Instinctual

by Amanda Mackey

  Kate’s heart became erratic. Fingers clammy. Overpowering thoughts that had been pushed down for so long erupted forth. She was back in time. His energy was with her: In her. Filling her. His lean torso sizzling against her aching body, dazzling blue eyes burning, searing into her soul. A touch like a hot poker. Branding her as if to be his forever. She had been his. Totally. One hundred percent. Until—

  “Kate!”

  “Mmm?”

  “What’s wrong? Is your chest sore again?” Carlos’ voice was high pitched with panic.

  Kate could see him start to come unhinged again.

  “He’s here!” It was out before she could stop it. Shit! Jake was here! She knew it as the absolute truth. His very essence was connecting with her again after all this time, overwhelming her body with scorching want.

  “Who? Who’s here?” He strode over to her and grabbed both her arms. Hard.

  Gazing at the man she’d been dating for the last three months, he suddenly appeared a stranger.

  “Nothing. I thought I heard Marco next door, that’s all.” So, it was just a little white lie and it was a weak one at that. It’s not like she did it all the time. No harm done, right? What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Kate had never told Carlos about her intuitive side. Like her father, Carlos wasn’t the type to believe in that sort of thing. He was a straight shooter. Told it like it was.

  She could imagine his reaction if she casually mentioned to her new lover that an ex-boyfriend was invading her thoughts and had arrived in Vernazza. Not only that but it was making her unbelievably ignited with need that had nothing to do with the present and everything to do with the past. She’d never, ever been able to even feel remotely close to feeling what she felt with Jake with Carlos. That would go down really well. Not. The reality of the situation held Kate tight in its grip. She felt her face heat up as her hands started to shake.

  She seriously needed to forget about Jake! He’d proved his worth by walking out and leaving her only half a person. For weeks Kate couldn’t go outside and face the world. She couldn’t eat or sleep. All she could think about was the hurt that had billowed through the door as he’d walked into the night. No word. Nothing. No note saying how sorry he was or that he just needed to have some space. What sort of a person did that?

  The words “We can’t be together anymore and I’m leaving tonight,” played like some haunted melody in her mind. It was as if Jake leaving had severed any connection she had to him. Not even her gift had given her answers. There had been nothing. Until now.

  Even as she tried to steady herself and move to the chair in the sitting room of the small villa, Kate felt him trying to connect with her, powerfully against her will.

  Just in time, Carlos cushioned her fall with his strong, virile hands as darkness pulled a curtain across her consciousness.

  Ten minutes later she found herself tucked up in bed again, her head just poking out, Carlos sitting on the edge, his face pinched.

  “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

  “What?”

  “You are on some sort of birth control, right?” His eyes were riveted on hers.

  “Yes! Of course! Why would you ask that?” Okay now he was starting to piss her off.

  He seemed to let out a sigh of relief. “Well, don’t pregnant women normally faint and have dizzy spells early on?”

  Ugh. Kate covered her face with her hands, not able to process that dreadful thought.

  “I’m not pregnant!” she almost yelled, pulling her hands away from her face.

  “All right then, so why did you pass out?”

  “I don’t know.” Liar, liar pants on fire! She knew what had caused her dizziness. Or more to the point, whom. It didn’t bear thinking of. Not now. Not ever. Desperate not to let on to Carlos, she plastered a smile on her face. He couldn’t find out.

  “Maybe you’re coming down with something. I think you need to visit the doctor. Find out what’s going on.”

  His cell chimed out two loud beeps, signaling a text. He pulled it from his shirt pocket and read it while Kate spoke.

  “Honey, I’m so thankful that you were there to catch me, as you always are. I’m really feeling so much better. I’ve been working so hard lately I think it’s all catching up to me. Maybe I need a few days off. Why don’t you go on home and take care of your business. I’ll make an appointment and go this afternoon. Don’t worry.” She had no intention of seeing a doctor. She wasn’t sick.

