Copyright © 2015 by Michael Baughman
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.
Print ISBN: 978-1-63220-639-8
Ebook ISBN: 978-1-63220-795-1
Printed in the United States of America
This book is dedicated to the memory of Robert, Tommy, and Curtis
Doomed enterprises divide lives forever into the then and the now.
Cormac McCarthy, The Crossing
Many thanks to my editor, Lilly Golden, whose invaluable advice, as well as her patience, made telling this story possible.
CONTENTS
We Should Kill
Baseball Caps
Dagwood and Mr. Dithers
That Poor Sumbitch
Bachus Books
Number 4 Thor
Sip and Hits
A Wilderness Trail
I Shot the Sheriff
One Way Road
Commerce
Ticks in the Spring
Every Little Thing
WE SHOULD KILL
HEADQUARTERS
This was the only tavern for sixty miles as the crow flies in any direction. Except for the big neon sign held between metal stanchions protruding from its roof the Bird of Prey looked like an oversized two-story log cabin. On a clear night the red and yellow sign depicting a hawk clutching a fat long-tailed mouse in its talons could be seen from half a mile either way along the two-lane road. The structure had been built by a German immigrant named Eisenkopf in 1897 with the ground floor serving as a combination general store and blacksmith shop and Herr and Frau Eisenkopf living above. Soon after Eisenkopf died of influenza in 1919 his widow sold the building to a cowboy who turned it into an auction house for horses. By the time the cowboy died there was insufficient local demand for horses so the cowboy’s son opened a rooming house, but soon after that he was drafted into the army and killed at war. Back home his young widow established the Bird of Prey tavern with apartments to rent on the top floor. She eventually remarried and gave birth to a son who was named Drum after his father. At eighteen Drum Junior married a San Francisco hippie girl known as Sunbeam and two months after the wedding his father tracked a bull elk through newly fallen snow in October and stumbled over a fallen log and shot himself through the heart. When Drum Junior’s mother died he and Sunbeam took over the Bird of Prey. In late middle-age Drum Junior suffered a fatal heart attack and since then Sunbeam has run the tavern herself.
The parking lot was crowded mostly with pickups and SUVs, and inside the big room was almost full. Patrons came from many miles away and from all directions and this was the happy time on a Saturday night when nearly everyone who would be there had arrived and nobody was thinking about leaving yet.
Shadow and Shrimp had the two stools at the end of the long bar not far from a jukebox that sat directly between the restroom doors. Without a television set in the Bird of Prey the jukebox was the only entertainment in the place. Shrimp sat at the end of the bar with Shadow, next to a middle-aged fat man wearing a camouflage cowboy hat with a rattlesnake band. The fat cowboy was drinking shots of tequila and the young men had pint glasses of amber ale in front of them.
Shadow had served with Shrimp through three tours in a recent war but now after their service the two created disparate appearances. Shadow had kept his army crew cut and clean shave while Shrimp had grown a head of curly black hair, which hung down past his shoulders, and a thick beard that reached nearly halfway to his waist. The beard covered some of the plastic surgery scars on his face and the visible scars showed white against his suntan. Shadow wore jeans and a clean gray hooded sweatshirt, and Shrimp wore faded camouflage army fatigues.
Shadow was thinking about rumors he had been hearing and about the three men they had caught and beaten out in the woods that day and the old man who might have escaped when a lovely young blond woman in faded jeans and a tight black blouse walked up to the jukebox and stood there with her head tilted to one side pondering selections.
“Nice ass,” Shadow said to Shrimp.
“Looks like a college girl,” Shrimp answered.
“Think so?”
“All I know is old Uncle Sam wanted college. He’d be good as gold right now if he never thought about a college, but look at the poor son of a bitch. All I know is the only reason almost anybody goes to a college is so they can maybe make more money later on, an’ I say fuck that, it’s bullshit. We make mighty good money without college, right? We already got enough to open up our own place whenever we want, right?”
“All I know is you got at least two things that’re all you know.”
“It pisses me off is all. Just look what wantin’ college did to Uncle Sam. Don’t talk college to me.”
“I hear you,” Shadow answered.
“All I know is that’s what I mean.”
Finally the blond dropped her coins into the slot and pushed some buttons and turned and walked away through the crowd.
“Awesome ass,” Shrimp said.
“Until we open up our own place maybe we got to hit some new tavern once in a while,” Shadow said. “Where there’s better things to do than check out asses.”
“Like where?”
“Some dude’s opening a strip club out there by Four Corners.”
“Who?”
“Just some dude who inherited money.”
“But that’s eighty goddamn miles away.”
“We got vehicles,” Shadow said. “Toon told me about it this afternoon. It’ll open up by the end of the year and they figure to have these special nights scheduled. Like Amateur Night. Wet T-shirt Night. Whipped Cream Night. Men’s Night. Stuff like that.”
“Men’s Night?”
“Yeah. The men’ll strip and the women can bid on the ones they like. I guess it’ll be a way to get women in the place.”
