With his door open, Cameron froze. He wouldn’t see her again after tonight. That thought alone nearly buckled his knees but it was over. As much as he wanted to leave without exposing himself any more than he already had, Cameron knew if he didn’t say what he needed to say, the words would haunt him for the rest of his life. Gathering his pain to shield his heart, Cameron finally met her gaze. It hurt. Her green eyes were still every bit as beautiful even though they belonged to a liar.
“I love you.”
She flinched at his confession but didn’t look away.
“The moment we met, I knew I would but I also knew someone like me could never hold on to someone like you. You seemed too good to be true. I tried to fight it until the day I couldn’t any longer. But you know what? I was right. You were too good to be true.” He glanced away, hoping to escape the hurt showing in her eyes. “What’s his name?” Goddamn. He wanted to kick himself for asking. Cameron had to know. He needed it to feel real. A name would make him real.
“Konstantin.”
She said his name so quietly without an ounce of explanation or pretending she didn’t understand his fury. Unfortunately the fact she didn’t attempt to defend herself only pissed him off more, making him want to lash out.
“I suppose this is for the best. Wanting to be with you has driven me to do things I would never have considered doing. I’ve become jealous and obsessive.” Hardening his heart, he met her stare. “Loving you has made me into a bad person, always looking for the worst in everyone around you in hopes of keeping you and Jade to myself. I don’t want to be that person any longer.”
Kip drew back as if he’d slapped her. It felt that way to him as well. He didn’t take it back. Never in a million years would he have pursued someone’s wife. Kip had stolen his free will in the matter and broken his heart along the way. He didn’t know where to put that.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice came out in a croak but she didn’t offer more. Instead she turned away, accepting the judgment he’d passed.
* * * * *
Cameron was a loss Kip didn’t know how to handle. Since the day she came to town, he’d been by her side. Her daughter loved Terry and Brian. The pair spoiled Jade rotten. They stayed up late nights when Jade was sick and went to doctor appointments but they also had each other. While Terry had been hospitalized, undergoing treatment for his non-Hodgkin’s, she’d been in the late stages of pregnancy and alone. Cameron had been the one to go on late-night ice-cream runs. He’d held her hand when she was scared. He’d also been the first person to hold Jade in the hospital. Sometimes that knowledge threatened to take her knees out from beneath her.
There was no way Kip could hold back the tears. It felt like years since she’d smiled and meant it. As much as she’d wanted to find the words to make Cameron stay, there was nothing. Thankfully God had taken an ounce of mercy on her, and Jade had been content to hang with Josh. Kip couldn’t look at anyone. Even in Cameron’s fury he’d played the gentleman, pulling out her car seat and Jade’s bag, making sure Kip had everything she needed. Then he was gone. Just like that, they were done. The memory of the hurt in his eyes was killing her. Her stomach churned. The warm streams of tears rolling down her cheeks seemed to have no end. She’d long passed trying to swipe them away. Tomorrow, she would put her heart back in its box where it belonged. She shouldn’t have tried to piece it together and give it new life to begin with.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Kip continued putting away Jade’s things without bothering to glance Terry’s way. She wasn’t surprised he was there. She would’ve been more shocked if he wasn’t.
“There’s nothing to say. He wasn’t going to let Josh be until I told him the truth. Now he knows, he’s done with me.”
Cameron was smart. It had only been a matter of time. Even if she hadn’t lost her temper and said the words, he would’ve puzzled things out eventually. When she’d seen the gun pressed to Josh’s head, something inside her had snapped. She couldn’t handle anything happening to him. She’d promised Konstantin.
“Damn. I told Josh he needed to do a better job of staying out of sight. Cameron’s too good at what he does,” Terry said, sounding as if the words were meant more for himself than her. “You know, Cameron looks at you the way I imagine I look at Brian. He’ll—”
Whatever he was going to say, Kip couldn’t listen to it. Even her skin felt raw and exposed. Turning her head, she finally met his stare, cutting off his speech. For a moment, she let him see it all—the emptiness. Her soul. “He said I make him a bad person.”