  Another lie. She hated doing it. She hated it with a passion. Her intuition told her that passing out wasn’t due to anything other than the arrival of a certain someone in Vernazza. Jake Alexander was the only one who could affect her in such a way.

  “Well, if you say so.” He tucked his cell back into his pocket, looking at her finally.

  “I’m fine. I’ll have a shower and get breakfast as soon as you leave and then I’ll phone the doctor. Now scoot so I can fill my empty tummy.”

  Carlos leaned over and kissed her chastely, appearing to buy into the lie before he stood.

  He grabbed his jacket and bag, which both sat up against the far wall. “Be good while I’m gone and call me if you need me. I’ll contact you later to see how you are.” Blowing her a kiss, he left quietly.

  Kate watched him leave, suddenly insecure about her actual feelings for Carlos. God! It was all so complicated. She liked him but she was starting to wonder if they were really suited. Over the last week, he’d shown a side of himself that made her uneasy. Something was niggling like a worm and it wouldn’t go away.

  Lying alone on the comfortable bed, her thoughts turned to someone else.

  She pulled the quilt higher just like her mother used to do when she was little. Right now, she needed the security it brought. Her head sank back into the feather pillow.

  “Where are you, Jake? What are you trying to do? Please stop. I can’t go through it all again. I’m stronger now. I won’t let you get close to me again.” Her eyes closed.

  Defiant of the pledge and as if separate from her body, her mind was lost to memories she’d fought to contain.

  “You do things to me, Kate, that I’ve never felt before. Your very presence drives me mad with longing. When I look into your eyes I see you. I really see you. It’s more than lust. It’s more than love. It’s bigger than both of us.” His hand fisted in the back of her hair as his full lips crushed hers, not asking but taking, driving her to the edge.

  “Ooooh, Jake!” The force of his mouth on hers left no room for anything else. This man that had stolen her heart with such speed and vigor was the other half of her. He was her world. Her lips felt bruised as she clung to him, needing more. There was no start and no end to them. His body felt an extension of hers.

  As Kate broke the kiss to look at his perfect face, she melted at the sight of him. Eyes glazed and half shut, breath raspy and ragged, lips swollen from the pressure of the kiss. He was every bit the Adonis. She loved how much he wanted and needed her.

  “I couldn’t bear to ever lose you, Kate. We belong together.”

  His vibrant blue eyes sent riveting ripples of pleasure into her.

  Kate’s finger traced his juicy bottom lip as he nipped the pad with his teeth. His hot breath tickled the tip. “You’ll never have to find out, my love. It’s you and only you. I’ll never love anyone else the way I love you. I’ll never leave you.” She truly meant it. How could she ever love another this way? Most people would never experience what they had together. It was a gift. She would never take it for granted.

  Spiraling back to reality when a door in the adjacent villa slammed, Kate found herself wet with perspiration and aroused. Had she gone back to sleep? It was hard to know the difference when Jake infiltrated her thoughts.

  Pulling the covers off she walked a little unsteadily to the ancient window and opened it wide, letting aromas from the restaurant on the corner seep in. Suspiciously, she took in the entire length of the street below the apartment, wonde
ring if Jake was watching and waiting.

  Broken promises tugged at her heart. She gripped the window ledge.

  “I won’t let you do this to me. I won’t! You need to get out of my head. More importantly, you need to get out of my body!”

  As if drifting in with the fresh smell of tortellini, four little words formed in her mind that had her slamming the windows shut and storming into the kitchen to make that coffee that Carlos had intended to get before she fainted.

  “I need you, Kate.”

  ***

  Fishing his cell phone out of his pocket, Carlos scoured the vicinity to ensure no third parties were watching or listening, before answering on the fourth ring.

  “Carlos here.”

  “Carlos, its Stavros. Are you all set for tomorrow?”

  “Yes, ready to roll. Where do I pick up the shipment?”

