by Zee Irwin
I almost slammed on my breaks, instead slowing and taking the next exit, coming to a stop in a gas station parking lot. “Simon, this is huge. I’m so proud of you for recognizing this. The accident was never your fault.”
“I know that Mom and Dad were arguing over me spilling juice across the back seat, and all over your new yellow dress. Dad’s shit hit the roof. It was all about Dad and his abusive issues, not me. With Nina’s help, I’m working past it, trying anyway.”
I reached over and embraced him. “Oh Simon, that’s the best news. Maybe I need to spend more time with Nina. She sounds more amazing than I gave her credit for.”
“I’m sorry, Sis. You’ve been there for me my whole life, watching after me. It wasn’t fair to you.”
I pulled away from him as a lump formed in my throat and the heat rose to my eyes. “I thought I had no more tears left, but here you are saying all these things.” Yep, the tears fell now. Simon reached into the glove box for a napkin.
“Come on, don’t cry. You’ve kept us together through all that’s happened. Thanks for everything, but it’s time to focus on you, your happiness, and Jace.”
Through my blubbering, I spat out, “I don’t know what I want. Maybe he doesn’t either. I haven’t heard a word from him in the past few days. Only one text message came in, a simple one, this morning, telling me to be careful driving. I asked for space, for time away from each other to think, but I figured he’d ignore that and chase after me, begging me to come back. Instead, I got radio silence. In all the books, the hero always swoops in romantically for the happy ending. I should have had a clue because the way we started wasn’t exactly romantic.”
“And that’s always been your problem. This isn’t a romance novel, its real life and it’s messy. There’s only one author of your life—you. So don’t worry about your silly books or him. Figure out what you want. If it’s Jace, then I’m sure together you’ll talk things out when we get back. If it’s not Jace, then book a therapy session with Nina. Maybe she can clear up your issues too.”
We laughed together, and I glanced at him, taking in his good looks and realizing how much he’d matured. “Thanks for this, little brother.”
“Yeah, sure, but I’ve reached my daily limit for this sappy crap. You think we could move on now? I’m ready to hit the ice.”
Our moment of closeness ended, and the old Simon I knew and loved returned, but I’d hold on to this moment all week while cheering him on. I wanted nothing but the best for him as he did for me. But what I wanted for myself was unclear.
20
Signature Touches
Jace
I woke up to my phone ringing and vibrating off the nightstand. My hungover mind and body jumped to answer it. “Lily? Hello? Is that you?”
“Nope, it’s Travis. Are you okay?”
“Sure.” I wasn’t. I’d called off sick and spent three days after Lily and I argued, holed up in the apartment drinking, eating, and wrestling with demons and emotions.
“Maybe this will cheer you up a little. We had a tip come in and sent officers out to make an arrest. The perp buckled under questioning and gave up his accomplices in the burglary ring. Case closed, buddy.”
I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the edge of the bed. “That’s good news.” If my voice came out more depressed than pleased, with good reason, I couldn’t care about the case right now.
“And you were right. The pizzeria was not one of the shops they hit. There’s more proof against Frank. The guy was a total loser.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Marcie wants to know if you need us to bring you anything, like food or good ears to listen and help you figure things out.”
“No, I’m good. I need to get through this week and be here when Lily gets back.”
“You could call her, you know?”
I laid back down in bed and covered myself with a blanket. “She wanted time and space. I’m giving it to her, even if it kills me.”
Another call came in from a number I didn’t recognize. “Hey I gotta go, this might be her on the other line.” I clicked over. “Hello? Lily?”
“Heh, heh. Nah, dude. It’s your brother. I’m in some bookstore. Is this correct? They listed it at the construction company as your current address.”
“Luc? When did you get back?” I kicked off the blanket and reached for my jeans. Water and aspirin came next.
“I got my discharge papers last week. I flew to Boston yesterday.”
“I’m upstairs. Tell the staff you’re my brother, they’ll point you in the right direction.”