Kip’s voice broke on the final word. A fresh wave of tears knocked the air from her lungs. She tried to breathe but nothing happened. The pain was too heavy. Her life was too hard. The world tilted as Terry swept her into his arms. She wanted to fight. It wasn’t fair for Cameron to mean so much to her when she knew she couldn’t keep him. Her heart was torn to strips. When Terry climbed into her bed and settled her in his arms, even the beating of his heart couldn’t take away the sting. This was hell. Cameron was right to walk away. Love had made her a bad person a long time ago. If there was any chance he could be spared, she wanted that for him. He deserved rainbows and sunshine. That wasn’t her. It would never be her.
Tears pooled in the center of Terry’s chest, soaking through his shirt and coating his skin. He hated when Kip cried. It seemed as if she hurt way more than she smiled. His throat swelled. Life had been more than cruel to her. He’d tried to help carry her burden, understanding better than most the pain she was forced to silently carry. There were no good choices—only choices. He’d known Cameron for years. They’d trained together through Cameron’s rehabilitation. He’d seen the man at his lowest and known Cameron was at his highest when he met Kip by the way he looked at her. At any time, Terry could’ve discouraged the man but he’d done the opposite. Kip and Cameron needed each other. Although Kip’s strength made a mockery of most men he knew, Terry also recognized the exhaustion in her eyes. Jade was the only thing holding her together. This was one blow too many.
Millions of times he’d searched his mind, wondering if there was another path. There wasn’t. Life had a way of ripping away a person’s rose-colored glasses, leaving them an unhindered view of a bleak existence. He couldn’t protect her from this. Terry had only seen her broken once before. It was two times too many. Kip’s breath shuddered but her tears had stopped. She’d fallen asleep crying. He fucking hated that. Rage boiled beneath his skin.
His jaw popped in his fury. It was unacceptable. He’d let Cameron into her life, trusted him. Easing his arm from beneath Kip’s head, Terry ground his teeth. If Cameron wanted to throw all this away, he was a goddamn fool. Kip snuffled in her sleep as he covered her with a blanket from the end of the bed. The sound only solidified his anger. All the people under his roof were his responsibility—his family. No one hurt them.
* * * * *
Cameron’s front door shook beneath the fury of the pounding coming from the other side. He checked the peephole, not surprised to see Terry. Cameron had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. The instant he opened the door, Terry was on him. The door slammed behind Terry and Cameron found his back pressed against it before he could even brace for an attack. The scary version of Terry, the one Cameron had seen inside Warehouse, stared at him now. All signs of the man Cameron called friend were gone.
“She makes you a bad person, huh?”
Cameron squeezed his eyes shut at the rage in Terry’s voice. It was nothing compared to the anger he felt toward himself. The words sickened him even more now than the moment they’d fallen from his lips and he’d known he could never take them back. It was insane how one small statement had transformed him into something he couldn’t stomach.
“I didn’t intend to sign on to be anyone’s pet.”
Terry shoved away from him. “That’s fucking stupid. Kip wouldn’t have wasted her time on you if she didn’t care. Come on, man. You’ve been th
ere for every step since Kip came to town. Has she been parading men through her bedroom? Hell, before you finally wised up and staked a claim, we could barely pry her out of the house.”
The truth behind Cameron’s pain stared him in the face at Terry’s words. She’d made Cameron believe she meant every touch—that he was special. It was cruel. She made him feel powerful—whole.
“She’ll never belong to me.” As the confession left him, Cameron’s mind raged against it. For a moment, he’d held the world. His life had been transformed the night he’d chosen to throw himself on top of an Afghani child, hoping to save the boy’s life. He’d failed and everything had changed. Then he’d met Kip and for the first time in years he’d dared to dream. “Konstantin is her husband, and I’m assuming Jade’s father. I can’t compete. It wouldn’t be right for me to try.” And he’d failed again, he silently added.
