So, at nine and ten, Lettie had stayed put at home, except to attend school, helping Mamm with cooking and cleaning afternoons and Saturdays. She wasn’t much for gazing at the sky on a moonlit night and wondering if Cousin Hallie was looking up at the same black sky. She was more practical than that. Still, she’d never stopped thinking about how much more fun Hallie was having – more than she was. “The grass ain’t any greener out yonder,” Mamm had sometimes told her when she’d catch Lettie daydreaming or moping about losing her best cousin. Lettie had used up plenty of ballpoint pens, writing long letters and sending them to faraway Hallie.
It’s nice to be able to spend some time with her, even given the circumstances, Lettie thought presently. She entered Hallie’s kitchen to find her cousin stirring a kettle of homemade vegetable beef soup. Hallie’s husband hadn’t minded one bit when the ministerial brethren there had agreed to let their women have gas ranges and ovens. Lettie smiled, remembering her own church’s lively debate on that issue some years ago.
Hallie looked up from the stove. “You must’ve found the house?”
She nodded. “You were right... Lana let me use the phone.”
“Mighty nice folk.”
“I hope you won’t mind if I need to stay around till tomorrow afternoon,” Lettie ventured, embarrassed despite their close relationship. “If I can get ahold of a driver to take me home then, that is.”
Hallie laughed. “Stay as long as ya like. I’ll just put you to work cookin’ and whatnot.”
“Denki, Hallie... if you’re sure ya don’t mind.”
“Well, now, I just said I didn’t.” Hallie stepped back from the stove to fan herself with the hem of her apron. “Ain’t like I see ya very often, jah?”
Lettie smiled and nodded, glad Hallie hadn’t pressed to know why she needed a telephone. Maybe she thinks I was trying to call a driver.
“Ben’ll be in from the field shortly.” Hallie glanced her way. “But there’s a bit more time in case ya need to rest again.”
“No need,” she replied, wondering if Hallie thought she was all in due to illness. “I’ll give you a hand with supper.” Since Susan had been a stickler for cooking her meals alone, Lettie had a hankering to cook.
“Why don’t you make the salad.” Hallie reached up to open the cupboard and brought down a big wooden bowl. “And don’t be shy – make plenty. We’ll have extra mouths to feed tonight. Most of the field hands will be in for the meal.”
“Neighbors?” Lettie knew that Hallie and Ben’s sons were married.
“’Least three that I know of.”
She set to work chopping lettuce and cucumbers, peeled the skin off several tomatoes, then diced those. All the while she thought of Grace and Mandy, wondering if they helped each other in the kitchen or if Grace and Mamm were managing the meals. Lettie felt pained to think of her girls doing all the cooking without her.
When she finished chopping carrots, she sprinkled them into the salad and asked Hallie, “How old were you when you mar-
ried Ben?”
Hallie’s smile was priceless. “Seems like we’ve been together my whole life, really.”
“Were you twenty yet?” Lettie honestly didn’t remember, not having attended the wedding.
“Closer to eighteen.” Again, Hallie laughed softly. “We knew we were meant to be together... so we tied the knot right quick. Better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Lettie kept her attention on the salad dressing she was making – vinegar and oil, garlic cloves and onions, salt and pepper to taste – avoiding Hallie’s eyes.
“Lettie, I’ve been meaning to ask what you were doin’ over in Ohio,” Hallie said as she went to the refrigerator and pulled out her lime Jell-O salad.
“Oh, visiting.”
“Without Judah?”
“Jah,” she said softly, worried at the turn their conversation was taking. “Lambing season, ya know.”
Hallie nodded. “And, too, our menfolk aren’t usually much for traveling, ain’t so?”
“’Tis true.” She felt somewhat relieved. “I’ll set the table. How many places?”
“Twelve or so. Not sure. We’ll have plenty of plates and glasses ready, just in case.”
She moved about, hoping Hallie wouldn’t bring up Ohio again. Lettie certainly didn’t want to lie. And I won’t, either.