“Why am I not surprised you live above a bookstore?”
I had enough time to throw on a t-shirt and put a kettle of water on the stove. I threw open the door to a man who was almost the mirror image of me. “Hey. Welcome home, brother.” We embraced briefly and slapped each other on the back.
“Thanks. Let me guess, Lily is a bookworm?”
I nodded as he walked in.
“I’d say nice place, but did someone decide to redecorate with beer bottles and pizza boxes? And what’s with the dead roses on the counter? One rose stem with one petal left—what are you trying to do, keep that one alive?” He made a motion for the vase and the dead petals loose on the counter, but I stopped him.
“Don’t touch those. I-I’m saving the petals for Lily. I wasn’t expecting company or I might have cleaned up. She left this morning on a trip with her brother for the week. And yeah, the beer bottles and pizza boxes may continue to pile up. I’ll probably hit a few more benders before she’s back.”
Luc backed off and took another look around. “Nice apartment, though. I can tell you’ve put a lot of work into the place. I see your signature touches here and there. You always were a better craftsman than me. I preferred the business side. Guess Dad figured out our strengths early on.”
We took seats at the dining table in front of one of the large windows. I pulled the shade down a little because my bloodshot eyes couldn’t take the sun pouring in. “Lily owns The Cat’s Cradle. I’ve been helping her remodel.”
“Is she the reason you look like you’ve been to hell and back?”
“Yeah, she called it ‘taking a break’,” I used air quotes and smirked to let him know what I thought of the situation.
“Oh shit. What’d you do?”
“You automatically think I messed up?”
“Hell yeah. I repeat, what’d you do?”
I hated admitting he was right. “I got jealous of an old friend of hers who was trying to swoop in on her. She accused me of not trusting her. Not that I didn’t trust her, but you should have seen the guy. Pretty boy, Italian type.”
“Come on. I thought you’d been through enough therapy to get over any insecurities. Look at you, you gorgeous hunk of man. I should know.” He pinched my arm, and I brushed him away, pretending to punch his jaw.
He continued the act, flinging his jaw and head off to the side. “But seriously, I haven’t seen you in a while. You look great, the scars aren’t bad. Maybe she’ll feel different when she gets back.”
I leaned my elbows on the table and dropped my head into my hands. “Lily’s the one for me. If I lose her . . .”
“Hey, you know what we need? We need to celebrate my homecoming. Let’s head up to the cabin, take the boat out on the lake. Get some of your buddies together. We’ll fish, drink, complain about women. We’ll come back here good as new and ready to face everything again.”
A long sigh escaped me while I thought about it. The last time I went drinking with my brother, I woke up naked on the boat alone, no motor, no paddles, just floating free in the middle of the lake. “Okay, but no funny business. I’m not in the mood.”
After a few calls, the trip came together quickly. Luc and I picked up Travis. Marcie reluctantly agreed he could go, since I told her it was all in the name of nursing my wounds. We drove to our family ranch.
Daniel arrived shortly after, bringing Bronson
and Hank with him. They made all around introductions. I figured the more company on this boating trip, the better to lift my spirits and get my mind off Lily for a while.
We got Dad’s Excalibur pontoon boat out and docked on Goose Lake. We stocked it, complete with fishing gear, beer and liquor and plenty of chips and dip. To cap it off, Daniel brought Cuban cigars for each of us.
After we’d boated around a while, we dropped anchor and set up the fishing poles, but none of us expected to catch anything. We focused more on the food, drinks, cigars, and bullshit, each taking up lounging positions around the boat.
“This is the life,” Hank said as he stretched out on one of the plush seats. “When Daniel said boating on the lake, I pictured a speed boat or something. Nothing like this twenty-seven feet of pure luxury.”
“I like this guy,” Luc laughed. “Dad’s construction business did well, still does. Nothing but the best for Dad. If you ever have a girl you want to impress, just call me. I’ll hook you up.”
