I clamped my hands around her waist and moved her off me, then stood up, unable to face her bewilderment. I immediately missed the heat of her body, her skin beneath my hands, and the way she looked at me. Would she look at Idris like that one day?
Anger buzzed in my head like a swarm of bees, and I wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all, but I’d learned at a young age that life wasn’t fair. So I turned my back on Tendra and began to dress. The sooner I delivered her to Idris, the sooner I could begin to work on getting over her. Which was laughable. I was pretty sure I’d be in love with Tendra for the rest of my life.
The sound of her moving behind me echoed in the cave, then she stalked in front of me, standing naked with her hands on her hips. “I’m sorry, what? It wasn’t the right decision?”
“You should have called Idris—”
“Fuck Idris!” she shouted.
I sighed. “Tendra—”
“No, really. Fuck him. You wanted me to let you die and then just wait here for a vampire I’d never met to come save me? Are you fucking kidding me?”
I stared at her, unsure what to say. “My life isn’t worth even half of yours—”
She threw her hands in the air. “Fuck, this again—”
“—And who knows what me feeding from you did. You being a blood virgin was important to the prophecy.”
“I can’t believe you’re…blood-slut-shaming me,” she muttered.
I frowned. “I don’t know what that means.”
“Are you worried about Idris being angry?” she asked.
That was a no, seeing as he’d suggested I feed from her to stay alive. “No, I’m not.”
“Are you worried about the potency of my blood, or are you concerned with the fact that you had sex with your brother’s future wife?”
I closed my eyes and fisted my hair. “Fuck, Tendra.”
“Because I’m not sorry.” When I opened my eyes, her arms were crossed over her chest, pushing her breasts toward her neck. Fuck, she was gorgeous. “I’m not sorry. And I didn’t save you because I was scared of being alone, or because I was scared of Idris.” She swallowed and her eyes turned glassy. “I saved you because I couldn’t imagine my future without you in it. Because you’ve done nothing but care for me, and take care of me, and you didn’t deserve that kind of death. And I didn’t deserve a miserable future without you.” She wiped her eyes angrily. “So that’s how I feel—”
I reached out, grabbing her face with both hands and tugging her to me. I smashed our lips together, needing to taste her. I wanted to feel in her kiss that she was telling the truth, and I needed to show I felt that way, too. Even now she tasted like heaven, and I could have stayed like that for hours, sucking on her tongue.
When I pulled away, tears were cascading down her cheeks, and she was chewing her lip raw. I cupped her neck. “Tendra…”
With a thud, she dropped her head onto my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Please don’t be cold to me. I know you’re probably scared, and I am, too, but please don’t punish me for saving you.”
I laid my hand on the back of her neck, my thumb over the spot I bit her, and dropped a kiss onto the top of her head. I was lying if I thought icing her out was going to benefit either of us—then we’d both be miserable. And what the hell was I thinking? There wasn’t a bit of my heart left to protect. I’d already given it to her. “I’m sorry. I was trying to protect myself, to pretend that this was merely about survival. That way it won’t hurt as bad when I have to hand you over to someone else.”
Her shoulders hitched. “What are we going to do?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. But this is bigger than us.”
She faced me with bloodshot eyes, and my heart cracked. “Why does it have to be like this?” she asked. “This isn’t fair. Can’t you be king instead of Idris?”
“He’s been groomed for it since he was a kid. My blood made me a warrior, and his makes him a king. He’s the oldest brother, and the only one who’ll be strengthened by your blood.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re not exactly sure what your blood will do to him. All we know is that he’ll be stronger and smarter.”
She didn’t look appeased. “But why can’t it be you?” Her voice broke on a sob.
“I’m sorry.” For the first time in my life that I could remember, my eyes felt hot, and what felt like tiny needles stabbed them. I didn’t know I was crying until Tendra reached up and brushed a tear off the corner of my lip, and I tasted the salty warmth. “Listen to me,” I said, my voice foreign as I pushed through the tears. “I’ll always be there, I told you that. And I mean it. I’m prepared for it to kill me every day to see you with Idris, but I’ll always be proud. Because I don’t know anyone, human or vampire, who’ll be a better Sanguivita than you. Who’ll guide Idris and the Gregorie clan to make the right decisions. Who’ll stick up for herself.”
She was sobbing now, her shoulders shaking, tears dripping off her chin. “As long as you’re there, I’ll be all those things.”
“I promise.”
She swiped at her eyes. “Duty and shit, right?”
I nodded. “Right.”
We took five minutes to hold each other, soaking in each other’s warmth and strength. I didn’t know what waited for us outside this refuge, but it was going to take everything I had to get her back home.
Finally, we separated and as Ten gathered our things and tended to Brex, I picked up my phone. I had half a dozen missed calls once I checked it. When I dialed, the phone didn’t even ring when I heard Idris’s voice, a little breathless. “Hello?”
“Idris.”
His exhale was so loud, I had to hold the phone away from my ear. “Fuck, Athan.” His voice caught on my name, and the sound of it did something to my heart. Growing up, sometimes I wondered if Idris even liked me. I chalked it up to our father, who was as cold as Idris. Hell, I was that cold. Around most people except for Ten.