  “Adriano will meet you at the boat marina in La Spezia, 8 a.m. sharp. From there you will board the boat and take the cargo to Monaco where you will make the delivery. Providing there are no hiccups, you and Adriano will sail back to La Spezia and carry on with your life as normal.”

  Just as Stavros was about to hang up, he barked, “Oh, and Carlos? No errors! This is an important deal.”

  With that the balding fifty-year-old with a traditional Italian nose and a hard mouth that led to nowhere was gone. Carlos thought about the conversation. Curtness was Stavros’ specialty. As second in line to the throne of leadership in The Organization, the overweight, five foot nothing spinster was a man of few words. He only barked what he had to, when he had to. Unemotional and detached from retaining any sort of normal relationship with people and a good ass kisser had secured his place as The Lord’s right hand man. Maybe that’s why Carlos was still just a courier. Sucking up to hierarchy was not his thing. He did what was asked of him and no more. He tried to keep his nose clean.

  Carlos knew he was an asshole. A criminal. He didn’t know how to do anything else. To be anything else. Plus the money was fucking good. If it came down to it he didn’t think he’d be able to give up the money he was making for a good woman like Kate. Even with her sexual prowess, cooking skills, and nice tits. He was too used to the lifestyle.

  He walked to his SUV remembering how those tits had looked in the nice lace underwear she’d been in earlier. It made him hard just thinking about it.

  Chapter Four

  After languishing over her morning coffee, showering, and downing two slices of toast with jelly, Kate sat at her desk to do some work to catch up on the food article that was well and truly past its due date. With Carlos gone she had all day to concentrate on it.

  The strong sensations of Jake being in Vernazza had morphed into his visit having something to do with her but she couldn’t be totally sure. It made her extremely anxious, so before sitting at her computer she took a few minutes to do some deep breathing exercises in the hope that she’d be able to push images of Jake aside and concentrate on her work. It wouldn’t be easy but she was determined.

  Cindy Caulfield, the magazine editor, had left a message on her cell phone asking when she’d have the article finished so Kate had promised by the end of the day. She was cutting her own throat giving herself such a tight deadline but tomorrow was festival day and there was no way she was going to miss spending the day outside reveling in the music, wine, and good cheer. If she stuck to her work today she would just about be finished by dinnertime. Cindy would have to cut her some slack this one time.

  “Sorry, Carlos, but there will be no doctor’s visit today.”

  As a nutritional columnist for an American based health magazine there was a lot of researching to do before even writing an article.

  By mid-morning she was engrossed in it, flipping through printouts and copy and pasting information from the internet and then re-writing content into her own words. She hadn’t thought about Jake for at least an hour so when the phone rang, she jumped. Staring at the handset, waves of sensation swamped her again. Fearful that it may be Jake, she let it ring for a bit before telling herself that it couldn’t be Jake because how the hell would he have gotten her phone number. It was silent.

  She decided to answer it in case it was Carlos.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi pumpkin, it’s me!”

  “Dad?”

  “Hi sweetie! How’s my favorite girl?”

  “Daaaad! It’s so great to hear from you. I miss you so much! I’m fine. Working hard as always.”

  “Yeah, well don’t work too hard. All work and no play makes for a very dull life.”

  Kate cringed. Maybe he had someone spying on her. His words hit a chord.

  “Well, yes, that’s true, but I’m snowed under at the moment. You know how it is. I plan on taking a vacation when Carlos gets home.”

  “Is he away again? Every time I call he seems to be away.” His tone had her on edge.

  Kate’s dad had never met Carlos but didn’t approve of his constant absences. She knew he only wanted what was best for her but ever since Jake had left, her dad was very wary to let another man into the family circle. He had always harbored a soft spot for Jake. They had many guy things in common, plus Jake had always been interested in police work, and in Kate’s father’s eyes, that went a long way to sealing your spot in the circle of trust. Kate knew though that her dad still thought of him as part of the family.

  “Dad, I’ve explained to you that Carlos’ work requires that he travels. He doesn’t have a choice, you know that.”

