Hating to disturb them, she didn’t want him to be blindsided, knowing things had not been good with his mother for a few years, dating back to her remarriage to a longtime family friend. Inching open the door to the balcony, she coughed lightly, making her presence known, “Your mom’s here.”
“Yes, I am,” came the voice from behind Liz.
Making a face of faux horror that CJ couldn’t see, Liz excused herself.
“Congratulations, darling. You look wonderful.” She gave Zac her cheek.
Zac slung an arm over Lily’s shoulder and pulled her close to him. Beaming, his voice filled with pride, as he began the introduction, “Mom, this is my girlfriend, Liliana Castillo.” He looked down at Lily just as she looked up at him, totally in sync, both exuding joy at the introduction, her nose crinkling with her smile.
Zac Moore had never introduced anyone in his life, as his girlfriend, and he had no clue at how wonderful it would feel. Until that moment.
“How nice to meet you, Liliana.” There was nothing sincere in CJ’s tone as she offered a cool, limp hand. “Would you mind if I have a few minutes alone with my son?” Not waiting for an answer, “Thank you, dear.”
A stunned Lily left them on the balcony. Schooner and Mia always had made her feel as if she were part of the family, as if they couldn’t be happier that she was a part of Zac’s life. His mother was the polar opposite. South Pole frigid cold, to be exact.
Wandering over to a buffet table, she filled her plate with prosciutto wrapped melon, brie cheese and crackers.
“Not very good choices for your figure.”
Looking up, Lily didn’t recognize the woman. “It’s a special day. We get to celebrate.”
The woman was bone thin, her skin pulled taut over enhanced cheekbones, long extension boosted blonde hair flowed halfway down her back. She overtly gave Lily an exaggerated once over.
Is she deliberately trying to make me uncomfortable? Lily wondered. But why?
“So, you’re Zac’s little girlfriend.” It was a statement, not a question. “You’re kind of young for him.”
Lily laughed, “I’m actually a year older than he is.” She popped the prosciutto-wrapped melon into her mouth.
“Like I said, you’re kind of young for him. Zac generally prefers women.”
The woman’s smile was anything but kind, but Lily wondered how much of that was due to excessive chemical injections.
“And you know this how?” Lily stared her down.
“Let’s just say I’m an old family friend who had the pleasure of watching Zac grow up.” The smile was stuck, immobile and cruel.
Lily put down her plate, a disgusted look on her face, “Ewww,” she made a face, “that’s really kind of creepy.”
Without excusing herself, Lily walked away. Searching for Holly or Mia, she hoped someone could tell her who this woman was and why she was here. She saw CJ making a beeline for one of the bars and turned to look for Zac.
Still in the same spot she had left him, Zac now stood talking to the woman who claimed to be a family friend. From her vantage point, Lily couldn’t see his face, but she watched as the woman raised her hand to push his errant lock of hair off of his forehead. She didn’t lower her arm and from its height, it appeared she was now cupping his face. She wasn’t touching him like a family friend. She was touching him in ways that Lily hadn’t even touched him yet.
Was this why he was so reticent about getting into a relationship with me? The thought streaked through her brain. The room started to sway.
Rushing to the bathroom, head down, trying not to be sick in the party space, the heat in Lily’s face and the burn in her esophagus were choking her. She needed to make it to the ladies room and lock herself in. Words from a night in Africa screeched into her consciousness.
“You’re perfect.” He had told her as he ran his hand lightly over her skin, marveling, an amazed look on his face, “So perfect.”
His touch was so light and tender that goose bumps rose to meet his hand. “No, you are perfect.” She wanted to kiss every rippled muscle.
“Don’t look too close.” His eyes were suddenly grave and flat.
“Why? What do you think I’ll find?”
“An illusion. Merely an illusion.”
“What’s beyond the illusion?”
“Unfortunately, not much.”
“I disagree with that. And you know I’m always right.”
He laughed. The Lilyism brought back the smile to his face and eyes. Pulling her underneath him, he continued to gaze into her eyes.