At last, Ben and the others came tramping in and all lined up out in the mud room to wash. When Ben finished, Lettie was surprised to see him make a beeline to Hallie and plant a kiss on her cheek, then whisper something that made her cousin both blush and grin. He turned to say “hullo” to Lettie before sitting at the head of the table. Quiet as Ben was, he wasn’t shy about glancing toward Hallie as she dished up generous helpings of the thick, stewlike soup. Once she finally sat down, he reached over and put his big, callused hand on top of hers for the meal blessing, then kept it there for a moment even as he reached for his water glass with the other.
All through the meal, Lettie was taken by her cousins’ fondness for each other, their way of referring to each other as “love” and “dear,” so rare in the Amish community she knew. Was their ongoing closeness due to having grown up together? Or were they just very good friends, like she’d read of some fictional husbands and wives?
Whatever the reason, she could hardly keep from watching them.
Lettie felt drowsy and ready to head upstairs to bed as she sat in the kitchen with Hallie. They were having a second piece of peanut butter pie, although a much smaller slice than the first helping. Hallie had a talk on, and suddenly she was saying she had “something ever so important” to ask Lettie. “It’s something I heard from our neighbor Lana, up the way.” Hallie’s brown eyes were solemn. “Ach, I’m not even sure where to start.”
Lettie’s heart skidded to a halt. “Why not say it right out?”
“Well, ’cause I can’t see how it could be true.” Hallie lowered her head and shook it back and forth. “ Puh ... feel so odd mentioning it.”
“Hallie, what are ya talking ’bout?”
Her cousin raised her head and looked at her with worry-filled eyes. “Lana’s concerned for you, Lettie.”
“For me?”
Hallie drew a long breath. “Lana tried to be discreet, but when she stopped here to buy some eggs after supper, she mentioned something about your long-ago baby.”
Lettie’s toes curled against the linoleum beneath the table. So Lana did overhear my conversation with Dr. Hackman’s receptionist.
“I’m ever so sorry to put that out there.” Hallie patted her chest lightly, as if she was having trouble getting enough air.
“No... no, you’re not to blame.” Lettie was ever so weary of the secret. She felt it was long past time to get it out in the open – every last bit.
Hallie’s face knit up into an awful frown. “I... I’m ever so confused.”
“Sure you are.” Lettie rose and walked the whole length of the kitchen, then turned slowly back to the table, where Hallie still sat. “I came here for this very purpose... to find the child I gave away as a young girl.”
“Ach, Lettie!” Hallie gasped, her eyes wide. “You can’t
mean it!”
“It’s quite true.” She pulled out the bench and sat again.
This won’t be easy....
Pulling a hankie from out of her sleeve, Hallie wiped her cheeks and brow. “Oh, goodness... oh, for pity’s sake,” she muttered.
“Goodness and pity have nothin’ to do with it.”
Hallie continued to lament. Then she surprised Lettie by saying, “Ach, and the father... it wasn’t that fella Samuel, was it? We heard plenty of things ’bout him.”
Lettie made no reply; she wanted to keep Samuel out of this conversation.
Hallie leaned forward into her hankie. “You poor, dear girl.” Now she was rocking back and forth so quickly Lettie feared she might teeter right out of her chair.
“I’m not a poor girl, Halli
e. Please, pull yourself together.” She sighed. This was much harder than Lettie had ever thought. “All of this happened a long time ago, but I’m on a mission now... to right the wrongs of my past. To find my oldest daughter and tell her the truth ’bout me.”
“And your family? Do they know?”
Lettie made no answer to that. “Right now, I’m tellin’ you, because I need to, cousin. Tomorrow, I’m seein’ the doctor who helped with my baby’s adoption.” She waited for Hallie to calm down before continuing. “I need to try and get this out, and keep myself in one piece, too.”
“A doctor round here?”
Lettie nodded slowly. She began to share with her cousin, practicing the words as she might say them to Judah – for the coming day when she would reveal the same heartbreaking tale to him. “Now, then, you must keep everything I’ve told you to yourself, not even whisper a word of it to Ben. ’Least, not till I can get home and talk to my husband.”
Hallie inhaled sharply. “You mean...”