“Or keep women out. Or maybe Toon can strip and the women who dig tattoos can bid on him. Maybe I could go for Whipped Cream Night though.”
“Me too. Whatever the hell it is.”
Shadow’s glass was nearly empty now and he lifted it slowly and took a long swallow of the lukewarm ale.
The jukebox ballad about a long-haul truck driver was sung slightly off-key in a high soprano voice with a Southern accent accompanied by an electric guitar.
“That song definitely sucks,” Shrimp said, “but I’m gonna look that little blond college lady up right about now.”
He got up and carried his ale through the crowd toward the booths on the far side of the room.
SHADOW
Shadow had grown up an only child whose father was a preacher in a fishing town on the nearby coast. The preacher believed with all his evangelical heart that the earth was 6,000 years old and that there had been a man named Noah who single-handedly built and sailed an ark and that the worst man on earth was far superior to the finest woman (if there wa
s a finest woman) and that all homosexuals and Jews and niggers and spics and chinks and japs and dagos and ragheads and adulterers among various other groups of misfits and perverts were doomed to what he visualized and preached about as the gigantic and eternal frying pan in the immense barbecue pit of hell. Beginning at age six Shadow had accompanied his father to homes where the preacher knelt and prayed aloud over the bodies of the recently deceased beseeching God to allow them through the pearly gates (that was what he called them) into paradise (that was what he called it). Shadow always stood a few feet behind his father staring at the corpses. Some were covered all the way over their heads by sheets or blankets and some weren’t. He had seen dozens of dead bodies including several children before he went off to war. During his time as a soldier he saw hundreds of dead men and many women and children and soon hardened himself to it. Then, after his discharge, while driving a logging road on only his third day back home he rounded a turn and hit a deer. The young glassy-eyed bleating doe lay on her side just in front of the pickup truck with her spindly legs kicking feebly. A fractured lower hind leg flopped spasmodically and raised small clouds of fine brown dust. Five bloated ticks showed on the doe’s smooth white belly. To put the animal out of her misery Shadow killed her with a tire iron. He struck the doe on the top of the head between the ears until first the bleating stopped and then the legs no longer moved. It took what seemed a long time and the head had become a bloody bony mushy hairy pulp with bulging eyes. Shadow dragged the carcass off the road and turned the truck around and drove back home. The dead doe bothered him more than any dead human ever had. When he related what had happened and what he had had to do and how depressed it had made him his father explained that animals didn’t really matter because only God and white men did, and he pounded his big fist on the kitchen tabletop as he spoke. The vivid image of the dead doe’s head remained in Shadow’s mind, and two weeks later he took off and headed toward a new life in the old pickup. He was broke and anguished and alone, and he wished it had been his father’s head instead.
Shadow didn’t watch Shrimp search for the pretty blond. He drained his glass and waved at the bartender who smiled at him and waved back as she set mixed drinks in tall glasses on the bar for a young couple sitting a few stools away. Then she stepped to the end of the bar and stood in front of Shadow and he smiled back at her. She was somewhere close to thirty years old and trim and pretty with long dark hair worn in a ponytail tied with a bright red ribbon.
“Hello, Rainbow,” Shadow said.
“Hey, Shadow. One more pint?”
“Yes please. Hey. How’s Uncle Sam?”
“Oh, you know. The same.”
“Hey, I heard on the news the VA might shape up some.”
“That’ll be the day.”
“Right,” Shadow said. “Should I go up and look in on him tonight?”
“You could try. He might be asleep. Probably is. He likes it when you visit. I can tell.”
“Hey Rainbow!” a man called from somewhere down the bar.
Rainbow ignored him. “I’ll bring your pint,” she told Shadow.
“Gracias.”
“Shrimp too?”
“He took his glass with him but I think he needs one.”
Soon after Rainbow carried Shadow’s empty glass away, Shrimp returned to his barstool. “That sweet blond thing’s with some huge dude, some asshole who’s half drunk,” he said. “I mean huge. I almost had to coldcock the ignorant shithead. Somebody’ll kick his ass before the night’s over, I guarantee you that. Or somebody’ll try. I sure do hope to see that little lady again sometime. It’s her first time here she said.”
“Rainbow’s bringing us pints. Want to head upstairs and check on Uncle Sam?”
“Soon as the pints arrive.”
Rainbow served the pints of amber ale topped with an inch of rich white foam.
Shadow took a long drink. He liked the feel of the cold wet glass in his hand.
Shrimp handed a ten-dollar bill across the bar and Rainbow took it and smiled but was too busy filling orders to stop and talk.
Both men stood with pints in hand. “I guess we’ll lose our bar spots,” Shrimp said.
“Fuck it,” Shadow answered. “We’ll squeeze back in somewhere.”
As he swallowed ale Shadow noticed the fat man in the cowboy hat punching numbers into a cell phone.
“That thing won’t work around here,” he said to the cowboy.
“What?”
“I said that thing won’t work around here.”
“I got service five miles down the road.”
“You’re five miles up the road now, dude.”
“Well, that pretty much sucks.”
“We kind of like it out of range,” Shrimp said. “Could be you’re in the wrong place.”