Bronson took a shot at him. “There you go, Hank. Bring Emily out here and maybe she’ll finally be yours and you’ll hit one out of the ballpark.” Hank reddened at that and I wondered what kind of story there was there.
“I’m thinking Emily will never see me as serious dating material. She calls me her buddy all the time. Does that mean I’m stuck in the friend zone or is there a way out of it?”
Bronson laughed. “Dude, you are so stuck not even a tow truck could pull you out of that hole.”
“My advice: Date as much as you can and flaunt it in front of her. If this Emily chick doesn’t come around, then you just keep right on dating others. You’ll find someone new.” Luc took a long swig, and I wondered if he talked from experience. I’d have to ask him about that later. In all his years in the military, he’d never settled down. Maybe putting down roots in Boston would be good for him.
“Gentlemen, I propose a toast,” Travis started. “To the women we can’t live without, and the ones we can’t live with.” Cheers and drinks went up all around.
“How is my goddaughter?” I shouted out.
“My baby girl is already the apple of my eye. And no man will ever come between us.” Travis had already shown off photos on his phone earlier in the lake expedition, but proudly brought his phone out of his pocket again.
I playfully smacked his stomach, a pooch that had been growing ever since Marcie announced the pregnancy. “I’d say the dad-bod suits you.” He swatted me away.
Daniel clapped Bronson on the back. “What about you? You’ve lived with Cassidy for a few months and now engaged. How’s that going?”
“My woman is fine. She’s everything I always wanted. She likes to shop and has made over every square inch of our apartment, documenting every second for her fans on social media. And then there’s nonstop wedding talk, but life with her is great. No complaints.” Bronson puffed his cigar and blew rings in the air.
I chuckled to myself at his fashion choices of pilot sunglasses, leather shoes, and blue Bermuda shorts with a pink preppy polo shirt. Life must be good for the CEO of a family-owned international fast-food chain of restaurants.
Bronson took a dig back at Daniel. “When are you going to stop dragging your feet and ask Maddie to move in with you?”
“I’m in no hurry. Maddie and I are doing fine right where we are.” Daniel took a long swig of his Irish whiskey and moved to the bar to pour more from the bottle he brought along. “Besides, if Maddie moves out, then Lily will be all by herself at the apartment. Her rent would go up or she’d have to find new roommates.” He flashed a smile full of dimples that went to waste on us guys. Most people thought Daniel was an arrogant son of a bitch, but I knew him better, and next to Travis, they were the two guys always in my corner.
His words reminded me of the chain of events that brought Lily and me together. Because of Maddie suggesting I move in with her and Lily, I finally met Flower65. Until that fateful moment, I honestly was still fifty-fifty for backing out of meeting her. Hell yeah, it scared me shitless, but in hindsight, meeting my Flower65 in person was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. Maybe it wasn’t the romantic start Lily had hoped for, but I was lucky it happened the way it did and it forced us together.
If it weren’t for Sammie, and for the robbery cases, I might not have needed her help. And if it weren’t for her lack of funds to fix up her apartment upstairs, I wouldn’t have offered to do the remodeling. It blew my mind the events that all led to Lily and me spending more time together and falling in love. Like it was meant to be. But she asked for space, a break. And if she came back next week and wanted to break up, I’d be obliterated, lost without her in my life.
My shoulders slumped. “Actually, it might be Maddie who has to pay you more rent. The apartment above the bookstore is ready for Lily to move back. It’ll save her money and make things easier for her when she does. On second thought, I might need a place to live then.”
Bronson slapped my back. “I feel for you, Jace. Cassidy always said Lily had her nose stuck in steamy novels where the fucking perfect heroes exist. That’s a shitload of pressure for any guy. Don’t worry, just do something very romantic and unexpected when she returns to win her back, and I’m sure everything will be fine.”
I shot a glance at Bronson and realized how true his words were. I scrambled to my feet. “Fuck, that’s exactly what I’ll do. Something huge.”
