by Tracey Ward
“Don’t say it like that,” she laughed, kicking at me under the table. “He’s my fiancé. We’re going to be married. We were making love.”
“Awful lot of ‘fuck yeahs’ for lovemaking,” I sang lightly.
Laney glared at me.
“Morning, Jenna.”
I glanced up to see Kellen taking a seat beside Laney. He was wearing well-worn dark jeans, his favorites, I knew. His T-shirt was a heather gray and expensive looking. Probably something Laney had gotten for him. Unless it was a suit for work at my dad’s law firm, Kellen didn’t care any more about labels than I did. He wore it well, though. The fabric strained slightly over the curve of his chest and bulge of his biceps. Flashes of him in the ring hit me out of nowhere and when he looked at me with the full force of his dark eyes, I had to remind myself to breath evenly. Even after all these years, still he did this to me. Especially after That Night when I was seventeen.
Suddenly the sight of him and the memory of what I’d heard last night made me lose my appetite.
I nodded to him as I pushed my plate away. “Hey, Kel.”
“Not hungry?” he asked, eyeing my nearly full plate of food.
“It’s all yours,” I told him, lifting the plate to hand it to him.
“Put that down,” Laney snapped in a hushed tone. Her eyes roved over the restaurant, looking to see if we were being watched. “This is a nice place. You don’t pass around your table scraps like it’s IHOP.”
“We should have gone to a Denny’s,” I said, handing my plate over to Kellen despite her protests.
“Oh man,” he agreed blissfully. “The All-American Slam. Why didn’t we go there?”
“You don’t like the All-American Slam.”
He frowned at me, his fork full of egg halfway to his mouth. “Yeah, I do. I order it every time.”
“And every time you complain about it. You like Moon Over My Hammy.”
“No, that’s what you order.”
“Do you have amnesia?” I asked him in disbelief. “You steal half my Hammy every time.”
“Not every time.”
“Every single time,” Laney said, not looking up from her menu. “It drives mom crazy.”
“That’s not hard to do,” I mumbled.
Laney snorted delicately as Kellen cast me a rueful smile. He knew.
I sat with them while Kellen finished my breakfast and Laney labored over a small bowl of fruit and a smidgeon of yogurt. She was worried. We were in New York to choose her wedding dress and our appointment at a high end boutique was coming up in an hour. She wasn’t looking to show up bloated by bacon and pancakes. I didn’t blame her. Not for that. I did, however, blame her for making me come along with her.
Mom was busy with a charity function she was spearheading and wasn’t able to make it at the last minute. I, being the Maid of Honor, had dutifully come in her place. I had been coached extensively on what types of gowns they were looking for. Empire waist, white but nothing too white, absolutely NO lace. That was the criteria that it had taken them both two hours and ten magazines to explain to me. Then at the end of everything, they both agreed that if the perfect dress presented itself and it broke the rules, then that was okay. So basically we were looking for something really specific or anything at all. Fun.
Why Kellen was here was still a mystery to me. I think it was because Laney wasn’t good at being separated from him. Ever since they got engaged you couldn’t get her away from him. And it had been a long engagement, Kellen insisting they both finish school and be gainfully employed before they tied the knot. I didn’t know how Kellen could stand it. I loved my sister but even I needed a break from her now and then.
But no breaks were to be had because later that morning there we were in a swanky bridal boutique sitting in the most uncomfortable yet comfortable looking chairs in existence.
“Where’s the champagne chick?” I asked, looking around the blindingly bright, white store for the stick with the tray full of giggle juice that had been eye-banging Kellen all morning.
“I think I smelled her walk by a little bit ago,” Kellen said.
I grinned at him even though he couldn’t see it. Poor guy. Laney wanted him there but she didn’t want him to see any of the dresses so she’d blindfolded him. They had the blindfold at the store! Apparently it wasn’t a weird thing to want, though it was creeping me out something awful.
