Instinctual

by Amanda Mackey

  “Heart attack? How can that be? You’re young and fit!”

  “I don’t know but there’s no other explanation.” What was with his attitude? Didn’t he cope well with these sorts of things? It would appear not. She knew he had a temper but most of the time it wasn’t aimed at her.

  Any other day and she would have questioned his haughty tone but she couldn’t conjure up another ounce of energy to worry about the sensations of unease that seeped into her.

  All she wanted to do was curl up and sleep, feeling as if a truck had rolled over her.

  Standing up, Carlos carried Kate into the bedroom and pulled the blankets over her. He perched himself on the edge, running his hands over his face. She shut her eyes to block everything out. The last word to pass through her mind was Jake. In the next instant, sleep took over.

  Chapter Two

  One week later

  He slammed his clenched fist onto the red vinyl seat as the train pulled away from Corniglia station towards the small idyllic town of Vernazza, Italy.

  The air cooled and heated as the train burst through tunnel after tunnel around the barren cliffs. The salty air from the sea had him close his eyes momentarily, basking in the smell.

  After a minute he opened them to eye the buildings that clung to impossible cliffs almost as if they grew out of the rock face instead of being built there centuries ago. As he looked out the window at the town, soaking up the magnificence of the Cinque Terre region during the ninety minute trip, he couldn’t help but feel like this was his destiny. He’d been called here and yet he didn’t exactly know why. It was like there was an invisible cord slowly reeling him in whether he liked it or not.

  The solid ground beneath the track seemed to fall away and all that he could see from the window was a sheer drop to the water below. If it weren’t for the bumps and jolts from the rails it would almost appear as if they were flying.

  Jake Alexander had traveled this route a hundred times without batting an eyelid, yet this morning his teeth ground together almost painfully. His body was rigid in his seat.

  Flashes of fragmented memory flared like a distress beacon across his consciousness, causing him to try and piece together what had transpired days before his journey to Vernazza. Indistinct pictures of running, panic. Lots of people. A carnival.

  A voice he couldn’t place kept uttering jumbled words in his mind. A British accent.

  What exactly had happened? It was almost like he had partial amnesia and no matter how hard he tried to recall certain things, some force was blocking him from the truth. He could remember most of his life up until the last few days but the piece of the puzzle he needed to remember the most was so hazy. His mouth tightened. One thing he was clear about though was the feeling of dread that arose with each little snippet of information his subconscious chose to feed him. Something major had gone down, of that he was certain. He also knew now that he was not normal.

  He turned to see how many tourists were on the train making the journey to Vernazza with him. As he looked closer he waited for someone to make eye contact or notice him but no one did. He knew why that was.

  Unfortunately, partaking in any festive activities was not on Jake’s agenda this visit. Far from it. Instead, he had the overpowering need to find Kate. It was beyond intense and he couldn’t fight it even if he wanted to.

  He couldn’t even remember boarding the train, his awareness finding him again moments ago as they’d pulled out of Corniglia station, not knowing what the hell he was doing. The only sensation that gripped him was to find Kate. Why though? How did that fit in to the whole scheme of things? After so long, why would he be so desperate to find her?

  “We’ve got your girlfriend!”

  Where did that come from? His body tensed further. What girlfriend? He couldn’t remember having a girlfriend recently. More like distractions. Offerings to help numb his mind from her. An endless supply of beauties handpicked by The Organization delivered to him on a silver platter whenever he’d had the urge. Most men would have thought themselves in heaven, and for a while Jake had relished in the attention and distraction it had brought him, knowing the interludes were nothing more than meaningless sex. Commitment free. Women whose lives weren’t put in danger because they’d been paid for by the very people Jake had been trying to protect Kate from. Was the term ‘girlfriend’ connected to one of those women? Possibly. If only he could remember.