“What?” she asked. What was he trying to say to her?
“You. You’re here with me,” he nuzzled his lips into her neck. “I’m so lucky.”
What didn’t he want her to know? Was this it? His jaded bad boy past. Was this woman a part of it?
Liz watched as Lily rushed by her and wondered what was wrong. She did not look well. It took one second for Liz to unravel the mystery as she stood paralyzed watching the same scene on the balcony to which Lily had just been privy. Feeling her own nausea rise, the conversation at the Paris café three summers before was once again fresh in her mind.
Anger took over, shooing Liz’s paralysis into a corner. With determined purpose, she strode out onto the balcony. Seeing Zac’s face for the first time, the look in his eyes was haunting. Bad memories, hell bent on destroying his happiness and future, had arrived to rob him of what he had worked so hard to earn.
Approaching them, “And you are?” Liz skipped the pleasantries.
“An old family friend,” the woman answered.
Liz chuckled, “Old. That’s amusing. Do you have a name?”
Her well-manicured, tanned hand was back on Zac’s arm as she marked her territory, “Zac, introduce us.” She attempted to look pleasant.
“Zac doesn’t ever want to utter your name again, Maddie.” Liz did a little internal happy dance that she actually remembered the woman’s name, a name only mentioned once when Zac shared his deepest secrets with her. It was a calculated guess that this was the infamous Maddie.
“Well, I see Zac has already shared with you who I am.” She smiled at Zac.
Score! Liz was now patting her own back.
“You need to leave.” It was the first words he had spoken. “Now.” He snapped out of his shock. This woman was the last person he ever expected seeing on what was one of the happiest days of his life.
Before she could form her defense, he cut her off. “I want you gone. You don’t belong here. How dare you show up on an important occasion in my life. Uninvited. You know I’d never invite you.”
“Your mother invited me. She thought you would enjoy seeing me, seeing how we’d been so close.”
“You are deluded. And if I ever lay eyes on you again, I won’t be this pleasant.”
“You heard him. Gather your things.” Liz put a hand on the back of the woman’s arm, guiding her with a slight push toward the door.
Maddie flinched, “Don’t touch me,” as she walked through the door back into the party loft.
Liz gave an exaggerated gasp, “Ick. You’re right,” and she made a show of wiping her hand on her dress, smug smile planted on her face.
Turning to Zac, she mouthed, “Are you OK?”
He nodded, but looked anything but OK.
Leaving him on the balcony to catch a breath of fresh air, Liz sighed with relief as she saw her mother and Mia together talking.
“Mom, Mia, I need your help. Zac’s mom and that woman need to leave now. Mia, they need to be thrown out.” Liz realized she was starting to shake.
“What’s going on?” Mia’s spine visibly stiffened.
“That woman shouldn’t be here. She used to molest Zac when he was thirteen.”
Neelie grabbed Mia’s hand, as both women physically swayed, hit by news that emotionally rocked them. Their reactions were identical, an initial gasp at the horror, follow by the immediate anger of mama bears.
&n
bsp; The two women were on CJ and Maddie in a quick second.
“I hope you are on your way out,” Mia said to CJ.
“You can hope all you want, I am not missing my son’s graduation party.” CJ appeared ready for a showdown with her nemesis.
“You’ve missed parenting him his entire life, it’s a little late to pretend you care now.” Mia Moore was prepared to go toe to toe with this woman.
In her refined cultured voice, Neelie began to speak, she spoke low and they all had to listen carefully to hear her. “Why you would bring a woman who began molesting your son at age thirteen to his graduation party really defies any sort of good graces and judgment. I know you want him to celebrate this wonderful achievement and her presence just robs him of all happiness. You don’t want to rob him of happiness, do you?”
CJ remained quiet. The ramifications of what was being said to her was more than could be handled with a quick, cutting quip.
“Unfortunately, the damage for today has already been done. The greater damage to Zac is something we’ve all witnessed for years. It has come out in many ways. But he is a fine young man, Mrs. Gordon, who continues to learn how to fight and overcome his demons. Placing him in a situation like this is untenable, and the only answer for him to have any good memories of his graduation, is for you both to leave.”