“What does she smell like?”
“Silicone.”
I laughed, quickly clamping my hand over my mouth.
“What are you guys doing out there?” Laney called from the dressing room nearby.
“Nothing,” I called back.
“I heard laughing.”
“I didn’t hear anything.”
“Kellen, baby, will you take the champagne away from her? I don’t want her getting out of control.”
“Sure thing,” he called to her. He turned in his seat to face me, staring me down with his satin black blindfold. He looked like he’d wandered off the set of a BDSM porno. Halfheartedly he said, “Jenna, give me the champagne.”
“No.”
“Jenna,” he repeated, almost sounding stern.
“No.”
“Please?”
“Never.”
“Well, I tried.”
He collapsed back into his lie of a chair with a sigh.
“Do you want some?” I asked.
“We’ll both get in trouble then. I’ll live vicariously through you.”
“We can share one glass and I’ll tell Laney it’s mine.”
He paused. “You’re a bad influence.”
I grinned, remembering him saying that the day we met. “Is that a yes?”
“It’s a hell yes and hurry up.”
“I’ll find the girl,” I said, getting up on slightly wobbly legs. I hadn’t finished my breakfast and I’d polished off about half the bottle of champagne all on my own. I was buzzing like a bee.
One hour, fifty billion dresses and another full bottle of champagne later and Kellen and I were forming our own hive.
“What do you think of this one?” Laney asked, turning to show off the chiffon monster clinging to her body.
It wasn’t that the dresses weren’t beautiful. They absolutely were. The champagne was even making me feel a little frillier than normal and in that first hour I had given excited answers, offered suggestions and been the star cheerleader my sister needed me to be. But now Day Drunk Jenna was getting tired and giggly while Bridal Laney was getting annoyed. The last time she’d come out with a dress, I’d told her it was scrumdiddlyumptious. She hadn’t responded.
“What do you think of this one, Kellen?” I asked, rolling my head toward him and his blindfold.
He was asleep, snoring lightly.
“Kellen,” Laney said loudly.
Still asleep.
I looked to Laney, shrugging helplessly. “I mean, you did put him in a blindfold in a room pumping classical music.”
“But this is important.”
“Not for him,” I protested. “He can’t even see. What do you want him awake for?”
“I don’t know,” Laney said, her voice sounding suddenly shaky.
Uh oh.
“Lane,” I said firmly. She looked at me with her big brown puppy dog eyes. “Give me a sec to wake him up. Let’s let him take the mask off for a minute and stretch his legs while you’re putting on the next dress. He’ll be back in the swing of things by the time you come back out, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” She gave me a weak smile. “Thanks, Jenna.”
“No worries.”
The second Laney was hidden behind a door again I reached over and ripped the blindfold off. Kellen’s dark eyes shot open, coming to focus on my face that I held just inches from his.
“Mayday, mayday, sailor!” I whispered loudly. “We are at Defcon pants crap!”
His eyes shot around the room in alarm. “What? What happened? Is Laney okay?”
<
br /> “She won’t be if you don’t perk your ass up. You were sleeping and she was nearly crying.”
He groaned, slouching back into the chair. “Even when I don’t do anything,” he grumbled.
I sat back, the world tilting slightly as I did. “What are you talking about?”
“Nothing. Never mind. I’m awake now. I’m good. Do I have to put the mask back on?”
“Yep. Sorry, Zorro.”
“This is—“ he started, but caught himself.
I’d seen him like this before; exasperated. Laney was a handful. Just like I’d learned patience from dad, Laney had learned control from mom. They weren’t evil about it or unreasonable, they just liked things the way they liked them. You found out early that if it didn’t really matter to you, it wasn’t worth fighting them. Dad, Kellen and I were all pretty easy going so when mom or Laney got going on a tangent or got an idea in their heads, it was pretty easy for all of us to nod our heads and go along for the ride. But sometimes, times like today, it could get to be too much. We all reached our limits eventually and I was pretty sure Kellen had found his.