  Distracted, Jake settled his eyes on the sparkling ocean outside. She was close. Bonded even in hatred by a connection so powerful, it left him aching. The only woman who’d ever mattered. The only one who had claimed his heart and yet he’d shattered hers beyond repair.

  It wasn’t meant to happen that way. He’d had no choice but to walk away and it had nearly killed him to do so. Feelings he couldn’t leave in the past would continue to haunt him forever unless he at least tried to make amends and heal some of his guilt while trying to figure out if that was the reason he was traveling back to Vernazza. To apologize? To make amends? Had his conscience led him here? If he could only piece together what had transpired in the showdown that had sealed his fate.

  He knew one thing, though. With Kate’s psychic ability, she was the only one who could help him, given his current situation. Jake was one of the only people to know about her gift. She’d shared it with him when they’d been a couple and he felt privileged that she’d trusted him enough to confide something that others would consider farcical.

  Abruptly his ride stopped. He’d come to the end of the line. The train station was in the center of Vernazza. He’d arrived at the heart of his destination. Pangs of memory swamped him as he alighted with the other passengers and took the steep descent towards the harbor.

  Quickly his surroundings faded as thoughts stirred.

  Lips divinely seducing him. Stirring something forbidden and untouched. Love? No. More than love. Love didn’t come close. A consuming need to absorb this woman’s essence. To have her 24/7, body, mind and soul. Without that he was just a shadow. A monotone, lonely figure going through the motions of life on auto-pilot.

  “Don’t ever leave me!” she pleaded as he held her face and drowned in those pools of hazel.

  “You’re mine, Kate. Completely mine. I need you like air and water. I’d die without you.”

  He’d broken their pledge though, just weeks later. He’d betrayed her. He’d had no choice. He’d done it to protect her. She had to understand that.

  Descending towards the belly of Vernazza, turning left before reaching the harbor, he slowed his gait to barely a crawl. Right now she hated him. He’d ripped her heart out. Not intentionally of course, but she hadn’t known that. Or had she? Had her gift kicked in enough to convince her that there was a damn good reason Jake had left? Maybe the loss had been too great to break through her psychic barriers.

  There was so much she didn’t know, hadn’t been allowed to know. He looked up and down the alley, continuing to move forward until he stopped outside a brightly colored, weathered villa. Her villa. One he’d never been a part of. What was he doing and how did he even know she lived here? A strange pull told him this was the place he needed to be. Without fighting it, he’d let himself be led here. This was it. He knew it without a doubt. Jake didn’t have any ability like Kate but when it came to her, they were connected so powerfully he was like a moth to a flame. Her energy called to him.

  The view to the second story balcony was in his direct line of sight. Oversized double doors in need of a good coat of paint clung desperately to the villa beside a green shuttered window, in stark contrast to the watermelon-washed building. Uneven concrete steps to the right, seemingly ascending into the heavens, wound their way steeply to the street above. A stray, runty cat pretentiously jumped down from a window ledge, the fur on its back standing on end. He stooped down to rub its head, convincing himself the distraction would help him settle but to no avail. The cat hissed, arching its back in an act of defense, standing its gro
und as if trying to win some territorial battle.

  He looked up again. Silence. No sign of life. Shit. What now?

  “Please be home. Please be home.”

  Maybe he’d just take a while to remember what he’d lost: whom he’d lost. What a jackass he’d been! An outright jackass! A regret he’d continue to look back on for all of time, wishing he could go back and change the outcome. He’d had everything he’d ever needed right in front of him and yet somehow it still hadn’t seemed enough. He’d wanted to give her more than he had. He’d wanted to give her the world and yet, it had cost him the very thing he’d so wanted to give her.

  Older and wiser now, his mistakes were clear. How could he have been involved in something so dangerous that it had robbed him of everything? What had he been thinking? It didn’t matter now, anyway. It was in the past. He’d reminded himself of that fact every day for the last five years. Each day he’d spent without her had been his own punishment: His own prison.

