by Thomas Scott
Virgil blinked in surprise, then let go of her hand and walked over to his office. A fireman’s helmet sat on the credenza behind the desk. It was still stained with soot, the eye shield cracked diagonally across its entire length. He picked up the helmet and carried it to the sofa and handed it to her. “Hell of a story from a long time ago.”
“Would you tell me about it?”
Virgil nodded. “I will, but I’d like to ask you something first.”
Sandy held the helmet in her lap, tracing the outline of the crest above the visor, her fingers trembling as if charged with an electrical current. “Okay.”
“You called it a turn-out helmet. That’s a term firemen use.”
“My father was a fireman,” Sandy said, staring at the flames. Her movements were almost imperceptible, but she was rocking back and forth on the sofa, the helmet in her arms. “Tell me your story, Jonesy.”
Virgil thought that he must have held that helmet a thousand times over the years, and would probably hold it a thousand more before he died. It was part of who he was, part of why he was still alive today. “One of the worst days of my life,” he said.
Sandy nodded, still looking at the fire, but she didn’t speak, so Virgil told her the story. Told her about the time when he was just a boy, only five years old, and what happened that fateful day on his birthday.
His mother had wanted carpet in the kitchen. It seemed like such an extravagant thing at the time, but his parents could afford it and everyone agreed just how neat it would be to have wall-to-wall carpeting in the kitchen of all places. At first, Mason had tried to talk Virgil’s mom into maybe just an area rug or two, but her mind was set. The day the carpet was to be installed, the trucks pulled into the driveway and the men all got out wearing identical green cover-all’s, as if their matching uniforms could somehow make up for their inadequacies of procedural forethought.
“I went inside to play, to smell my cake baking in the oven, and to look at my presents that were wrapped and sitting on the table in the family room. I was walking through the kitchen—god, it was hot in there, I remember that—it was the middle of August, no air conditioning, and the oven was on. I stood and watched as two of the workmen began to pour the glue on the floor to hold the carpet in place. No one ever thought about the pilot light on the stove.
“The glue was flammable. As it turns out, the stuff was so volatile it wasn’t even legal in all fifty states. What I remember most about the explosion is the way everything went white. So white that things almost looked transparent, like some of the films you can watch of atomic bomb blasts. That white. And quiet. No loud bang or anything like that. Just the white.
“And then I couldn’t move. I’m not sure how long I was out, though it couldn’t have been that long. I was in the garage. The explosion had blown me through the screen door and a pile of rubble had landed on top of me. I wasn’t hurt too bad, except for the cut on my face, but I couldn’t move because I was trapped under the debris. I tried to call out to someone, but the blast had knocked the wind out of me and I couldn’t catch my breath. I’ll tell you something, I was five years old, I could smell the smoke and feel the heat and I thought I was dying, Sandy. That’s not the kind of thing that’s easy to forget.
“I heard my mom screaming my name, but I couldn’t call back to her. I remember I kept thinking the sirens are coming, the sirens are coming. Not the firemen, just the sirens, and I remember thinking I wanted my mom to just please shut up so I could hear the sirens, and then I did hear them, that long, slow wail as they wound their way toward me, the smoke so thick I had to keep my eyes pinched shut.”
Virgil paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. Sandy still had the helmet, but she’d turned it over and held it crown down in her lap, her hands caressing the age-old sweat stains of the liner inside the hard shell. Tears were running down her cheeks and they dripped into the inside of the helmet with little plops that sounded like rain falling on top of snowpack at winter’s end. “And they pulled you out.” She said it softly, no louder than a whisper, her words thick and lonesome, but it was what she said next that made Virgil wonder about the workings of fate and the mystery of things unknown. “It took two of them to get you out,” she said. “They always go in as a team. The debris was deep and heavy and they had to be careful when they were pulling it off so it didn’t collapse down and crush you. The other firemen were pouring water in to keep the flames back and when they finally got to you it was just before the rest of the garage collapsed, wasn’t it?”
Virgil looked at her, his voice a shadow of itself. “Yes, but how—”
She placed her hand on his forearm to quiet him. “One of the firemen had to pick up a rafter that was directly over you. It landed just inches from your head. He picked it up, straining against its weight, the heat of the flames no longer being held back by the water. They were losing the fight, but you were almost free. And then, when he had the rafter up high enough, the other fireman picked you up and carried you out. It was only a dozen steps or so to safety. The one holding the rafter let it drop, but when he did it shifted and came down on top of him, crushing his legs. He couldn’t move and just seconds later there was a secondary explosion when the gas main went. But you and the other fireman made it out, isn’t that right?”
Virgil couldn’t speak. When he tried to swallow he discovered his throat was as dry as scattered ash. When he opened his mouth to say something—he wasn’t sure what—his teeth clicked together like marbles being rattled around in a glass jar. He finally just nodded, letting her know she was right.
She took her hand from his arm and unsnapped the liner inside the helmet. Written in permanent marker on the inside of the hard shell was a name: S.C.A. Small. “S.C. stands for Station Chief,” she said. “The A. stands for Andrew. Station Chief Andy Small was my father, Jonesy. He died in that explosion while saving your life.”