“It fucking sucks,” the cowboy answered.
“Could be you suck,” Shrimp said. “Hey, would you save us our stools while we’re gone?”
The fat cowboy squinted out from underneath his hat as if he were looking into a bright light, and then he looked away and slid his cell phone back into his shirt pocket with one hand and picked up his empty shot glass with the other. When he looked into the glass he appeared to be surprised to see it was empty.
RAINBOW
One late night at the bar Shadow had told Rainbow about killing the doe with the tire iron and how his father the preacher had driven him from home and finally to this place, and the story surprised her. Rainbow had left Texas because of her daddy. (Nearly all Texas kids call their fathers “daddy.”) Rainbow’s daddy had illegal Mexicans working at menial jobs on the ranch so she heard Spanish growing up and learned the language easily. The Mexican men worked hard for meager wages in all weather through every season of the year, and the women and children who worked hard to help the men received no pay. All the Mexicans liked Rainbow because she spoke their language, but one day her daddy overheard her call out “Hola” to a little girl on the ranch and he gave Rainbow a dirty look and took off his white Stetson hat and shook his shiny bald head and spat and walked away. “Can’t my goddamn daughter talk American?” he called back over his shoulder. On a hot humid summer morning Rainbow walked into a bank with her daddy and he stepped up to a counter where a small wooden sign said “Habla Espanol.” Her daddy asked the Mexican man behind the counter if his name was Habla and the man smiled and shook his head no and her daddy asked him why he had the sign there if that wasn’t even his name and then called him a stupid beaner. There were many such incidents through the years, and the day after high school graduation Rainbow left her home and her town and the state of Texas forever.
“Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life” by Bobby Bare was playing on the jukebox as Shadow and Shrimp threaded their way through the crowd and across the room and then through a narrow doorway and finally up a dark flight of stairs.
At the top of the stairway they opened a door and walked into Rainbow’s three-room apartment. It was the smallest of the four apartments on the second floor. They walked across the dark living room and into the dimly lit bedroom where Rainbow’s husband Uncle Sam lay flat on his back on a single bed against the wall by a window that looked out over the crowded parking lot. Red had always been Uncle Sam’s favorite color, and the walls and ceiling in the room had been painted blood red and a red rug lay on the floor and red curtains framed the small window.
Uncle Sam had lost both arms and both legs to an “improvised explosive device.” The arms were gone above his elbows and the legs well above his knees. The blast had ruined his brain and paralyzed his torso from the neck down. He couldn’t move and couldn’t speak, but when spoken to could sometimes blink his eyes. Sometimes he could chew soft foods and swallow liquids when Rainbow fed him.
Three metal folding chairs also painted red were leaned against the red wall near the door Shadow and Shrimp had entered by. Shadow handed Shrimp his ale. He opened two of the chairs and carried one in each hand a
nd placed them close to the bed and he and Shrimp sat down.
Uncle Sam wore a red T-shirt and lay covered up to his chest with a red quilt with his arm stumps underneath the quilt. His pillowcase was red and his eyes were narrowly opened and reflected light from the blinking red and yellow neon sign outside and he showed no indication he realized Shadow and Shrimp were there.
“Hey, buddy,” Shadow said.
“Hello, Uncle Sam,” Shrimp said. “Crowded downstairs tonight. Hunters, rednecks, growers, all kinds. Ol’ Rainbow’s mighty busy.”
The narrowly opened eyes didn’t blink.
“He might hear us all the time,” Shadow said. “Just because he doesn’t blink doesn’t mean he can’t hear us.”
“He might never hear us,” Shrimp answered. “Just because he blinks doesn’t mean he can hear us either.”
“It’d be better if he didn’t hear us. I guess it’d be a whole hell of a lot better if he never heard anything. But maybe he does.” Shadow patted Uncle Sam’s shoulder. “We’ll give you some brew here in a while,” he said. “Good stuff. Amber ale.”
“It’s fall,” Shrimp said. “In the old days we’d be out there in deer camp by now. Remember sitting around the fire at night in camp? Sipping a little Jim Beam and bullshitting? Was that sweet? Anyway, we saw a six-point yesterday. The dumbass was in easy range and stood there staring at us. Like he wanted to walk on over and talk. Up there by Tubbs Springs. We didn’t shoot him though. But he’s a dumbass and somebody sure as shit will. We don’t shoot deer anymore. Just people if we got to. Like they trained us to do.”
They both stared at Uncle Sam’s face as they talked. He was dark-haired and pale-skinned and gaunt now but still handsome. They’d both been to Uncle Sam’s and Rainbow’s wedding before their war. Shadow had been best man and the wedding had been in the deer camp clearing in the woods out by the east fork of Jump Off Joe Creek. A big crowd was there. Lots of people got stoned and a few got drunk. After the war started they’d both tried to talk Uncle Sam out of enlisting with them, but the logging jobs were gone and Uncle Sam said he needed the money for college and the army was the only way he could get it and this that they saw under the red quilt on the bed was what he got instead.
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