  Glancing at his watch it read 7 a.m. It was still very early. Maybe she was home and still in bed. He hoped to God that was the case. He remembered how Kate had relished her morning sleep-ins. A smile came to his face. You didn’t dare wake her before 8 a.m. or you’d be confronted with her alter ego. A grunt, then a death stare, followed by an expletive and murmurings about it being too bloody early to be up with the birds. She’d then throw the pillow over her head and fall into slumber again. He remembered well. If you knew what was good for you, you’d leave well enough alone. That was then though and this was now. Things had changed. So much time had passed. How could he expect her to be the same person now? How could he expect anything at all?

  Running his fingers through his ebony, windblown hair he held his breath as the light behind the double doors was switched on and the doors opened.

  Like an unmoving statue, he waited, clinging to a glimpse of her.

  The light from inside the room created shadows against the billowing, sheer fabric, hiding her from him, yet allowing her silhouette to transfix him. He watched her curves move, with and into the sensual fabric. It almost drove him over the edge as he bit his lip. The shadow of her wavy, dark hair looked longer than he remembered as the breeze lifted it from her shoulders and played with it gently. Mesmerized, he imagined her features: slightly older, yet still striking. A couple more lines around those full, moist lips. Long dark lashes framing those bewitching eyes. Just to touch her again and breathe in her smell: the always clean, soapy scent with a hint of perfume. The yearning started to overpower him like a beast, deep within. He grabbed onto a porch pillar that sat to his right and squeezed so hard his knuckles turned white.

  A second silhouette moved into view. He recoiled back, staggering until his back hit a wall. The kiss was evident even through the wispy folds of the fabric. The shadow up there should have been him. Could have been him. If not for…

  Looking away, he eyed the cat that had its claws out, ready for an attack. It looked disowned, a drifter just like him, cautious and distrustful.

  Kate had obviously moved on, learning to trust again. Her soft laughter impaled him, amplified by his own heightened senses. Why shouldn’t she have moved on? He’d long gone from her thoughts, a bitter memory, cursed and forgotten. It shouldn’t have surprised him. Her beauty would surely have hundreds of men falling at her door, pleading for a chance.

  Not able to withstand another glimpse, he hurried down the eerily quiet street, letting the morning’s mist swallow him like a ghost.

  Chapter Three

  After slipping into a comatose sleep the evening before and having been out of it for around twelve hours solid, Kate awoke to the smells of Vernazza. Pizza cooking and coffee brewing. It was enough to cause her stomach to growl. After her health scare a week ago, there were no symptoms to remind her of the night that had scared the crap out of her. Maybe it had all been connected to her intuitive side. In that case, she dreaded to think that someone she possibly knew had undergone such horrendous agony.

  Carlos had stayed the night, as he was due to leave on a business trip the next day.

  At some late hour last night he must have snuck into bed beside her and cuddled in with his hand thrown across her side, which was where he still lay, breathing deeply, the blanket tossed down to his knees due to the warm night.

  Not wanting to wake him, Kate carefully lifted the blanket off. She always managed to pull it up to her neck as security regardless of the temperature. She got up, tip-toeing into the living room in her favorite lace underwear, a gift from Carlos two weeks earlier. He liked her to wear sexy lingerie. Whenever he stayed over he got her to put some on. It normally ended with sex. He was good to her and she couldn’t fault his attentiveness or his commitment, but there was still something missing. Something Kate couldn’t quite put her finger on. Was it his temper? Was it the fact that she always thought he was keeping things from her? She felt guilty for thinking it but there was a little seed of niggling doubt that reared its silly little head from time to time. She couldn’t quite give her all to him. She was holding back. It was those feelings she probably should be paying more attention to. Sometimes she just wanted to be normal like everyone else. Because of that she tried so hard to ignore the uncomfortable forewarnings that constantly bombarded her.