“Oh no, guys, watch out. I know my brother and when he gets that look in his eye, nothing will stand in his way.”
Travis straightened up and was already on board with whatever crazy thoughts entertained my mind. “What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking it’s time for a makeover. And I’ll need everyone’s help.”
21
Nine Words
Lily
Jace was doing a great job of giving me space, almost too great. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he didn’t care enough about me to chase after me. I mean, I didn’t think he’d fly all the way to New Jersey to proclaim his love and claim me once and for all, but some kind of romantic gesture would have been nice.
Somehow, his absence only fed into the ache building inside of me. I couldn’t shake this feeling of emptiness, like a void swallowing me up bit by bit. I thought I’d spend the week relaxing, making space for self care, but almost every second ended up consumed by Simon’s practices or thoughts of Jace.
On the last day of tryouts, and I was so damn proud of my brother. He worked his ass off for the coaches and recruiters all week, leaving his entire heart out on the ice. By the time they gathered the guys together to share their decision, I knew he deserved a spot on the team. And the coaches agreed.
“You did it, little brother!” Elation overtook me, and I asked my worry to sit back awhile. There’d be plenty of days ahead where I could worry about him and this new direction of his life, but today he didn’t need to see that.
They invited us out to dinner with some of the other guys and their families to celebrate, and I agreed to drive Simon and a couple of his new friends around. Being the designated driver for their bar hopping between a couple of country music clubs was fun. I let loose for once, dancing and kicking up my heels.
By the time we returned to the hotel, I exhaustion consumed me, but I still couldn’t sleep. Knowing the next day I’d be back home and facing Jace, I planned out what I’d say to him. Replaying our last time together ate away at me, thinking about the pain in his eyes when he had walked away.
At three in the morning, I wound up grabbing my phone and viewing photos of him, in a montage of our life together so far. There were a million remodel photos, the flowers on my kitchen counter posed next to my Pyrex, him looking so studly; us snuggling in bed, and on the beanbag in the library, and more. All amazing memories of us together. I realized these were the romantic moments we’d authored together in the messy relationship we formed.
I caught many beautiful moments on camera, even thou
gh he initially hated being in photos, and he made me promise that I’d be the only one viewing them. He eventually got comfortable posing with me, laughing with me, always saying “Only for you, Flower.” His relaxed side came out, his smile widened, and his eyes . . . Holy hell, they showed nothing but love for me in them.
I bolted upright. The more I studied each photo, the more I hurt. I couldn’t mistake the love I saw reflected in his eyes in every one of our photos. I may not have recognized it in person, but immortalized digitally, it was unmistakable. And I truly, profoundly missed him. The feeling was familiar, and knocked around inside of me until I realized it held the same emotion I felt back when we knew each other on the LitForum. Those days when I’d power through work just to hurry home and get on LitForum hoping Blue92 would be there to keep me company all night with our chats. This had to be love. Could I believe it was true?
I missed him, and I wanted him to know that. Regret ate away at me, rehashing everything I had said to him before I left. Right before sunrise, I finally reached for my laptop and signed on to the forum.
Reading through our past chats brought me hope, and I wanted to leave him a message. I didn’t expect to find Jace there, and he wasn’t, but my heart lurched at finding a message from him waiting for me.
Blue92: My Flower. I’m sorry. I was too afraid of losing you because our time together had been the brightest spot in my life. Let me be clear. I trust you. I don’t trust other guys around you because I will always worry about you way too much, not because you can’t handle yourself. You can. You’re a strong, brave woman. But you’re mine, and I’m yours, and I’m a protector. It’s what I do. If you can love a man like me, flaws, scars, and all, then I trust we belong together. I need you to trust too. I’ve been so worried all week that I fucked things up beyond repair. I ache inside for you, for us, and it hurts. When you said you needed space this week, those words cut me deeper than any of my wounds. I’d do anything to keep you by my side for the rest of my life. Hurry home, but don’t get a speeding ticket. Come back to me.