A line appeared between Terry’s eyes. Confusion crowded his features. “Cameron, Konstantin is dead. He died a month before Jade was born.”
“I don’t understand.” He really didn’t. There were too many questions. Not that Cameron had given Kip much of a chance to defend herself. But she’d certainly had time to say her husband was dead. “She said nothing.” She’d merely stood there and taken his rage as if she’d earned it.
Terry’s eyes fell closed and he turned away.
“Tell me everything,” Cameron said, demanding of Terry what Kip had denied Cameron.
Terry dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets until stars burst behind his lids. No matter how hard he fought, some memories burned so brightly in his mind he thought he’d go blind when they hit. Kip said she’d told Cameron the truth. He’d come here, expecting the man knew it all. Fuck. Even though it felt like yesterday, Terry never wanted to relive it.
“One of Russia’s top mafia leaders, Konstantin Danshov, was found dead…” The words continued playing through Terry’s mind, making him insane. He had to get to Kip. Walking the fine line between feeding his panic and keeping to the speed limit was killing him. Whatever he did, Terry could not get pulled over. That was time he didn’t have to spare. The fifteen minutes it took him to get across town felt closer to hours. There was a weight sitting on his throat, choking the life from him. His eyes burned. The road blurred. He had to hold his shit together. Goddamn it. Konstantin. Bile rose in his throat.
When the house finally came into view, Terry knew it was bad. Josh stood in the driveway. The front door stood open as if awaiting Terry’s arrival. As he stepped from the car, his and Josh’s eyes met before dancing away. Before now, they’d pretended not to know who Josh truly was. He’d simply stayed in the background, playing along with everyone’s beliefs he was the father of Kip’s baby while silently protecting her. Considering the man’s less than legal ties, the ruse was best for everyone. In the public’s eyes, Josh’s crimes were nothing in comparison to Kon’s. Kip’s child would never be safe if anyone learned she was part of the Danshov family. The second he reached the front steps Terry could hear Kip’s screams.
Broken glass littered the kitchen. Following the line of debris and sound of crying, Terry found Kip inside one of the back bedrooms. Brian had her arms locked to her sides, holding her to his chest, doing his best to keep her from harming herself or the baby she was carrying. Her heart-wrenching cries came from the soul. Red locks of hair clung to her face, hiding it from him. Brian’s face was void of all emotion—except for his eyes. Her pain was killing him.
Terry didn’t hesitate. Closing the distance between them, he pushed Kip’s hair away and held her face between his hands, forcing her to meet his stare. Her eyes looked crazed. He knew she recognized his devastation. Konstantin had given him back his life, ensuring he could spend it with Brian. There was no repaying that and now he was gone. The fight bled from Kip’s body. She went limp in Terry’s arms. A loud sob tore from her throat, crushing his heart.
“I’ve got you, angel,” he whispered, pushing the words past the lump in his throat. “You have to calm down. Please think of Kon’s baby.” Bending, Terry swept Kip into his arms before focusing on Brian.
The man looked ragged from the battle. He’d been sitting by Terry’s hospital bed for months and they’d only recently felt some sense of normalcy again. This could have been Brian’s life. This is what his pain would’ve looked like if Terry hadn’t survived. For a moment, they simply stared at one another, devastated. There was no fixing this.
“Make Josh come inside before someone calls the cops,” he said, attempting to take control of what he could.
With a nod, Brian was off. Konstantin was gone. Everything Kip had given back to Brian and Terry was gone for her.
Even now, Terry didn’t know how to process that. But for a moment, he’d believed she might have a shot at a new life. If there were a chance he could help her have it, he’d have to tell Cameron everything.
“You’re not going to like it.”
Cameron snorted. “I don’t like it now. How much worse could it be?”
“Konstantin Danshov.”