  She switched the light on and opened the doors from the living room onto the small balcony facing the street, being careful to stay hidden behind the curtains so that no one spotted her in the sexy underwear. Kate didn’t like to dress until she could languish in a hot shower for ages and plan her day out. Not that it mattered what she wore if she was spending the day at the computer working from home, but sometimes she liked to head out and eat at Mister Matioli’s café before throwing herself into writing articles. That way if she skipped lunch at least she knew she’d had a decent, hearty breakfast that would often keep her going until dinner.

  As early as it was, the morning was already alive as shopkeepers opened their doors, erected their canopies, and filled their outside tables with tempting items, hoping to lure in prospective customers. Commuters locked up and walked to the nearby train station at the top of the hill and hungry patrons filed into cafés and restaurants, eager for their morning caffeine hit over breakfast. Kate beamed and took in a full breath, stretching her arms above her head. Her villa was just off the main street which led down to the piazza and small beach that also acted as a harbor. An ancient wall had been built as protection for the small accumulation of fishing boats that were moored there.

  Just before turning to go into the kitchen and make a morning coffee, Carlos snuck up behind her, encircling her waist with one hand, pulling aside her hair to kiss her neck with the other. Kate jumped, still expecting him to be snoring heavily in the bedroom.

  “Mmm. How’s my favorite woman?”

  Kate grinned and turned her neck into the kiss. “Better now that you’re up.” She turned so that Carlos’ mouth had to leave her neck and find her mouth. She wound her hand around Carlos’ neck to pull him in closer, immediately feeling him respond. She smiled against his mouth as she realized just how much she affected him.

  “What’s so amusing?” he asked, pulling back.

  “Oh, nothing. I just like hugs and kisses first thing in the morning.”

  “Really! Well, you know how I like to see you in those skimpy bits of fabric.” He gave her a wet kiss on the neck.

  “Thanks for staying last night. It’s nice to have company.” Kate’s fingers brushed his cheek.

  “Of course. I need to make sure you’re totally over your little episode last week.” His hand mauled Kate’s breast. He leaned in to kiss her but she lightly pushed him back.

  “I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’ve got more than enough work to keep me busy and out of trouble today. I haven’t had any more pain, so whatever it was has long gone. You need to focus on your business trip tomorrow.”

  He took a step back, grabbing his neck with one hand. “Okay. If you’re sure.�
�� He looked to the ground. Kate tried to place his sudden mood change. She could feel a sliver of guilt pass though her. Was it Carlos’ guilt? Was he keeping something from her?

  “I have an article I need to finish which should take me well into the night. How about you? Are you packing for your trip?”

  Just ever so slightly Kate saw Carlos flinch before smiling and nodding. “Yes, sweetheart, and I’ve got to get all my paperwork in order. Make sure I’ve rehearsed my sales pitch, stuff like that.”

  Kate watched his face redden as he spoke but she let it go. It was probably just stress about having to leave her on her own again after having been together all week.

  “Fancy a coffee?” Kate needed to change Carlos’ mood in order to lift her own. She closed the gap.

  “You know I would.” He watched her approach and licked his lips.

  As she put a light kiss on his mouth, a vivid image blinded her. Hormones raged. A sexual urge hit hard. A feeling she hadn’t had since… Oh God! She swayed, almost falling over.

  “What is it?” Carlos tried to grab both her arms but she shrugged him off, letting herself feel the sensations in her body. Charges of energy pulsed through her veins. Amazing currents of desire that had no connection whatsoever to the man that stood in front of her. It was incredibly naughty but she held onto the feelings just for a second, letting herself surrender, closing her eyes, returning to a place she swore she’d never go back to. Time stopped in that one instant and she was transported to another part of Vernazza. Hair shorter. Face glowing. Body riper. She was a woman in love. Truly, painstakingly in love, oblivious to anything but the warm, toned, athletic body lying next to her, his fingers tenderly tracing the outline of her face with hands so strong. Hands inscribed into every sensory part of her body.