There was a moment of silence, and the sound of something scraping across the receiver. Then he cleared his throat. “I thought the next call I received on this phone would be from the Sanguivita.” His voice was once again monotone Idris. As if now that he knew I was no longer in danger, he could shut the valve to dam up his feelings again.
“I fed from her.” No sense in delaying, I needed him to know.
Ten tugged on my arm. “Tell him it was me,” she whispered. “My idea!”
I ignored her. No way was I throwing her under the bus and blaming her. Idris still hadn’t spoken. “She offered, and I wouldn’t have made it without her.”
“So, she’s already saving members of the Gregorie clan,” Idris said. “The resources we’re using to retrieve her are worth it, then?”
When Idris spoke of Ten, it was cold, impassive. I wasn’t sure which I preferred, and how I’d deal with it if he ever spoke to her with affection. The way I wanted to be free to. Right now she sat near the fire, petting Brex. “Of course she’s worth it. But what resources other than me are we using?”
“We found the breach. A group of armed Valarians. Right now we’re assembling a team to take them out.”
“Is everyone okay there?”
“As of now, yes. But I don’t have a way to get a team to you quite yet.”
“I figured that. If I need you, I’ll call you.” I thought about how to word my next question. “Are you okay with my decision to feed?”
“I suggested it.” He sounded irritated. “Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?”
“The proph—”
“We’ll talk about that later,” he said. “Right now just get home. Alive. Both of you.” The click of the phone sounded in my ear. I pulled it away to look at it, then shook my head as I dropped it in my pocket.
Ten was looking at me expectantly. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. There’s been a breach at the compound, but they are dealing with it.”
She swallowed. “
Okay.” She warily eyed the section of the cave where the port existed. I understood the feeling. As long as we were in this cave, I could forget what the future held for both of us.
Except I needed the reminder. I pulled on my coat, slipping my weapons into place, because I was going to have to go scout some Quellen. That was my job. Remember that, Athan. Remember.
Chapter 15
Tendra
My stomach was a mass of hissing vipers. I hadn’t thought my life could change much more, but last night proved that I could throw a serious wrench into my already deconstructed life.
Ruby would have been amused as hell. Only you, Ten, she’d say with a bright laugh.
Athan stood in front of me, pulling on his coat, and turning into Badass Vamp mode. I swallowed as he set his jaw and turned to me. “I’m going to head out and scout the area. See if the Quellen are around. Has the somnus worn off?”
“The wha—?” Oh. “Um, yeah, about that.”
Athan was in front of me in a split second, my face in his giant palms. “Tendra, tell me you didn’t—”
“You were unconscious!” I yelled, the tears pricking at my eyes while the bite on my neck continued to burn. “I tried to manipulate your wrist, but then said fuck it because you were dying.”
Athan blinked rapidly, shaking his head back and forth. “No, no, no.”
“You said Idris could still drink from me, that it’d be okay—”
Athan turned away, his coat swirling around his legs as he fisted his hands in his hair. “No, no, no.”
“Stop staying that.” I grabbed for him. “Why do you keep making me feel guilty for—”
“I feel guilty!” He whipped around with a roar. He thumped his fist to his chest. “Me. I’ve taken you from your home, your friends, forced you to come with me because of your blood and now you’re going to be turned?” He clutched his shirt with white knuckles. “You wanted the choice, it meant something to you—”
“I did choose.” I stomped my foot, needing to make sure he heard me.
“You didn’t have a choice.”
I lifted my chin. “I could have let you die.”
He scoffed. “My death or become a vampire. What kind of choices were those?”
“The ones I had. And I chose and I don’t regret it.” I paused. “Is it really that bad to be a vampire?”
He shook his head. “No, but…” He sighed. “I wanted you to have time, to be sure.”
“Well, I didn’t have the luxury, but I’m sure.” I nibbled my lip. “How long do I have before I turn?”
Athan took a long time to answer. “Couple of days to a week.”
“Then I guess we better get going.” My eyes trailed down to his side, where his injury had completely healed now that he’d fed. “You didn’t tell me about what happened during the fight. To make you so weak.”
He pulled his hair back and hooked the strands that escaped behind his ear. His expression was hard and I knew he was still dwelling, but took my cue to talk about something else. “We’ve heard rumors that the Quellen were working on a weapon against us. A type of steel called Sevren. We’re not sure how they make it, and we hadn’t expected it to be effective…until yesterday.”
“So wait, they used this Sevren on you?”
He nodded. “It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and it sucked the life out of me. I could feel my body draining energy like that.” He snapped his fingers.
I lunged forward and grabbed the bottom of his coat. “Don’t go out there again! What if they attack you? What if—”
“Trust me, Ten.” He took my hand and squeezed it before letting it drop. “I know what they have now. I know to stick close to the rock. I’ll be fine. You stay here no matter what. I’ll leave my phone, and if anything happens—”
“Call Idris, yeah,” I mumbled.
His smile was brief. Then with a quick kiss to my forehead, he was gone.