“That’s right,” Lettie finally admitted. “Judah doesn’t know ’bout my first child.”
“How can that be?”
“Trust me, he knows nothing ’bout her.”
Hallie blinked her eyes again and again. “A girl, you say?”
“Jah.” Lettie sighed, hoping she’d done the right thing in revealing all of this. Hallie was known to be a tongue-wagger. Even so, what was the point of denying the truth?
“I wish I’d lived closer to you back then. Maybe none of this would’ve happened.”
“You can’t know that. Besides, it’s time for me to move ahead and turn it all around for good.” For God, she thought, going on to explain further. “I thought I was in love, Hallie. And I was hardheaded, too. Wanted my way, no matter what anyone thought of my beau. So I disobeyed my parents and broke their hearts.” Lettie was quiet a moment. “It’s no wonder Mamm made me give the baby away.” The memories reeled in from the past, and she recalled every detail, regretting her sin anew. Ah, but God used it to bring an innocent life into the world. A beautiful girl, so precious in her heavenly Father’s sight.
Hallie made a sad sound and leaned forward, her arms on the table. “Well, I hope you don’t believe that – what you just said.” She locked eyes with Lettie. “Because, my dear Lettie, that’s not why your Mamm would’ve insisted on you givin’ your baby away,” Hallie said quietly. “Don’t ya see? She made you do it out of love. For you... for your baby.”
How could her cousin possibly know what Mamm – or Dat – was thinking all those years ago?
“Surely it was out of care for her grandbaby,” Hallie repeated. “She wanted her to have the love of both a mother and a father. A home with two parents.”
Lettie didn’t know what to think. Minnie Keim had suggested the same thing, but Lettie saw things differently. Her parents had strongly disliked Samuel, for one, and they were also adamant about protecting her reputation and chance for marriage. Not much concern for my baby in that...
“Whatever her reasons, you must forgive your mother, Lettie, as Jesus teaches us to do. Release her, because forgiveness is required of you... as a child of God.”
Hallie was right. Forgiving Mamm would be difficult, but Lettie must do it anyway.
eight
Heather was grateful for the abundant fresh salad at supper, and all the trouble Susan had gone to, providing celery and carrot sticks, as well as sliced tomatoes and cucumbers. All the same, she’d still felt hungry at the end of the meal; she assumed her stomach was in the process of shrinking. She had also waited thirty minutes after eating before slowly drinking a full glass of water, per Dr. Marshall’s advice.
Now she lay staring at the ceiling in the small guest room, having already showered and dressed for bed. If she had her way tomorrow, she’d be up and out of here before dawn, heading back to Pennsylvania. But the way Susan had talked at supper, it sounded as though she was urging Grace to stay around for a few hours tomorrow morning, to relax a bit.
She could hear Grace in the next room, humming a melody she didn’t recognize. It would seem that her Plain friend had had her fill of socializing – either that, or she simply craved some downtime. Like I do.
Propping herself up with several handmade crocheted pillows, Heather realized again how very different this trip had turned out for Grace. For herself, she hadn’t had many preconceived notions. The drive here was her little adventure, of sorts, before her upcoming stay at the Wellness Lodge. That, and an attempt to do something nice for a consistently thoughtful young woman.
Rolling over, Heather stared at the slender kerosene lamp on the nearby table. A Bible rested on the small shelf below, with a bookmark sticking out at the top. “Mom read the Bible more at the end of her life than at any other time,” Dad had told her a year ago. “Don’t people become more religious when they’re dying?” she’d asked. But Dad hadn’t responded.
Heather slipped off her watch and placed it on the small table. She reached for the Bible and leaned up on her elbow. With a slow sigh, she slid her finger between the pages, near the pressed floral bookmark. There, she found a slip of paper with a list of various birds: black-and-white warbler, lark sparrow, Baltimore oriole, scarlet tanager, bobolink, brown thrasher...
She scanned the page and noted more than twenty birds, each with a description of its call after its name. At the bottom of the page, in even smaller letters, was printed: LB, May 16.
“LB?” she whispered. “Lettie Byler?” She looked around and realized Grace’s mom must have stayed in this very room.