He took the helmet from her lap and pulled her close, his arms tight around her shuddering body. There were no words to say in the moment so he just held her amidst the sound of the crackling fire as it threw off a heat unmatched by the shame and responsibility Virgil felt. He had just made love to a woman whose father had died to save his own, and while Virgil had lived, it was at the expense of Sandy’s life-long sorrow.
Virgil thought, how do I reconcile that?
15
__________
The Sids. Up early. And grumpy. There was a schedule to keep, and now, it was time again.
This one would be coincidence. The Sids knew this. They had talked about it like everything else, tossed it around for a while like a game of Hot Potato. Junior thought it might be a problem, though by her own admission she couldn’t explain why, just that it might. Senior pointed out that wasn’t much of an argument, and even though it pissed her off, she knew he was right. “Besides,” he had said, “One way or another we’re going to do her. Might as well create a little misdirection while we’re at it.” Junior thought about it, and the more she did, the cooler the potato got. “Yeah, I can see that,” she finally said, and so for the Sids, the coincidence of another nurse was just that.
For Elle Richardson, third-shift nurse supervisor on the maternity ward at Methodist Hospital, it was anything but.
Elle Richardson thought she had about the best gosh-danged job in the entire hospital. No one really liked hospitals, she knew, but Elle (Ells to her husband Eugene and her close friends) thought they were about the best place on earth. Sure there were a lot of sick and dying, (nine gosh-danged floors of them if you were counting) but her floor was where life was delivered, where little bundles of hope and happiness slid out of the gate (Ells always giggled to herself when she thought of it that way) and were swaddled up in loving arms, the balance between life and death maintained for another day, or at least her eight hours of the ten-till-six. Like most of her clothing (including her mouse pad and coffee cups) Ells was reminded on a daily basis that Life is Good.
Her shif
t had been a busy one, that was for sure. Three singles and a double, (Ells sometimes thought her version of hospital speak sounded an awful lot like ordering at the drive-thru….either that or the scorecard of a little-league baseball game) all before her late morning break. But the rest of her shift remained quiet (all gates temporarily closed for business, ha, ha) and when the big hand was on the twelve and the little hand was on the six, Ells scrunched her shoulders at her co-workers, squinted her eyes, and gave them a tootle-do before she scooted down the hall and out to her car.
Gosh almighty, she felt happy. Her life was everything she had always hoped it would be, and more. Her husband, Eugene (Genes to her, Gene to his friends) was a police officer for the city of Indianapolis, and even though he was a cop and she was a nurse, Ells always thought she and Gene worked hand in hand to help bring goodness and life to the city where they lived. They were, Ells thought, a match made in heaven. It even said so on the matchbook covers at their wedding reception.
Gene worked the third shift as well, except his went ninety minutes longer than hers, but the good news was (and there’s always good news if people would just take their gosh-dang time and look for it) today marked the beginning of Gene’s weekend. Plus, now that Elle was a shift supervisor, she could make her own schedule so she and Hubby had the same two days off each week. Could life be any better? Ells thought not.
Problem was, Ells was wrong. She just didn’t know it yet.
__________
The Sids in their van. Junior had the driver’s seat, Senior in the back, on his back and out of sight. They had the fucking thing planned nine ways from Sunday, but it didn’t take long for Senior to realize they’d forgotten at least one thing—something for him to lie on. The floor of the van was like any other, ribbed, or corrugated, or what-the-fuck-ever, and it was pressing into his spine like nobody’s business. “How much longer?” he grumbled.
Junior looked at her watch. “How the hell should I know? Just give it a few more minutes.”
“Few more minutes my ass. If I lay here any longer I’m gonna be paralyzed. I’m sitting up.”
“Better not. Don’t want to be seen.”
“Fuck that. I’m getting up. Besides, the windows are tinted. No one saw me last time, did they? So no one is going to see me now. We need a pad or some pillows or something back here to lie on. What the fuck are you laughing at?”
“I was just thinking that after this, they’ll probably change the name of this place.” Before Senior could say anything, Junior stopped laughing and started the van. “Here she comes. Get ready.”
__________
Elle pulled into the Safeway Grocery and parked her car between a rust colored pickemup (that’s what daddy always called them, pickemup trucks…gosh she missed him, fifteen years gone now if you could believe that) and a cute little lime green VW Beetle-bug, (dang, she wanted one of those sooo bad) one of the newer models that came with a flower holder that stuck out of the column. She forced herself to look away from the Bug when she walked by. She wanted to stop and look, but time was short. Genes would be home soon and she wanted her shopping out of the way so she could sit with her hubby and tell him all about her shift. The prospect of regaling Genes of the fine work she did this day (three singles and a double!) made her feel so good it caused her to put a little extra scoot in her step. She even grabbed a stray cart that had rolled away from the corral and gave it a shove back where it belonged. A good deed for a good day. Jake and Rocket were right. Life is Good. So very, very gosh-danged good.