An amused-sounding chuckle filled the air. “That Russian hockey player who turned out to be some sort of mafia drug lord, that Konstantin Danshov?”
Terry didn’t laugh. Cameron sobered.
“Are you serious?”
Terry didn’t bother answering. He simply stared at Cameron, waiting for him to accept the truth. Cameron sat.
“Holy shit. You are serious. But Kip is so…Kip-like. How in the hell did she end up married to that guy?”
A spark of anger ignited in Terry’s chest. “That guy loved Kip. He might not have been your definition of a good man but he was a good man. That guy saved my life so be careful how you judge.”
Cameron had never been more confused in his life. Of all the things in the world Terry could’ve possibly told him, this news wasn’t even on Cameron’s radar. When he tried to picture what he could remember of the headlines about Konstantin, Cameron didn’t remember anything about a wife but he remembered little, period. He might have forgotten the man’s name if it hadn’t been such a huge story. Konstantin had saved Terry’s life? How was such a thing even possible? From what Cameron understood, Konstantin had been deported years ago. For the sake of his sanity alone, Cameron focused on one thing at a time.
“The last I remember hearing of him, he’d been deported. I didn’t know he’d died. What happened to him?”
Terry paced away. Moving to the window, he glanced outside. Cameron couldn’t decide if Terry was trying to avoid the question or gathering his thoughts.
“He failed,” Terry said after a minute without meeting Cameron’s stare. “It was his job to be here and he got caught. It was only a matter of time before that mistake came back to haunt him so he sent Josh to watch over Kip.” Terry snorted. “Not that she makes it easy for him.”
In spite of the humor in Terry’s tone as he said those final words, when he turned, Cameron saw a different story in Terry’s eyes. There was so much more to all of this than Cameron would ever know. Perhaps he didn’t want to know. Cameron had lived his entire life doing what was good and right, even when it wasn’t easy and it cost him everything. Konstantin Danshov didn’t stand for any of those things.
“I know you’re angry about everything when it comes to Josh but he’s Kip’s family. Jade and Josh are all she has.” Terry made a helpless gesture. “I get Josh better than anyone can. We’re exactly the same. He’s the brother who lived. It’s a cruel joke to be the one left behind, and it makes Josh a dangerous person to have standing between you and her. Kip and Jade are all the man has left of a brother who looked after him and loved him like a father would have done. He’ll never stop protecting that link to a life lost and I have to respect him for that. You should too if you really love Kip. I also get that your pride is hurt because Kip didn’t confide in you but she couldn’t tell you. You have to see that. If anyone knew Jade was Kon’s daughter, she’d live in the spotlight for the
rest of her life. As the daughter of a deadbeat dad…well, that happens every day. No one will look too closely. This is the only way Kip can be free, and if Josh stays as he is, there’s no reason for anyone to question the identity he lives under. Everyone can move on with their lives. Kip couldn’t jeopardize their position just to keep you from getting pissed all the time. Konstantin left her behind, trading his life so she could live a normal life. If your bruised pride protected that sacrifice, I can’t be sorry and she shouldn’t have to be either. He’s gone and Kip fell in love with you. Don’t be stupid and throw that away.”
Cameron heard every word. On the surface, it made sense. To Cameron’s heart, Kip’s lies were shredding him to pieces. He’d exposed himself to her in a way he’d never done before. A fucking drug lord. He was a cop—a former soldier. Where did he go with that?
Kip’s eyes flew open. She stared at the empty spot beside her, not bothering to turn her head to ensure she was alone. She already knew. No one would be there. It was the way of things. Fumbling around, she found her phone among the sheets and pulled up her voicemail. With it pressed to her ear, she let Konstantin’s final message soothe her the way it always did. In the end, this was all she had.
“I miss you, my Kipley. Say the word and I’ll send for you.”
There was a long pause. It was exactly three seconds, Kipley knew. She’d listened to this message a million times since his death. She knew exactly when he’d speak again and what he’d say, like a song she’d sang along with too many times.
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