds with the wolves out of boredom, so I refuse to feel bad for something justified. Want to go watch her get arrested?” she offers, head still canted to the side.
I run my tongue over her flesh, the scent of her skin my own personal drug. “Does it make me a terrible person if I say yes?”
She hums, leaning into me. “I don’t think you could be a terrible person if you tried. But if you are, so am I. Because I really want to see at least some twisted sense of justice after that.”
Ares fires up the truck, merging into traffic and heading down a block. When we get to the flashing lights he slows, and all of us crane our necks, watching with satisfaction as Grace, Nick, and Jake are shoved in the back of a police cruiser.
“I should feel bad.”
“Bullshit,” Ozzy snaps. “Where did all this stuff about having to take the high road come from? They were abusive, selfish, pieces of shit that hurt you without remorse. Fuck those guys. You don’t have to forgive people that aren’t even attempting to earn your compassion.”
Ares rumbles his agreement. “Hold onto your anger if you need to; better that than not being able to feel anything. If it helps you move on by forgiving them, then by all means. But you don’t owe them shit, brother.”
“You’re not a terrible person for wanting to be treated decently,” Rin adds, her anger bleeding into her tone.
I meet Jake’s eye as his head is shoved in the backseat and it may just be my imagination, but I’m pretty sure I saw the tiniest bit of regret looking back at me. Maybe it’s a fool’s dream, but it helps to think that at least one of them acknowledges that they fucked up. I doubt I’ll ever get closure, not from them at least, but maybe I can at least delude myself into pretending.
“Hey,” Rin starts softly, kissing my shoulder as we leave them behind us. “For what it’s worth? I like how clingy you are. Makes me feel all wanted and junk.” She winks and my heart lurches, torn in too many directions too quickly.
“I love you.”
I bite my tongue as soon as I blurt the words, mentally slapping the shit out of myself. This
isn’t the fucking time, and she’s just going to think it’s because I’m upset and looking for anything to hold onto right now, and that’s not it. But fuck if I know good timing if it smacked me in the face.
“Love you too,” she breathes, sounding just as nervous as I am, but at least she had the good sense not to say it out loud. Hell, she might have not even meant for me to hear it if what Ozzy says is true and she doesn’t know how to put up a mental block.
“Bright side!” she chirps out loud, leaning forward to rake her nails down Ares’ arm like she has the uncanny ability to tell when one of us if feeling left out. “I have good news.”
He pulls into the parking lot of a public park, turning in his seat to face her. His eyes are brighter than usual, all of the chaos bringing his protective instincts to the forefront.
“Do tell,” he prompts, and I half expect him to try to crawl back here with us so that we can pick up where we left off with her last night.
“Ladies in the shop were terrible gossips.” She flutters a hand to her chest, donning her best posh accent. “Did you know that Katherine and her husband are swingers?” She places the back of her hand to her forehead, pitching her voice higher. “Well, I never! How respectable people can step foot into Mystic’s and still show their faces is beyond me. Heathens, the lot of them.”
“Why was that so hot?” Osiris purrs and I burst out laughing.
“I’m not sure, but do it again,” Ares suggests. “I’m thinking it was the ‘heathens’ part.”
I nod solemnly. “Sounded dirty, I agree.”
Her eyes light up as she crawls over, straddling my lap and nipping at the side of my throat. Honestly, we’ve all been pretty sexually charged since last night, and I’m pretty sure she could make a potato sack look sexy right now with as keyed up as we are.
It’s just been too much, too fast, and it’s reaching a boiling point. Despite how little time has actually passed, it feels like months. If I don’t mark her soon, I might legitimately shift and do it anyway, unable to control my instincts, and the absolute last thing I want to do is hurt her. Fuck her senseless, sure, but I’d rather chew my own arm off than actually hurt her. But if I can’t let some steam off soon, I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep holding back.