  “What does he do again?”

  “He’s a sales rep for some insurance firm.” That didn’t exactly sit right with her any more but until her ability told her exactly what he did, she would have to run with it.

  “You mean you don’t know the name of the company?”

  “Well… I, er… I’m not sure. He’s probably mentioned it and I just can’t remember.”

  Actually, the more Kate thought of it, the more she wondered why Carlos had never told her the name of his employer. Another seed of doubt.

  “Hmmm. Maybe you should find out a bit more about this guy, Katie.”

  “Dad!” She threw her head back, squeezing her eyes shut. Her dad was spot on with his cop instincts but she wasn’t ready to admit to him or herself that there may be something wrong.

  “I’m just saying. You know I’ve only got your best interests at heart, don’t you?”

  She did know that, but it wasn’t like she was a teenager. She was a grown woman and could handle her own life.

  “Just be careful, Kate.”

  “I will.” Changing the subject was what she was good at. “How’s Mom?”

  “Your mother is fine. She misses you dearly. She’s always wondering when you’re coming home.”

  “This is my home now, Dad. I love it here. You need to come and spend some quality time with me and you’ll get to love it, too.”

  “Well, actually that’s why I’m calling. Your mother and I have been talking and it seems we haven’t been on vacation in quite a long time. We thought we might come over for Christmas and spend a couple of weeks with you and travel up the Italian coast and into France. Do you think you’d have room for a couple of old fools like us?”

  “That’s fantastic! I’m so excited! I can’t wait to see you both! You’ll love it here, I promise, and who knows—maybe Carlos and I will be able to travel to France with you and have a vacation of our own. I’ll make room for you both here at the apartment. You can sleep on the pull-out sofa bed.” She stood to put her coffee cup in the sink, turning to lean against the bench.

  Even if Carlos was working she would seriously consider traveling with her parents on her own. She wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. It had been way too long. She missed her dad’s wacky sense of humor and police stories that he’d told her ever since she was old enough to understand. Being a cop on the beat had exposed her father to violence of every nature. Petty theft. Armed robberies. Stolen cars. Bar braw
ls. Domestic disputes. Lost children. Cats stuck up trees. You name it, he had experienced it. She could see it in his eyes when he relived the memories that he was right back there, running after some crook or chasing a drugged up user in a car-jacking.

  Kate’s thoughts flicked to her mother, drowning out the rest of her father’s conversation. Her mom had never let on how stressful it had been being a cop’s wife but looking back now Kate could only imagine how many sleepless nights her mother had spent, counting the hours down until the end of night shift, waiting to hear the familiar sound of her husband’s car pulling into the driveway, sighing with relief that he’d survived another day.

  “Well, darling, I’d better go. Your mother is out shopping. I snuck this call in so that I’d actually get to hear my beautiful daughter’s voice. Once your mother gets on the phone I never end up getting to speak to you because she hogs the limelight and talks too long.”

  Kate laughed. It was so good to hear the familiar banter that went on within the family. She knew it was all in good fun and her parents adored each other. God forbid that something should happen to one of them. She didn’t know if the other would be strong enough to carry on. Kate hoped to have that one day. Someone to grow old with that still loved her as much as the first day they’d met.

  They hung up and Kate sat for a few minutes, drinking in the conversation that had left a nice, warm fuzzy feeling in her belly and a smile on her face. After all that she’d gone through in the last week, hearing her father’s voice had warmed her to the core.

  Work was now the farthest thing from her mind as thoughts switched from family to Jake. Damn it! He was doing it again. Or maybe this was strictly her doing. As much as she wanted to forget all things Jake Alexander, she couldn’t help but miss the deep passion she’d felt when they’d been together. She’d lived and craved, eaten and breathed him. No matter how close they’d been it had never been enough. His soft, full lips that upturned in the corners had belonged on her. His kisses had sent her into raptures, sometimes soft but always ending up in a rough feeding frenzy.