__________
Senior looked out the window. “We’re gonna have to move. I don’t have an angle.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure, god damn it. Move over a few rows. We’ll get her on the way out.”
Junior backed out of their spot and moved the van a couple of rows over. “Take a quick peek. This should be better.”
Senior did, and it was. Elle caught a break.
A short one, anyway.
__________
Twenty minutes later, now seriously behind schedule, Elle pushed her cart toward her car. The Bug was gone, (thank gosh for small favors—she might have spent a few extra minutes looking it over—minutes she didn’t have) but the rust colored pickemup was still there. Somebody taking their sweet ol’, she thought. That was another thing Daddy always used to say. He had all kinds of words and sayings. They were his isms. Elle sighed. Love you, Daddy.
__________
Senior watched through the scope as the woman loaded the groceries into her trunk. They were parked four rows over and one spot further away from the store, close for the scope’s powerful optics. He clicked off the safety and kept the crosshairs centered on the space between her eyes. From Senior’s perspective it looked like she was about a half an inch away. He could make out every feature, every flaw on her face.
Bitch needed to tweeze.
__________
Elle put the last sack in the trunk and shut the lid. She stood still for a moment—something was bothering her, but she couldn’t for the life of her figure out what it was. Genes had always told her to listen to her gut. That, and situational awareness. Good gosh he was big on situational awareness. He had practically drilled it into her over the years.
And that was the last thought Elle ever had in her ‘Life is Good’ life. The bullet caught her in the center of her brow, right where she needed to tweeze. It snapped her head backwards and blew out the back of her skull just like it did to JFK on the day she was born. The force of the bullet knocked her backwards, her arms pin-wheeling merrily along after her. When her legs realized they were no longer receiving signals from her brain they collapsed under her and what was left of the back of her head made contact with the basket section of an empty shopping cart. The cart flipped forward and came down on top of her and wouldn’t you know it, the next person out of the store, the one who found her lying under the cart like a discarded doll and stroller in someone’s back yard was just some guy taking his sweet ol’ back to his pickemup. When he saw Elle’s body he dropped his bags and spun around, twice. A white van turned a corner at the edge of the lot and was lost to the early morning traffic. Mr. Pickemup never saw it.
__________
His cell phone rang and Virgil tried to slide away from Sandy, but when he did she held tight to his arm. He listened to the ringing, four, five, six times, then a little half ring, cut down by the voice mail feature. A minute or so later, the phone rang again.
“I should probably get that,” Virgil said. “Could be something happening.”
Sandy untangled herself, sat up and then leaned forward, her forearms resting on her thighs. She turned her head and looked back over her shoulder. “Could be something happening here, Jonesy.” A little edge in her voice.
He stood, looked toward the kitchen where his cell phone lay, then back at Sandy. He took a step toward the other room, but when the ringing stopped, so did Virgil. Sandy was right. Something was happening and it was right here. He sat down on the bed next to her. “Whatever it is, it can wait.”
“I’m not talking about the sex, you know,” she said.
“Hey, give a guy a little credit, will you?” Virgil took in a deep breath then puffed his cheeks as he let it out. Then he said the only thing he knew to say on the heels of the most complex discovery he’d ever made. “I’m sorry.”
They sat there for a few minutes with that and when Sandy raised her head and looked at him, he started to say something else but ended up repeating himself. “I’m sorry, Sandy. I’m so very sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Jonesy. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Wasn’t it?”
“No. It wasn’t. You were a victim of something that happened a long time ago, just like I was. In a different way, but a victim just the same. I accept your apology, but know this: I don’t ever want to hear you say those words again with regard to the fire. I can’t build the rest of my life on an apolog
y.”
“What did you just say?”
“Tell me you don’t feel it. Tell me we don’t belong together. Tell me you have some logical, even mystical explanation as to how we came together thirty years later as friends, co-workers, and now as lovers.” She reached out and took Virgil’s hands in her own. “What I’m asking you, Virgil, is to tell me it means something. Tell me I’ve found what I’ve been looking for since I was five years old. Tell me you haven’t been searching for something all these years without really knowing what it is, either. Tell me that what we did last night, what we just had isn’t the reason I lost my childhood, it’s the reward. Tell me that the part of me I thought I lost didn’t die in that fire with my father, but has been waiting for this one single moment where it’s safe to say that this is who I am, that this is where I’m supposed to be, that this is my life, right here, right now, with you. Tell me that my father not only gave you the gift of saving your life, but in some mysterious way that gift belongs to me too. Tell me I’m wrong, Virgil.”
“I can’t.”
“Tell me.”
“I can’t.”
Sandy leaned forward and kissed him. “Tell me.”
When he looked at her face Virgil felt something inside let go in a way he’d never experienced. It was in that moment that he discovered something he’d known all along. “I love you.”
When Sandy crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around him she sounded childlike, but her words were those of a woman and lover undivided, freed from something by a gift Virgil knew only he could give.
“Tell me.”