I sat down on the floor alone with Brex, the only light the small fire, which gave me about five feet of visibility. Athan had said we had another day’s worth of travel or so. This would be our final leg, barring any issues. I was torn between wanting to reach the compound quickly, and wishing this journey would go on forever. That I could be Athan’s and no one else’s. That I could live simply and not have this heavy title of Sanguivita resting on my shoulders. What a mindfuck.
An hour later Athan’s footsteps announced his arrival first, and then he was crouching down in front of me, the flickering of the flames illuminating his dark eyes. I pushed his hair off his forehead and he leaned into my touch for a moment. “They’re still out there. I can’t see them but I can smell them. They’re patrolling the rock cliff.”
My heart sank. “So what’re we going to do?”
“This cliff? Goes for half a mile. It’s taking them a while to cover the distance, watching for us. And what they don’t know is we have a port on the other side.” He shrugged. “Quellen are great killers and fairly smart. But not that smart. And they don’t know this area like I do.”
“So what you’re saying is we’re going to leave a different way than we came in.”
He nodded. “We have to keep moving. I need to feed eventually and you need to eat.”
“Let’s just stay here. I’ll feed you, and Brex can kill mice for himself. I’ll learn how to forage and become a vegetarian, living off berries and leaves and sucking the moisture out of bark.”
He stared at me like I’d lost my mind. Maybe I had. “Tendra…”
I shrugged, grazing my fingernails along the cave floor and muttering, “I watched a lot of Man vs. Wild reruns.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Athan sounded exasperated.
I rose to my feet, and Athan stood up with me. “Forget it,” I said. “I’m ready.”
Athan rummaged in the back and drew out a belted knife holster. He pulled out the knife from its leather sheath, and the blade was easily as large as my forearm. He handed it to me, and I let the edge drag across my palm as he buckled the holster in place on my waist. “You were amazing with your switchblade, but this is going to do more damage, okay?”
I pricked my finger with the tip of the blade, drawing a bead of red blood. “Damn, this is sharp.”
When I glanced up, Athan was staring at the blood on my finger, his eyes swirling. I swallowed, and sucked my finger into my mouth. He tracked my movements, and when I pulled my finger out of my mouth, I lifted up on my toes. “Kiss me.”
He smashed his lips to mine with such force, my body crashed into the rock wall behind me. He licked into my mouth as he threaded his fingers through mine, and lifted them to either side of my head.
Every point on my body where he’d nicked me pulsed white-hot—my neck, my breasts, my inner thighs. I moaned and squirmed as he continued to devour my mouth. He pulled away with a gasp and thunked his forehead onto the wall beside me. I gulped in air as he panted, our chests colliding with every exhale. His fingers squeezed mine, and then he drew our hands down to meet behind my back, pushing my body into his so I felt the hard ridge in his jeans. “Tendra,” he moaned in my ear. “How will I ever let you go? Tell me I’m strong enough to do it.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. How could I reassure Athan when I didn’t know myself? I nuzzled his chest, breathing in his intoxicating scent, the fierce protective way he held me. If it were up to me, I’d choose Athan and make him king. But it wasn’t up to me. Athan’s duty meant everything to him, and I had to respect that. I untwined one of my hands with his and drug my hand up his back to slip into his hair. “You are, Athan. You’re strong enough for both of us, which is good, because you’re going to need to be.”
He pulled back, his strong face lined with pain. He kissed me again, softer this time, not spurred on by blood, but instead by our need for each other, a need we were going to have to ignore.
With a heaving sigh, he let me go, stepping backward. He watched me for a long moment, the fire illuminating h
im from behind, throwing his eyes into shadow. With a frustrated growl he turned around, sending a spray of dirt over the fire to kill it.
We were plunged into darkness. I waited long moments, my heart pounding in my ears, until his hand closed around mine. With a soft voice, he said. “Let’s go, my Sanguivita.”
I walked in darkness for an hour, with Athan’s hand in mine, until a port appeared in front of us. Once outside, Athan checked for Quellen, his nose in the air, and then he signaled for me to follow.
And of course, I did.
Athan’s hand remained in mine. He didn’t let me go, and I didn’t want him to. The visibility wasn’t too bad—the sky was clear and the moon lit our way after my eyes adjusted.
I ate an energy bar and drank a bottle of water while we walked. We let Brex out of the bag because Athan said he liked the cat’s instincts. I was glad to see how far they’d come since that first time Brex had slashed Athan across the face.
That had been…barely a week ago? And fuck, it felt like a lifetime. I kept my head down, pretending that the blisters on my feet didn’t hurt, that I wasn’t hungry for a real hot meal, that my muscles weren’t aching.
And trying really hard to tell myself I wasn’t in love with Athan. That I could let another man touch me, mark me, the way Athan had. My stomach rolled, and I recited Boondock Saints lines in my head so I didn’t throw up my energy bar.
That worked fine until the moment I inhaled and smelled Quellen. This time the three of us all went on alert at the same time.
Maybe now that I’d smelled one up close, I could detect them better. Either way, before we heard them crashing through the trees over our heads, before we heard their hissing, their stench surrounded us.
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