For a moment, she felt an overwhelming urge to go and knock on Grace’s door, to offer to trade bedrooms, perhaps. Wouldn’t Grace want to sleep in the bed her mother slept in? But Grace might be too settled in and comfortable by now. So Heather relaxed and soaked up the atmosphere of the space where the runaway Lettie had watched birds, read this Bible, and probably slept.
She wasn’t sure how long she lay there with the Bible open, but when Heather awakened, she heard crying. Getting up, she placed the Bible back on the shelf. When the list of birds fluttered to the hardwood floor, she stooped to pick it up and noticed a reference for a Scripture verse on the back.
She had no idea where Psalm 42 was located in the thick Bible, so she didn’t bother to search. Grace would know. With the list in her hand, she crept across the room, past the low windows covered by green shades, blocking out the moonlight.
Standing in the hallway, Heather heard Grace blowing her nose. “Are you all right in there?” she called through the door quietly, not wanting to awaken Susan.
“Come in, Heather.”
She tiptoed inside and saw Grace curled up in the bed. “I heard you stirring. Anything I can do?”
Grace sat up and leaned against the headboard. “I had a bad dream,” she whispered. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound like such a child.”
Heather smiled. “My mom once said we’re all children inside.” It was perhaps a silly thing to say, but it was the first thing she thought of. “I’m not sure, but I may have found something of your mother’s.” She gave the list of birds to Grace. “Thought you might want this.”
Grace got up and lit the lantern on her bedside table. The list trembled in her hand as she held it tenderly, almost reverently. “Ah... bird sightings. How Mamma loves her birds!”
Heather pointed out the reference on the back of the paper. “Is this a favorite, too?”
Grace pinched her lips together and closed her eyes. There was a softness in her expression as tears spilled down her cheeks. “‘Yet the Lord will command his lovingkindness in the day time, and in the night his song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.’” She brushed back tears. “Mamma wrote this very verse in my birthday card last month.”
Not knowing what to say, Heather looked away. “I’m an April baby, as well,” she said absently.
“Jah? Are we the same age, too?” Grace brushed away her tears.
&nb
sp; “I’m twenty-four.”
Grace had a look of touching timidity. “I’m twenty-one... and nearly a Maidel .”
“I sure hope that’s not what it sounds like.”
“Amongst the People, I’m considered nearly an old maid.”
Heather turned to look at her again, offering a smile. “If only Yonnie could see you now...”
“Well, not right now. Our bishop frowns on bed courtship – Bundling. It’s against our church ordinance.”
Heather was stunned. “Hey, I was kidding. ” There was so much she didn’t know about the Amish culture. “I just meant, as long as Yonnie’s sweet on you, I doubt you’ll become whatever you called it.”
“A Maidel.”
“Yeah, that .”
Grace laughed softly, but all too soon her tears welled up again as she pressed her mother’s list to her heart.
Heather was helpless to stop Grace from reaching for her and crying on her shoulder. Was she weeping for her missing mother, or for Yonnie? Whatever the reason, Heather was overwhelmed by this poor girl sobbing next to her.
Slowly she found herself opening her heart, astonished at how much she cared. “It’s okay, Grace,” she whispered, putting her arms around her. “You go ahead and cry.”
Heather observed Grace’s serious, almost dreary, expression as they loaded the car the next morning, relieved they were getting an early start. Grace carried her bags without speaking, deep shadows evident beneath her blue eyes. She’s devastated.
There was still one more item to retrieve from the house. Heather headed back inside, going out of her way to thank Susan for inviting them to stay overnight. “It was really very kind of you,” she told her.
Susan smiled. “Anytime you’d like to return for a visit, you have a place here. I do enjoy company.”
“Well, you’re a terrific hostess,” Heather said.
Susan gave her a hug. “I’ll be prayin’ for you today while you travel.”
Grace suddenly appeared at the front door. “Denki, Susan,” she said quietly. “And for takin’ care of my Mamma, too.” There was a catch in her voice, and tears sprang to her eyes.
The Telling Page 5