CJ looked at her friend and was about to begin, when a voice said, “Ladies, it’s best if you take this out of here,” and the man ushered them to the elevator, getting in with them to ensure they left the premises.
“He has an uncanny sense,” Mia muttered. “That’s my friend, Charles. He’s a specialist in security.”
“Are they gone?” On his way toward them, Zac had been stopped by guests wanting to congratulate the new graduate.
Liz nodded.
“Lily? Where’s Lily? Does she know?”
“She saw her with you on the balcony, so I think she got the wrong impression. But I don’t think she knows.” Liz physically hurt for him, as she saw that the light that had been in his eyes earlier, had been snuffed out.
“Where is she?”
“Bathroom.” Liz pointed.
“Can you make sure we are not disturbed?”
Zac knocked on the bathroom door and then entered. She sat on the tile floor in a corner, a wad of crumpled tissues near her right hand.
Opening his suit jacket, he lowered himself to the floor next to her, stretching out his long legs.
“You OK?”
“No,” a new round of tears.
“She’s gone. My mother’s gone. Thank God my father didn’t see any of that or Mia would be seeing him on conjugal visits.”
He got a small laugh out of her.
“Who is she, Zac?” Lily was a combination of angry and upset. “Are you involved with her?”
Shaking his head no, the pain and uncertainty oozed from his eyes. “She’s a friend of my mom’s. I’ve known her since I was thirteen, and she’s the one who started me on my fucked up journey with sex and relationships.” As the words spilled out of his mouth, he felt naked and uncomfortably vulnerable. But there was nothing left to lose. If it was lost, it was already gone.
Lily looked at him, golden eyes wide and flashing, “Thirteen?”
He nodded, “Thirteen.”
They were both silent for a few minutes and he knew he had to keep talking.
“My moral compass with sex was smashed when I was so young that understanding right from wrong probably didn’t come as naturally to me as it does to most people. Really early, I began equating sex with using and being used. It was all I knew. And she had done it to me, used me and, in turn, that is what I did to others. I’d hoped it would make me feel better, but it never did. It never does. Not a very pretty picture.” He shrugged, “I wasn’t kidding when I told you that you deserve better.”
The muscles in Lily’s jaw twitched as emotion flooded her face. Zac braced himself for the worst. How had today gone from such a breathtaking high to a gut wrenching low? Waiting for something back from her, anything, tore at his heart. I never should have gone after her when she came to the loft. I should have let her go, he beat himself up. I’ll just drag her down with me.
“Lils,” he whispered, needing to get it over with. Her silence was choking him.
She turned to him, her face hard with venom, and his heart sank. He steeled himself as she began to speak.
“I want to kill her, Zac. I want to smash every scrawny bone in her body. I want to rip out her fake hair extensions. I want to force lard down her throat until she chokes.”
Zac’s eyes widened. This was not what he’d expected out of her.
“You were a little boy. She took that from you. I am so fucking sick of everyone taking your happiness from you. I’m sure you didn’t ask for what she did. You didn’t deserve not to go through the normal stages of childhood and adolescence and discovery.” Lily turned to him, “Is this what you meant when you told me you were imperfect?”
He nodded.
“Wow,” she was stunned.
“I’m sorry, Lils. I am really sorry.”
“You should have told me.”
“I was being selfish. I didn’t want to lose you. I wanted a normal relationship with you. I wanted the real thing. I didn’t want this in your head.”
“Did you think I’d reject you if I knew?”
He nodded, “I was afraid you’d see how fucked up I am and think ‘I don’t need this shit’. You are so smart and so pretty and you have this amazing heart and I’m a fuck-up. I’ve caused so much trouble for my family. I’m not the kind of guy that ends up with a doctor.”
“I’m really angry.” She looked at her hands.