Easy going as he could be, Kellen was still a man. A brought up in the hood, amateur boxing man and even the weakest Y chromosome would hit a wall in a place like this.
“You wanna bounce?” I asked suddenly.
He frowned, looking at me in surprise. “What?”
“You wanna ditch? Bail? Skip out?”
He chuckled. “She’d kill us.”
“She’d have to find us first.”
“It is a big city,” he mused.
“Tell you what. She already knows I’m pretty faded. When she comes back out we’ll tell her I need some air. That I’m getting sick. She won’t want me puking in here and she won’t want me going outside alone in a strange city when I’ve been drinking. We’ll walk around the block, get some air and come back to stare blindly into the abyss some more.”
“Are you really drunk?” he asked curiously.
“No. Yes.”
“Me too,” he muttered, rubbing his hands over his face. “She’s going to be pissed at me for drinking this much. Be grateful she can’t yell at you.”
“Oh, she can and she will. But the difference between you and me is that I can defy her all day long and it doesn’t cost my vajayjay a dime.”
He peeked at me from between his fingers. It was dumbly adorable. “Wow. You are wasted. And you implied I have a vagina.”
“I like to think of it as bubbly bumblebee happy. We should get Cheerios. Kellen, do you think they have Cheerios here?”
“It’s a bridal boutique, Jen.”
“But they’re shaped like little rings. Little golden rings. Wedding rings. Ring ring.”
“Are you stuttering?”
“No, I’m trying to tell you a joke. Ring ring. Now you say, ‘Who’s there?’”
He shook his head, dropping his hands and smiling at me. “Knock knock.”
“Huh?”
“It’s not ring ring, it’s knock knock.”
“Who’s there?” I asked excitedly.
“No,” Kellan laughed, “I’m not telling you a joke now. I’m trying to explain something to you.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Me either.”
“Kellen,” I said, suddenly serious.
“Yeah?”
“Kellen?”
“Yeah?”
I paused, then whispered, “Kellen.”
“Jesus, Jenna, what?”
“Drunkasuarus!” I cried, bursting into giggles.
“What are you talking about?”
“That’s the punch line! That’s who’s on the phone. Do you get it?”
“Kellen,” Laney called, peeking around the edge of the dressing room door. She frowned when she saw me giggling, my face flushed. “Can you take Jenna outside? I think she’s overdone it.”
“I think you’re right,” he agreed, standing up and taking my elbow. I stumbled up to stand beside him. He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me in close to help me walk. He smelled so good. Like laundry detergent and Old Spice body wash.
“Baby?”
Kellen paused, turning to look back at Laney. “Yeah?”
“Don’t I get a goodbye kiss?” she asked sweetly.
“Lane, you asked me to get Jenna outside,” he said sounding impatient.
Her face fell. “Fine. If you don’t want to.”
I felt Kellen tense beside me before removing his arm from my waist. He looked down at me. “You okay for a sec?”
I gave him a thumbs up. “I’m golden, Ponyboy.”
He grinned briefly before heading over to the door Laney was hiding behind. I noticed his own step wasn’t exactly arrow straight. While he kissed Laney goodbye and whispered back and forth with her, I leaned over and grabbed the almost full bottle of bubbly from beside my chair. I slipped it quickly inside my large messenger bag.
When Kellen was finally released, we booked it the hell up out of there. I would have run if I hadn’t been convinced I’d slip, fall and crack my head wide open. I didn’t know how I was going to die (who does?) but I knew I wasn’t going down like that.
Chapter Fourteen
“So I have a question.”
Kellen smirked before taking a hit off the now nearly empty bottle of champagne. “Is it how long do I think we have before we get ticketed for drinking in public? ‘Cause I think it’s not long.”
“No, screw that. I’m untouchable,” I told him, waving his concerns away. “What I’m wondering is why are you here?”
“Because sitting on the grass in the park with you eating cheese fries is better than being blind in that boutique.” He scowled at me. “What was I doing in a store labeled ‘boutique’ anyway? I should forfeit a Man Card immediately.”
“The guys at the gym will never let you hear the end of it,” I agreed with a grin.
Kellen’s scowl deepened, his eyes going a little unfocused as he scanned the park. I watched the sunlight filter through the shifting leaves above us, highlighting and shading his hair in different hues of warm brown and honey gold. It looked soft and I knew from experience that it would be. My drunk brain was itching to move my hand to touch it.
“I don’t go to the gym anymore.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“I don’t believe it.”
“Believe it. I quit.”
He didn’t look like he’d quit. From the way he was laying on his side in the grass, I could see a small section of his flat, taught stomach where his shirt was raised slightly and if he looked like this without any effort at all, it was an unfair and unholy world we all lived in.
“Why don’t you work-out anymore?”
“No, I still work-out. Running and all that.” He brought his eyes back to me, his face unreadable. “I quit boxing.”
I dropped my French fry into the grass. “You what?!”
“Yeah,” he said with a small nod. “I quit.”
“When?”
“A few months ago.”
“Did you get hurt?” I asked, trying to remember a match that might have given him an injury. I couldn’t think of one. “What happened?”
He chuckled unhappily. “Laney didn’t like it. She never has. She asked me to quit because she said she couldn’t take it watching me get hit like that.”
“You don’t get hit very often,” I muttered, thinking of all the matches I’d seen him win. All of the championships he’d taken over the years.
“I try not to. But she said it scares her. She cried and I felt like shit so… I don’t know. What else could I do?”
I felt like he was honestly asking me. Like he thought I’d find a solution where he could keep Laney happy and still do this thing that he loved so much. But I didn’t have an answer. Not a good one.
I frowned, looking down and pulling at blades of grass. “I don’t know,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, me either.”
I
felt him look away. I could still feel when his eyes were on me. I don’t know if everyone could or if it was just me, but it was intense. I liked it. Probably a little too much. Too much for the brotherly love I tried to maintain and too much for his engagement. Too much for my heart that had learned it had to hide from him in order to survive.
“That wasn’t what you were asking, was it?” he asked suddenly.
“What do you mean?”
He looked to me again. I met his gaze. “You weren’t asking why I was here in the park with you.”
I pinched my lips together, shaking my head. “No.”
“You meant why am I here in New York with her?”
I nodded silently. Kellen sighed and sat up, turning to face me. He sat as I was – my legs twisted like a pretzel in front of me. I don’t know if he did it on purpose or if he was too drunk to gauge the distance between us, but he sat so close his knees were pushing against mine. My fingers still shredding the grass in front of me brushed against the rough material of his jeans.
“I thought you weren’t supposed to see the bride in her dress before the wedding,” I said, surprised by the softness of my voice. Being close to him like this hushed me. It pinpointed the world down to just him and I and this space we were occupying. It was a rarity these days. A bubble I was scared to burst.
He smirked at me. “I didn’t see anything, remember?”
He offered me the bottle. I grinned, snagging it from his hand.
“You know what I mean.”
“I’m not so much interested in seeing the dress as the price tag.”
“Why are you worried? I thought dad was paying for it.”
I took a hit off the bottle, then offered it back to him. When he took it, his fingers brushed against mine.
“Just because we’re not paying for it doesn’t mean I think she should spend as much on a dress as most people do on a car.” He took a drink, shaking his head as he swallowed. “This wedding stuff, Jen… it’s so insane. I had no idea.”
“I think a wedding is only as expensive as you make it.”
He snorted, handing the bottle back. “Isn’t that the truth? She wants doves. Why? Are we keeping them and naming them? No, we’re supposed to release them when we walk out like we’re John fucking Woo. We’re basically buying throw away birds.”