Zac’s heart crept into his throat, diminishing his air supply. He had walked into this party with everything he wanted right in his grasp, and less than an hour later, he sat on the bathroom floor watching it all slip away.
Surprising him, she reached over and took one of his hands in hers, slowly running her thumb over it. “I’m not mad at you, Zac. I’m mad about some of the things that have happened to you in your life. I’m mad at things you’ve had to cope with. I’m mad at what you’ve lost. And I’m amazed that you still have a smile for everyone. You’re not going to lose me. I love you.” Her eyes filled with tears, “But Zachary Ian Moore,” she looked up at him, “have you got any more surprises for me?”
“Well,” he thought, better she hear it all from him, “she wasn’t the only one of my mom’s friends. There were more after her and these women talked, so I kind of became the service boy-toy.”
Lily nodded.
“I’m not proud of it and I do see how fucked up it is, and how it’s really screwed me up.”
“Go on.” She had not broken eye contact with him.
“You know why I got kicked out of college, right?”
Lily nodded again.
“Ok, so this is a bad one. The summer I came home from doing a semester overseas, I found out that my parents were getting a divorce and my dad was with Mia and she was pregnant. I hated Mia and blamed her for my parent’s break-up. I got into this thing with her at the L9 opening, and it caused her to fall, and it was really bad. I mean she and Nathaniel could have been killed.”
“Mia seems to have forgiven you,” Lily observed.
Zac nodded and smiled. “I know. I mean I’m closer to her than I am to my own mother, and you know how much I love Natie. Let’s see, not long after that I overdosed and needed my stomach pumped.”
“Were you trying to kill yourself?” Lily was suddenly alarmed again.
Zac laughed, “No. I was being a dumbass. And I think I was just trying to get my dad’s attention to make sure he still loved me.”
“He’s very proud of you.”
“I want him to be proud of me, Lils. I want you to be proud of me.” He let out a deep breath, “I want to be proud of me.”
Liliana squeezed his hand, “I think you’ve let the bad shit dictate
who you are, Zac. You need to stop that. You need to rise above it.”
“It just keeps catching up with me, Lil. Like today. I was blindsided by my past, and all I could think was that I wanted to keep her away from you and I wanted her gone. I told her to leave. I don’t want her or my past tainting you in any way.”
To his surprise, Liliana laughed. “You know what I think. I think you’ve just got bad boy stamped in your soul and I need to get used to it. And enjoy the ride.” Standing, she brushed down her dress. Reaching a hand down to Zac, “Come, you’re missing your graduation party.”
Zac scrambled to his feet and looked down at Lily.
“That bitch isn’t ruining your day, Zac. She doesn’t deserve that power.”
Nodding, “You’re right,” and he knew she was.
“And she basically called me fat.” Lily was seething.
Reaching out, Zac cupped Lily’s cheek. Shaking his head no, “Perfect. You are perfect.”
“I love the way you see me, Zac. You make me feel beautiful.”
“Lils, you are beautiful and you know what I want…”
She searched his face.
“When the sun sets, I want to dance with you under the stars on that balcony.” A memory of dancing with Lily under Niles’ light machine tugged at the edges of his memory and heart.
As if reading his mind, Lily’s smile was radiant. “You’re on. Just save the last dance for me.”
“Always,” he smiled back and led her out of the bathroom.
She didn’t run, she didn’t hate him, she wasn’t totally put off by all that had happened to him. Liliana Castillo didn’t hold his past against him. She defended him and took his side. Mind blowing, thought Zac. She’s as protective of me as I am of her. He understood the desire to protect those he loved. And now he felt loved.
As they walked over to the appetizer table, arm in arm, Lily picked up a piece of prosciutto-wrapped melon and reached up to pop it into Zac’s mouth. Laughing, he picked one up and popped it into her mouth. They were back in their little world together, a place where Zac and Lily were finally able to create their own special moments, their shared memories, but now Zac Moore no longer had to worry that Liliana Castillo would discover his ugly scars. She had seen them, in the harshest of lights, and still loved him.
Bad Son Rising Page 19